What Sign Is Pluto In Now?

Currently, Pluto is in the sign of Capricorn, where it will stay until the year 2024.

What this means is that, generationally, there is a struggle with power and authority.  During this time, many people will be trying to reclaim control of their lives, and of the environment around them.  You'll see this manifest in ways such as society's renewed interest in trying to make less waste, being more self-sufficient, living "off the grid," growing their own food, making their own stuff, homeschooling, simplifying and streamlining what was previously quite complicated and complex.

During this time, it is very important for people to realize what they have control over, and attempt to change it.  Fine-tuning that which we have power over can make a world of difference in our lives.  Conversely, it's also vital that we realize what's bigger than we are -- what we cannot control -- and learn to make peace with those things as we tweak the areas of our life that we can control.

Capricorn rules over money, authority, and yes, greed.  Therefore, we are likely to see the falls and failings of the rich and powerful during this time.  People who have shown greed and dishonesty are likely to get a come-uppance at the hands of this astrological sign.  Additionally, corrupt authority has a chance to be exposed, shocking and appalling the public.  Again, this is karmic in nature as Pluto exposes the dirty backroom dealings that have controlled too much, or steered certain situations in ways that they should not have been.  Finally these dealings will be exposed for all to see.

Pluto's position in Capricorn might feel stifling or cold, but in fact, this is a very healing and therapeutic astrological time period.  Take heart!  Pluto's journey here seeks to destroy what feels restrictive and unnecessary, and instead paves the way for something new -- it knocks down existing structures, giving us space to rebuild what will serve us better.  Pluto will expose the truth, unpleasant as it may seem, and help us learn from what is, so that we can determine the best way to shape what's to come.

How To Deal With Excuses

This is a simple one... if you're making a lot of excuses, don't make 'em! :)

OK, maybe it's not all that simple.  It can be tough to get out of the vicious cycle which is created by avoiding problems, casting blame, rationalizing and justifying.  But in order to heal your life and those of the people around you, you must take a good, honest look at yourself and your actions.

Denial can be a soft, tempting place to live.  You can comfort yourself without really addressing the root cause of whatever issue you're experiencing.  However, once the comfort wears away, the old problems will still be there.  When you're staying safely on the sidelines of life with your old friend Denial, you'll never really be able to get into the game.

Try to break the cycle!  When you are tempted to make excuses for something, simply try to examine it from all sides.  Figure out how you can do it right next time.  You don't need to beat yourself up, but you really should try to take responsibility for what you have or haven't done.  Remember -- the first step to self-improvement is the acknowledgement that improvement is needed. :)

Dealing With Ideas That Limit You

In short, get rid of them!

When you have beliefs, ideas, or impressions that curtail your own emotional development, you are committing a true act of cruelty upon yourself.  You're hindering your own progress and putting roadblocks up in the way of your own happiness.

Self-reflection can be an important part of growing up, no matter what age you may be.  Try getting out of your own comfort zone from time to time.  Dip your toes into new and unusual places -- it may be exciting or even frightening, but it will definitely expand your mind and show you cool new ways of living and thinking.

When you remove your old, limiting ways of thinking, you are opening yourself up to wild new possibilities for happiness and fulfillment!

Signs & Symptoms of Emotional Eating

You feel guilt, fear, or shame about the way that you relate to food.

Food is a constant thought or obsession.

You snack when you are feeling bored, worried, or other times when you aren't really hungry.

Food is a source of comfort to you.

When you're feeling happy, you "celebrate" with certain types of food.

You consume food in order to make yourself feel happier.

Even if you are full, you continue to eat.

You are unable to stop yourself from overeating.

You continue to obsess over food long after you have finished eating; you think about food even after your stomach is full.

You crave food at random times, and have trouble functioning without it even if you are not really physically hungry.

When emotions of any type run high, you choose to eat.

Because of the way you eat, you have a problem with your weight.

"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present."

What's in the past is over and done forever, but that might not stop some of us from reliving those painful memories.  It can be really hard to live with past regrets, past hurts, and past transgressions.  If you have done wrong, seek forgiveness from others as well as from yourself.  If someone else has wronged you, strive to forgive; even in cases where forgiveness seems like light-years away, you can at least forgive yourself for allowing feelings of resentment or distrust to rule over you.  Instead of being a victim and a slave to your past, try to examine things with the intention of learning valuable lessons that can carry over into your present and future.  Don't allow previous traumas to break you.  Be brave.  Be strong.  Put the past in its place, and embrace the future with a renewed sense of self.




