How Can I Help Myself Feel Better After a Bad Day?

Everyone has had a bad day every now and again. Everyone has experienced rejection, loss, and crappy times. I’m no exception of this. Believe me, plenty of people have trampled on my hopes and dreams. It’s easy to let things affect you in a negative way — I’m not immune to that, either.

But I’ve learned a lot a out how to deal with it, and I love to share my methods. In fact sometimes, you need to just pick yourself up and figure out a way to get back into the game. Sometimes, I just let myself feel it, so I can deal with it.

https://anchor.fm/questuary/episodes/Coping-Because-I-Feel-Like-Shit-Also--Someone-Blocked-Me-On-Twitter-eonkqd

Navigating the Wild World of Online Dating

Be careful, friends! As fun as dating apps or online dating can be, and as rewarding as it can be to find new opportunities to meet “the one,” there are some important things you need to know for dating app success. Sharpen your matchmaking skills with some of these easy tips!

Tip 1: Looks do matter, but not the way you think! I’m not saying you need to be a perfect 10, but you should try to bring out your best features. Take a flattering, natural photo for your profile. Dress neatly, with clothes that are flattering and in good condition. (If you’re strapped for cash or unsure about ideas, decide on an easy casual date uniform — such as a good pair of jeans and a neutral colored top — keep it clean and you can’t go wrong!  Make sure your body is clean and wearing deodorant. Also, don’t forget to brush your teeth and pop a breath mint before the crucial moment.

Tip 2: Compliment your date! You’ve taken the trouble to make a good impression. Be sure to tell your date that they look nice, too. If you’re just talking online, you can also compliment their jokes or cool subjects that they discuss.

Tip 3: Positive vibes only. Be sure to talk about light subjects at first. Share good news, be attentive and supportive of the other person’s news as well. Be cheerful. Make lemonade out of the lemons. Make sure your friend is comfortable by not being racist, inappropriate, or unkind. Unless, of course, that’s who you really are (in which case I’d recommend getting a bit of help with that).

These are the basics, but they’ll help you get the ball rolling. Do you have any tips for our readers? Feel free to share! 

How to Use Your Meditation Stone

It’s really pretty easy! 

Use as a touchstone. You can use it as a grounding focus point when you’re worried or stressed. Touching it, playing with the stone, even memorizing the small pieces can be reassuring when you touch it later. The stone is permanent; its stability helps.

Use to focus your intentions. Each day, begin your morning by touching the stone and setting your intentions for the day. You can also use it regularly for long-term goal setting.

Use for gratitude. At the end of the day, program the stone with love and gratitude for who and what shares your life with you.

Use for comfort and prayer. If you pray, use it to text God. If you don’t, just use it as a touchstone when you need to calm down and self-soothe.

Toughies hold a long time, but if they break... you can restring the beads, make a whole new item, OR give the beads away to make their energies more powerful! Acrylic and wood tend to degrade over time, but some of my seed beads are as old as 200 years & I also work with pieces from ancient times. Your meditation stone has existed for thousands of years — and it should keep for life!

Crystal Skull & Sky Howlite Necklace

As most of you know, I adore working with gemstones! Earlier this week, I made a piece that I’m especially proud of, and was excited to put it into my Etsy shop... until my intuition said this was meant to be a gift! Even so, I put a lot of love and good energy into this piece.

I started with one of those velvety howlite crystal points that I’ve discussed on other occasions. These poor sweet things came to me damaged, the hardware just hanging off, and with some heavy discoloration from some label stickers! I polished some of them up (only a few because these pieces take time), did the best I could with the sticker damage, and redid the color so that it went from turquoise to a lovely pale sky blue.

The heavenly blue of the howlite went so well with my sky blue cats eye bicones that it seemed like a no-brainer!

Howlite is a great crystal to use because it’s a good substitute for turquoise in terms of aesthetics. But it’s got powers all its own, too! It helps to calm anxiety and heal sadness, but it also amps up your psychic ability and helps you think more clearly.

To this, I added one of my new fav beads - a jadelike crystal skull with that great titanium AB shimmer. This piece has also been spiritually charged to give confidence and resilience to the one who wears it.

I finished the piece off with stainless hardware and a traditional bolshoi malenki pattern which makes this piece of Baltic folk art one of my favorite ever!

