Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships

Having strong but reasonable personal boundaries can be the cornerstone of having healthy, positive relationships with other people. Conversely, having unhealthy or weak boundaries can contribute to negative relationships. Through the creation of healthy and clear personal boundaries, we are establishing important parts of our identity and showing others what we're actually about. In order for this to happen, it's vital to understand what everyone needs, as well as what the rights and feelings are of everyone involved -- including yourself.

Everyone has a story. We all come from somewhere. While our backgrounds can be very different, it can be said that those of us who come from a dysfunctional environment often have less exposure to boundaries that are healthy and reasonable. Learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries is a vital part of being a healthy, well-cetnered individual. Creating these boundaries begins with addressing other issues, such as cultivating a higher self-image and to combat apathy. We must learn how to recognize and address our own personal rights and needs. Another important step is to take care of ourselves, within the scope of our rights and what's best for us, especially in the context of interpersonal relationships. These things may take time to get just right, but over time, when we develop a healthier outlook for ourselves, our newly established boundaries will help to keep us safe and well-protected, possibly quite unlike our childhood experiences.

Are boundaries emotional? Or can they be tangible, like a fence in your backyard? The answer is both. Physical boundaries are defined by how close we allow someone to get to us, and by whom we allow to touch us physically, as well as where and under what circumstances we allow it. Boundaries of the emotional type have more to do with how we allow our feelings to be affected by others. Emotional boundaries center around our abilities to take responsibility for our own emotional needs, as well as allowing others to be responsible for their own. Our own boundaries will sometime challenge us, but they also define who we are and what we expect out of relationships. Can we refuse an unreasonable request that we're asked? Do we feel uncomfortable just by being around someone else who is feeling upset? Do our opinions change depending on the people whose company we keep? Do we take responsibility for others' feelings, going too far to please them, while neglecting our own needs? All of these issues will depend on whether or not our emotional boundaries are healthy.

Both sets of boundaries, our emotional and physical ones, determine how we behave toward and with other people, as well as how we allow them to behave toward us. If we did not have personal boundaries, other people would be able to do whatever they wanted with us: touch or treat our possessions or even our bodies in any way they wanted. Additionally, we would be obligated to take responsibility for other people's negative or inappropriate actions, to treat other people's problems as though they were our responsibility to prevent, address, or even solve. Basically, we would have no rights, and every aspect of our lives would be impossible for us to control.

While loose boundaries are often problematic, so are boundaries which are too tough or unyielding. People who live by strict and rigid personal boundaries are likely to push other people out of their lives. They will generally not ask for help when they need it, and they don't allow others inside. These people are often perceived as cold and emotionless, because they rarely display emotions or talk about how they might feel. On the flip side, people with overly loose boundaries will touch people inappropriately, even people that they may not know very well. Those with loose boundaries might have trouble telling the difference between sex and love, and they may get too close to other people much too quickly.

There are also people who have healthy boundaries. They tend to be the most well-balanced, and do much better with social interactions than those who have issues with their boundaries. While they are able to enjoy closeness with those who are special to them, and to accept help when they are truly in need of it, they also respect other people's rights, feelings, and positions. They also take responsibility for their own actions, and allow others to do the same. People with healthy boundaries are more able to compromise, to understand other people's feelings, and they generally have better self-esteem than those with unhealthy boundaries. Often, they are more comfortable with themselves, and also more able to make others feel good around them. Because they respect themselves and also the boundaries of other people, they can enjoy much richer and more fulfilling relationships with other people who respect their boundaries.

What about people who have boundaries that are less than healthy? Well, if yours need a bit of work, you can always improve them. While it may seem scary or uncomfortable at first when you start, remember that this is a vital part in taking care of yourself, and protecting yourself in a way that only you can do. Many people who grew up in dysfunctional, or even abusive, situations have developed survival skills which have hindered the development of healthy boundaries. For example, you may have trouble expressing anger, fear, or other unpleasant emotions, because it may not have been acceptable in the environment in which you were raised, even if the abusive actions of others were what caused the pain or anger. Therefore, in adulthood, it may be uncomfortable and difficult to construct healthy boundaries because of the past, however it is possible for you to work through those emotions and establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself. It won't happen overnight, and may take some time to get right, but it's never too late to start. And even small improvements can help you to live a happier, healhier, and richer life.

