Navigating the Wild World of Online Dating

Be careful, friends! As fun as dating apps or online dating can be, and as rewarding as it can be to find new opportunities to meet “the one,” there are some important things you need to know for dating app success. Sharpen your matchmaking skills with some of these easy tips!

Tip 1: Looks do matter, but not the way you think! I’m not saying you need to be a perfect 10, but you should try to bring out your best features. Take a flattering, natural photo for your profile. Dress neatly, with clothes that are flattering and in good condition. (If you’re strapped for cash or unsure about ideas, decide on an easy casual date uniform — such as a good pair of jeans and a neutral colored top — keep it clean and you can’t go wrong!  Make sure your body is clean and wearing deodorant. Also, don’t forget to brush your teeth and pop a breath mint before the crucial moment.

Tip 2: Compliment your date! You’ve taken the trouble to make a good impression. Be sure to tell your date that they look nice, too. If you’re just talking online, you can also compliment their jokes or cool subjects that they discuss.

Tip 3: Positive vibes only. Be sure to talk about light subjects at first. Share good news, be attentive and supportive of the other person’s news as well. Be cheerful. Make lemonade out of the lemons. Make sure your friend is comfortable by not being racist, inappropriate, or unkind. Unless, of course, that’s who you really are (in which case I’d recommend getting a bit of help with that).

These are the basics, but they’ll help you get the ball rolling. Do you have any tips for our readers? Feel free to share! 

Hit It and Quit It? The Real Reason Your Man Isn’t Calling Back After Sex

 Sometimes, an undeniable spark will result in a fun flirty chase. But, after weeks or months of playing hard to get, you’ve finally taken it to the next level. But wait — why’s he leaving?

It’s hard to get why men are so invested in you before sex, but withdrawn after? Aside from the chemical components which we’ve discussed earlier this year, and the guilty projecting behavior, there’s another important factor at play.

Basically, some people - male and female - will take what’s offered and move right on. They will take advantage of the giving nature of someone else, and have no chance to give anything back.

People tend to fall in love when they feel useful and needed. If your mate seems like a nice person otherwise, give them a chance to give to you. Make that connection take it to another level.

If they’re not open to contact after this, then they’re probably too selfish to bother with anyway. But don’t forget the lesson — love and connection grows with giving and receiving. Allow others the chance to give. It feels good for a reason, after all.

Signs & Signals of a False Twin Flame

We're all looking for our soulmate, also known as a twin flame.  There are so many discussions about it online, in books, movies, and personal conversations.  Because of this, there is often a lot of confusion among people as to whether or not the "twin flame" that they're currently involved with is their true soulmate… as opposed to the false "twin flame."

Because our hopes and dreams hinge frequently on finding this person, we may sometimes come across people who seem too good to be true… false twin flames.  Here are some signs that, perhaps, the person who seems like they might be a true twin flame, is actually a false one.

Just as our twin flame has many similarities to us, so too will the false twin flame.  On a superficial level, this person may seem to be rather similar -- and sometimes, very similar, or complimentary to us.  They may share similar goals, backgrounds, values, or personal tastes.  However, with a false twin flame, the similarities may end there.

You true soulmate, or any person who loves you, will naturally want to be supportive of positive changes within your life.  The hallmark of a false twin flame is of duplicitousness.  If this person's behavior does not correspond to the love and care of your relationship, your feelings or personal well-being, then this person may not be exactly whom they seem to be.

Everyone has faults, flaws, and things about themselves that they'd like to repair.  However, sooner or later, most of us will come to terms with those issues as we mature.  Just as you are willing to sacrifice and improve yourself for the good of your relationship, so too should your soulmate be willing to do the same for you and your relationship.  A false twin flame may show a selfish streak, be unwilling to improve him- or herself, or exhibit a lack of care regarding your feelings or what's best for you as a couple.

A false twin flame will also take advantage of the other person in the relationship, be it financially, spiritually, sexually, or otherwise.  All the giving in the world is not enough for the false twin flame.  The false twin flame is left unfulfilled, as is the giver.  No one wins in a relationship like this.

While there may be a deep attraction between the two people, the giver may still feel a sense of anxiety or stress in the relationship.  The false twin flame may behave in ways that upset or depress the giver, whether these actions are conscious or not.  The false twin flame may deplete or sap the energy of the giver.  This is not a healthy relationship.

Upon a break between these two, the giver may come to realize exactly how much time and effort was expended into this relationship while the false twin flame did not truly experience the same connection.  Remember that many connections which are easily made, are also easily broken.  It is important to take an objective look at this relationship.  There are lessons to be learned from dealing with false twin flames as we evolve ever closer to the person we're supposed to be as we prepare to receive our true soulmate.