Spiritual Self-Help Snapchat Group!

Snapchat is the public’s favorite social media platform of the moment! And it’s only getting bigger and bigger.

SpiritClique is in the process of organizing a Snapchat group for people who are looking for real ways to heal mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. I’ll be raising new questions, sending fun inspiring quotes and info, and maybe even do  some free card reading for the Clique and its members! 

If you’ve followed my blog for the past decade, you’ll know how much love and care we have been putting into things around here. The blog and podcast will be staying 100% the same — we’re just adding more amazing free shit! 

Come hang out and talk with us on Snap!

Why Should We Make Meditation a Habit?

Meditation is not always easy.

People who have problems with anxiety can find meditation to be especially challenging.

It takes focus and concentration, and must be practiced for years to reap the full benefits.

But it can be a vital part of managing stress, controlling our thoughts, and decreasing our feelings of irritability.

It is important to develop a meditation practice that helps you stay focused and flexible.

Doing some meditation is like taking a yoga class, but on a much smaller scale.

One of the benefits of meditating is the ability to reduce stress.

It is often difficult for people to concentrate when they are stressed, so meditating can help us to find an even deeper sense of relaxation.

So when you are tempted to take on more responsibilities, think about ways that you can reduce your workload and concentrate on other, more positive things.

The Pathway to Higher Intuitive Senses

Have you had that experience when all of a sudden you just had this huge hunch that something is about to happen, and to your surprise, that intuition was eventually translated to reality?

When you feel strongly about something without logical basis to it, that's called intuition. It comes in three impressions: clairvoyance or "the third eye", sensing clearly and feeling through listening.

Clairvoyance is when your eye goes beyond what it can see. This is when you know what is happening somewhere.

Sensing clearly is basically what we refer to as "hunch" or "gut feel." This is the time when you are overwhelmed with a feeling and you can't explain it and all you can say is "I just know."

On the other hand, feeling through listening or clairaudience is being able to "listen" between the lines. Intuition also happens at times when a certain sound, whatever it is - be it a car's honk or a bird's twitting - ushers in an intense feeling.

They say only a number of people are gifted with intuition. Astrologers even insist that people born under the Scorpio or Pisces signs are naturally intuitive it almost borders on E.S.P. But studies have been sprouting left and right that proclaim that anyone can develop intuition.

Why the need to develop intuition, you ask? Why not let your emotional and psychological state as it is? First and foremost, intuition promotes good communication. It makes you more sensitive to the people around you; it often keeps you from hurting those you love because you are intuitive enough to understand them. Intuition also makes you far more creative than ever. Intuition means releasing more creative juices for any means of expression. Lastly, intuition has a healing power. This healing power is not in the physical sense, but in delving deep into your soul to eradicate some negative energy buried in it.

With that being said, are you ready to develop your intuition? Here are some ways to unlock this gift:

1. Hypnosis

Oh yes, get yourself hypnotized. Hypnosis is not limited to watching a pendulum move back and forth. Perform self-hypnosis or you can avail of hypnotic programs that can strengthen your intuition.

2. Meditation

Meditating means finding peace in yourself. If your mind and heart are cluttered with too many baggage and hurt,  you wouldn't be able to quiet down that part of you that could eventually initiate intuition. There are so many ways to meditate: take a yoga class, or just simply practice some breathing that could bring you straight to Zen.

3. Think positive!

A worry-free, fear-free state could do so much to improve your intuitive ability. By staying positive, you attract good energy that would be able to easily recognize imminent feelings and events.

4.  Just let go.

What does this mean? If you are on the brink of making a huge decision, let go of all the inhibitions and head to a quiet place where you could find out where the letting go has brought you. Sometimes you just have to listen to the voice within you, and that voice wouldn't come out unless you let go.

5. Never expect.

After letting go of the inhibitions and all those things that stop you from thinking and feeling clearly, never expect for an answer right away. Never expect that the "hunch" would fall on your lap immediately. Give it a little time then you'd just get surprised that -- wham! -- now you have your answer.

6. Believe in your first impressions.

When you see someone for the first time and think that he is a bit too arrogant for your taste, chances are that impression actually holds true. Most of the time, first impressions are brought by intuition.

