The True Story of Betty Broderick: Her Marriage and Divorce

In the Lifetime movies about Betty Broderick, she is played by Meredith Baxter Birney.  They are two of my favorite Lifetime movies, and they're based on the true story of a woman scorned!

Betty was born in a town in southern New York, and had a very strict childhood.  She was 18 years old when she met her husband-to-be, Daniel T. Broderick.  They married in 1969 and had five children.  In addition to their daughter and four sons (one of whom died within days of his birth), the couple also suffered several miscarriages.  During the majority of their marriage, Betty was pregnant with many small children to raise.

While Daniel went to medical school Betty raised the kids and was also the primary breadwinner of the family.  Her husband then changed the course of his studies and went on to earn a law degree as Betty continued to work and support their large family.

Daniel Broderick met Linda Kolkena in 1983 when he hired her as a receptionist.  She was a beautiful and gregarious young woman, a former flight attendant who had lost her job due to flirtatious behavior.  Betty accused Daniel of having an affair with Linda on numerous occasions, yet he continuously denied ever having any sort of non-professional relationship with her prior to the Brodericks' divorce.

The Brodericks' marriage became very strained, hostile and emotionally abusive.  Daniel moved out of their residence against Betty's wishes and eventually, he filed for divorce.  The divorce was a brutal event for both of them, and it took a very long time before it was finalized.  During this time, Betty had abandoned her children and Daniel was awarded custody.  Betty sent hateful, angry letters and voicemail messages to the family as she felt that she had been "replaced" by Linda, who resembled a younger version of Betty.

In 1989, after four years of legal work, the divorce became official.  Daniel and Linda married in April of 1989 and Betty moved on as well, co-habitating with a boyfriend that she'd had for some time during the separation.  The angry messages and violations of restraining order continued as Betty's anger did not seem to be assuaged.

In November of 1989 -- six months after Dan and Linda's marriage -- Betty illegally trespassed on their property, sneaking into the couple's bedroom, and shot them each in the head at close range.  Although she has denied even recalling the act of pulling the trigger, Betty was convicted of murder and sentenced to two 15-year terms in prison.  Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Park Dietz has diagnosed with Betty Broderick with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  She's currently incarcerated at a women's prison in California.

Some view Betty Broderick as something of a hero to cast-away wives, and some as their worst nightmare.

What do you think?  Feel free to comment and give your opinion of this story!

Stalked at 17: The Story That's a True Warning

The Lifetime movie, Stalked at 17, is a true eye-opener for people who consider teen romance to be a trivial story.  "He's only overprotective because he loves me," Angela offered this explanation as a reason for why her boyfriend, Chad, flipped out at the night before.

But the guy from the restaurant had Chad's number.  "The way he treats other people... someday he will treat you that way," he said in response.

Angela, who was only sixteen, met Chad while touring a university.  They hooked up at a party later that night, and from there, the two were inseperable.  On the surface, Chad seemed like the perfect guy.  He was gorgeous, smart, and going places with his life.  A student in college just on the verge of graduating, Chad seemed to have everything going for him.  He seemed to come from a good family, with a mother was on the city council with friends in high places.  And Chad had treated her so lovingly at first.  His true colors began to show quickly, though.

But Chad was a very controlling boyfriend.  He manipulated Angela at every opportunity; large betrayals such as getting her pregnant on purpose, and even small controlling things such as deciding what she should drink when she visited his mother's house.  He had an extremely volatile temper.  Chad's first reaction always seemed to be yelling and violent behavior -- from causing an embarrassing scene at a restaurant when Angela's chicken was undercooked, to wigging out when his roommates played their music too loudly -- Chad would show his terrible temper at every turn.

And Chad wasn't being up front with Angela about his past.  Although he'd told her that his biological mother had been murdered, the truth was that she was actually a drug addict who was serving time in prison for armed robbery.  And Angela wasn't the first girl that he had gotten pregnant; there was another one in his past, who had refused his proposals of marriage, gotten an abortion, and ended their relationship.

When Angela's parents decided that it was best for the two of them to stop seeing each other, Chad's true colors emerged.  Chad harrassed Angela's dad on the phone, calling his home and work incessantly.  He was hostile and threatening toward Angela's mother.  He would go to Angela's school and home to visit her without her parents' permission.  Eventually they filed a restraining order, which he and Angela periodically ignored.  When Chad attacked Angela's father in a parking lot with a tire iron, he was sent to jail for assault.  Angela's friend Tenaya calls him, "violent and creepy... a nut case."