How to Be Sexier for Your Man: Lesson #5, Connecting With Him

Another great way to be sexier for your man is to flat-out tell him that you are trying to be sexy for him.  He'll get quite a boost realizing that you're trying to please him.  You could also talk about fantasies or things that you might want to try in bed.  Who knows… you may just learn something that you didn't know before.

Physical contact is also important.  You don't need to jump on him right that very second -- though I bet he wouldn't mind that, either! -- Be a bit of a seductress.  Use your hands to caress him, massage him, and just enjoy being close.  Kissing works too, especially if it's been awhile since the two of you really kissed.  If you're unsure how to begin, try remembering -- and talking about -- sweet or loving or romantic memories that the two of you share, such as when you first met or when you just began dating. 

Remember that every relationship, no matter how successful, can always use a little something extra now and then.  Keeping the spark with someone you love can sometimes take a bit of effort at times.  The good news is that when you make the effort, you will find that it's well worth it.  And that old gentle flame that you've enjoyed for years can turn into a roaring blaze before you know what's happening!

How To Be Sexier For Your Man, Lesson #3: Affirmations

Affirmations are scripts that you can use for self-talk to infuse a little positivity in your mind.    If you feel that you need a little boost in the confidence department, try some positive affirmations to get things going. 

Some of my favorites to enhance one's sex appeal are as follows:
 
I'm beautiful every day, but today I look especially hot!

Men really respond to my sexy energy.

My butt (or my chest) looks great in these jeans… or in this dress… pick your most flattering outfit and tell yourself how gorgeous you look!

I can have anyone I want.

I'm every man's dream come true.

I am naturally so enticing, that no one can resist me.

While it's true that some of these are a little bit over the top, that's the whole point of affirmations.  Make them as vivid and wild as you like.  Spark your inner creativity and live in that moment of personal empowerment.

How To Be Sexier For Your Man, Lesson #2

Another very important thing to remember is that men are visual creatures.  If he's with you already, then you know that he likes the way you look.  But if you want to dress in a way that he finds exciting, go for it!  One word of caution, however… make ABSOLUTELY sure that the clothing you choose makes you feel sexy and comfortable.  They don't need to be totally revealing, but they should flatter you and make you feel sexy.  If not, you're going to insecure and uncomfortable, and no matter what you might be wearing on top -- your discomfort will show.  And that is NOT sexy.

You could go with a traditional method, like a candlelit dinner at home, romantic music, and with you wearing something slinky and sultry.  All of that stuff really does work, because it sends out all of the signals that you're making an effort to really be exciting and sexy for him.  But you need to back up that stuff with the right frame of mind.  You don't need to wait for a special occasion to be more sexy for your man, just choose a time that you feel comfortable with. If he's the kind of guy who likes schedules, feel free to plan it in advance so that you can both relax more.

Make it special.  Light some candles, wear something that makes you feel red hot.

You might think that having a romantic night with your lover seems a bit silly, especially if you've been together a long time, but don't underestimate it.  Guys like to be made to feel special, too.  And when one person does that for their partner -- the partner will be more likely to reciprocate sometime down the line.

Remember that confidence is key.  Many confident women are brought up being made to feel as though they are beautiful, competent, and all-around wonderful.  As they grow into women, this confidence translates into greater professional successes, as well as personal ones. 

How To Be Sexier For Your Man, Lesson #1: Confidence

Let's talk a little about how to be sexy for your man -- whether it's a new boyfriend that you're just connecting with, or your lifelong husband who knows you all too well.

Before we begin, I do want to state that in a relationship that's based on love and respect, it's healthy to take your lover's needs and wants into consideration. Please the one you love, and be pleased in return.

Have you ever noticed that some girls seem to attract a lot of guys, even if they aren't particularly beautiful, and don't seem really special in any way? There's a secret that they know, which I'm going to let you in on right now.

The real key is confidence. Confidence can make anyone -- from the beautiful to the downright ugly -- seem exceptionally intriguing.

The best place to start is within your own mind. If you project a sexy energy and try to keep a positive, confident mindset, your man will definitely feel that energy. And he'll sense that sexy inner glow that you're projecting for him.

Worse Things Than Being Alone

I've been writing eBooks lately, based on some of the relationship nightmares that I've been hearing about.  When we look around and see what other people are experiencing, it's easy to feel lucky that we've got the problems that we have!

