How Can I Use Color Magick to Improve My Life?

Are you one of the savvy few who use modern color magic?

Every color has its own story, it’s only Lors and legends in cultures throughout the world. When you learn how to harness the psychological impact of color, you can also gain a tremendous amount of insight into how to use those colors in treating your own mental health with self soothing and meditation.

Various color shades also have physical reactions on our bodies, as well. When you learn to harness the magic of the colors all around you, you can see things in a whole new light. 

https://anchor.fm/questuary/episodes/Color-Magick--How-to-Use-Color-for-Spiritual--Psychological-Success-eobf2t

Navigating the Wild World of Online Dating

Be careful, friends! As fun as dating apps or online dating can be, and as rewarding as it can be to find new opportunities to meet “the one,” there are some important things you need to know for dating app success. Sharpen your matchmaking skills with some of these easy tips!

Tip 1: Looks do matter, but not the way you think! I’m not saying you need to be a perfect 10, but you should try to bring out your best features. Take a flattering, natural photo for your profile. Dress neatly, with clothes that are flattering and in good condition. (If you’re strapped for cash or unsure about ideas, decide on an easy casual date uniform — such as a good pair of jeans and a neutral colored top — keep it clean and you can’t go wrong!  Make sure your body is clean and wearing deodorant. Also, don’t forget to brush your teeth and pop a breath mint before the crucial moment.

Tip 2: Compliment your date! You’ve taken the trouble to make a good impression. Be sure to tell your date that they look nice, too. If you’re just talking online, you can also compliment their jokes or cool subjects that they discuss.

Tip 3: Positive vibes only. Be sure to talk about light subjects at first. Share good news, be attentive and supportive of the other person’s news as well. Be cheerful. Make lemonade out of the lemons. Make sure your friend is comfortable by not being racist, inappropriate, or unkind. Unless, of course, that’s who you really are (in which case I’d recommend getting a bit of help with that).

These are the basics, but they’ll help you get the ball rolling. Do you have any tips for our readers? Feel free to share! 

“ Stop being a perfectionist.”

My Twitter friend, @bigdaddyvinz, has laid down some really useful wisdom this month. Here’s what his eye-opening thread says:

Stop being a perfectionist.

The root of procrastination for most people ain't laziness, it's anxiety.

I know your anxiety will tell you the worst case scenario. It’s a damn liar.

If you're a procrastinator, you will find every excuse not to do what u need to do. But here's an advice: DO IT FIRST, I call it reverse procrastination.

Fill your heart & mind with positive things.

Music helps alot. stand up, put on your favorite songs and watch how you get the job done fast.

Challenge yourself.

Reward yourself after a job well done.

The best way to get something done is to begin.

Don't let procrastination take over your life. Be brave and take risks, your life is happening now.

It might feel like fun but trust me procrastination is the enemy of success.

Give yourself pep talks and encouraging words like:

- I can do this 

- I'm not going to procrastinate today 

- I am capable 

- I am strong enough 

- I am brave 

- I refuse to let negative thoughts control Me

I hope this thread made sense to every procrastinator out there,I hope this thread helps and motivate you stop ❤️

Spiritual Self-Help Snapchat Group!

Snapchat is the public’s favorite social media platform of the moment! And it’s only getting bigger and bigger.

SpiritClique is in the process of organizing a Snapchat group for people who are looking for real ways to heal mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. I’ll be raising new questions, sending fun inspiring quotes and info, and maybe even do  some free card reading for the Clique and its members! 

If you’ve followed my blog for the past decade, you’ll know how much love and care we have been putting into things around here. The blog and podcast will be staying 100% the same — we’re just adding more amazing free shit! 

Come hang out and talk with us on Snap!

Jewish Mysticism & Meditations

In Hebrew, Jewish Meditation is called hitbonenut or hisbonenus. Usually, these are most clearly explained in the Hasidic and Kabbalistic texts. Hebrew pertains to one of the many dialects under the languages of Canaanite. It flourished as the Israel's spoken language between tenth century BCE and third or fourth CE (the Byzantine Period) upon the extinction of several Canaanite dialects.

The term hisbonenus is derived from Binah, a Hebrew word which means understanding. This understanding is based from analytical study involving any topics. In general, hisbonenus is referred to as the Torah study under Kabbalah explanations for achieving a greater appreciation and understanding of God.

