Love and Accept Your Body

The number on the scale, your BMI, or your clothing size -- none of these have any bearing on your worth as a person. 

We are so much more than just our bodies!  A friend of mine recently turned me on to an expression: "You are a spirit driving meat-coated skeleton made from stardust."  Consider that your entire existence is a miracle!  You have a mind that can think and reason, a heart that love and feel, and a soul that ties all of your parts together as it guides you along your path. 

You have the capacity for kindness, humor, love, and creativity.  None of these things can be measured with a scale, they can only be felt.

It's understandable to sometimes get caught up in comparing ourselves to society's ridiculous beauty standards.  But, when you're having that moment, take another to remember that your existence is a miracle.  Love your body for the things it can do.  Treat it well and strive for health.  The bottom line is that you are more than your body -- you're the whole beautiful package!

Signs & Signals of a False Twin Flame

We're all looking for our soulmate, also known as a twin flame.  There are so many discussions about it online, in books, movies, and personal conversations.  Because of this, there is often a lot of confusion among people as to whether or not the "twin flame" that they're currently involved with is their true soulmate… as opposed to the false "twin flame."

Because our hopes and dreams hinge frequently on finding this person, we may sometimes come across people who seem too good to be true… false twin flames.  Here are some signs that, perhaps, the person who seems like they might be a true twin flame, is actually a false one.

Just as our twin flame has many similarities to us, so too will the false twin flame.  On a superficial level, this person may seem to be rather similar -- and sometimes, very similar, or complimentary to us.  They may share similar goals, backgrounds, values, or personal tastes.  However, with a false twin flame, the similarities may end there.

You true soulmate, or any person who loves you, will naturally want to be supportive of positive changes within your life.  The hallmark of a false twin flame is of duplicitousness.  If this person's behavior does not correspond to the love and care of your relationship, your feelings or personal well-being, then this person may not be exactly whom they seem to be.

Everyone has faults, flaws, and things about themselves that they'd like to repair.  However, sooner or later, most of us will come to terms with those issues as we mature.  Just as you are willing to sacrifice and improve yourself for the good of your relationship, so too should your soulmate be willing to do the same for you and your relationship.  A false twin flame may show a selfish streak, be unwilling to improve him- or herself, or exhibit a lack of care regarding your feelings or what's best for you as a couple.

A false twin flame will also take advantage of the other person in the relationship, be it financially, spiritually, sexually, or otherwise.  All the giving in the world is not enough for the false twin flame.  The false twin flame is left unfulfilled, as is the giver.  No one wins in a relationship like this.

While there may be a deep attraction between the two people, the giver may still feel a sense of anxiety or stress in the relationship.  The false twin flame may behave in ways that upset or depress the giver, whether these actions are conscious or not.  The false twin flame may deplete or sap the energy of the giver.  This is not a healthy relationship.

Upon a break between these two, the giver may come to realize exactly how much time and effort was expended into this relationship while the false twin flame did not truly experience the same connection.  Remember that many connections which are easily made, are also easily broken.  It is important to take an objective look at this relationship.  There are lessons to be learned from dealing with false twin flames as we evolve ever closer to the person we're supposed to be as we prepare to receive our true soulmate.

"Does He Like Me?" Even More Ways To Tell If He Likes You!

He smiles a lot when he's around you.

He stares at you... (Your face, not just your other body parts.)

He becomes clumsy, tongue-tied, or awkward around you.

He remembers small details about you that other people don't remember.

He touches you -- even low-key subtle touching.

He sticks up for you.

He behaves in a more cool, mature way when you're around.

He shares a playlist with you. (Very intimate!)

He asks real questions about your life. (Other than just "How's it going?)

He asks if you want to "hang out" casually.  (If he really likes you, he may
be nervous to actually ask for a DATE!)

He asks questions about you to your friends.

He tries to find out who you like: is it someone else?  Or maybe it's him?

He says your name a lot when you talk with him.

He calls you, texts you, or chats with you on Facebook more than he used to.

He talks about other girls around you, trying to make you jealous.

He refers to you by a nickname (even a slightly teasing one).He laughs at your jokes... even the ones that aren't very funny.

When he jokes about something, he looks at you first to see your reaction.

He talks as if you're a couple, makes flirty references to you, jokes about dating you, etc.

He compliments the way you look.