Sometimes, we put up with someone who mistreats us or doesn't respect our rights.  Some people say that even a bad relationship is better than having none at all; the loneliness is too frightening to face for some.  This may prompt those people to remain in a relationship that is unhealthy, negative, or even damaging to them.


Here's a list of things that are worse than being alone.  If your mate does any of the things on this list, it may be time to take control of your own life, to let go of the relationship, and enjoy the freedom of being alone -- without having to worry about being mistreated by someone who doesn't deserve you!


1. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
2. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
3. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
4. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
5. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
6. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
7. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
8. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
9. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
10. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
11. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
12. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
13. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
14. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
15. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
16. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
17. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
18. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
19. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
20. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
21. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
22. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
23. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
24. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
25. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
26. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
27. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
28. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
29. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
30. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
31. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
32. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
33. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
34. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
35. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
36. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
37. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
38. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
39. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
40. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
41. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
42. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
43. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
44. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
45. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
46. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
47. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
48. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
49. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
50. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
51. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
52. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
53. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
54. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
55. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
56. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
57. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
58. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
59. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
60. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
61. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
62. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
63. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
64. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
65. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
66. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
67. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
68. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
69. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
70. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
71. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
72. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
73. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
74. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
75. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
76. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
77. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
78. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
79. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
80. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
81. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
82. Being in a relationship with someone who you can never depend on.
83. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
84. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
85. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
86. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
87. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
88. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
89. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
90. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
91. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
92. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
93. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
94. Being in a relationship with someone who does not value you.
95. Being in a relationship with someone whom you cannot trust.
96. Being in a relationship with someone who intimidates you in order to get what he wants.
97. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to minimize your achievements.
98. Being in a relationship with someone who ignores your basic needs.
99. Being in a relationship with someone who does not recognize your rights as a human being.
100. Being in a relationship with someone who has any of the issues above -- yet doesn’t have any interest in doing something about them.




Photo source:  Screaming guy photo by crosathorian.  Woman photo is public domain.

Erotomania: Is It Real?

I drew this picture of Jenna Elfman as
Ellena Roberts, wearing an orange prison
jumpsuit.  I love drawing with PhotoShop!

If you're at all familiar with the Lifetime movie "Obsessed," you must be wondering about the details of erotomania.  The therapist in the movie described it as "a condition where one believes that one is loved by someone, when in fact, one is not."  That is just the tip of the iceberg.

It is a type of mental health disorder where the person believes that someone else -- often a stranger, and usually a celebrity or person of high status -- is in love with him or her.  Patients will often manifest an entire relationship that exists solely in their own minds.  The disorder occurs in people who have bipolar disorder during mania, schizophrenia, a psychosis of some type, or a disorder involving delusions.

When a person experiences an episode of erotomania, he or she often interprets the actions of their "love interest" as directed solely at him or her.  The "love interest" may, in the erotomaniac's opinion, be sending them secret messages via actions, gestures, or facial expressions, as well as messages via regular media.  The erotomaniac may also return this imaginary affection through contacting the love interest, through calling, emailing, sending gifts, or even visiting the love interest.  

Although these gestures are not expected or wanted, the love interest's denial of this "relationship" is often viewed by the erotomaniac as some type of scheme to conceal their relationship from the public.

In "Obsessed," the main character, Ellena Roberts, was erotomaniacally obsessed with Dr. David Stillman, a renowned surgeon that she pursued relentlessly.  Toward the beginning of the movie, the viewer is lead to believe that their relationship is real but clandestine, as Dr. Stillman is married and a very public, well-known physician.  As the movie progresses, we begin to understand the depth of Ellena's madness.  Her delusions and compulsions extend far beyond simply Dr. Stillman, and in fact are seen as not just a nuisance, but a potential threat to the safety of others if left unchecked.

The movie, "Obsessed" is, in fact,  based on the true story of Diane Schaefer who stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, chief surgeon at Sloan-Kettering in New York City, for about eight years.  She sent him letters, called his home and his office, brought gifts, and even managed to sneak into his home to greet him in a see-through negligee.  Although the fictional Ellena Roberts (who is played by Jenna Elfman) never threatened to harm her doctor in any way, the real Diane Schaefer is quoted as saying to Dr. Murray: "I can't live while you're alive on this earth.  I am going to kill you!  Kill you, or kill myself -- I am degraded by your being alive."

Stalked at 17: The Real Story of Chad Bruning's True Colors

Sometimes, abusive personalities form in people who have had less than perfect childhoods.  And of course, they can also be present in people with idyllic and perfect family lives as well.

According to a study which was done in the early 2000s, a child from an abusive home is 30% more likely to repeat the abusive actions that are done either between his or her parents, or to repeat the abuse which is done to him or her.