Quartz for Spiritual Clarity

You can find quartz crystals almost anywhere. Whether in the stone's natural form, a beautifully faceted crystal formed by nature, or even as the smooth tumbled and polished version, these stones are extremely potent as a tool for meditation, providing spiritual or physical healing, cleansing, and balance for the entire biomagnetic area of the body.

Quartz crystals are stabilizers and storer of electromagnetic forces naturally. In fact, it does this job so well, quartz crystal is an important component in various electronic mechanisms -- computers, TVs, radios, and even cell phones, all have parts made of quartz crystal. Without quartz, these tools would not be able to function.

The process by which crystals form is a slow and arduous one -- it began hundreds of millions of years ago, when water and quartz combined with the perfect blend of heat and pressure. Deep within the earth they grew in locations which had these very specfic balances. The locations of these deposits were actually vital in regulating the earth's electromagnetic polar energy. It has been argued by some that without these quartz crystal deposits, Earth -- and indeed, life as we know it -- may not have existed.

Quartz vibrates at a very specific rate, and although many don't realize this, the vibrations can be harnessed and transferred by the human brain. Many new-age schools of thought believe that by focusing our energies, we can transmit the force of these crystals to elicit healing powers to ourselves, as well as toward those around us.

While I always recommend that you receive advice from a licensed physician about any and all health issues that you may have, I also have to add -- adding crystals to a sensible health program, in addition to following your doctor's orders, certainly can't hurt, and might even boost your natural healing powers in conjunction with your doctor's medical treatment.

Under most normal conditions, our bodies have been created to heal themselves. All curative processes, whether traditional medical practices or alternative ideas, often include focus on relaxation and de-stressing so that it can do its job more readily. Crystals may help to provide a balance of energy to your body, in order to ease stress and unease while your more scientific health treatments are underway.

October 2011 FREE Psychic Reading Giveaway!

One of the ways that I've built up my clientele is through the word of other satisfied customers.  It always thrills me when someone says, "Oh, by the way, So-And-So recommended that I contact you."  Nothing gives me a warmer, happier feeling than knowing that I've helped someone so much that they want to share their positive experience with someone they care about.  

Another thing I love is seeing people coming to the blog and reading the stuff I've left for everyone.  So in the spirit of encouraging you all to spread the word, I've come up with a contest idea.  From now on, each month I'm going to offer 2 chances for my readers & friends to win a free reading!  Here are the rules:

1.  To enter, simply advertise my website somewhere relevant on the internet, where I can see it to verify.  It can be anywhere, as long as you're not spamming.  It can be anywhere... some ideas include:  Tell your Twitter friends to come to my website, ConsultTheSage.Com, or to follow my Twitter account @YourPsychicSage.  Put my website on your Facebook wall.  Review my site on your blog.  Put a link on your website. If you belong to an online community of any type, recommend your friends come visit my site!  You get the idea.  As long as it's (a) verifiable, and (b) not spammy, it counts!

2.  Comment below with the location of the spot where you have promoted me, so that I can verify.  And make sure to give me a way to contact you in case you win!

3.  I will be offering two free readings: one voice reading (either by phone or Skype) and one e-mail reading (you can email me a question, and I will write you back).  Every promotion that you leave somewhere will count as one entry, so multiple promotions will result in multiple chances to win!

4.  Two winners will be drawn randomly.  The first prize winner gets to choose either the voice reading, or the email reading.  The second prize winner will receive the other reading (either voice or email, depending on what the first winner does not choose).