7. Stay happy!

See? All you need to be intuitive is to stay happy! Happiness attracts immense power and such power includes intuition. In tapping your intuition, your motivation must be happiness and contentment. Given that premise, intuition will fall to you easily.

Intuition is helpful, because sometimes it leads you to something that cannot be achieved otherwise. A lot of lives have been saved by intuition alone. Decisions are easier done if armed by this gift. Develop intuition now and reap benefits you have never imagined.

Spiritual Growth in the Modern Age

One of the biggest challenges in these modern times is to keep our spirituality in check despite a society which is focused on financial prosperity, power, and the influence of others.  In this age of so many modern conveniences, forming our own feelings an opinions without allowing ourselves to be influenced by everything we see and hear on TV, the internet, magazines, and other people struggling to "keep up with the Joneses" can be a tall order as well.  The most discouraging part is that so many aspects of this media are centered around our physical desires and interests.  This can lead to a vast inner emptiness, a lack of awareness of our true selves, and limited (if any) attention to our spiritual or philosophical aspects.  Such a state can make it challenging, to say the least, for the modern person to balance the physical and the spiritual.

One of the first keys to the care and feeding of your spirituality is to try some introspection.  Looking inside yourself is partly about recalling things that you've done, or that have been done to you.  However, this is also a drop in the bucket in comparison to what else there is.  When you assess your feelings, what motivates you, why you make the decisions that you do, and your priorities, you are gaining insight into your true self.  Introspection is a learnable skill which can help you to know yourself on a deeper and more intimate level.  It can be difficult, or even shocking, to come to certain truths about yourself, but remember -- don't judge yourself, be objective.  And, above all, look for places where you can improve upon the self you know.

After you have thoroughly examined your inner life, it is time to determine the direction that you'd like to take things.


To grow spiritually is to develop your potentials.

Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth, while science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual. Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being. In Psychology, realizing oneís full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next. Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development: Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God, while psychology view that self-development is an end by itself.

To grow spiritually is to search for meaning.

Religions that believe in the existence of God such as Christianism, Judaism, and Islam suppose that the purpose of the human life is to serve the Creator of all things. Several theories in psychology propose that we ultimately give meaning to our lives. Whether we believe that lifeís meaning is pre-determined or self-directed, to grow in spirit is to realize that we do not merely exist. We do not know the meaning of our lives at birth; but we gain knowledge and wisdom from our interactions with people and from our actions and reactions to the situations we are in. As we discover this meaning, there are certain beliefs and values that we reject and affirm.  Our lives have purpose. This purpose puts all our physical, emotional, and intellectual potentials into use; sustains us during trying times; and gives us something to look forward to---a goal to achieve, a destination to reach. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea.

To grow spiritually is to recognize interconnections.

Religions stress the concept of our relatedness to all creation, live and inanimate. Thus we call other people ìbrothers and sistersî even if there are no direct blood relations. Moreover, deity-centered religions such as Christianity and Islam speak of the relationship between humans and a higher being. On the other hand, science expounds on our link to other living things through the evolution theory. This relatedness is clearly seen in the concept of ecology, the interaction between living and non-living things. In psychology, connectedness is a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow. Recognizing your connection to all things makes you more humble and respectful of people, animals, plants, and things in nature. It makes you appreciate everything around you. It moves you to go beyond your comfort zone and reach out to other people, and become stewards of all other things around you.

Growth is a process thus to grow in spirit is a day-to-day encounter. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that we learn, and from this knowledge, further spiritual growth is made possible.

How to Save Your Marriage

As individuals, we really should learn to be happy with ourselves.  But we’re human; we’re wired to want and need companionship.  When we enter into a good relationship, the world can be a brighter and more beautiful place.  But when we’re part of a good relationship that sours over time, things can go dark and ugly pretty quickly.  Any relationship may begin happily and with the best of intentions, but as things go along, misunderstandings may arise due to any number of factors – ego, personal issues, or external situations that take their toll on the relationship.  When things come to a breaking point, one or both parties in a couple may decide that the relationship has run its course.