In "Stalked At 17," the character Chad Bruning came from a very dysfunctional and unstable home life.  His biological mother, a drug addict who had been serving prison time for theft, was so unstable that she was even willing to kidnap Chad's girlfriend and baby in order to placate her son.

But the worst issue of all is Chad himself.  Although he was raised by his mother's boss, welcomed and included into that family, he still felt a sense that something was missing.  As a result, he chose the worst possible reason for bringing a child into the world:  Because he didn't feel loved enough by the people around him.  His craving for love and control prompted him to emotionally and physically abuse and manipulate his girlfriend, Angela, as well as lie to her and conceive a child without her knowledge or consent.

It is important to remember that abuse can happen even in relationships with people as young as Chad and Angela.  Not all abusive relationships are between adults, and not all teen and young-adult relationships are innocent, carefree, and idyllic.   Although this is just a Lifetime movie which can be watched for fun, it is important to remember that even here, there are lessons to be learned about relationships.

In order to do the best for yourself, your mate, and the children that you may decide to have in the future, it is imperative that we all understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.  By educating ourselves and each other about the dangers of manipulative, controlling, or even abusive personalities, we are protecting ourselves from present and future damage.  Stay strong and be smart.  You deserve a healthy, happy relationship and a wonderful future!

P.S.  Do you like the picture?  I drew it from a 10-pixel pencil in Photoshop!  I couldn't find any public domain photos to use, so I made a little fan art.  (If anyone out there draws -- let me know, I'd love to find more for future articles!)

"Rapex" Rape Prevention Device

 Saw this on Facebook today...

Rape has become endemic in South Africa, so a medical technician named Sonette Ehlers developed a product that immediately gathered na...tional attention there. Ehlers had never forgotten a rape victim telling her forlornly, “If only I had teeth down there.” Sometime afterward, a man came into the hospital where Ehlers works in excruciating pain because his penis was stuck in his pants zipper.
Ehlers merged those images and came up with a product she called Rapex. It resembles a tube, with barbs inside. The woman inserts it like a tampon, with an applicator, and any man who tries to rape the woman impales himself on the barbs and must go to an emergency room to have the Rapex removed.  When critics complained that it was a medieval punishment, Ehlers replied tersely, “A medieval device for a medieval deed.”
- Half the Sky, Nicholas Kristof

Sex Goddess Lesson #3: Glamour Basics

Feeling happy and free can help you to feel beautiful, too!

Once you've learned to focus on what makes you sexy, dress to play up those physical or mental qualities.  Now, this doesn't mean that you should be glopping on the makeup, squeezing into push-up bras, pinchy shoes, and miles-too-tight clothing and then parading around in public like a piece of meat on display. If these are things that make you feel like a sex goddess, then knock yourself out.

But this really should be just about what you feel is sexy, not what other people do. Do certain fabrics just make you feel lovely and special -- silk, satin, velvet, lace?  Even a conservative clothing item that features sensual fabrics can make you feel different.  Perhaps you feel best in something that's comfy and cozy, or something chic and slinky and fabulous.

Maybe the clothes don't matter as much as the attitude -- try some deep red lipstick or sassy shoes to channel your inner vamp.  Even a spirtz of your favorite scent can make you feel especially alluring and intriguing.  It doesn't really matter what you choose, as long as it evokes that wonderful Goddess-like feeling.

Envision yourself as a Goddess in your private chambers, pampering yourself with your own special beauty rituals.  Whenever you're having an especially sad day, or you're just not feeling awesome, do this beauty ritual to cheer yourself up and get in touch with your inner sensuality.

Stalked at 17 and Your True Story

One of the searches that seems to be bringing people to my blog is the movie, Stalked at 17, which is a 2012 Lifetime movie.  The main character, Angela, winds up becoming involved with a seemingly perfect guy named Chad, who has a dark past and a tendency toward unstable, destructive behavior.

The star of Stalked at 17, Taylor Spreitler, has confirmed that Stalked at 17 was not based on a particular story; she says that it is "inspired by true events," though "not a particular one."  Spreitler does add that the movie's message has merit in the real world, despite its theatrical drama; "...it's an issue," she stated.

Stalked at 17, while not based on a specific true story, was, however inspired by some events that did actually happen.  The characters of Angela and Chad are composites which are based on a number of cases of love gone bad.  Although this is just a regular fun Lifetime movie, the typical drama with a bit of a thrilling edge... this movie can still serve as a warning to us.  So many nightmarish situations arise when we behave impulsively and neglect to use our natural logic!