Visit Regina's website here.

Casting Spells on Other People

As a professional psychic and spirit worker, I have been asked to cast spells for people.  I'm happy to do so, with certain conditions.  If you're unsure about whether or not to cast a spell on someone, feel free to go by my list of three important self-imposed rules for safe and successful spellcasting.

1.  The first rule of casting a spell on someone is this:  In order to stay safe, to make sure you're not doing something "evil."  Spellwork that comes from a place of light, or positivity, or "The Source" will not harm other people.  In your magick, as well as the rest of your life, take care to "harm none" and you'll be much safer.  Avoid casting hexes or curses, as the negative energy that you emit from this is bound to come back to you -- according to some traditions, threefold, tenfold, or even more!  No one wants that!

2.  Don't cast a spell on someone which forces them to do something against their will.  This is the case with things such as love or breakup spells.  While it is possible that they can work, their actions will not be motivated by their heart.  A spell such as this never really creates lasting love, or any lasting feeling, nor will it create the feeling in a sincere and heartfelt way.  Instead, what you'll get is a hollow echo of the real thing, and you'll wind up miserable.  Trust me, I've seen it happen!

3.  Never cast a spell on someone without their permission.  Even if you think you're helping that person, it is a violation of someone's personal boundaries for you to determine what you think is best for them.  If they come to you and ask, then it's fine!  If you ask them ahead of time and they're OK with it, it's also fine.  But imposing your will on other people can actually become more harmful than helpful.  The one exception to this is when you know that someone is experiencing a real emergency or crisis; just as "implied consent" in an emergency compels medical professionals to treat seriously ill patients, so can spiritual workers imply consent for those experiencing major crises as well.

The Other Face of Clark Rockefeller (Christian Gerharsreiter)

The "Clark Rockefeller" mystery is one of the more compelling stories of the past few decades.  Some may wonder how this man was able to fool his wife, with whom he was so close and intimate, for so long.

In the Lifetime movie, Who Is Clark Rockefeller?, there were many instances of foreshadowing which gave the viewer some helpful hints.  If you're experiencing any of these issues with someone that you suspect may be betraying you (though more likely on a smaller scale than this!), do not hesitate to investigate further.

Here are some of the clues that appear in the movie; some may apply to your own situation as well:

Changing stories:  His stories constantly changed.  At one time, he was trying to work with his uncle, David, but then in later stories, he told Sandra that David was actually his cousin.  And in another instance... first, his mother was a "horsey set" debutante by the name of Mary.  Then, in another story, Clark mentioned that his mother was child actress Ann Carter. 

Crazy-making:  When Sandra Boss called him on the discrepancy about his mother, he gave her a look as if she were ridiculous and quipped, "I think I know my own mother's name!"

Lack of proof:  The Rockefeller in-laws never materialized.  Clark would casually mention this or that relative as if he'd just spoken to them, yet Sandra was never introduced to them.  Reigh also didn't get the opportunity to met them.  Clark never shared his personal information with Sandra, such as his social security number or contact information for his family, citing "strange" privacy issues.

In hindsight, it's easy to see these discrepancies and issues.  However, from the day-to-day living, these things are so close to home that it may be hard to zoom out and see them for the lies that they are.

Some people have called Sandra Boss gullible, stupid, and "unsympathetic."  However, my heart goes out to her.  Once you accept certain things, however dysfunctional the relationship, it becomes easier and easier to blur the line between what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.  She was only one of so many people that Christian Gerhartsreiter fooled.  It is human nature to want to accept the truth of the person that we love, and to want to believe the words that they say.  I think that victims of similar ploys, even if orchestrated by less adept transgressors, will also have some sympathy for a woman who has had to endure such betrayal.

So many people have been taken in by far less competent liars than "Clark Rockefeller."  Lying and betraying someone in this way is a terrible form of emotional abuse.  Protect yourself.  And when you find someone who is truly worthy of your trust, you can feel much more confident in giving it to them as you know what to expect.

Many have been intrigued by the tale, wondering who the real Clark Rockefeller is and where he came from.  Christian Gerhartsreiter's kidnapping of his daughter was his undoing as his true identity became known.  The public will learn even more secrets about Clark Rockefeller (or Christian Gerhartsreiter)'s life will come to light his trial for murdering Jonathan Sohus and Linda Sohus begins soon.