A Pamphlet AGAINST Woman's Suffrage

Found a scan of this old-timey pamphlet encouraging women to not pursue the vote.  Yuck!  I would like to take this opportunity to "thank a feminist" as is going around the internet.  I appreciate all of the efforts of the women who have come before me.  And for those of you who don't vote (no matter what gender you are) -- register and vote!  It's important!  Thank you. :)

The text of the yucky pamphlet reads like this:

Votes of Women can accomplish no more than votes of Men.  Why waste time, energy, and money, without result?

VOTE NO on Woman Suffrage

Because 90% of the women either do not want it, or do not care.

Because it means competition of women with men instead of co-operation.

Because 80% of the women eligible to vote are married and can only double or annul their husbands' votes.

Because it can be of no benefit commensurate with the additional expense involved.

Because in some States more voting women than voting men will place the Government under petticoat rule.

Because it is unwise to risk the good we already have for the evil which may occur.

Crystal Grid Therapy: Fertility Grid Layout

When you have problems conceiving a child, you can feel powerless over the situation.  Keep the faith, though!  The family that you dream of CAN happen!  One method to try is crystal therapy.  Yes, it's hard to understand if you're not a crystal healing enthusiast, but no matter what, it certainly cannot hurt in your quest for pregnancy.

I've devised a simple crystal grid layout that can work for beginners or novices alike.  But you all know I like to keep things simple. :)   For this layout to become even more powerful, by all means feel free to wear your favorite pearl and/or diamond jewelry when performing this layout.  Both are reputed to be fantastic for women's reproductive health, especially during pregnancy.  I'd also throw in a ruby or two since it promotes healthy childbirth... why not? :)

The grey splotches represent moonstones.  Use four of them; place one against each breast or along the chest area, and place the other two parallel to these in the lower abdomen in the ovarian area.  This is to help you lay the best and most farm-fresh possible eggs for your upcoming pregnancy!  Moonstones are said to posses powers that help the female body cycles align correctly and naturally.  By adding them into this crystal grid layout, you are syncing your body with nature's cycles as well.  If you cannot find moonstones, you can also try gems such as pearls, mother-of-pearl, agate of any type (though I'd go with violet agate or the black and white types first as they have fertility powers)... even seashells from your nearest beach can provide nice energy!

Along your uterine area, lay a red jasper, garnet, or other red stone and make sure that the stone itself is making contact against your skin.  (Below the navel but above the genitals.)  When I first drew this, I made two red stones but then decided to connect them with a third, because I wanted to show multiple stones in this area.  Feel free to use several if you don't have a larger one available.  Even a small pile of different red stones would be great.  The trick here is to use the spiritual color energy of the root chakra and get your body to align with those passionate red fertility vibes!

If you have crystals with points to place beside you parallel with your hips, I'd recommend using them.  If not, feel free to use round tumbled stones.  My preference for you here is rose quartz or amethyst.  Face the pointed parts of your crystals outward.  Concentrate on picking up the ambient fertility energy with the crystal points, and absorbing it into your reproductive system in order to have the strongest and most fertile lady parts ever!

Here's to a happy, healthy pregnancy!

Erotomania: Is It Real?

I drew this picture of Jenna Elfman as
Ellena Roberts, wearing an orange prison
jumpsuit.  I love drawing with PhotoShop!

If you're at all familiar with the Lifetime movie "Obsessed," you must be wondering about the details of erotomania.  The therapist in the movie described it as "a condition where one believes that one is loved by someone, when in fact, one is not."  That is just the tip of the iceberg.

It is a type of mental health disorder where the person believes that someone else -- often a stranger, and usually a celebrity or person of high status -- is in love with him or her.  Patients will often manifest an entire relationship that exists solely in their own minds.  The disorder occurs in people who have bipolar disorder during mania, schizophrenia, a psychosis of some type, or a disorder involving delusions.

When a person experiences an episode of erotomania, he or she often interprets the actions of their "love interest" as directed solely at him or her.  The "love interest" may, in the erotomaniac's opinion, be sending them secret messages via actions, gestures, or facial expressions, as well as messages via regular media.  The erotomaniac may also return this imaginary affection through contacting the love interest, through calling, emailing, sending gifts, or even visiting the love interest.  

Although these gestures are not expected or wanted, the love interest's denial of this "relationship" is often viewed by the erotomaniac as some type of scheme to conceal their relationship from the public.