When we are young or feeling vulnerable, we may be more willing to become attached to someone who is less than stable.  This is how emotional manipulators and predators work: they seek out targets who are vulnerable and more likely to believe their lies and put up with their BS.

It is so important to get to know someone before making a commitment to them.  More than that, you need to know and respect yourself as well.  And, of course, if you're going to be intimate with someone, always use a condom!  The last thing that you want is to become pregnant by someone who will later use your situation to control and manipulate you.  A child ties you to that other person for at least 18 years, if not more, so you must be certain that this is what you want before entering into this type of situation with another person.  No one wants a crazy person for their baby's daddy (or mom)!

By being strong, confident, loving and respectful of yourself, you are automatically setting your own personal standards to a more reasonable level.  Remember that a child is forever, and the person with whom you share that link with will be forever linked to you, through biology and through family life.  Don't accept predatory, abusive, or threatening treatment from anyone who is trying to use or manipulate you.  By choosing healthy relationships, you're putting yourself and your potential family into the best possible situation for the future.

A Sexy Online Encounter

This is an "oldie but goodie" that I remember seeing a long time ago, yet it was recently forwarded to me again.  It's as hysterical now as it was years ago!  Enjoy!

~~~~

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...
 
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. 
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: (logged off)

When Will He Call Me? Why Isn't He Calling?

As a professional psychic and spiritual life coach, I am contacted almost daily by women who ask me heartbreaking questions: "Why won't he call me? When will he contact me again?" It's often about someone who may have shared only a brief connection with her, such as a man that she has recently met. However, this question is asked about an ex with whom she shared her life, someone of whom she has trouble letting go. I can always sense the pain and wistful sorrow of someone who needs the answer to this question. And, while sometimes I can see the man in question picking up the phone or running into the querent again sometime in the future, very often I don't sense any pending form of contact. It kills me to tell her that the phone won't be ringing anytime soon, but I do have to be honest in situations like that, no matter how hard it is for her to hear the truth.

Why, then, would someone be hung up on this lack of communication? Some women will hold out the hope of a love who will return for weeks, months, or even years. I've heard from quite a few who are unable to move on with their lives, always in limbo, always waiting for him. If you're waiting for contact from someone where none seems to be forthcoming, please know that there are millions of people out there who feel your pain, and have gone through it before. There are many reasons why the contact won't come. Often, it is best to acknowledge these reasons so that you can move on with your own life. Here are a few of the most common realities that we may need to understand:  the reality of these reasons can be harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts!

1. He has already moved on with his life -- or wants to. In each relationship, there is always one person who is able to carry onward faster and easier than the other. Both people may be able to do it with relative ease, but someone always has to be "first" with that. Perhaps, in your case, he simply requires less grieving time. Or in the reverse, maybe he'd rather not re-open old wounds which he is struggling to heal. At any rate, calling you would seem counter productive in this case; he may still care for you, however contact with you is simply not on the list of things to do if he'd like to heal and get on with the business of living.

2. He is afraid. If the relationship ended on bad terms regardless of who is at fault, perhaps he realizes that there is still a lot of anger, bitterness, or resentment. Since the relationship is over, he doesn't see a need to call and rehash old issues that have already been set in stone. This is especially true if he was the cause of this break in your relationship. Think of it this way: If you hurt or betrayed someone, would you really want to contact them again just to see how they're doing? Females are more often inclined to answer this question with a "yes," because we tend to need closure and approval in ways that men do not. Many males would simply prefer to avoid any further messiness once they've been spattered with a bit of someone else's emotions. And if you're already broken up, he just doesn't see the point in putting himself through the emotional wringer again.

3. He is angry or hurt. If you were the one who initiated the argument or breakup, you can bet that his ego will be smarting for some time to come. There may be some residual annoyance, resentment, or embarrassment left over from the break. This type of wounded pride will produce a great deal of reluctance to speak with you again. Even the strongest people are capable of succumbing to such vulnerabilities. If he was the person who initiated the breakup, he may still be harboring pain or resentment, in which case, he is simply not interested in rekindling any sort of communication with you.