The primary Judaism document is the Torah. Traditional rabbinic writings provided several ideas about the revelation of the whole Torah. Many considered the event at Mount Sinai, when God revealed the Ten Commandments to Moses as one of the most significant revelatory event. The orthodox rabbis dated the revelation as 1280 BCE. Sources given by some rabbis stated that the whole Torah was all given at once during the revelation. The maximalist believed that the dictations not only include quotes which are appearing in the texts, but also each word contained in the texts itself, even the phrases and the revelation of the death of Moses. 



Kabbalah transliterated as Qabalah, Kabbala, Cabala, or other related permutations means receiving of a particular tradition. It interprets esoterically the Bible of the Hebrew (Tanakh), aggadah and halakha (classical texts of the Jews), and mitzvot (practices). Mystical doctrines are expressed in connection with simultaneous transcendence and immanence of God. This was the attempted declaration to the old paradox that explains the Ultimate Being, in which even the blind Isaac cannot conceive it in his thoughts, but he came to be experienced and known by the people that He created. 

The Kabbalah declares that each intellectual process should be incorporated with three faculties. It includes Daas, Binah, and Chochma. Daas literally means knowledge. This pertains to the ability of the mind to hold and focus its concentration on the Binah and Chochma. Chochma literally means wisdom. This is the ability of the mind to create a new point of view in a concept which one didn't know before.  Binah literally means understanding. This is the ability of the mind to obtain a new point of view from Chochma and evaluate all its propositions and simplify the concepts to be well understood.

It is a fact that hisbonenus referring to Binah defines Jewish meditation to distinguish it from other meditation forms. The philosophy of Hasidic and Kabbalah rejected the idea that any new point of view doesn't necessarily come from a mere concentration only. They also explained that although Daas is an important part of cognition, it's similar to an empty container without the study, learning, and analysis coming from the power of Binah. The Chassidic philosophy also stated that the new discovery or insight of a scientist (Chochma) is the end result of a deep analysis and study of his topics (Binah).

However, Chassidic masters revealed that deep concentration for a longer period of time sometimes devoid intellectual contents that can lead to hallucinations, insanity, and sensory deprivation instead of achieving spiritual enlightenment. The true enlightenment corresponds with Torah understandings specifically the Hasidic and Kabbalah philosophy explanations.

Try These Easy Meditation Techniques for Kids

Who says that meditation is only for adults? Today, even children can do meditation. Times are changing at a very fast pace. Even children are prone to stress and depression. They are too young to take many medications, and one great alternative is to find an appropriate meditation method for your child.

Through a doctor's visit, your child's problem can be identified. Some doctors will readily express that your child is a good candidate for meditation. But since they are still too young to do meditation on their own, you must look for a guided meditation that will suit your child.

Children are easily discouraged of lengthy sessions, and that is why almost all of the meditation courses offered for children are only for a day. If you're child is 8 to 12 years old, it's quite easy to find an organization or institution that offer such courses on meditation. Try to do a search online and see if you can find one near your locality. You can also ask friends and relatives if they know of a certain meditation course offered exclusively for children. Your child is a precious gift from God. So it is very important to aid him or her in their meditation.

There are several meditation techniques that you can choose from, but of all the techniques, it is best to choose the Anapana meditation. Why, you might ask; well, children are easily taught of this particular technique. Anapana meditation is a mental purification process that is achieved by self-observation. Children are very observant, so this is the right time to mentally train your child.

Anapana meditation is just the very first step in Vipassana meditation practice. This involves the observation of your natural respiration, the inhalation and exhalation. This step can help your child in mind concentration. Aside from that, this technique can also calm your child, help your child understand his self better, and how your child's mind works. Your child can develop inner strength to help him in choosing the appropriate and right actions over the wrong ones. Anapana meditation can provide your child with the right tool to face up to anxieties, fears, and childhood pressures.

You can greatly expect that your child will have a hearty interest in meditation and self introspection. This can also help in opening a new dimension in their life that will be of great value in the future and may be one that they can use for as long as they live.

Your child will truly become a much better person. Through Anapana meditation, your child's mind will be stronger, and he/she will avoid saying or doing things that are harmful and hurtful to other people. If your child possesses mind's strength, then he or she will be more peaceful and will feel happier.

Make sure that your child follows all the instructions given on the duration of the course. There are also certain codes of conduct that your child has to follow. Anapana meditation is a very good foundation for your child. What's good about this technique is that it also the entails participation of the family. You must provide proper support for your child so that he/she can learn easily. It would be best to accompany your child through the duration of the course.