In "Obsessed," the main character, Ellena Roberts, was erotomaniacally obsessed with Dr. David Stillman, a renowned surgeon that she pursued relentlessly.  Toward the beginning of the movie, the viewer is lead to believe that their relationship is real but clandestine, as Dr. Stillman is married and a very public, well-known physician.  As the movie progresses, we begin to understand the depth of Ellena's madness.  Her delusions and compulsions extend far beyond simply Dr. Stillman, and in fact are seen as not just a nuisance, but a potential threat to the safety of others if left unchecked.

The movie, "Obsessed" is, in fact,  based on the true story of Diane Schaefer who stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, chief surgeon at Sloan-Kettering in New York City, for about eight years.  She sent him letters, called his home and his office, brought gifts, and even managed to sneak into his home to greet him in a see-through negligee.  Although the fictional Ellena Roberts (who is played by Jenna Elfman) never threatened to harm her doctor in any way, the real Diane Schaefer is quoted as saying to Dr. Murray: "I can't live while you're alive on this earth.  I am going to kill you!  Kill you, or kill myself -- I am degraded by your being alive."

Hail Mary, Full of Grace!

The mother of Jesus has a beautiful prayer that most people know as the "Hail Mary."  It is often recited like this in the Catholic tradition:


Hail Mary, full of grace; the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Mary is a perfect example of the "Mother" archetype: nuturing, loving, and always willing to listen and help her children.  The imagery of Mary holding her baby Jesus has created some of the most touching and beautiful artwork that the world has ever known.

In Catholic school, we sang a song called "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" which was written by Carey Landry sometime in the 1960s or 1970s.  I always loved it; it perfectly sums up the woman who mothered God's son, both gentle and strong at the same time.


The lyrics are as follows:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women
and blest is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of death. Amen.

Gentle woman, quiet light,
morning star, so strong and bright,
gentle Mother, peaceful dove,
teach us wisdom; teach us love.

You were chosen by the Father;
you were chosen for the Son.
You were chosen from all women
and for woman, shining one.

Blessed are you among women,
blest in turn all women, too.
Blessed they with peaceful spirits.
Blessed they with gentle hearts.

"Rapex" Rape Prevention Device

 Saw this on Facebook today...

Rape has become endemic in South Africa, so a medical technician named Sonette Ehlers developed a product that immediately gathered na...tional attention there. Ehlers had never forgotten a rape victim telling her forlornly, “If only I had teeth down there.” Sometime afterward, a man came into the hospital where Ehlers works in excruciating pain because his penis was stuck in his pants zipper.
Ehlers merged those images and came up with a product she called Rapex. It resembles a tube, with barbs inside. The woman inserts it like a tampon, with an applicator, and any man who tries to rape the woman impales himself on the barbs and must go to an emergency room to have the Rapex removed.  When critics complained that it was a medieval punishment, Ehlers replied tersely, “A medieval device for a medieval deed.”
- Half the Sky, Nicholas Kristof

Sex Goddess Lesson #3: Glamour Basics

Feeling happy and free can help you to feel beautiful, too!

Once you've learned to focus on what makes you sexy, dress to play up those physical or mental qualities.  Now, this doesn't mean that you should be glopping on the makeup, squeezing into push-up bras, pinchy shoes, and miles-too-tight clothing and then parading around in public like a piece of meat on display. If these are things that make you feel like a sex goddess, then knock yourself out.

But this really should be just about what you feel is sexy, not what other people do. Do certain fabrics just make you feel lovely and special -- silk, satin, velvet, lace?  Even a conservative clothing item that features sensual fabrics can make you feel different.  Perhaps you feel best in something that's comfy and cozy, or something chic and slinky and fabulous.

Maybe the clothes don't matter as much as the attitude -- try some deep red lipstick or sassy shoes to channel your inner vamp.  Even a spirtz of your favorite scent can make you feel especially alluring and intriguing.  It doesn't really matter what you choose, as long as it evokes that wonderful Goddess-like feeling.

Envision yourself as a Goddess in your private chambers, pampering yourself with your own special beauty rituals.  Whenever you're having an especially sad day, or you're just not feeling awesome, do this beauty ritual to cheer yourself up and get in touch with your inner sensuality.

Valentine's Day Spa Indulgence Ideas for Your Love!

While Valentine's Day can be fun and sensual for you and your romantic interest, you can enjoy these recipes with anyone -- have a good time with friends during your own personal at-home "spa party," or just relax and enjoy these recipes by yourself.  Here are a few ideas to pamper that "special someone" at home with a few easy spa-inspired preparations! :)

1. Make a rosewater toner using fresh rose petals! Pour a cup of boiling water over a cup of rose petals. Cover and steep the mixture until it's cool enough to handle. Strain the petals from the liquid, giving them a good squeeze to release all the yummy rose essence. Keep this in a sterilized spray bottle in the fridge for a cool pick-me-up anytime.