While Chad was in jail, Angela continued living her life.  She stayed in school, saw her pregnancy through, and had a baby boy whom she named Josh.  When Chad turned to his biological mother for help, she agreed to his plot to kidnap Angela and the baby.

Chad and his mother didn't get very far, however.  After showing a remarkable amount of weak will throughout the entire movie, finally Angela becomes motivated to fight for herself and her child.  She finds a way to notify someone that she is in need of help, and takes control of the situation in order to escape from under his thumb.

I had never heard of this movie until I started reading other people's search terms, which were leading Stalked at 17 enthusiasts my way.  I found it to be a fairly entertaining movie with some redeeming qualities.  It was a nice way to spend a snowy afternoon.  However, I still love Obsessed way more. :)

Many people seemed to also be seeking the name of the song from Stalked at 17's trailer.  Allow me to help you!  It's called "All Alone" by David O'Dowda.  I've also found a video for it on YouTube.

Enjoy!



Was "Stalked at 17" based on a true story?  According to this tweet from the star of the movie Taylor Spreitler who plays the main character, this movie is not based on a specific story.  However, it was inspired by some true events.

What other Lifetime movies do you enjoy?  Please leave me a comment below! :)

The Other Face of Clark Rockefeller (Christian Gerharsreiter)

The "Clark Rockefeller" mystery is one of the more compelling stories of the past few decades.  Some may wonder how this man was able to fool his wife, with whom he was so close and intimate, for so long.

In the Lifetime movie, Who Is Clark Rockefeller?, there were many instances of foreshadowing which gave the viewer some helpful hints.  If you're experiencing any of these issues with someone that you suspect may be betraying you (though more likely on a smaller scale than this!), do not hesitate to investigate further.

Here are some of the clues that appear in the movie; some may apply to your own situation as well:

Changing stories:  His stories constantly changed.  At one time, he was trying to work with his uncle, David, but then in later stories, he told Sandra that David was actually his cousin.  And in another instance... first, his mother was a "horsey set" debutante by the name of Mary.  Then, in another story, Clark mentioned that his mother was child actress Ann Carter. 

Crazy-making:  When Sandra Boss called him on the discrepancy about his mother, he gave her a look as if she were ridiculous and quipped, "I think I know my own mother's name!"

Lack of proof:  The Rockefeller in-laws never materialized.  Clark would casually mention this or that relative as if he'd just spoken to them, yet Sandra was never introduced to them.  Reigh also didn't get the opportunity to met them.  Clark never shared his personal information with Sandra, such as his social security number or contact information for his family, citing "strange" privacy issues.

In hindsight, it's easy to see these discrepancies and issues.  However, from the day-to-day living, these things are so close to home that it may be hard to zoom out and see them for the lies that they are.

Some people have called Sandra Boss gullible, stupid, and "unsympathetic."  However, my heart goes out to her.  Once you accept certain things, however dysfunctional the relationship, it becomes easier and easier to blur the line between what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.  She was only one of so many people that Christian Gerhartsreiter fooled.  It is human nature to want to accept the truth of the person that we love, and to want to believe the words that they say.  I think that victims of similar ploys, even if orchestrated by less adept transgressors, will also have some sympathy for a woman who has had to endure such betrayal.

So many people have been taken in by far less competent liars than "Clark Rockefeller."  Lying and betraying someone in this way is a terrible form of emotional abuse.  Protect yourself.  And when you find someone who is truly worthy of your trust, you can feel much more confident in giving it to them as you know what to expect.

Many have been intrigued by the tale, wondering who the real Clark Rockefeller is and where he came from.  Christian Gerhartsreiter's kidnapping of his daughter was his undoing as his true identity became known.  The public will learn even more secrets about Clark Rockefeller (or Christian Gerhartsreiter)'s life will come to light his trial for murdering Jonathan Sohus and Linda Sohus begins soon.

The True Story of Brenda Geck and "Family Sins"

One of my favorite Lifetime movies is called "Family Sins," starring Kirstie Alley as Brenda Geck, the evil matriarch that we all love to hate! 