Worse Things Than Being Alone

I've been writing eBooks lately, based on some of the relationship nightmares that I've been hearing about.  When we look around and see what other people are experiencing, it's easy to feel lucky that we've got the problems that we have!

Sometimes, we put up with someone who mistreats us or doesn't respect our rights.  Some people say that even a bad relationship is better than having none at all; the loneliness is too frightening to face for some.  This may prompt those people to remain in a relationship that is unhealthy, negative, or even damaging to them.


Here's a list of things that are worse than being alone.  If your mate does any of the things on this list, it may be time to take control of your own life, to let go of the relationship, and enjoy the freedom of being alone -- without having to worry about being mistreated by someone who doesn't deserve you!


1. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
2. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
3. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
4. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
5. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
6. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
7. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
8. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
9. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
10. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
11. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
12. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
13. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
14. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
15. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
16. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
17. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
18. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
19. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
20. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
21. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
22. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
23. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
24. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
25. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
26. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
27. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
28. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
29. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
30. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
31. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
32. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
33. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
34. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
35. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
36. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
37. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
38. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
39. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
40. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
41. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
42. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
43. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
44. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
45. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
46. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
47. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
48. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
49. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
50. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
51. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
52. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
53. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
54. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
55. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
56. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
57. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
58. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
59. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
60. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
61. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
62. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
63. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
64. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
65. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
66. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
67. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
68. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
69. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
70. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
71. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
72. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
73. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
74. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
75. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
76. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
77. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
78. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
79. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
80. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
81. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
82. Being in a relationship with someone who you can never depend on.
83. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
84. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
85. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
86. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
87. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
88. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
89. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
90. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
91. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
92. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
93. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
94. Being in a relationship with someone who does not value you.
95. Being in a relationship with someone whom you cannot trust.
96. Being in a relationship with someone who intimidates you in order to get what he wants.
97. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to minimize your achievements.
98. Being in a relationship with someone who ignores your basic needs.
99. Being in a relationship with someone who does not recognize your rights as a human being.
100. Being in a relationship with someone who has any of the issues above -- yet doesn’t have any interest in doing something about them.




Photo source:  Screaming guy photo by crosathorian.  Woman photo is public domain.

Erotomania: Is It Real?

I drew this picture of Jenna Elfman as
Ellena Roberts, wearing an orange prison
jumpsuit.  I love drawing with PhotoShop!

If you're at all familiar with the Lifetime movie "Obsessed," you must be wondering about the details of erotomania.  The therapist in the movie described it as "a condition where one believes that one is loved by someone, when in fact, one is not."  That is just the tip of the iceberg.

It is a type of mental health disorder where the person believes that someone else -- often a stranger, and usually a celebrity or person of high status -- is in love with him or her.  Patients will often manifest an entire relationship that exists solely in their own minds.  The disorder occurs in people who have bipolar disorder during mania, schizophrenia, a psychosis of some type, or a disorder involving delusions.

When a person experiences an episode of erotomania, he or she often interprets the actions of their "love interest" as directed solely at him or her.  The "love interest" may, in the erotomaniac's opinion, be sending them secret messages via actions, gestures, or facial expressions, as well as messages via regular media.  The erotomaniac may also return this imaginary affection through contacting the love interest, through calling, emailing, sending gifts, or even visiting the love interest.  

Although these gestures are not expected or wanted, the love interest's denial of this "relationship" is often viewed by the erotomaniac as some type of scheme to conceal their relationship from the public.

In "Obsessed," the main character, Ellena Roberts, was erotomaniacally obsessed with Dr. David Stillman, a renowned surgeon that she pursued relentlessly.  Toward the beginning of the movie, the viewer is lead to believe that their relationship is real but clandestine, as Dr. Stillman is married and a very public, well-known physician.  As the movie progresses, we begin to understand the depth of Ellena's madness.  Her delusions and compulsions extend far beyond simply Dr. Stillman, and in fact are seen as not just a nuisance, but a potential threat to the safety of others if left unchecked.

The movie, "Obsessed" is, in fact,  based on the true story of Diane Schaefer who stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, chief surgeon at Sloan-Kettering in New York City, for about eight years.  She sent him letters, called his home and his office, brought gifts, and even managed to sneak into his home to greet him in a see-through negligee.  Although the fictional Ellena Roberts (who is played by Jenna Elfman) never threatened to harm her doctor in any way, the real Diane Schaefer is quoted as saying to Dr. Murray: "I can't live while you're alive on this earth.  I am going to kill you!  Kill you, or kill myself -- I am degraded by your being alive."