2. Bath salts are so easy to make! Get your favorite coffee mug, fill it halfway with any salt you happen to have around (epsom salt is great, but so is sea salt or even your standard iodized table salt!), a few pinches of baking soda, and a couple drops of your favorite essential oil. Pour this into your bath water for a purifying and enjoyable soak in the tub.

3. Take your favorite lotion and immerse the container in a sink filled with hot water for a soothing, warm massage.

4. Sugar scrub is another little treat that's sure to delight the skin when it's in need of a little exfoliation. Mix two parts sugar (white or brown) to one part olive oil. Add a few pinches of cinnamon and/or ginger from your spice rack, and voila, a luscious treatment for sexy, glowing skin!

Fashionfab Seeks Advice

Today, I saw that my Keen blog had received a question asking for my input.  So, here's my take on the situation...

"Fashionfab" wrote:
Hi!
I need some major advice please!!!!!
Okay long story somewhat short lol. I was with a guy for 2 years I loved him, and I thought he loved me… we spoke about marriage but after a year he back away and said he has a strict family and they will pick his wife and he can’t do anything about it (this is actually true it a culture thing from where he is from) BUT he broke up with me via text out of the blue… we met one day and 2 days later he sent a message… of course I was crushed this was my first relationship. Okay so throughout the breakup I made mistakes and texted him, told him why blah blah… but I stopped later.
After about 2 years later he messaged me on e-mail saying the major reason why he broke if off was he knew it wasn’t going anywhere but refuse to tell me.. and two he wanted a girl to have sex with and I wasn’t giving it to him because I am a virgin (oh I am now 23) and he said I was a girl for a man to marry not to mess with. So he found a new girl and brags that she and him ONLY hang in a parked car and why couldn’t I do that. I just LOL at it. So the past 2 months him and I have been talking just as friends. He would always repond to my texts (which before he would ignore or cuss me out etc, and this is 3 year after the break up). I told him it great hearing from you and I hope our path cross… he replied saying God willing our paths do cross I really hope that. So I just replied saying yeah. we would text throughtout the day mostly the morning, talking about all sort of stuff, TV, our lives, just friends talking. So he keep complimenting me and I just say thanns nothing more to make him feel like I want him back (BUT I DO STILL CARE A LOT FOR HIM). He than proceeds to say he is loving the way I live my life and he is envious and jealous. I moved away from the state I used to live in that he is still in and now in law school… and he always says he is jealous of me, which I don’t like.. always saying I am beautiful, that he misses me, wants to see me, calls me a “G” but I just say don’t be your got it good too… anyways he asked to see me, I said may be when I am back. So I later told him may be if we meet in public NOT A CAR, and just get coffee. He agreed and said he would find time. I said sure. He told me last week that may be this week we would me, well, I text him saying hey did you find a day so I knew bc i would be leaving back soon, he didn’t reply.. so I left it. Hours went by nothing. I told my friend, she took his number and called private without me knowing :/ he picked up!! So I later text saying I don’t know what’s going on, but I will respect that bye friend. The next morning he text saying hey, I replied with hi 2 hours later. He wrote how are you feeling, 2o min later I said pretty good. THAN he proceeded to ignore me again so I wrote if you don;t want to talk to me than don’t text or play games. I don’t want to waste time. I am really sad because I care so much for him, and am his friend and had faith he would be a MAN and just not play this game of hot and cold anymore… we are just friends. I am away and busy so I don’t expect much from him but a polite I can’t meet up but have a safe trip back maybe next time or just if he doesnt want to talk to ne stop talking don’t talk to me than, ignore. The week is over and I am going back to my University I didn’t hear from him….

OH, and he kept saying he would come visit me in the state I am in now bc it is a tourist state, and said we would have fun and just hang… he was saying/asking would it be awkward, i said no but if we meet it would take the awkwardness away….

So will he ever text me? Because I secretly do want to hear from him again??? Why does he do this? is he fooling me? Please help, my heart is broken again. I been hurting for almost 4 year becouse of this guy… this is a long long long story that is very condense. He is kind of a jerk, obivosly a player since he left to find a sex buddy. I feel like he doesn’t care, yet I still do. He says I am a great friend and that he has love for me, but why alway do this?