Hypnosis: Fact or Fiction?

The Sleeping Prophet Edgar Cayce would command himself to engage in out-of-body experiences and near-death experiences through self-hypnosis.




Under a trance state, he would give readings and diagnoses to people he has never met. His followers documented almost 14,000 journeys unto the spirit realm, made through his subconscious mind or what Cayce referred to as the soul.




Sensational historian David Lewis revealed that Adolf Hitler was once hypnotized and this may have been the root of the kind of life he has led.




Lewis claimed that in 1918, Hitler believed he has gone completely blind despite diagnoses of doctors that nothing is wrong with his eyes. Through hypnosis, a doctor suggested to Hitler that indeed, he has lost his eyesight but through will power he can make himself see again. Thats because God made him an exceptional person, the good doctor added. Since then, Lewis said, the hypnosis marked Hitler so much that he took life believing he was exceptional, and the rest, as they say, is history.




Robert F. Kennedys assassin was under the influence of a mastermind through hypnotism during the assassination, and was said to have shown robotic, trance-like movements and repeated RFK must die over and over again during police interrogation.




Have you read about clairvoyants reaching into other dimensions to get rare or secret information? How about mediums meddling with the underworld and calling the dead? Hypnosis stories are they for real?




Yes and No.




Yes, hypnotism really has been used as part of the treatment and therapy of various physical and psychological conditions. Through its ability to tap into the subconscious and to intensify focus and concentration, hypnosis can help you be more attuned with your intellectual and emotional capacity; thus helping you modify your habits and behaviors, or wield more control over the way you think and analyze.




But no, it is not the cure-all for your problems. It is not proven to be effective every time, as often claimed. The United States general surgeon reports there is insufficient evidence to support hypnosis as a treatment for smoking cessation. Again, the effectiveness of hypnotism depends on each and every different case it is being used for.




Indeed, it will not hurt to try hypnotism; but dont rely on it too much either. It may help you and may change your life forever. It may also work for you for an allotted period only. Or it may not and you may walk out of another hypnotism session unchanged and still be the same old self. Your results will depend on a lot of other factors aside from hypnosis, such as determination, motivation, and will power. Your destiny is still in your own hands.

Coping With Pain via NLP, the Alternative Therapy's Alternative.

Pain can be defined quite simply as a symptom of some physical hurt or disorder, an affliction or an emotional distress. Mild pain can be treated in many ways ... over the counter drugs and balms. But what if the pain is chronic and unbearable? Well we get prescription drugs. Most of the drugs work well, but for some people with severe or chronic pain, NLP and hypnosis works wonders.

What is NLP? It is neuro-linguistic programming. NLP uses a set of models and principles to describe the relationship between mind and language. Though initially dubious about the treatment of pain with hypnosis, the medical community are now of the opinion that hypnosis does indeed help in controlling pain.

Acute pain lasts for a short while chronic pain lasts for a long time, usually more than a month. Even mild low - level pain can be debilitating. Pain comes in many forms, jabbing, throbbing stabbing, nagging etc. Pain is also influenced by various factors like memory, emotions and physical condition of each individual. Another perplexing complication is that sometimes pain has no organic cause at all.

Pain has sometimes been described as past remembered pain, present pain experience and also anticipated pain in the future. The combination of these three often gives us the meaning of pain and this is one of the reasons why chronic pain is almost always so debilitating. What increases the pain is the expectation that the pain will be there the next day, and the day after and the day after and so on.

A few of the techniques that help us deal with pain are given below

Trance and Relaxation are the easiest things that one can do relax. The way to relax is simple. All you have to do is tell yourself in a deep and gentle tone take a deep breathe and relax. With each breath you must relax further. Tell yourself that as you count down from 5 to1 you will relax still further till you are in a trance.

Synesthesia is a technique that is best done in a light trance. In this technique you explore the pain as a sensation. What exactly is the pain? Where is it, is it a slow or a fast moving pain? Does it have any color and texture? How does it move? This might seem difficult but don't worry. The important thing is to try and put some meaning to your pain, give it shape so that it makes some sense to your unconscious mind. What you have to do next is to think that the pain is outside your body where it is easier to observe. Try and examine it a little away from you say at a distance of about two meters. Now what you can do is to change the quality of pain. Make it smaller or bigger or change the color and the sound. Change the way it moves. Now observe what happens when you cause changes in the pain. When you are finally satisfied with the changes that you have made in your pain you can send the whole pain to a far away place or you can even put it back into your own body but in a different location where the pain can be more manageable. Or even better, you can just turn your pain up side down and put it back in the same place so that it cancels out the original pain.
 