Stalked at 17: The Real Story of Chad Bruning's True Colors

Sometimes, abusive personalities form in people who have had less than perfect childhoods.  And of course, they can also be present in people with idyllic and perfect family lives as well.

According to a study which was done in the early 2000s, a child from an abusive home is 30% more likely to repeat the abusive actions that are done either between his or her parents, or to repeat the abuse which is done to him or her.

In "Stalked At 17," the character Chad Bruning came from a very dysfunctional and unstable home life.  His biological mother, a drug addict who had been serving prison time for theft, was so unstable that she was even willing to kidnap Chad's girlfriend and baby in order to placate her son.

But the worst issue of all is Chad himself.  Although he was raised by his mother's boss, welcomed and included into that family, he still felt a sense that something was missing.  As a result, he chose the worst possible reason for bringing a child into the world:  Because he didn't feel loved enough by the people around him.  His craving for love and control prompted him to emotionally and physically abuse and manipulate his girlfriend, Angela, as well as lie to her and conceive a child without her knowledge or consent.

It is important to remember that abuse can happen even in relationships with people as young as Chad and Angela.  Not all abusive relationships are between adults, and not all teen and young-adult relationships are innocent, carefree, and idyllic.   Although this is just a Lifetime movie which can be watched for fun, it is important to remember that even here, there are lessons to be learned about relationships.

In order to do the best for yourself, your mate, and the children that you may decide to have in the future, it is imperative that we all understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.  By educating ourselves and each other about the dangers of manipulative, controlling, or even abusive personalities, we are protecting ourselves from present and future damage.  Stay strong and be smart.  You deserve a healthy, happy relationship and a wonderful future!

P.S.  Do you like the picture?  I drew it from a 10-pixel pencil in Photoshop!  I couldn't find any public domain photos to use, so I made a little fan art.  (If anyone out there draws -- let me know, I'd love to find more for future articles!)

Stalked at 17 and Your True Story

One of the searches that seems to be bringing people to my blog is the movie, Stalked at 17, which is a 2012 Lifetime movie.  The main character, Angela, winds up becoming involved with a seemingly perfect guy named Chad, who has a dark past and a tendency toward unstable, destructive behavior.

The star of Stalked at 17, Taylor Spreitler, has confirmed that Stalked at 17 was not based on a particular story; she says that it is "inspired by true events," though "not a particular one."  Spreitler does add that the movie's message has merit in the real world, despite its theatrical drama; "...it's an issue," she stated.

Stalked at 17, while not based on a specific true story, was, however inspired by some events that did actually happen.  The characters of Angela and Chad are composites which are based on a number of cases of love gone bad.  Although this is just a regular fun Lifetime movie, the typical drama with a bit of a thrilling edge... this movie can still serve as a warning to us.  So many nightmarish situations arise when we behave impulsively and neglect to use our natural logic!

When we are young or feeling vulnerable, we may be more willing to become attached to someone who is less than stable.  This is how emotional manipulators and predators work: they seek out targets who are vulnerable and more likely to believe their lies and put up with their BS.

It is so important to get to know someone before making a commitment to them.  More than that, you need to know and respect yourself as well.  And, of course, if you're going to be intimate with someone, always use a condom!  The last thing that you want is to become pregnant by someone who will later use your situation to control and manipulate you.  A child ties you to that other person for at least 18 years, if not more, so you must be certain that this is what you want before entering into this type of situation with another person.  No one wants a crazy person for their baby's daddy (or mom)!

By being strong, confident, loving and respectful of yourself, you are automatically setting your own personal standards to a more reasonable level.  Remember that a child is forever, and the person with whom you share that link with will be forever linked to you, through biology and through family life.  Don't accept predatory, abusive, or threatening treatment from anyone who is trying to use or manipulate you.  By choosing healthy relationships, you're putting yourself and your potential family into the best possible situation for the future.

The Real Story Behind Lifetime's Movie, 'Obsessed'

Jenna Elfman plays Ellena Roberts in Obsessed.

Maybe a New Age blogger shouldn't necessarily post reviews or recommendations of movies, but I love what people call "bad" Lifetime movies!  Because so much of the counselling I do involves relationships, I find that something, no matter how small, can be learned from even the silliest plot.