Do you think he will ever call me or text me? I need you help!!!!! please 


My response was:
Fashionfab, I definitely feel that you'll be hearing from him again.  However -- right now, he is just way too immature to give you the kind of treatment that you want.  I know that you care about him, but his games & rejection are intended to make YOU always feel like you have something to prove to him -- yet he's the one who needs to grow up and STEP up!  He has control of this situation & he knows it.  In order to get it back, stop being the one to initiate texts.  If he wants you, make him work for it. :)  And if he wants friendship, that's fine too, but same rules apply because he needs to learn to treat you with respect. 

When Will He Call Me? Why Isn't He Calling?

As a professional psychic and spiritual life coach, I am contacted almost daily by women who ask me heartbreaking questions: "Why won't he call me? When will he contact me again?" It's often about someone who may have shared only a brief connection with her, such as a man that she has recently met. However, this question is asked about an ex with whom she shared her life, someone of whom she has trouble letting go. I can always sense the pain and wistful sorrow of someone who needs the answer to this question. And, while sometimes I can see the man in question picking up the phone or running into the querent again sometime in the future, very often I don't sense any pending form of contact. It kills me to tell her that the phone won't be ringing anytime soon, but I do have to be honest in situations like that, no matter how hard it is for her to hear the truth.

Why, then, would someone be hung up on this lack of communication? Some women will hold out the hope of a love who will return for weeks, months, or even years. I've heard from quite a few who are unable to move on with their lives, always in limbo, always waiting for him. If you're waiting for contact from someone where none seems to be forthcoming, please know that there are millions of people out there who feel your pain, and have gone through it before. There are many reasons why the contact won't come. Often, it is best to acknowledge these reasons so that you can move on with your own life. Here are a few of the most common realities that we may need to understand:  the reality of these reasons can be harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts!

1. He has already moved on with his life -- or wants to. In each relationship, there is always one person who is able to carry onward faster and easier than the other. Both people may be able to do it with relative ease, but someone always has to be "first" with that. Perhaps, in your case, he simply requires less grieving time. Or in the reverse, maybe he'd rather not re-open old wounds which he is struggling to heal. At any rate, calling you would seem counter productive in this case; he may still care for you, however contact with you is simply not on the list of things to do if he'd like to heal and get on with the business of living.

2. He is afraid. If the relationship ended on bad terms regardless of who is at fault, perhaps he realizes that there is still a lot of anger, bitterness, or resentment. Since the relationship is over, he doesn't see a need to call and rehash old issues that have already been set in stone. This is especially true if he was the cause of this break in your relationship. Think of it this way: If you hurt or betrayed someone, would you really want to contact them again just to see how they're doing? Females are more often inclined to answer this question with a "yes," because we tend to need closure and approval in ways that men do not. Many males would simply prefer to avoid any further messiness once they've been spattered with a bit of someone else's emotions. And if you're already broken up, he just doesn't see the point in putting himself through the emotional wringer again.

3. He is angry or hurt. If you were the one who initiated the argument or breakup, you can bet that his ego will be smarting for some time to come. There may be some residual annoyance, resentment, or embarrassment left over from the break. This type of wounded pride will produce a great deal of reluctance to speak with you again. Even the strongest people are capable of succumbing to such vulnerabilities. If he was the person who initiated the breakup, he may still be harboring pain or resentment, in which case, he is simply not interested in rekindling any sort of communication with you.

4. He has other irons in the fire. Regardless of whether he's moved on from you with ease, or is still secretly pining away, it is entirely possible that he has found someone new. Perhaps he's deeply in love with this new person, perhaps he's just found someone fun with whom he can enjoy whiling away some time. Either way, if a man is getting his needs met by another woman, then it's very likely that he just doesn't feel a need to speak with you anymore. Or, even if he is a more sensitive type who does still care for you -- or even still holds a torch for you -- if he's with a new woman, communicating with you would be inappropriate. After all, would you be OK with your new lover calling his ex on a regular basis?

5. He is waiting to hear from you. We've already discussed cases where the anger, resentment, or rejection are serious enough to keep him away. But in some of those cases, your ex might be hoping that you're the one to initiate contact. If he's afraid of your anger, picking up the phone to say "No hard feelings," would be a step in the right direction. If he's still hurting or carrying his own resentment about the breakup, he may still be silently hoping for some type of closure. In a case like that, perhaps a well-written letter or email would assist him in making this transition.