This movie is actually based on a real family, the Burt family of Pawtucket, Rhodie Island, who was led by their beloved mother, Frances Burt.  "Family Sins" is the story of Frances Burt, who was a mother to many of her own children and a foster mother to several more.  She was unspeakably cruel and abusive to her children -- mentally and emotionally tormenting them, but also physically abusive and violent with them.  She beat them and harmed them physically in many other ways, forcing them to commit crimes for her.  Younger ones were forced to shoplift items for her, and the older children were then groomed to carry out more sinister crimes as they grew, including arson, racketeering, and fraud. 

Their family kidnapped a disabled woman and kept her prisoner in their home, cashing her Social Security checks, raping her repeatedly, and forcing her live as a servant.

Frances Burt was eventually tried and convicted in 1994 of kidnapping, welfare fraud, disability fraud, extortion, sexual assault, and kidnapping.   She was sentenced to 30 years in prison, though after serving 11 years, Burt was released in June of 2001.  She is currently on probation.

Although this movie is entertaining, it also serves as a reminder that even people who seem the most perfect and "together" on the surface may be hiding their own dark secrets.  You can never judge a book by its cover!

Erotomania: Is It Real?

I drew this picture of Jenna Elfman as
Ellena Roberts, wearing an orange prison
jumpsuit.  I love drawing with PhotoShop!

If you're at all familiar with the Lifetime movie "Obsessed," you must be wondering about the details of erotomania.  The therapist in the movie described it as "a condition where one believes that one is loved by someone, when in fact, one is not."  That is just the tip of the iceberg.

It is a type of mental health disorder where the person believes that someone else -- often a stranger, and usually a celebrity or person of high status -- is in love with him or her.  Patients will often manifest an entire relationship that exists solely in their own minds.  The disorder occurs in people who have bipolar disorder during mania, schizophrenia, a psychosis of some type, or a disorder involving delusions.

When a person experiences an episode of erotomania, he or she often interprets the actions of their "love interest" as directed solely at him or her.  The "love interest" may, in the erotomaniac's opinion, be sending them secret messages via actions, gestures, or facial expressions, as well as messages via regular media.  The erotomaniac may also return this imaginary affection through contacting the love interest, through calling, emailing, sending gifts, or even visiting the love interest.  

Although these gestures are not expected or wanted, the love interest's denial of this "relationship" is often viewed by the erotomaniac as some type of scheme to conceal their relationship from the public.

In "Obsessed," the main character, Ellena Roberts, was erotomaniacally obsessed with Dr. David Stillman, a renowned surgeon that she pursued relentlessly.  Toward the beginning of the movie, the viewer is lead to believe that their relationship is real but clandestine, as Dr. Stillman is married and a very public, well-known physician.  As the movie progresses, we begin to understand the depth of Ellena's madness.  Her delusions and compulsions extend far beyond simply Dr. Stillman, and in fact are seen as not just a nuisance, but a potential threat to the safety of others if left unchecked.

The movie, "Obsessed" is, in fact,  based on the true story of Diane Schaefer who stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, chief surgeon at Sloan-Kettering in New York City, for about eight years.  She sent him letters, called his home and his office, brought gifts, and even managed to sneak into his home to greet him in a see-through negligee.  Although the fictional Ellena Roberts (who is played by Jenna Elfman) never threatened to harm her doctor in any way, the real Diane Schaefer is quoted as saying to Dr. Murray: "I can't live while you're alive on this earth.  I am going to kill you!  Kill you, or kill myself -- I am degraded by your being alive."

Stalked at 17: The Real Story of Chad Bruning's True Colors

Sometimes, abusive personalities form in people who have had less than perfect childhoods.  And of course, they can also be present in people with idyllic and perfect family lives as well.

According to a study which was done in the early 2000s, a child from an abusive home is 30% more likely to repeat the abusive actions that are done either between his or her parents, or to repeat the abuse which is done to him or her.

In "Stalked At 17," the character Chad Bruning came from a very dysfunctional and unstable home life.  His biological mother, a drug addict who had been serving prison time for theft, was so unstable that she was even willing to kidnap Chad's girlfriend and baby in order to placate her son.

But the worst issue of all is Chad himself.  Although he was raised by his mother's boss, welcomed and included into that family, he still felt a sense that something was missing.  As a result, he chose the worst possible reason for bringing a child into the world:  Because he didn't feel loved enough by the people around him.  His craving for love and control prompted him to emotionally and physically abuse and manipulate his girlfriend, Angela, as well as lie to her and conceive a child without her knowledge or consent.