Divorce or separation can affect both the social and personal aspects of each person involved. It may be surprising to know that even when problems do come up, the marriage does not need to end. Most issues can be addressed and managed with some hard work and dedication. I have coached and counseled many people with relationship problems, and here are five of my favorite pieces of advice for couples with fractured relationships…

1. Understand and agree the problems exist. We’re not talking about giving or receiving blame and fault at this stage of the game; let’s just focus on the idea that there are problems, and things need to change.  Too many people will live in denial all the way up until the last possible second – and by then, it's often too late. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Try to identify what the issues are in your relationship so that you can make an effort to improve them. Denial is not your friend.  Instead of retreating, practice acceptance.  With acceptance comes the ability to prepare for the challenges you'll be facing.

2.  Communicate without fear or judgement.  Author George R.R. Martin is quoted as saying “The unseen enemy is always the most fearsome." When it comes to marriages good or bad, this concept is always true. Whether there are known and concrete problems, or things just "seem off” in your relationship, there is no better solution then to start a dialogue. Give your spouse many chances to open up and try to get his or her perspective.  Even if your partner is unwilling to discuss problems with you, persevere. However, know that sooner or later they will need to start opening up if they wish to save the marriage too. In the meantime, watch and listen carefully for cues and clues.  And don't forget to be transparent in your own feelings.

3. Never underestimate the importance of passion. Problem-solving should be your biggest priority, but reigniting that flame of passion that you once shared is also one of the most important parts in salvaging a damaged relationship. This does not mean that you need to force yourself to have lots of insincere sex or to fake orgasms. What it does mean, though, is that you need to reconnect in fundamental ways. Remember what attracted you most to your partner when your relationship was young. Encourage your partner to share what attracted them to you as well.  We may have a few extra gray hairs on our heads and a few more pounds beneath our belts, but essentially, you are still that lovable "you" that once took their breath away. Strive to relive those moments and feelings.

4. Seek help. Marriage counselors, coaches and therapists are all fabulous resources in the quest for saving a marriage that is mostly good. There is nothing wrong with seeking help and learning the tools that you need in order to mend something that needs some reinforcement.  Getting help is a sign of strength, never of weakness.

5. The most important tip that I can give you is to have patience. You did not get into this mess overnight, and you won't get out of it overnight either. Be consistent as well as persistent. If you love your spouse, and you feel that your marriage is worth saving, work together in order to make that slow and steady effort.  Give it time.

My bonus tip for you is that while it only takes one person to want to end a relationship, it takes both people to want to save it. At the end of the day, it truly doesn't matter whose fault it is that things aren't perfect, who did what, or why it happened.  Both people need to be on board with repairing the relationship, and both people have work to do in order to make that happen. There will be times when walking away is the only option; but until or unless your sure that it is, it's not too late to try turning the tide.

Happiness in Communing with Nature

Our fast-paced world can really burn us out quickly.  With technology enabling us to communicate faster and easier than ever before, "alone time" is quickly becoming a concept of the past.  It can be wonderful to feel connected, but it can also be daunting and draining as well.  How can we get back to basics and quiet the multitudes of voices that surround us?

The answer may be simpler than you think.  Try communing with nature!

Immersing yourself in nature doesn't need to be an elaborately planned scenario.  Try taking a walk.  Even in an urban area, you're going to have opportunities to see animals and plants -- even if it's just squirrels in your local park, or the shade of a tree planted by the sidewalk of a busy road.  Find a place to sit and breathe the air.  Observe the weather -- is it sunny out?  What time of day is it?  Perhaps you can enjoy the clouds during the daytime, or try to see stars at night.

If that's too difficult, or your access to nature is limited, try simply gazing out your window at the sky.  Alternatively, you can bring natural elements inside by planting flowers, herbs, or other small plants indoors. 

Whatever way you decide to commune with nature, know that it will rejuvenate your mind and spirit when you're able to let go and focus on the world around you.  Our planet is filled with beautiful things, so take the time to enjoy!

Read for Your Happiness!

There's a whole world in each and every book!  To me, reading is like meditation.  It can quiet the mind, activate the imagination, reduce stress, and force your focus elsewhere.  Reading is such a wonderful way to fill your head and relax your body all at the same time.

You needn't choose to read anything lofty, or super cerebral -- it's nice if you like that, and by all means choose it if you want to -- but even something easy and light can provide the benefits of reading.  Grab your tablet, your dusty copy of War and Peace, or even the fun, short fashion magazine that brings a smile on your face and inspiration to your heart.