Increasing Your Energy
 
Pain can be very debilitating and saps us of our energy. But we can overcome this by practicing some very simple visualization exercises. Bring yourself to a point of total relaxation and focus on breathing. Imagine golden ball of light all around your body,
which you can hear, as well as feel vibrating. Then imagine that when you breathe in you are taking in energy. The golden light now becomes brighter and brighter, the harmonies get louder and the vibrations become stronger and stronger. As you breathe out imagine that all the tension and pain are expelled from your body. Now the vibrations and harmonies become a tool to help you relax further and you can feel the sensations massaging your body. With the help of the techniques mentioned above you can help yourself in taking control of your pain. But remember that they are not hypnosis or NLP techniques.

Ashley Cole is a Blogger to Watch!

Ashley Cole bravely takes risks to
entertain and teach his readers. 

On any typical Monday morning, the average citizen of the world rolls out of bed and prepares for another boring start to a run-of-the-mill week. A quick glance at any news headlines will show a lot of the same happenings, only with different headlines designed to capture each reader’s attention. Regardless of the news source, each and everyone of these people have something in common: they are overwhelmed. Bad news seems to be the most sensational topic on any newspaper page in modern times.

Blogger Ashley Cole is on a one-man mission to change that boring narrative. He takes risks with his writing, and it shows. Armed with a sharp wit, a light heart, and a sparkling sense of humor, Ashley is taking the blogging world by storm. His articles are amusing, but always filled with interesting insights about the human condition, and how we can all enjoy life to the fullest as we strive to be our best selves.

Ashley uses intelligence and humor to motivate his readers while educating them as well. His articles aren’t just catchy headlines; there’s a heart of gold in every one. “They’re fun, light reads with hidden life lessons and inspiration,” he explains of his articles.

With the launch of Ashley’s new project, website ItsAshleyCole.com, he’s passing his wisdom and wit along to all readers who are interested in coming along for the ride. Check out his website, but be warned, your laughter may cause a distraction for those around you. Enjoy it responsibly!

Let Life Bloom: Easy Ways to Be Positive Every Day

Have you ever wanted to be more positive?  Of course you have!

I am not talking about those imaginary people who wake up every morning with perfect hair, who sing at the sun and allow birds to fly in and chirp a happy morning tune to begin each day.  Those people only exist in fairy tales!

But we do all have our own "emotional baseline" -- some people tend to be generally happier and more positive than others.  The ups and downs may be affected by situations around us, or even those of our own choosing.  Even though it's not possible -- or healthy -- to be 100% positive during every waking second of our lives, there are ways that we can each manage those emotional baselines in order to become happier and more productive.

Instead of waking up with those chirping birds, try to avoid things that tweet -- including social media -- in that first hour or two of your day.  As an alternative, strive instead for quieter and less distracting ways to wake up in the mornings.  Eat a healthy breakfast, meditate, and get ready for your day on your own terms.  Immediately jumping on your phone, especially diving into social media platforms such as Facebook or Twitter -- as much fun as they may be -- can really "harsh your mellow" and put you in a more distracted, more negative frame of mind, even before you've gotten out of bed!  Tend to your own body's needs before picking up that smart phone.

Keeping your work and living spaces free of clutter can also help to keep your mindset positive.  I don't know about the rest of the world, but I can get downright panicky when I lose something.  Life is so much easier when my stuff is organized.  However, I am not always the most organized human being -- in fact, I'm still working on that!  I probably always will be.  But I do know that cutting my clutter has helped me to discover what is most important in my life, and it's also enabled me to find it a little easier.  When you minimize, you can prioritize, which can in turn make the pacing of your life slower, easier, happier.

Spending time around children and animals can help too.  See the world through the lens of someone a bit simpler than you.  Kids are naturally imaginative and intuitive, without all of the complications that adults sometimes like to throw into things.  Animals, too.  There is nothing like going on an adventure with your favorite kid, or taking your dog for a walk -- watch how they notice and enjoy all of the little things that we tend to miss!  If you don't have either of these in your life, borrow some from a friend.

Remember to take notice of those little things in life.  Our lives are made up of small moments, and there's lots to love in each one.  Take care of yourself, take care of others, and let others care for you as well!