No matter why the relationship ended, or how the other party is feeling, you must remember that not all people are meant to be permanent fixtures in our lives. Sometimes when fate brings people into one another's lives, they are destined to spend only a finite amount of time together. The most important thing is to enjoy those who love you for as long as they are near, and to accept a parting of the ways with grace and dignity. A new love may be just around the corner; if you focus too much on your past, you may very well miss the wonderful opportunities that will present themselves to you in the future.

Is He Still Faithful?

I recently came across a vintage article which was called "Is He Still Faithful?" and the content of it was so fascinating that I just had to share it with all of you.  I believe that this is from the 1940s or 1950s, and would love to find more vintage things to share with you all! :)  Someday soon I will be posting my rebuttal to this article (and believe me, I have PLENTY to say!)... but for now, here it is as it was originally written.  I cleaned up the original image a bit so that you can see it more clearly, but I'm also posting the text inside the image here, for those of you who are reading from your mobile phone or browsers that aren't always polite. :)  Enjoy!



Is He Still Faithful?

by Nancy Hale

There is probably no shock as severe as to find out that the man you love has been unfaithful to you. It may also be a blow to discover that in nine out of ten cases it was you and not the other woman who caused him to stray. Yes, you, from the moment you met him, through your courtship and down the years of your marriage.

Insure yourself against future infidelity by being honest with yourself from the very beginning. Take a second look with 3D glasses. His personality must be as pleasing to you as his appearance. Do you admire his good points and overlook his bad ones? Above all, is he the man you really want and does he want you?

During your courtship, make sure that your future plans are well talked over, right down to how many children you expect to have and when. Understand the kind of life you will have together before you jump into it. Don't overlook certain annoyances and hope to make him over after the ceremony. If there's any making over to do, it'll have to be in your department and then be sure it's worth it and go to it.

Play fair with him, too. Don't pretend to be a busy little home bee when you crave excitement and gay places. You can look forward to unfaithfulness if you've pretended to be a social butterfly when in reality you're afraid to meet people.

Be conscious at all times of what can happen to your marriage if you don't work at it. The bride who feels that she has caught her man cannot afford to relax. She must now prove that she can manage a home, cook appetizing meals, and still look like a cover girl, mornings as well as after dark.

The bride, no longer a "date," must be interested in her husband's business and in their financial future. She will not be jealous of childish about associations which will help to further his success, be they men or women. She will live within her means, not begrudging a friend her new coat or car, never throwing her husband's inadequacies in his face.

As your marriage progresses, you will be constantly aware that faithfulness is as much your doing as your husband's. Have you turned into a nagger or a whiner? Are you inconsiderate or discourteous? Do your children come before your husband? Or have you simply failed to grow along with your marriage? Tge woman who has nothing to talk about but the mundane happenings of the day or the gossip of the neighborhood is inviting trouble. Develop a hobby. Get into community affairs and don't let your marriage grow stale. You'll be the "last to know" for sure if you've let yourself go mentally as well as physically.

Yes, keeping her man faithful is a woman's work, and it starts with that first this-is-for-keeps-date, but you can always make a fresh start, even after a painful experience of unfaithfulness.

Don't rush for a gun or the divorce courts the moment you suspect foul play. Men are seldom deeply involved emotionally with "other women." In a crisis, almost all will come running back to choose their own wives or sweethearts. 

Sex Goddess Lesson #1: How To Be Sexier & More Confident

Amazing dancers Ruth St. Denis and Ted Shawn
in 1916, proving that the basic elements
of sensuality are timeless!

Let's sizzle in 2012, shall we? :)

I've realized that, when looking through my post labels, only one article has been posted on sex (and that was a joke about sex).  Lots of people who land here seem to be searching for relationship and romance advice, so I figured that it was high time to write about one cornerstone of any healthy relationship:  sex.

After doing some research for my sex article, I realized that there are some amazing resources out there.  However, most of the stuff I've read about love, sex, and romance are all about how to keep the sex going in an existing relationship, how to spice things up, or how to be more attractive to your mate.  But these articles didn't really seem to get it right all the way, as far as I was concerned.

Yes, your mate is right up there on the priority chart, but the most important sexual relationship you can have is with yourself -- if you can't see yourself as a sexual being, then your sexual relationship with others will never be quite as satisfying as it should be.  And if you're reading this, then obviously, you want to start the road to improvement.  Congratulations -- your journey is about to begin!