No matter what you choose to read, reading leads to learning -- which reads a richer and fuller life!

The Importance of Doing Your Own Thing

One of the biggest issues that we have in our quests for self-love has got to be comparing ourselves to other people.

It's natural to seek some type of gauge by which to measure our progress.  When you look around and see your friends who have great jobs, wonderful families, more money, or lives that simply seem cooler than yours, it's hard to look at the bright side of your own life.  What's more, comparing yourself to those other people is going to invoke the monster of jealousy -- that that's a hard entity to control!

When assessing your own life, do so on your own terms.  Work according to your personal wishes, needs, and strengths.  Remember that while you may not have the tools that others have, they also don't possess what you have, either.

Also, while you're looking at all of the beautiful pictures and messages from your friends on Facebook or hearing amusing anecdotes at your next social gathering, it's important to keep in mind that people often put their best faces forward in those situations.  It may be due to excess pride, or the desire to simply not burden others with negative issues.  Either way, know that not everything is what it seems.

Live authentically and run your own life the way you enjoy running it -- do you own thing, measure your success by your own personal benchmarks, and don't worry so much about what the rest of the world is doing!

How To Deal With Excuses

This is a simple one... if you're making a lot of excuses, don't make 'em! :)

OK, maybe it's not all that simple.  It can be tough to get out of the vicious cycle which is created by avoiding problems, casting blame, rationalizing and justifying.  But in order to heal your life and those of the people around you, you must take a good, honest look at yourself and your actions.

Denial can be a soft, tempting place to live.  You can comfort yourself without really addressing the root cause of whatever issue you're experiencing.  However, once the comfort wears away, the old problems will still be there.  When you're staying safely on the sidelines of life with your old friend Denial, you'll never really be able to get into the game.

Try to break the cycle!  When you are tempted to make excuses for something, simply try to examine it from all sides.  Figure out how you can do it right next time.  You don't need to beat yourself up, but you really should try to take responsibility for what you have or haven't done.  Remember -- the first step to self-improvement is the acknowledgement that improvement is needed. :)

The Limitations of Your Past

Everyone has his or her own history.  Sometimes, your previous accomplishments can propel you in to bigger and better achievements.  However, it can also work in the opposite way, as well.  Your failures, your mistakes, and your losses can also freeze you into place.

What you need to remember is that the past is just that -- the past.  Today is a new day, and you can do things in a brand new way.  You don't need to ride on the coattails of previous successes.  You don't have to allow former mistakes and screw-ups to limit your current abilities.  Yesterday's terrible choices may have resulted in difficult predicaments for you today, but that doesn't mean tomorrow will be equally awful.  Make better choices today.  Turn over a new leaf.  Develop new habits, start new mindsets, and begin trying new ways of doing things.

Instead of allowing past hurts and losses to keep you afraid from living in new and healthy ways, take that chance.  Know that self-improvement can be hard, but it is a doable and workable thing.  Life can surprise you.  Just try it and see.

The Futility of Blaming Yourself and Others

The common saying goes, "When you point a finger at someone else, you have three more pointing back at you."  It's true that many folks tend to use the power of blame as a weapon against being wrong, taking responsibility, and losing the current argument!  And many times, the person who's doing the blaming tends to be at least as responsible for the problem on the table.

Naturally, there is a difference between misplacing blame on others, and legitimate blame which falls squarely in the court of a transgressor who has made mistakes (or consciously detrimental choices).  However, in the moment of crisis, blaming others is not really a very productive way to handle things.  If you are being blamed, you must clean up your own mess.  If the mess is the fault of another, you need to decide:  is this action going to help the situation?  Or will it make things worse?  Most of the time, a bad situation really needs to be handled before adding another layer of problems on top of what already exists.

Once your mess has been cleaned up, it is then time for the offending parties to take responsibility for his or her actions.  If that's you, take your medicine.  Learn.  Make amends in whatever reasonable ways are required by the people and situations at hand.  If it's someone else, give that person the chance to make things right.  Forgive, forget, and move on with your life.

If the person to blame has no remorse for his or her transgressions, you may need to re-evaluate the realities of this relationship.

Dealing With Ideas That Limit You

In short, get rid of them!