Happiness in Communing with Nature

Our fast-paced world can really burn us out quickly.  With technology enabling us to communicate faster and easier than ever before, "alone time" is quickly becoming a concept of the past.  It can be wonderful to feel connected, but it can also be daunting and draining as well.  How can we get back to basics and quiet the multitudes of voices that surround us?

The answer may be simpler than you think.  Try communing with nature!

Immersing yourself in nature doesn't need to be an elaborately planned scenario.  Try taking a walk.  Even in an urban area, you're going to have opportunities to see animals and plants -- even if it's just squirrels in your local park, or the shade of a tree planted by the sidewalk of a busy road.  Find a place to sit and breathe the air.  Observe the weather -- is it sunny out?  What time of day is it?  Perhaps you can enjoy the clouds during the daytime, or try to see stars at night.

If that's too difficult, or your access to nature is limited, try simply gazing out your window at the sky.  Alternatively, you can bring natural elements inside by planting flowers, herbs, or other small plants indoors. 

Whatever way you decide to commune with nature, know that it will rejuvenate your mind and spirit when you're able to let go and focus on the world around you.  Our planet is filled with beautiful things, so take the time to enjoy!

Meditative Bliss with Nina Beste

One of the best exercises for our physical and mental well-being is meditation.  Few things are as healthful and as inducing of happiness as taking a few moments to meditate.  I am a practitioner and teacher of meditation, myself; I love to recommend it to my clients as I educate them about meditation's many benefits.

A lot of people get overwhelmed by the very idea of meditation when they are first beginning the practice.  It seems like such a lofty, esoteric, mystical thing: sitting in a ritualistic position, listening to mysterious music, perhaps chanting an ancient mantra or visualizing powerful symbols in order to make one's aspirations materialize.  But the truth is that meditation is a lot more simple than this.  In actual fact, the benefits and beginnings of meditation are much easier to achieve than some stereotypical arcane practice.  The true practice is much more attainable and down-to-earth than that!

There is a wide variety of meditation music available on the market today.  You can also start simple and check YouTube for videos that can help you get started in the world of meditative music.  One of my absolute favorite musical artists is Nina Beste, who creates beautiful and haunting works that are absolutely ideal to create a serene, meditative state.

Nina Beste's YouTube channel features a variety of fabulous programs to get you into the perfect mindset for meditation.  While she is an incredibly talented singer and musician in her own right, Best is also a certified NLP practitioner as well as a creator of meditation products which can heal and relax all who seek their enlightenment.  As an expert in the art and practice of meditation, Beste uses her knowledge and skill to produce work of unbelievable quality and beauty.  

"Time Traveler," Beste's latest single, is one of her best pieces yet.  Touching lyrics combine with poignant music and the haunting vocals of Nina Beste herself to make a true work of art.  The video itself is a cinematographic treat that beautifully complements the musical piece.  As we listen to this fantastic work, we are transported into a world of meditative reverie that is sure to bring peace to even the most restless heart and mind.

As a meditation teacher, I heartily recommend the work of Nina Beste for any practitioner of meditation.  Whether you're just beginning your meditative journey, or you've been reaping its benefits for much longer, you're sure to find Nina's music a delightful addition to your meditation music repertoire.

Visit her website for more updates, or check out what's new on Nina's CDBaby page! 

How to Deal with Negative People in 3 Easy Steps!

Everyone has to deal with negativity from time to time.  It's just part of life.  No matter what we do, who we are, or how we try -- at one point or another, we will all cross paths with someone who is negative.  It could be someone with whom you work, someone in your family, or even a friend that you truly care about:  the person may be pe

Step 1:  Consider the possibility of cutting them loose.  It might be a harsh choice, but if the bad outweighs the good that these people bring to your life, it may be time for an act of self-care by freeing yourself from the negativity of someone who is dragging you down.  If the negative person is draining your energy, causing you to dread scenarios where you know you'll need to deal with them, or putting you and others down, consider cutting the cord.  It needn't be dramatic or harsh, and it might be difficult as well.  But sometimes, you need to make your own sanity and wellbeing a priority!