Obsessed is one of my favorite Lifetime movies.  It was released in 2002 and stars Jenna Elfman as the sexy and lovely (but totally bonkers) Ellena Roberts, who stalks her victim-slash-love interest, Dr. David Stillman, a famous surgeon with a happy marriage and family.  Her obsession for this man eventually crosses the line from fantasy into a warped reality when Ellena's harrassment of Dr. Stillman becomes out of control.  Eventually, the harrassment evolves into criminal activity.  Ellena suffers from a form of mental illness called erotomania, wherein the patient truly believes that he or she is romantically involved with someone when in actuality, they are not involved.

Ellena has many tricks to stalk her doctor, including guile and manipulation, impersonation of friends and relatives, even getting jobs which grant her access to private information about Dr. Stillman and his family.  Her insanity is surpassed only by her intelligence and craftiness: during her harassment trial, a court-appointed analyst (played by Vlasta Vrana) pointed psychiatrist declared her to have "seven of the ten traits of an assassin."  This movie has lots of fascinating twists and turns of the plot, making it a riveting story.  It's a guilty pleasure, but it's too good to miss!

Fun fact:  This movie was based on a true story.  Diane Schaefer is the actual person on whom the character of Ellena Roberts was based.  Diane Schaefer stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, an oncologist from Sloan-Kettering Hospital in NYC for years before her conviction in 1990.  She was sentenced to 2 years in prison.  The lawyer who defended Schaefer, Joyce David, has put the movie-inspiring article on her website.

There is also a French movie called "À la Folie... Pas du Tout" (He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not) which features a similar plot.  I'm not sure if this is a remake or just coincidence.

You can also find out when Obsessed is playing on TV by going to its website on Lifetime.

So, who loves this movie?  Lifetime movies based on true stories are the best, and Obsessed is one of my personal faves!  Leave some comments below! :)

The Ten Traits of an Assassin

Jenna Elfman plays Ellena Roberts in
the 2002 Lifetime movie, Obsessed.

In one of my favorite Lifetime movies, Obsessed, from 2002, Jenna Elfman plays a character by the name of Ellena Roberts who is infatuated with a well-known surgeon.  When her infatuation crosses the line from fantasy into reality -- in the form of Ellena harrassing Dr. David Stillman and his family -- her behavior becomes criminal.  One of the reasons that I love this movie so much is because so much of the plot is ambiguous, leaving the viewer to wonder just what the initial nature of their relationship was, and exactly what the hell was going on in Ellena's head?  The way that Ellena views the world is also very different than reality: colors are a bit more vivid while the "focus" is more fluid and romantic, as opposed to the hard matter-of-fact point of view as voiced by her victim, Dr. Stillman.  While a lot of the dialogue may be overdramatic and lacking credibility (such as Vlasta Vrana's psychiatrist character declaring that Ellena Roberts has "seven of the ten traits of an assassin"), the story's interesting twists and various plot devices makes this movie a guilty pleasure that you can really sink your teeth into. 

Like many people, I couldn't help but search the internet to find out the real traits of an assassin.  Unfortunately, it would seem that the writers of this classic have invented such criteria.  What might they look like?  Here's my list:

1.  Lack of conscience.  This has got to be the number-one requirement in traits of an assassin.  If the subject feels the least amount of remorse, it will be difficult to carry out destructive tasks.  Regret should rarely occur, and when it does, can be easily replaced with delusions and rationalizations.

2.  Cunning.  An assassin must be able to "think outside the box" and determine as many methods as possible toward achieving the final outcome.  Unconventional or unusual ways of looking at the world -- or clever ways of acquiring and applying knowledge -- is an advantage to the assassin.

3.  Versatility.  The ability to use many tools in order to get the job done is vital, so the subject should be able to learn quickly and adapt to new surroundings.  Assassins will also treat other people as useful tools in order to complete their work.

4.  Charm and glibness.  Because assassins often need to infiltrate their prey's surroundings in order to get the job done, the assassin must have extra-special powers of persuasion.  Knowing how to manipulate other people will go a long way toward completing their malicious goals.

5.  Pathological tendencies.  It's a lot easier to be a mercenary of any sort if you're more able to justify your nefarious actions.  Assassins never feel remorse, and in fact, may have an "avenging angel" complex.

6.  Risk taking.  Someone with assassin tendencies will naturally be duplicitous and have no problems with treacherous or tricky scenarios.  He or she can easily adapt to treacherous conditions, and may even enjoy the thrill of dangerous situations.