4. He has other irons in the fire. Regardless of whether he's moved on from you with ease, or is still secretly pining away, it is entirely possible that he has found someone new. Perhaps he's deeply in love with this new person, perhaps he's just found someone fun with whom he can enjoy whiling away some time. Either way, if a man is getting his needs met by another woman, then it's very likely that he just doesn't feel a need to speak with you anymore. Or, even if he is a more sensitive type who does still care for you -- or even still holds a torch for you -- if he's with a new woman, communicating with you would be inappropriate. After all, would you be OK with your new lover calling his ex on a regular basis?

5. He is waiting to hear from you. We've already discussed cases where the anger, resentment, or rejection are serious enough to keep him away. But in some of those cases, your ex might be hoping that you're the one to initiate contact. If he's afraid of your anger, picking up the phone to say "No hard feelings," would be a step in the right direction. If he's still hurting or carrying his own resentment about the breakup, he may still be silently hoping for some type of closure. In a case like that, perhaps a well-written letter or email would assist him in making this transition.

No matter why the relationship ended, or how the other party is feeling, you must remember that not all people are meant to be permanent fixtures in our lives. Sometimes when fate brings people into one another's lives, they are destined to spend only a finite amount of time together. The most important thing is to enjoy those who love you for as long as they are near, and to accept a parting of the ways with grace and dignity. A new love may be just around the corner; if you focus too much on your past, you may very well miss the wonderful opportunities that will present themselves to you in the future.

Sex Goddess Lesson #2: The Basics of Sensuality

Actress Yvonne Mitchell knew the importance of pampering oneself!

The next step in transforming yourself into a goddess of sensuality is to simply allow yourself some of life's more sensual pleasures. I'm not talking necessarily about sex (though, of course, that is one of those pleasures!)... it can be simply anything that you enjoy seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting, or hearing. Relish some fine music, a gorgeous view. Set the table with your "good" dishes, cook or order a fine meal, dress up and be a wonderful hostess to the most important guest you'll ever serve -- YOU!

Spoil yourself rotten from time to time! You have already dressed to impress yourself, so now it's time to pamper and please yourself. If a quiet meal at home isn't your thing, try going out for a one-person date. See a movie, get a wonderful dinner, go shopping. This is the time to give yourself whatever it is that you desire; while this may or may not involve something sexy, it should involve giving yourself pleasure and enjoyment. Don't wait for someone else to treat you the way you wish -- do it for yourself. Give yourself permission to have what you desire -- take what you want. Having that power, seizing it and using it will make you feel very special. Remember that a woman who takes what she wants and who savors every morsel of life is a hot woman! And please note that this isn't about spending money or going into debt; spoiling yourself can be as simple as splurging on the $5 shampoo and conditioner if you're used to buying something cheaper at your local dollar store. If you have a few extra dollars that you can spend without hurting yourself, by all means, treat yourself. But if not, there are zillions of ways that you can enjoy yourself without spending any more than you usually do. Invest the time and consideration in yourself instead. It will make you feel great, and that positive pleasure-seeking attitude will enhance your overall appeal.

Sex Goddess Lesson #1: How To Be Sexier & More Confident

Amazing dancers Ruth St. Denis and Ted Shawn
in 1916, proving that the basic elements
of sensuality are timeless!

Let's sizzle in 2012, shall we? :)

I've realized that, when looking through my post labels, only one article has been posted on sex (and that was a joke about sex).  Lots of people who land here seem to be searching for relationship and romance advice, so I figured that it was high time to write about one cornerstone of any healthy relationship:  sex.

After doing some research for my sex article, I realized that there are some amazing resources out there.  However, most of the stuff I've read about love, sex, and romance are all about how to keep the sex going in an existing relationship, how to spice things up, or how to be more attractive to your mate.  But these articles didn't really seem to get it right all the way, as far as I was concerned.

Yes, your mate is right up there on the priority chart, but the most important sexual relationship you can have is with yourself -- if you can't see yourself as a sexual being, then your sexual relationship with others will never be quite as satisfying as it should be.  And if you're reading this, then obviously, you want to start the road to improvement.  Congratulations -- your journey is about to begin!

The first stop on the road to channeling your inner sex goddess is to find ways to feel sexy.  Remember that this has nothing to do with other people; this is all about you.  It's ok to be "selfish" sometimes -- remember that when you take the time to do good things for yourself, you'll later be able to take care of others even better.