When you have beliefs, ideas, or impressions that curtail your own emotional development, you are committing a true act of cruelty upon yourself.  You're hindering your own progress and putting roadblocks up in the way of your own happiness.

Self-reflection can be an important part of growing up, no matter what age you may be.  Try getting out of your own comfort zone from time to time.  Dip your toes into new and unusual places -- it may be exciting or even frightening, but it will definitely expand your mind and show you cool new ways of living and thinking.

When you remove your old, limiting ways of thinking, you are opening yourself up to wild new possibilities for happiness and fulfillment!

"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present."

What's in the past is over and done forever, but that might not stop some of us from reliving those painful memories.  It can be really hard to live with past regrets, past hurts, and past transgressions.  If you have done wrong, seek forgiveness from others as well as from yourself.  If someone else has wronged you, strive to forgive; even in cases where forgiveness seems like light-years away, you can at least forgive yourself for allowing feelings of resentment or distrust to rule over you.  Instead of being a victim and a slave to your past, try to examine things with the intention of learning valuable lessons that can carry over into your present and future.  Don't allow previous traumas to break you.  Be brave.  Be strong.  Put the past in its place, and embrace the future with a renewed sense of self.




Visit Regina's website here.

Negative Self-Talk

Do you know that little voice inside your head that tells you "you can't do anything... you're not worth anything... life sucks..."?  We all have self-chatter that goes on inside our own heads.  But, for some people, this little voice is consistently negative, damaging, and dysfunctional.  It's like a toxic friend, a bad parent, or a boss that never seems to have anything nice to say.  It can ruin lives, hearts, and relationships with ourselves and other people.

These toxic thoughts can seriously mess up our progress on days where we're doing fine.  It can hinder the ways that we see the world, it can mess up our interactions with other people, and it can freeze us in our tracks -- instantly.

Negative self-talk is easier to control than you might think.  Some people may need extensive therapy for it, but most people who experience these toxic thoughts, it is actually not too hard to chip away at the bad thoughts and to replace them with good ones.

During those times that you call yourself stupid, stop and correct that voice.  You're not!  If you make a mistake, don't criticize yourself -- and if you do (because you can't yet help it), try saying something nice or consoling to yourself.  You might also try affirmations to say after these damning thoughts rear their ugly heads.  Another way to handle nasty self-talk is to add the word "yet" after a sentence where it's appropriate.  For example, if you're telling yourself "I can't get anything done!," add "...yet!" as a sort of punctuation to the end of the sentence.  Over time, your self-esteem will improve as you shrink that little demon who's whispering inside your ear.  Try it!

How to Cut Toxic People & Negative Friends Out of Your Life

Connections with other people are one of life's greatest joys. Interacting with those that you love and who love you can make the difference between an awful day and an amazing one.

However, we all have people in our lives who are less than perfect. In fact, no one in this world is perfect! There will be times when our best friends, loved ones, and life partners will have bad days. They might grumble, they might be negative, or they may even be snarky and mean to us. Or, we might be the ones who are feeling negative, and will do the same to other people. This is normal and natural -- everyone has good days and bad. If we love each other, we'll put up with it, because the bad is often outweighed by the good.

But there are also people who don't quite fit this mold. You know the types I'm talking about -- the drama queens, the judgmental jerks, the negativity sinks, the time wasters, negative friends, and the users. (I have a book about emotional vampires, which you can peruse here, which goes into greater depth about the types of emotional vampires that we deal with on a day to day basis.) When you care about someone, but they are depleting you, perhaps it's time to have a heart-to-hear with them about what's going on. It is okay to speak up and explain to your negative friends when your needs aren't getting met. Don't assume that you're being selfish just because you're standing up for yourself and your own well-being. (Also… here's a radical thought: What's so wrong with being a bit selfish now and again, anyway?) Dump that toxic friend! You do not need to spend time with someone who's draining away your energy.

If you've already had these conversations with those negative friends, and you're still searching for ways to end a friendship gracefully, chances are that your needs are still not being met. I'm assuming that you've already taken a good, long look at the friendship, including the parts that you had played in your dealings with this emotional vampire.