The first stop on the road to channeling your inner sex goddess is to find ways to feel sexy.  Remember that this has nothing to do with other people; this is all about you.  It's ok to be "selfish" sometimes -- remember that when you take the time to do good things for yourself, you'll later be able to take care of others even better.

Think about yourself in terms of what you find to be the most attractive, wonderful, and unique qualities about yourself.  Do you have intriguing eyes or smooth, creamy skin?  Do you have soft, ample curves; or perhaps you're a lean, willowy Goddess?  All shapes and sizes are beautiful.  The Western world currently tends to favor tall and thin supermodel types, but the beauty of all types can be appreciated in some time or culture -- and even in our modern society, you'll find people who can appreciate exactly what your own physical and mental style brings to the table. But the most important person to appreciate your own unique beauty is you!  Make a list -- write it down if you want to -- of all of your gorgeous body parts, from the hair on your head to the tips of your toes.  And don't forget your awesome mental or emotional traits too -- being clever, witty, determined, and strong are all smokin' hot attributes as well.  This isn't the time to worry about the parts you dislike -- show them some love, too!  But if you're not quite there, let's just focus on the things you love about yourself for now.

Taking Back Control of Your Life

Last year, because of the questions I commonly get asked by clients, I decided to make an instructional video on how to live a happier life. Even so, a lot of the traffic that I get seems to point to the notion that some folks are so discouraged with their situations that they have no idea where to even start!

It can be a difficult thing when your life is so overwhelming. You look at each part, seeing one mess after the next; figuring out which place to roll in your sleeves and get working. If you tweak one part, the rest may just fall to pieces. Fear and negativity keep us stuck in the comfortable, yet unhealthy, present, and both emotions make us reluctant to move forward into the unknown. If you feel that you're experiencing a spiritual crisis, you need to stop worrying and figure out how to regain control of your life. It can be difficult -- let's face it, it'll very likely be hard as hell in the beginning -- but stick with your goals. The end result will be worth all of the pain of growing.

Try following these 9 pieces of advice for just a week. They certainly cannot hurt you, and will very likely help. 

1. Take care of yourself physically. This doesn't mean that you need to spend every second at the gym and only eat carrots and celery for the rest of your days. But it does mean that you have to start treating yourself the way you try caring for everyone else in your life -- your spouse, kids, parents, or even your family pet! Would you deprive them of adequate sleep? How about healthy food and lots of water to keep them hydrated and nourished? These little things can be hard to remember to do when it's you, but you simply cannot take control of your life without catering to your basic needs. Appropriate rest, food, and exercise will put you in a far better frame of mind. This is especially true if you have health problems; working on improving your overall health may not cure the worst of what ails you, but it will maintain (and probably improve) your functioning parts.

2. Practice daily gratitude. This is the most vital thing that you can do for yourself on an emotional level. If you're constantly criticizing and finding fault with your surroundings, then you will get just what you ask for. However, if you open yourself up to gratitude and appreciation of what you do have, then more will flow your way. Each day, make it a point to think of what the universe has blessed you with, and enjoy it. There are people who have a lot less than you do.

3. Don't make assumptions about people. It's common for our fears to color the way we see ourselves, and other people. You may be afraid of not being liked or accepted by others, worry about being gossiped about, or feel concerned that something you've done has upset or offended someone. If these things are bothering you, it's better to get proof. Better yet, you can open your mouth and ask people if something is wrong. Your worrying is most likely for nothing. Wouldn't it be nice to relieve yourself of that kind of burden?

4. Stop black-and-white thinking. Most of the people and things in your life aren't all just "good" or "bad." Making generalizations about your environment and the people within it is a sure-fire way to keep your world very limited, and your mind small. But when you open your mind and realize that a million shades of gray exist between the good and the bad, you're opening yourself up to a new world. Rather than allow preconceived notions to control you, you are taking control of your own thoughts and putting yourself in the driver's seat.

5. Eliminate negative self-talk. We all have that nasty little voice inside our heads that can't seem to shut up when we're at our most vulnerable. This voice is nothing more than a fear-based illusion, trying to hold us back. While some fear or apprehension is a healthy thing, negative statements that we make to ourself can hurt our feelings just as bad as, if not worse than, if someone else were to say the same things to us. (And in fact, some negative self-talk is based on things that we have been criticized for in the past!) But if you're patient with yourself, and keep pushing forward despite that snarky inner dialogue, eventually that voice will fade. Until the time when your positive voice is the stronger of the twi, try not to pay attention to the negative stuff. It will get quieter and quieter with each small success you achieve, and the positive self-talk will grow. 