Think about yourself in terms of what you find to be the most attractive, wonderful, and unique qualities about yourself.  Do you have intriguing eyes or smooth, creamy skin?  Do you have soft, ample curves; or perhaps you're a lean, willowy Goddess?  All shapes and sizes are beautiful.  The Western world currently tends to favor tall and thin supermodel types, but the beauty of all types can be appreciated in some time or culture -- and even in our modern society, you'll find people who can appreciate exactly what your own physical and mental style brings to the table. But the most important person to appreciate your own unique beauty is you!  Make a list -- write it down if you want to -- of all of your gorgeous body parts, from the hair on your head to the tips of your toes.  And don't forget your awesome mental or emotional traits too -- being clever, witty, determined, and strong are all smokin' hot attributes as well.  This isn't the time to worry about the parts you dislike -- show them some love, too!  But if you're not quite there, let's just focus on the things you love about yourself for now.

Astrological Compatibility Chart

This weekend, I constructed a basic chart for compatibilities based on astrological sun signs.  This is some very simple, basic compatibility data.  For best results, I'd recommend checking the natal charts of yourself and the person you're analyzing.  Even so, this is a nice quick-and-dirty bit of information that may help you learn a bit about yourself and someone else.  (Note: I may even make a YouTube companion video for the chart -- we shall see!)  To see the chart in a larger format, just click on it below.

1.  Hearts.  Generally a great dynamic with lots of attraction.  Called "conjunct" by astrologists everywhere, it is a dynamic that is very beneficial because you can understand one another quite well: your likes, dislikes, and values will very likely be quite similar.  Sometimes this can cause friction, since occasionally people who are extremely alike may annoy one another and know how to push one another's buttons; however, in any case, these people will often have an innate knowledge and understanding of one another.  Love 'em or hate 'em, this often proves to be a very emotionally intense relationship.  Includes:  Aries and Aries, Taurus and Taurus, Gemini and Gemini, Cancer and Cancer, Leo and Leo, Virgo and Virgo, Libra and Libra, Scorpio and Scorpio, Sagittarius and Sagittarius, Capricorn and Capricorn, Aquarius and Aquarius, Pisces and Pisces.

2.  Thumbs-Up.  You've got similarities and complimentary styles.  These dynamics are "trine" and often quite positive for friendships, romances, and family relations.  While there are enough differences in, say, execution and expression of personal style, many values will remain similar between the two of you.  This is often a very respectful and close partnership where both people can feel an instant connection.  Includes:  Aries and Leo, Aries and Sagittarius, Taurus and Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn, Gemini and Libra, Gemini and Aquarius, Cancer and Scorpio, Cancer and Pisces, Leo and Aries, Leo and Sagittarius, Virgo and Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn, Scorpio and Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces, Sagittarius and Aries, Sagittarius and Cancer, Capricorn and Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo, Aquarius and Gemini, Aquarius and Libra, Pisces and Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio.

3.  Peace Sign.  Called a "sextile," these are signs which have complimentary elements that "feed" off of one another's differences.  You and the other person may not be similar in a lot of ways, but you genuinely like and respect one another.  This makes for a very interesting partnership and it can help you learn a lot about yourself, as well as appreciate the differences that other people have to offer.  Great for collaborations, and also makes for very interesting friendships and romances. Signs which are sextile include:  Aries and Gemini, Aries and Aquarius, Taurus and Cancer, Taurus and Pisces, Gemini and Aries, Gemini and Leo, Cancer and Virgo, Cancer and Taurus, Leo and Gemini, Leo and Libra, Virgo and Cancer, Virgo and Scorpio, Libra and Leo, Libra and Sagittarius, Scorpio and Virgo, Scorpio and Capricorn, Sagittarius and Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius, Capricorn and Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces, Aquarius and Sagittarius, Aquarius and Aries.


4.  Swirly Arrow-Circle Thing.  These are known as "opposition signs" because they are at a perfect 180 degrees apart in the zodiac -- and yes, opposites do attract!  While there can often be an extreme and intense attraction between these two signs, it can also be a very trying dynamic.  Dealing with someone who is so different than you can be wonderful and intriguing, yet also dramatic and frustrating at the same time.  It takes two very special opposition parties to overcome the differences and see them through to get to the other side -- if and when this happens, your relationship can be a match made in heaven!  This compatibility includes:  Aries and Libra, Taurus and Scorpio, Gemini and Sagittarius, Cancer and Capricorn, Leo and Aquarius, Virgo and Pisces, Libra and Aries, Scorpio and Taurus, Sagittarius and Gemini, Capricorn and Cancer, Aquarius and Leo, Pisces and Virgo.

5. Purple Smiley.  This is known as a "semi-square," which can create some tension since these placements will fall either before or after your sign.  While this can prove to be tough going for some relationships where emotions run high (such as a romantic or family dynamic), it can often be the basis for great friendships regardless of the differences which are present in those signs.  Often this makes a good alliance for people who have similar goals, and there can also be a lot of complimentary input and ideas coming from both sides.  While there are differences, the parties involved can often seen one another's point of view with a bit of extra effort in communication, and the relationship which results from this hard work can be very fruitful indeed.  Signs with this aspect include:  Aries and Pisces, Aries and Taurus, Taurus and Aries, Taurus and Gemini, Gemini and Taurus, Gemini and Cancer, Cancer and Gemini, Cancer and Leo, Leo and Cancer, Leo and Virgo, Virgo and Leo, Virgo and Libra, Libra and Virgo, Libra and Scorpio, Scorpio and Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius, Sagittarius and Scorpio, Sagittarius and Capricorn, Capricorn and Sagittarius, Capricorn and Aquarius, Aquarius and Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces, Pisces and Aquarius, Pisces and Aries.