You may be feeling as though you've tried all of the solutions that you can -- speaking from the heart, setting limits, enforcing boundaries, or saying "no" once in awhile, only to continue to be met with disrespect, negativity, or a lack of reciprocity. It's now time for you to cut this toxic friendship from your life, so that you can invest that time in focusing on bigger and better things.

There are two ways that you can go about this: The easy way (which is often harder!), and the hard way (which is often easier!). Either can be effective; it simply depends on the type of negative person you are cutting out of your life.

The easy one has one basic step: Just cut them out. Quit calling or texting them. Stop taking their calls, unfriend them online, quit inviting them to your functions, and stop going to theirs. If you have mutual friends, you must also resist the temptation to talk about them with those friends. The drawback of this is that there could be some backlash, particularly if you're close. However, if this "friend" has done an egregious thing to you, betrayed a major trust, or committed some significant act of betrayal, it may be the way to go.

The hard way involves keeping the negative friend in your life. However, you'll simply be spending less time with them. (I must admit, I've done this method before! It works!) This method is much better for people that you do like, but are just too difficult to be around all the time. Maybe they're very high-maintenance, very negative, or just really different from you in uncomfortable ways. Perhaps they don't respect your boundaries and don't seem to respond well to discussions or other attempts to correct it. However, if they genuinely mean well and are not going out of their way to hurt you, the "hard way" is worth a try. It will take a lot more time, but will also be much easier on your friendship. Encourage this person to branch out and do new things -- this way, there'll be less time for them to bug you. ;) Pare down your communication: for example, if you speak on the phone every day or two, try cutting down to a couple times a week. If you hang out every week, try canceling from time to time and see if you can get it down to a couple of times a month. Make a plan to reduce the amount of time that you spend with him or her. Write it down on your calendar if you need to, but stick to the plan. On the occasions that you do talk or hang out, keep things positive and cordial. I'd also recommend that, during any conversation that you do have, you try to insert details about things that are keeping you so busy -- talk about your kids, your job, any hobbies or interests or obligations which might take up your time. You don't need to complain about these types of things (unless they truly are driving you nuts!), but making sure to acknowledge them will help take the edge off with your friend.

If you have mutual friends, and you try the above method, you may be required to spend time with this person anyway. That's okay! Sometimes being in a group with the toxic person can make things a lot more palatable. You'll both have other people to talk with, and you can even spend time together in a more controlled setting.

A few words of caution: If you're trying valiantly to keep things civil and the other person is not being accepting of the way things are, things could get dicey. Try the following phrases to diffuse tension:

"I understand."

"I'm sorry."

"Let's talk about this later, when we've both had time to calm down."

Whether you actually agree with the above statements is not the point. Diffusing a tough situation is the name of the game. Anyone who is going to throw tantrums, though, might need you to revert back to "the easy method."

Does this technique sound passive-aggressive? I know that some aspects of it certainly are. However, when you're dealing with an emotional vampire, sometimes it's much easier to do things gently as it helps to minimize the drama which is the emotional vampire's lifeblood. It also helps to preserve your sanity, as well.

Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #12: Share Your Awesomeness

This is the final lesson in my "Having an Awesome Life" series.  If you've taken the time to follow my advice all year, you've likely found lots of improvement in your life.  Congratulations on making the effort to think more positively, to connect with others, to pursue your dreams, and to enjoy as much as you can about the way things are... as well as opening your mind to how life can improve.

Now that you've begun on your path to ultimate awesomeness, the final step is to take other people in your life along for the ride!  If you've begun to notice that other folks in your life seem aimless, sad, anxious, or bored... share your knowledge with them.  Be supportive of others' quests to improve their situations, and be the great friend or confidante who can assist as their voice of reason, their sounding board, and the wind beneath their wings!  Celebrate your differences, similarities, and everything in between.

This is the season of love.  Sharing your knowledge, giving of yourself, and taking the time to really connect with your loved ones is the crux of this joyous time of year.  Regardless of your religious affiliation, you can enjoy spending time with those around you and celebrating the simple concept of togetherness.

By spreading this message of awesomeness, you are showering love on those who surround you.  Real love is about giving, sharing, helping and supporting.  Spread your happiness and contentment around and share the lessons that you have learned with the world!  Become the guru of your own social circle; promote love, awesomeness, and mental well-being wherever and whenever you can.