It is important to remember that abuse can happen even in relationships with people as young as Chad and Angela.  Not all abusive relationships are between adults, and not all teen and young-adult relationships are innocent, carefree, and idyllic.   Although this is just a Lifetime movie which can be watched for fun, it is important to remember that even here, there are lessons to be learned about relationships.

In order to do the best for yourself, your mate, and the children that you may decide to have in the future, it is imperative that we all understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.  By educating ourselves and each other about the dangers of manipulative, controlling, or even abusive personalities, we are protecting ourselves from present and future damage.  Stay strong and be smart.  You deserve a healthy, happy relationship and a wonderful future!

P.S.  Do you like the picture?  I drew it from a 10-pixel pencil in Photoshop!  I couldn't find any public domain photos to use, so I made a little fan art.  (If anyone out there draws -- let me know, I'd love to find more for future articles!)

Is the Lifetime Movie "Stalked at 17" a True Story?

The internet has been abuzz about the Lifetime movie, Stalked at 17.  Because my readers tend to be fans of media that focuses on relationships, I thought I'd answer this question once and for all.

Taylor Spreitler, who plays Angela, the victim of Chad's insane and possessive love in this movie, commented on the status of this movie through Twitter a few months back.  While she says that the movie is a composite which is "inspired by true events," it does not follow a particular case play-by-play.  Instead, it is a worst-case-scenario cautionary tale about what can happen when you allow the person you love to overstep boundaries and to take complete control of your heart, your body, and your life.

Spreitler does add that this type of dysfunctional behavior in relationships is indeed "an issue," which should be discussed more in the mainstream consciousness.  Teen relationship abuse, also known as "dating abuse" in some circles, is more prevalent than you might think.  10% of all teens have been hit, slapped, or otherwise physically harmed by their boyfriend or girlfriend.  And a whopping 25% of  teenage girls are the victims of sexual or physical abuse.  These saddening statistics might change if more light would be shined on this subject, in order to send the message that physical or sexual violence in a relationship is never okay! 

For more information, visit www.LoveIsRespect.org to learn more about healthy relationships.

Who is Clark Rockefeller?

The kidnapping of Reigh Rockefeller in 2009 sparked a huge interest in her father and kidnapper, Clark Rockefeller.  Was he really the person that he seemed to be?  Or was he someone else -- an emotional vampire of the deadliest kind?

In fact, Rockefeller's true identity is Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter, who was actually born in the small town of Bergen in Germany to parents Simon and Ermengard Gerhartsreiter.  As a teenager, he came to the United States, and soon began using aliases and adopting different identities.  At one period of time, Gerhartsreiter lived in San Marino, California under the name Christopher Chichester.  The high-society set there had been so taken with him that he'd actually run for political office and had his own television talk show, Inside San Marino.  During his time there, it is thought that he murdered his landlords, Jonathan Sohus and his wife, Linda Sohus, who had gone missing during this time.  Jonathan Sohus's skeletal remains were found years later, but the whereabouts and status of Linda Sohus have never been determined.

Eventually, Gerhartsreiter made his way to New York and gained membership into a prestigious church where he mingled with the movers and shakers of society.  He introduced himself as "Clark Rockefeller" and led hundreds of people to believe that he was part of the famous Rockefeller clan.  While still impersonating a member of the prestigious Rockefeller family, Gerhartsreiter met and married Sandra Boss, graduate of Harvard Business school and successful businesswoman, and the two had a daughter together.  Living off of his wife's income, Clark Rockefeller became a "house husband" and dedicated his life to the home, while the family lived off of Sandra Boss's hard-earned money as a business consultant.  They had homes in both Boston and New Hampshire, and lived an opulent lifestyle which forced Sandra to work even harder in order to keep up with Rockefeller's profligate spending habits. 

Finally, Sandra Boss had had enough of her husband's emotional abuse, controlling behavior, and financial recklessness.  She owned up to the fact that her husband had been deceiving her.  She filed for divorce, and gained custody of Reigh in exchange for $800,000 and the engagement ring that Gerhartsreiter had given her when they had agreed to marry -- a price that Clark Rockefeller himself had set in exchange for his daughter.