6.   Grey "Ehh..." Smiley.  It is formally known as a "quincunx" or, sometimes informally, called an "inconjunct."  This indicates a separation of about 150 degrees, both before and after a sign's opposite.  Often there is little attraction between these signs, and sometimes even what one may consider "bad chemistry."  There are often few similarities in personality or values, and frequently one sees differences and areas where criticism can pop into the picture.  In the best of cases, this dynamic may ultimately elicit boredom, and in the worst of cases, a lot of stress and headaches for all parties involved.  Placements include:  Aries and Virgo, Aries and Scorpio, Taurus and Libra, Taurus and Sagittarius, Gemini and Scorpio, Gemini and Capricorn, Cancer and Sagittarius, Cancer and Aquarius, Leo and Capricorn, Leo and Pisces, Scorpio and Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius, Libra and Taurus, Libra and Pisces, Virgo and Aries, Virgo and Aquarius, Leo and Pisces, Leo and Capricorn, Virgo and Aries, Virgo and Gemini, Libra and Taurus, Libra and Pisces, Scorpio and Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius, Sagittarius and Taurus, Sagittarius and Cancer, Capricorn and Gemini, Capricorn and Leo, Aquarius and Cancer, Aquarius and Virgo, Pisces and Leo, Pisces and Libra.

7.  Thumbs-Down.  Astrologists call this aspect a "square" as these are the signs which are 90 degrees apart from one another.  These signs often suffer a very disjointed relationship with one another.  Communication can be difficult, values and outlooks on the world may be very contrasting and also too difficult to understand.  Often we find ourselves attracted to those who "square" us, yet the clashes and upheavals which come from a lack of understanding can make this dynamic challenging at best, and just unbelievably crappy at worst.  Proceed with extreme caution!  This aspect includes the following signs:  Aries and Cancer, Aries and Capricorn, Taurus and Leo, Taurus and Aquarius, Gemini and Virgo, Gemini and Pisces, Cancer and Aries, Cancer and Libra, Leo and Taurus, Leo and Scorpio, Virgo and Gemini, Virgo and Sagittarius, Libra and Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, Scorpio and Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius, Sagittarius and Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces, Capricorn and Aries, Capricorn and Libra, Aquarius and Taurus, Aquarius and Scorpio, Pisces and Sagittarius, Pisces and Gemini.

Cheaters Beware, We're Onto You

As a professional psychic, one of the most common questions I'm asked each day is "Is s/he cheating on me?"  In fact, I am usually asked such a question at least twice every day.  Each situation is different; sometimes the person in question sparks a definitive yes or no inside me, but most answers are more complicated than that.  A lot of times, I'm able to pick up on the feelings of the seeker's partner of intent to cheat, especially because many people will think about it, talk about it with others, or go looking for it long before they actually commit the deed.

It is with this spirit that I present you with a new video designed to help you see the signs of whether or not your significant other is cheating.  Many of these signs have been cited by relationship experts, and shared with me by friends and clients.  As someone who has been in a relationship with an unfaithful partner, I can personally vouch for every one of these -- but remember, your mileage may vary.  Every situation will have its own unique quantifiers, so remember to get proof before deciding to take the next steps.

Lucky Charms "Bedroom Personality" Sex Quiz

This is an "oldie but goodie" that has been circulating on the internet since the mid-1990s.  I have always found it so entertaining, and was thrilled to come across it once again!  I hope that you all enjoy it!

Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed! Yes, it's true--just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom personality:

Green clovers:

If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on them until they cheer up.

Blue diamonds:

If your favorite marhmallow shape is the blue diamond, your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later. "If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?" is probably what's going through your mind. People who like blue diamonds have a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and are the people most likely to file their nails while making love.

Orange Stars:

If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time. They often moan out their own names while making love.

Pink hearts:

If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type. You like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.

Purple horseshoes:

If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she's likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you're not looking and who knows what could happen next?

Yellow Moons:

If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the purple horseshoes out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.

Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all:

If you prefer the little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music. People who like oat bits have more time to spend writing letters to the editor than any other type.