Step 2:  Find ways to cope with their negativity.  There are probably a few emotional vampires that you can eliminate from your life entirely.  But there may be others, such as relatives that you have to see along with the ones you really want to see, or co-workers over whom you have no control, that you really need to interact with occasionally whether you want to or not.  Even if you don't have a choice in the matter of dealing with them, you can choose HOW to deal with them.  And that can actually make all the difference!  Try to accept them the way that they are.  Understand that a negative person is probably a miserable person, and remember that 90% of what they're griping about is definitely not personal.  This is just who they are, and their behavior is about them -- not you.  Take it all with a grain of salt and allow the whining to roll off of your back.  When you do have to deal with them, stay positive and upbeat; even negative people want to be treated with friendliness, and you might be surprised at how some of them can really be disarmed by a warm smile or a light friendly conversation.  Small talk can also serve as your barrier to some of the deeper complaints that they wish to share with others.  This really does work in many scenarios, so try it!

Step 3:  Seek positivity within their negativity.  While this might seem like a major oxymoron, it's actually not.  Many times, negative people are just unhappy souls who use their pessimism as a protective barrier to keep pain and rejection from penetrating their thin skins and wounding them.  It's also very possible that those with whom you are close, are also being negative or critical in an attempt to shield you from some danger or trouble that they perceive.  To them, their thoughts are real and their comments are used to defend and protect.  Analyze the situation and try to determine if the negative person is a downer about every subject in the world, or if they're especially prickly about only certain topics.  Remember that this need to protect, while strange, may also bring out some valid points for you to consider.  Those who are good at seeing potential problems and voicing those issues to you are actually trying to be helpful.  It might be that they care about you, or want what's best for everyone.  Whether their negative feelings have weight or not, seeing it from this perspective can help you to develop more tolerance as you understand better where it comes from.

Whether the intentions behind your "Debbie Downer" are positive or negative, it's important to understand that there's often a lot more going on than the surface of the situation shows.  If you're unable to remove the negative person from your life, ask yourself why they must stay.  And then, in order to remain positive yourself, use your optimism and positivity as tools to deal with the negative energy and words coming from this person.  At the end of the day, the only person that you have control over is yourself -- make the most of what you've got!

How To Deal With Excuses

This is a simple one... if you're making a lot of excuses, don't make 'em! :)

OK, maybe it's not all that simple.  It can be tough to get out of the vicious cycle which is created by avoiding problems, casting blame, rationalizing and justifying.  But in order to heal your life and those of the people around you, you must take a good, honest look at yourself and your actions.

Denial can be a soft, tempting place to live.  You can comfort yourself without really addressing the root cause of whatever issue you're experiencing.  However, once the comfort wears away, the old problems will still be there.  When you're staying safely on the sidelines of life with your old friend Denial, you'll never really be able to get into the game.

Try to break the cycle!  When you are tempted to make excuses for something, simply try to examine it from all sides.  Figure out how you can do it right next time.  You don't need to beat yourself up, but you really should try to take responsibility for what you have or haven't done.  Remember -- the first step to self-improvement is the acknowledgement that improvement is needed. :)

The Limitations of Your Past

Everyone has his or her own history.  Sometimes, your previous accomplishments can propel you in to bigger and better achievements.  However, it can also work in the opposite way, as well.  Your failures, your mistakes, and your losses can also freeze you into place.

What you need to remember is that the past is just that -- the past.  Today is a new day, and you can do things in a brand new way.  You don't need to ride on the coattails of previous successes.  You don't have to allow former mistakes and screw-ups to limit your current abilities.  Yesterday's terrible choices may have resulted in difficult predicaments for you today, but that doesn't mean tomorrow will be equally awful.  Make better choices today.  Turn over a new leaf.  Develop new habits, start new mindsets, and begin trying new ways of doing things.

Instead of allowing past hurts and losses to keep you afraid from living in new and healthy ways, take that chance.  Know that self-improvement can be hard, but it is a doable and workable thing.  Life can surprise you.  Just try it and see.

The Futility of Blaming Yourself and Others

The common saying goes, "When you point a finger at someone else, you have three more pointing back at you."  It's true that many folks tend to use the power of blame as a weapon against being wrong, taking responsibility, and losing the current argument!  And many times, the person who's doing the blaming tends to be at least as responsible for the problem on the table.

Naturally, there is a difference between misplacing blame on others, and legitimate blame which falls squarely in the court of a transgressor who has made mistakes (or consciously detrimental choices).  However, in the moment of crisis, blaming others is not really a very productive way to handle things.  If you are being blamed, you must clean up your own mess.  If the mess is the fault of another, you need to decide:  is this action going to help the situation?  Or will it make things worse?  Most of the time, a bad situation really needs to be handled before adding another layer of problems on top of what already exists.