7.  Restlessness.  An assassin doesn't like to sit still for long.  Someone who is truly cold-blooded or devious very likely craves drama and excitement.  Any adrenaline junkie will tell you that once you've experienced a rush like this, it's hard to stop looking for thrills.

8.  Untrustworthy.  An assassin will do or say anything to gain access to their prey's demise.  Lies come easily.  Cheating, stealing, and lying -- all destructive acts -- come easy to the assassin, especially if there is something to be gained from them.

9.  Chaotic life.  Problems may abound for an assassin, who has difficulty understanding and respecting the boundaries of others.  This type of poor judgement often manifests in chaos and drama of his or her own making.

10.  Nothing to lose.  While this trait may appear to contradict the previous one, you must get inside the mind of an assassin to truly understand. A person like this may have fragile (if any) real connections to anyone or anything, and can easily abandon those connections if it's advantageous of him or her to do so.

Because Ellena didn't actually perform any violent acts in the movie, it would seem that her crimes (at least the ones that she committed) were more of the emotional variety.  I would classify her as more of an emotional vampire than an assassin.  However, many of the traits above do seem to describe her character.

This movie was based on a true story, about a woman named Diane Schaefer who stalked an oncologist in New York for many years.  She was eventually sentenced to 2 years in prison during the 1990s.

Photo Credit:  Thanks to Greg Hernandez who made this photo available under a Creative Commons license.  (It has been altered, the original can be found here.)  I appreciate it, and I'm sure so do those who have come here searching for the 10 traits of an assassin! :)

Healthy Boundaries: Getting There

Now that we've discussed the basics of boundaries which are unhealthy for being too loose or too rigid -- and the importance of having healthy boundaries for their positive impact on your self-esteem and your relationships with others, let's learn how to establish those boundaries with others.


Step 1. What do you need?  Sit down and really figure out what you need in a relationship. What makes you feel respected? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Determine what your own personal needs, wants, and rights are. Establish boundaries based on what you think is reasonable. Remember that your rights and needs should be separate entities in and of themselves, and that your rights should end where those of others begin.

Step 2.  Discuss these boundaries with others. State your case clearly, and in with a neutral but firm attitude. Don't speak angrily or in a long-winded way. Just keep it clear and concise. You do not need to apologize for, rationalize, or argue while establishing this boundary. Be firm and respectful.

Step 3.  Remember why you're setting this boundary. If you expect people to understand and respect your needs, you must also understand that their reactions to this may be negative, especially if they are used to behaving in ways that are contrary to these boundaries. Don't apologize for protecting yourself. Don't feel selfish or guilty, just stand by your decision and remind yourself why you need your rights and needs to be respected by those who should care about you. This is a normal, natural and healthy part of the process. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but things will get easier with time.

Step 4.  Prepare yourself for the possibility of being tested. Most people will understand your feelings and respect them, but there might be people in your life who will not respect these boundaries. Others might accuse you of being selfish or mean for denying their unreasonable requests. But nevertheless, if their behavior is unacceptable to you, you must be confident and assert yourself. You cannot set a boundary and then apologize or rationalize it to others -- this sends a mixed message which might enable others to take advantage later. You can be respectful of the fact that some may not agree with your boundaries, but stay true to yourself. You have the right to be treated with respect. If people still don't respect your boundaries, you may have to put distance between yourself and them, possibly end the relationship or even pursue legal options if the other person still doesn't respect your rights.

Step 5. Establish a support system. This should be made up of people who do care about you, and who are willing to respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships with friends, family, and other people whose jobs are to care for you will make you stronger and more confident in yourself. Eliminate disrespectful, controlling, or abusive people from your life. Make more room for relationships with people who are caring and respectful.

Step 6.  Grow and evolve.  These changes may be uncomfortable or even scary for you at first.  But just keep in mind that you're doing this to improve the overall quality of your life, so some unpleasant backlash may be necessary for this growth.  Protecting yourself with healthy boundaries can enhance your relationships, boost your self-confidence, and radiate outward to inspire other positive changes in your life as well.

Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships Video

For those of you who are following my series on healthy boundaries, I have created this video as a companion piece to the first article.  In this video, the concept of boundaries is explored and further defined.  You will also learn the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy ones, as well as to determine if your boundaries are too rigid or too loose.

Also, remember that the most important thing about boundaries is that they help keep you safe.  No one can set or enforce those boundaries but YOU.  Protect yourself -- LOVE yourself -- you deserve it!