I can't wait to see who's spreading the word, AND how you're spreading it!  Good luck! :)

Calcite Crystals & Magickal Properties for Healing

Gemstone therapy is the use of crystals and gems for the betterment of one's life.  Throughout the ages, civilizations across the world have utilized precious stones to enhance their physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being.  The energy of each stone is different, and each energy can have an effect on the mind, spirit, or body.  Methods can vary between cultures, but the basic premise is that when one comes into contact with a crystal, these transformations can happen subtly over time.  Therefore, in order to gain the benefits from these crystals, it is vital to choose your gemstones carefully.

Calcite's physical properties make it a very interesting choice as a therapeutic crystal.  Calcite crystals are of a softer variety which are found in all types of colors -- red, yellow, green, blue, brown, black, grey, or white -- and many variations on these shades as well!  Calcium carbonate, also known as calcite, is a major component in limestone and chalk, as well as marble, which is just calcite which has been re-crystallized.  Under pressure, calcite stones release electrical energy.


The magickal properties of calcite crystals are varied and can be used for many purposes.  Calcite's reputation is that of a very spiritual type of stone, and is associated with the higher form of consciousness; thus, it is also reputed to aid in astral projection and out-of-body experiences. 

Each form of calcite has its own specific magickal properties.  Because calcium is a primary component, this stone is often felt to be of therapeutic use for joints and bones, and is therefore used by athletes and people who have physically demanding jobs.  Calcite can also contribute to the development and growth of the physical body, especially the bones and joints.  There is also an old belief that calcite, when ground and combined with creams, oils, or petroleum jelly, it can be used as a balm to treat inflammation or infections.

Calcite can also have varying attributes based on its color.  For example...

Red and pink calcites can be of great benefit in bringing love, understanding, compassion, and patience into one's being.  Associated with the heart chakra, stones in pinks and reds can also ease mental unrest or anxiety, or people who are experiencing spiritual crises.

Orange calcite is associated with the sacral chakra (i.e. the spleen) and can help uplift one's general mood.  Orange promotes happiness, joy, and good humor.  It is an uplifting stone which is good for grieving, depression, or stress.

Calcites in yellows and golds are good for help in meditation, being that these colors are often associatd with the sun.  These hues can also help to aid the bones and the skin, and also in detoxification of the spleen, pancreas, and the kidneys.

Green calcite crystals of all shades are wonderful for affecting change in one's life.  Not only are green calcites allgedly helpful in removing impurities from the body, they can also help someone transform a negative situation into a more positive one.  It can also alleviate anxiety or fear.  This is a wonderful crystal for helping to really change bad situations into your life, and to "make lemonade" from all of those negative things that life throws at you! :)

Calcites in blues are associated with the throat chakra.  It can protect you and help tough situations from getting worse.  Physically it can be used to treat conditions which are degenerative, such as degenerative disc disease, arthritis, and other degenerative illnesses.

White and clear calcite crystals can help someone improve communication and envisioning new aspects of their lives.  It can be instrumental in cleansing the body and removing toxins from the outer parts of the body.  It can also assist in providing mental clarity, particularly when the stone is implemented during meditation.  When a predicament is especially difficult, white and clear crystals of all types can help to open you to new possibilities and clarity.

Here's my Psychic Sage Forecast for October of 2011.  I hope that everyone has an awesome month, and especially a safe and spooky Halloween! :)

Does He Like Me? How to Tell if a Guy Loves You

I know... it sounds like the title of some article you'd read in a teen magazine, right? :)

As a psychic, this is HANDS-DOWN one of the questions that I am asked most often.  It usually goes a little something like this... "How does he REALLY feel about me?"  Whether it's a man that my client is dating, the hot guy next door who acts a bit flirty, or the shy but sweet guy at work, one thing is for sure: If a guy is really interested in you, you will know!  But sometimes it's hard to figure out the signs.  You can call me and ask if you like -- or any psychic -- a good one can help you determine if a man is interested in you.  However, for those of us who are more practical, you can also try using my simple checklist.  And if you know a woman who's not quite sure of the signs, feel free to forward this article to her, or give her the link to my YouTube video on this subject. ;)

Here's how to tell if a guy likes you, or how to know if he's falling in love with you:

#1. He's Most Interested In You.   If he's supposed to be paying attention to something else, but instead he's watching you and smiling... it's a good sign!