Once your mess has been cleaned up, it is then time for the offending parties to take responsibility for his or her actions.  If that's you, take your medicine.  Learn.  Make amends in whatever reasonable ways are required by the people and situations at hand.  If it's someone else, give that person the chance to make things right.  Forgive, forget, and move on with your life.

If the person to blame has no remorse for his or her transgressions, you may need to re-evaluate the realities of this relationship.

How to Deal with Complaining and Self-Pity

If you're preoccupied with thoughts which dwell in self-pity, complaining, and feeling sorry for yourself, you may need an attitude adjustment!

I once heard a quote that said, "All depression has roots in self-pity."  I don't know if that's true, but I certainly do believe that all self-pity has roots in depression!  We can all get caught in those negative thinking traps from time to time.  A little self-pity here, a dash of complaining there, it's all part of the human condition.  If you feel bad, allow yourself to feel it.  Grieve.  Revel in sorrow.  Have a good cry.  But then -- move on.  Know when to leave that pity party; don't be one of those late-stayers at a party, where the host is silently praying to get their dishes done and get to bed!  No one likes anyone who's wearing out his or her welcome, after all!

If you have trouble with depression, anxiety, or anger, seeking a good therapist can work wonders.  If you haven't the funds for that, you can also give support groups a whirl -- there are often many free and low-cost options for those who suffer from mood disorders.  Allow talk to be your medicine.  At the very least, try meditation and positive affirmations to help soften those rough edges.  Be loving and gentle with yourself in order to expand the love you show to others.

Love yourself.  Don't put yourself through the emotional wringer.  You deserve the best!

"You can get through anything if you stay put in today."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom. There's something for everyone! I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson: "You can get through anything if you stay put in today."

An old adage that is commonly used in time of stress or discord is "one day at a time."  Each day will bring you joy and sorrow, sweet and bitter.  Make the most of every day of your life, and those moments which are good and bad.  When a problem comes up, or you become immersed in crisis, the temptation to run away from the problem is great.  Ignoring or checking out when things get tough can be a seductive and tempting option indeed.  But, instead of simply shutting down or running away, you are best served to deal with your discord head-on.  By staying firmly grounded in the issues which are in front of you, you will be able to deal with them and to move on with your life -- in peace and fulfillment.


Visit Regina's website here.

"If a Relationship Has to Be a Secret, You Shouldn't Be In It."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "If a Relationship Has to Be a Secret, You Shouldn't Be In It."

There are all sorts of different relationships that you can have.  Not every single choice is going to be right for each person... we're all unique!  However, honesty and trust are integral parts of any relationship when you are sharing your life with someone.  There shouldn't be secrets, lies, or omission of truth between two people who are in a loving and caring dynamic.  Additionally, any relationship which involves sneaking around, lying, or keeping secrets is most likely going to end in pain or discord.  If you really love someone, there's no need to lie and sneak.  Come clean and live that love in the open -- a loving, trusting relationship is worth the risk!

Visit Regina's website here.

Negative Self-Talk

Do you know that little voice inside your head that tells you "you can't do anything... you're not worth anything... life sucks..."?  We all have self-chatter that goes on inside our own heads.  But, for some people, this little voice is consistently negative, damaging, and dysfunctional.  It's like a toxic friend, a bad parent, or a boss that never seems to have anything nice to say.  It can ruin lives, hearts, and relationships with ourselves and other people.

These toxic thoughts can seriously mess up our progress on days where we're doing fine.  It can hinder the ways that we see the world, it can mess up our interactions with other people, and it can freeze us in our tracks -- instantly.

Negative self-talk is easier to control than you might think.  Some people may need extensive therapy for it, but most people who experience these toxic thoughts, it is actually not too hard to chip away at the bad thoughts and to replace them with good ones.

During those times that you call yourself stupid, stop and correct that voice.  You're not!  If you make a mistake, don't criticize yourself -- and if you do (because you can't yet help it), try saying something nice or consoling to yourself.  You might also try affirmations to say after these damning thoughts rear their ugly heads.  Another way to handle nasty self-talk is to add the word "yet" after a sentence where it's appropriate.  For example, if you're telling yourself "I can't get anything done!," add "...yet!" as a sort of punctuation to the end of the sentence.  Over time, your self-esteem will improve as you shrink that little demon who's whispering inside your ear.  Try it!