In July of 2008, Gerhartsreiter orchestrated a plan to kidnap their daughter which involved an elaborate ruse to separate Reigh from her chaperone, abscond the girl, and leave the city with her.  The two were found about a week later in Baltimore, where Gerhartsreiter was arrested and Reigh was returned to her mother.  Many people have been fascinated by the story, and wondering who the real Clark Rockefeller is.  Christian Gerhartsreiter has longed for fame and attention during the course of his entire life of lies, and now it looks like his "wish" has come true since the kidnapping of his daughter.  I'm sure that more information about Clark Rockefeller (or Christian Gerhartsreiter)'s life will come to light as his murder trial begins.

Stalked at 17 and Your True Story

One of the searches that seems to be bringing people to my blog is the movie, Stalked at 17, which is a 2012 Lifetime movie.  The main character, Angela, winds up becoming involved with a seemingly perfect guy named Chad, who has a dark past and a tendency toward unstable, destructive behavior.

The star of Stalked at 17, Taylor Spreitler, has confirmed that Stalked at 17 was not based on a particular story; she says that it is "inspired by true events," though "not a particular one."  Spreitler does add that the movie's message has merit in the real world, despite its theatrical drama; "...it's an issue," she stated.

Stalked at 17, while not based on a specific true story, was, however inspired by some events that did actually happen.  The characters of Angela and Chad are composites which are based on a number of cases of love gone bad.  Although this is just a regular fun Lifetime movie, the typical drama with a bit of a thrilling edge... this movie can still serve as a warning to us.  So many nightmarish situations arise when we behave impulsively and neglect to use our natural logic!

When we are young or feeling vulnerable, we may be more willing to become attached to someone who is less than stable.  This is how emotional manipulators and predators work: they seek out targets who are vulnerable and more likely to believe their lies and put up with their BS.

It is so important to get to know someone before making a commitment to them.  More than that, you need to know and respect yourself as well.  And, of course, if you're going to be intimate with someone, always use a condom!  The last thing that you want is to become pregnant by someone who will later use your situation to control and manipulate you.  A child ties you to that other person for at least 18 years, if not more, so you must be certain that this is what you want before entering into this type of situation with another person.  No one wants a crazy person for their baby's daddy (or mom)!

By being strong, confident, loving and respectful of yourself, you are automatically setting your own personal standards to a more reasonable level.  Remember that a child is forever, and the person with whom you share that link with will be forever linked to you, through biology and through family life.  Don't accept predatory, abusive, or threatening treatment from anyone who is trying to use or manipulate you.  By choosing healthy relationships, you're putting yourself and your potential family into the best possible situation for the future.

I've Been Waiting for You

I've Been Waiting For You is a slice of grunge-era 1990s horror cinema that's just plain fun!  Sarah Zoltanne, a boho hippie chick (played by the stunning Sarah Chalke) moves from California to a sleepy New England town, where she must contend with a teen clique's suspicion due to an ancient curse which was put on their families.  The curse, cast by a witch named Sarah Lancaster, promised to exact revenge on her accusers' descendants, which all just happened to be the cool, popular kids at school.  The kids befriend Sarah in a way that goes hopelessly wrong when they find out that the fake "psychic readings" she does at a Halloween party turn out to be real.  One by one, the kids fall prey to witch's curse, and when Sarah Zoltanne is accused of being the witch reincarnated, she gets caught in the middle of the drama.  Of course, there is a spooky plot twist at the end, but you'll have to see it for yourself.

This move was based on a 1997 young adult book called Gallows Hill which was written by Lois Duncan. While the book was a framework for this move, there were tons of changes.  For example, in the original novel, the curse was placed on the families by a group of people accused of witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts; several of the real victims of false accusations were referenced in the book.  In the movie, the historical bit about the Salem witch trials were omitted completely; instead, the curse was placed by a townswoman who'd been the spurned lover of one of the teens' ancestors.  Additionally, the book had a much neater, happier ending (if you could call it that).  Personally, I enjoyed the campy horror and the artistic license which was taken by the movie creators much more.  While the movie does have some scenes which may be somewhat frightening to younger kids, I'd say that most kids over eleven or twelve would probably be just fine watching this fun film.

This movie usually plays during the Halloween season, but can occasionally be seen on Lifetime Movie Network on a regular basis.  Check Lifetime's I've Been Waiting For You official site to see when this movie airs next!

Thanks to Jason Pier in DC for sharing his photo under Creative Commons!  Public domain elements have been added to the original. :)

The Real Story Behind Lifetime's Movie, 'Obsessed'

Jenna Elfman plays Ellena Roberts in Obsessed.