6. It's not always about you. Like negative self-talk, negative reactions can hinder your ability to see things clearly. This is less about a voice in your head, and more of a knee-jerk reaction in a stressful situation. For example, if your boss or teacher wants to speak with you privately, you may assume that you're in trouble about something. Or perhaps people around you are laughing, so you worry that you're the subject of some joke. Occasionally your mind may go there, even if there isn't any evidence to support a negative theory. Try to put the situation into perspective and realize that there are many possibilities that you haven't even considered. Take the focus off of yourself, and realize that everyone has their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Yours may not even enter into the equation.

7. Enjoy physical contact as often as possible. Now, get your mind out of the gutter; I didn't say you have to jump on top of everyone you meet! But don't underestimate the healing power of big ole hug! Participating in physical contact with other people -- friends, family, and pets -- will soothe and heal you in a way that words never can. If hugging is awkward for you, start slowly by shaking hands, patting people on the back, and giving high-fives. There are many, many studies which have been done on the benefits of physical contact, so make it a point to enjoy those benefits as much as you can.

8. Be a social butterfly. Solitude can be a wonderful thing. But too much alone time can put you at risk for loneliness or awkwardness when it does come time to interact with others. The more people you can surround yourself with, the happier you will be. That doesn't mean you need to go out clubbing every night of the week. But, expanding your social circle by a couple of people -- and going out of your way to keep those contacts participating in your life -- is a reward in and of itself. Being around healthy, positive people will make your own life feel much more positive too.

9. Help others, volunteer, and give of yourself. This has so many benefits that I'm only going to list a few. First and foremost is the obvious benefit to the one who's receiving the help. Additionally, you'll feel good for doing something wonderful and helping someone else. The psychological and spiritual benefits are great as well, because you're practicing #6 at the same time, and taking the focus off your own problems to address something else entirely. Helping others can open up your world in ways that you've never thought possible, and expose you to people and experiences that will enrich your life.

These are only a few tips that can help you feel stronger and more empowered in your life. Remember that happiness is not always going to just fall into your lap. Relationships are always going to require work, especially the relationship that you have with yourself. Make the effort to make lasting positive changes, and you will enjoy a newer, richer life experience.

Photo Credit: Thanks to snapchris.com (aka tibchris on Flickr) for making this picture available under a Creative Commons License. The model is the lovely and and inspiring Nikita Patel. Thanks to both of you for sharing!

Fertility Treatment & Crystal Therapy

I've heard that some people who have trouble conceiving have given "crystal therapy" a shot to help. One of the most common complaints that a new age healer will address is fertility issues. Couples who are trying to conceive have often tried anything that they think may help. Since many problems with the human reproductive system revolve around stress-based ailments, I see no harm in giving crystal-based rituals a try for relaxation and for paving the way so that conventional medicine practices can do their jobs even better!

The first step in crystal therapy to aid fertility is to select the stone that is right for the job. Some stones are said to be especially powerful for women and female complaints, such as Jade, moonstones of all colors (but especially white and raibow hues), quartz in pinks and purples such as rose quartz. Many people choose shapes that are evocative of reproductive symbols, such as an egg or perhaps carvings of Venus of Willendorf or other feminine symbols. However, this is up to you -- use what makes you feel comfortable. Stones for male fertility should be selected from gemstones which have a reputation for masculine energy enhancement: pyrite stones, gold, and tiger's eye are all great choices. Again, shape is a nice touch; if you come across "lingam" type stones, or anything vaguely phallic, go ahead and give it a try. I feel that the composition of the stone is a lot more important than a pretty shape. But again, you may be the type who gets really into the esthetics. If so, do what you like!

Once you have your stones, select a nice resting place for them somewhere in your home. If you have an altar for meditation or some place where you place important things, add the stones. I've heard that some people create "nests" for their implements in fertility rituals, which I think sounds like a lovely idea. Customize and personalize your stone with your own specific energy signature, as I've described in a previous article.

Then, consecrate your fertility nest as well, dedicating the area to love, healing, and fertile energies. Then place the stones inside, and visit each day to meditate -- you and your partner should both choose times, seperately or together, to visit and contemplate, to direct abundant and fertile energy toward the subject at hand. Remember that the space you choose to place your nest should be peaceful and calm; it should make you feel safe and reaffirm your dedication to the act of conception.