#2. He Takes Care of You.   He cares for your practical needs; like feeding you if you're hungry, warming you if you're cold. It may be to impress you; but also shows he really cares for your well-being.

#3. He Talks With You... (A Lot!)   Guys don't usually like having long personal discussions. If he's investing hours of time just talking with you, it means that he enjoys spending time in your presence.

#4. He Notices the Little Things.   Someone who's only attracted physically won't notice small details about you; a guy in love will! He might also ask specific questions about your life, or remember small things that you've mentioned in the past.

#5. He Cares About Your Opinion.  If there's something significant happening in his life, he'll ask for your take on the matter. This may mean that he respects you and also wants to take your feelings into consideration.

Meet Your Real Guardian Angel

"Make friends with the angels, who though invisible are always with you. Often invoke them, constantly praise them, and make good use of their help and assistance in all your temporal and spiritual affairs." -- St. Francis de Sales

Spirits are each given the task of watching over us and helping us throughout our time here on Earth: these are angels.  An angel is thought to be a spiritual being who acts as a messenger of God, assigned to assist someone in his or her life.  In Judaism, they are sometimes called "mal'akh elohim" (messengers of God).  The Islamic religion refers to them as Malaikah. The Catholic Church has long held a tradition of belief in these heavenly beings, although angels themselves are not necessarily affiliated with any specific religious belief.  We all have our own personal guardian angel whose job is to guide us, assist us, and to help us realize that doing good work is our duty here on Earth.

It could be said that an angel is a by-product of God, in much the same way that light emanates from a candle or lightbulb.  As soon as we are born, an angel is present near is, waiting to help and guide us.  They can understand our thoughts and feelings, and they can also hear our prayers whether silent or spoken.

All around us, we can find these angels.  They are everywhere; if we remember to ask for their help, our guardian angels will do their very best to assist us.  It is in an angel's nature to be a liason between the mortal realm and that of the immortal, the divine, and they can exist in both realms, serving as a connection between these worlds.  Although they cannot be seen by the human eye, angelic presence can often be felt.

Because angelic beings are of the divine, earthly concepts such as time are not relevant to them.  They can be wherever they choose, in any way that they choose, because they exist in multiple dimensions.  A popular belief is that angels can travel more quickly than the speed of light.  Every living thing -- each animal, each plant, each person -- has an angel present, watching over it and caring for it.

When you become open to the possibilities of communicating with your angel, you are choosing to become open to a richer spiritual experience, and the opportunity for great spiritual self-improvement.  Acknowledging angelic presences helps us to enhance our own intuition, and thus become more readily able to accept their communications.  Meditating can be beneficial toward helping us remove the negative obstacles inside us, which make inner peace and self-improvement difficult.  By meditating, one can find the tranquility, love, and happiness that angels wish us to possess.

When you are in need of help, you have only to speak up and ask your angelic presence for assistance. By connecting with your guardian angel, you are reaching out to a liason of God, and thus connecting with the divine presence through your angelic helper.  And, when you achieve a calm and composed state of mind, it is much easier to connect.

Life can be distracting, fast-paced, and so full of "important" things to do.  However, it is important for us to give ourselves those moments of tranquility and peace that our inner souls crave.  When having a quiet moment, realize that this is an excellent time to try connecting with your personal angelic presence.  If you are in need of help, feel free to ask your angel for some assistance -- an angel will do its best to help you no matter what, but when you ask, the connection is that much stronger and easier.  If you can remember a time when you've had a serious problem and there seemed to be no way out of it, yet somehow you were able to come to a solution at the last second, you may have your guardian angel to thank for that assistance.