Maybe a New Age blogger shouldn't necessarily post reviews or recommendations of movies, but I love what people call "bad" Lifetime movies!  Because so much of the counselling I do involves relationships, I find that something, no matter how small, can be learned from even the silliest plot.

Obsessed is one of my favorite Lifetime movies.  It was released in 2002 and stars Jenna Elfman as the sexy and lovely (but totally bonkers) Ellena Roberts, who stalks her victim-slash-love interest, Dr. David Stillman, a famous surgeon with a happy marriage and family.  Her obsession for this man eventually crosses the line from fantasy into a warped reality when Ellena's harrassment of Dr. Stillman becomes out of control.  Eventually, the harrassment evolves into criminal activity.  Ellena suffers from a form of mental illness called erotomania, wherein the patient truly believes that he or she is romantically involved with someone when in actuality, they are not involved.

Ellena has many tricks to stalk her doctor, including guile and manipulation, impersonation of friends and relatives, even getting jobs which grant her access to private information about Dr. Stillman and his family.  Her insanity is surpassed only by her intelligence and craftiness: during her harassment trial, a court-appointed analyst (played by Vlasta Vrana) pointed psychiatrist declared her to have "seven of the ten traits of an assassin."  This movie has lots of fascinating twists and turns of the plot, making it a riveting story.  It's a guilty pleasure, but it's too good to miss!

Fun fact:  This movie was based on a true story.  Diane Schaefer is the actual person on whom the character of Ellena Roberts was based.  Diane Schaefer stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, an oncologist from Sloan-Kettering Hospital in NYC for years before her conviction in 1990.  She was sentenced to 2 years in prison.  The lawyer who defended Schaefer, Joyce David, has put the movie-inspiring article on her website.

There is also a French movie called "À la Folie... Pas du Tout" (He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not) which features a similar plot.  I'm not sure if this is a remake or just coincidence.

You can also find out when Obsessed is playing on TV by going to its website on Lifetime.

So, who loves this movie?  Lifetime movies based on true stories are the best, and Obsessed is one of my personal faves!  Leave some comments below! :)

Zooming Out: Putting Anxiety and Phobias Into Perspective

Kathy Bates played Jane Stern in "Ambulance Girl."

Since this is the second entry I've written about a Lifetime movie, I've decided to add a new category for them.  Is it silly of me to write about them once in awhile?  Maybe.  But I don't mind sharing it; if I find truth in something, even something as simple as a movie on TV, I like to think about it and share it with all of you.

The movie that I was re-watching was called Ambulance Girl; it starred the amazingly talented Kathy Bates as Jane Stern, a middle-aged, married writer who had been fighting a lifelong battle with anxiety and various phobias.  Jane was afraid of so many things, not the least of which was flying and long car rides.  Her husband, Michael (played by Robin Thomas) was a recovering alcoholic who was also finding his way as a newly sober person.  As her phobias and insecurities began getting worse, Jane made the decision to become an EMT.  You'd think that was a nutty thing for someone who was so deeply stricken with anxiety to do, right?  The idea was that it would help her find a way out of her own mind and focus on other issues.  As an EMT, Jane met new people and learned a lot, including how to deal with her own anxieties.  (I don't want to ruin the plot for anyone who hasn't seen it, so I'll just leave it there.)

I loved this idea.  Sometimes, we're all guilty of becoming obsessed with certain thoughts of principles in our own heads.  It doesn't mean that they aren't meaningful to us, or worthy of some reflection time.  However, when we obsess or fixate on things which may potentially make us unhappy or stressed, we are ignoring the world around us.  We also forget about what is meaningful to those around us -- what makes them happy, afraid, or worried -- and whether we can work with them on those issues.  By taking a step back from our own problems, whether concrete issues or just worries about things that may happen, we are taking control of our own lives.  Zooming out gives us the power to decide if we want our fears to control us, or if we wish to take control of them.  By zooming out, we can also see more of what's going on around us and can therefore get a better sense of perspective.  What results from this is an ability to make better choices and to choose actions which make our lives more positive and fulfilling.

If you're worried about living inside your own head too much, or afraid that you may be obsessing about something that's holding you back, try to replace those feelings with something new.  Try volunteering, or even just helping someone close to you.  Learn more about your anxiety and try to figure out ways to make it less a part of your life.  By zooming out and looking at the big picture in its entirety, you will be doing yourself a great service.  Take control and live the life that you deserve by giving yourself the gift of perspective.

The Ten Traits of an Assassin

Jenna Elfman plays Ellena Roberts in
the 2002 Lifetime movie, Obsessed.

In one of my favorite Lifetime movies, Obsessed, from 2002, Jenna Elfman plays a character by the name of Ellena Roberts who is infatuated with a well-known surgeon.  When her infatuation crosses the line from fantasy into reality -- in the form of Ellena harrassing Dr. David Stillman and his family -- her behavior becomes criminal.  One of the reasons that I love this movie so much is because so much of the plot is ambiguous, leaving the viewer to wonder just what the initial nature of their relationship was, and exactly what the hell was going on in Ellena's head?  The way that Ellena views the world is also very different than reality: colors are a bit more vivid while the "focus" is more fluid and romantic, as opposed to the hard matter-of-fact point of view as voiced by her victim, Dr. Stillman.  While a lot of the dialogue may be overdramatic and lacking credibility (such as Vlasta Vrana's psychiatrist character declaring that Ellena Roberts has "seven of the ten traits of an assassin"), the story's interesting twists and various plot devices makes this movie a guilty pleasure that you can really sink your teeth into. 

Like many people, I couldn't help but search the internet to find out the real traits of an assassin.  Unfortunately, it would seem that the writers of this classic have invented such criteria.  What might they look like?  Here's my list:

1.  Lack of conscience.  This has got to be the number-one requirement in traits of an assassin.  If the subject feels the least amount of remorse, it will be difficult to carry out destructive tasks.  Regret should rarely occur, and when it does, can be easily replaced with delusions and rationalizations.

2.  Cunning.  An assassin must be able to "think outside the box" and determine as many methods as possible toward achieving the final outcome.  Unconventional or unusual ways of looking at the world -- or clever ways of acquiring and applying knowledge -- is an advantage to the assassin.

3.  Versatility.  The ability to use many tools in order to get the job done is vital, so the subject should be able to learn quickly and adapt to new surroundings.  Assassins will also treat other people as useful tools in order to complete their work.

4.  Charm and glibness.  Because assassins often need to infiltrate their prey's surroundings in order to get the job done, the assassin must have extra-special powers of persuasion.  Knowing how to manipulate other people will go a long way toward completing their malicious goals.

5.  Pathological tendencies.  It's a lot easier to be a mercenary of any sort if you're more able to justify your nefarious actions.  Assassins never feel remorse, and in fact, may have an "avenging angel" complex.

6.  Risk taking.  Someone with assassin tendencies will naturally be duplicitous and have no problems with treacherous or tricky scenarios.  He or she can easily adapt to treacherous conditions, and may even enjoy the thrill of dangerous situations.

7.  Restlessness.  An assassin doesn't like to sit still for long.  Someone who is truly cold-blooded or devious very likely craves drama and excitement.  Any adrenaline junkie will tell you that once you've experienced a rush like this, it's hard to stop looking for thrills.

8.  Untrustworthy.  An assassin will do or say anything to gain access to their prey's demise.  Lies come easily.  Cheating, stealing, and lying -- all destructive acts -- come easy to the assassin, especially if there is something to be gained from them.

9.  Chaotic life.  Problems may abound for an assassin, who has difficulty understanding and respecting the boundaries of others.  This type of poor judgement often manifests in chaos and drama of his or her own making.

10.  Nothing to lose.  While this trait may appear to contradict the previous one, you must get inside the mind of an assassin to truly understand. A person like this may have fragile (if any) real connections to anyone or anything, and can easily abandon those connections if it's advantageous of him or her to do so.

Because Ellena didn't actually perform any violent acts in the movie, it would seem that her crimes (at least the ones that she committed) were more of the emotional variety.  I would classify her as more of an emotional vampire than an assassin.  However, many of the traits above do seem to describe her character.

This movie was based on a true story, about a woman named Diane Schaefer who stalked an oncologist in New York for many years.  She was eventually sentenced to 2 years in prison during the 1990s.

Photo Credit:  Thanks to Greg Hernandez who made this photo available under a Creative Commons license.  (It has been altered, the original can be found here.)  I appreciate it, and I'm sure so do those who have come here searching for the 10 traits of an assassin! :)