Navigating the Wild World of Online Dating

Be careful, friends! As fun as dating apps or online dating can be, and as rewarding as it can be to find new opportunities to meet “the one,” there are some important things you need to know for dating app success. Sharpen your matchmaking skills with some of these easy tips!

Tip 1: Looks do matter, but not the way you think! I’m not saying you need to be a perfect 10, but you should try to bring out your best features. Take a flattering, natural photo for your profile. Dress neatly, with clothes that are flattering and in good condition. (If you’re strapped for cash or unsure about ideas, decide on an easy casual date uniform — such as a good pair of jeans and a neutral colored top — keep it clean and you can’t go wrong!  Make sure your body is clean and wearing deodorant. Also, don’t forget to brush your teeth and pop a breath mint before the crucial moment.

Tip 2: Compliment your date! You’ve taken the trouble to make a good impression. Be sure to tell your date that they look nice, too. If you’re just talking online, you can also compliment their jokes or cool subjects that they discuss.

Tip 3: Positive vibes only. Be sure to talk about light subjects at first. Share good news, be attentive and supportive of the other person’s news as well. Be cheerful. Make lemonade out of the lemons. Make sure your friend is comfortable by not being racist, inappropriate, or unkind. Unless, of course, that’s who you really are (in which case I’d recommend getting a bit of help with that).

These are the basics, but they’ll help you get the ball rolling. Do you have any tips for our readers? Feel free to share! 

Hit It and Quit It? The Real Reason Your Man Isn’t Calling Back After Sex

 Sometimes, an undeniable spark will result in a fun flirty chase. But, after weeks or months of playing hard to get, you’ve finally taken it to the next level. But wait — why’s he leaving?

It’s hard to get why men are so invested in you before sex, but withdrawn after? Aside from the chemical components which we’ve discussed earlier this year, and the guilty projecting behavior, there’s another important factor at play.

Basically, some people - male and female - will take what’s offered and move right on. They will take advantage of the giving nature of someone else, and have no chance to give anything back.

People tend to fall in love when they feel useful and needed. If your mate seems like a nice person otherwise, give them a chance to give to you. Make that connection take it to another level.

If they’re not open to contact after this, then they’re probably too selfish to bother with anyway. But don’t forget the lesson — love and connection grows with giving and receiving. Allow others the chance to give. It feels good for a reason, after all.

We Spent a Night Together, But He Didn’t Call Me Back. Why?

Have you ever been deeply in love with someone, spend a whirlwind of a few days with them... only to be iced out or ghosted completely? Why the hell do men do that?

One answer might be surprising: our post-coital emotions and behavior are influenced by body chemistry.

After sex, women tend to experience higher levels of the hormone oxytocin, which is released steadily from physical touch. The fastest way to receive it is skin to skin contact, and engaging in physical intimacy will cause a woman’s body to create even more of it.

At the same time, a man’s testosterone levels plummet post-sex, especially during the act of post-coital cuddling, as their oxytocin raises. It makes sense, considering the testosterone producers running wild during arousal and intercourse. Once his hormone levels crash, his body may begin craving another hit to slake its need for more supply. So he may be, without realizing it, disengaging to go do something manly and productive.

Crystal Magick with Cherry Quartz

The pink and red hues of cherry quartz are so beautiful and magical to behold! But it’s more than just a pretty stone.

Cherry quartz can attract love like rose quartz, but with more of a sexual/erotic flair. It also promotes happiness and bursts of creativity. 

Wear it to be the life of the party, or to get inspired!

Spiritual Growth in the Modern Age

One of the biggest challenges in these modern times is to keep our spirituality in check despite a society which is focused on financial prosperity, power, and the influence of others.  In this age of so many modern conveniences, forming our own feelings an opinions without allowing ourselves to be influenced by everything we see and hear on TV, the internet, magazines, and other people struggling to "keep up with the Joneses" can be a tall order as well.  The most discouraging part is that so many aspects of this media are centered around our physical desires and interests.  This can lead to a vast inner emptiness, a lack of awareness of our true selves, and limited (if any) attention to our spiritual or philosophical aspects.  Such a state can make it challenging, to say the least, for the modern person to balance the physical and the spiritual.

One of the first keys to the care and feeding of your spirituality is to try some introspection.  Looking inside yourself is partly about recalling things that you've done, or that have been done to you.  However, this is also a drop in the bucket in comparison to what else there is.  When you assess your feelings, what motivates you, why you make the decisions that you do, and your priorities, you are gaining insight into your true self.  Introspection is a learnable skill which can help you to know yourself on a deeper and more intimate level.  It can be difficult, or even shocking, to come to certain truths about yourself, but remember -- don't judge yourself, be objective.  And, above all, look for places where you can improve upon the self you know.

After you have thoroughly examined your inner life, it is time to determine the direction that you'd like to take things.


To grow spiritually is to develop your potentials.

Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth, while science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual. Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being. In Psychology, realizing oneís full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next. Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development: Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God, while psychology view that self-development is an end by itself.

To grow spiritually is to search for meaning.

Religions that believe in the existence of God such as Christianism, Judaism, and Islam suppose that the purpose of the human life is to serve the Creator of all things. Several theories in psychology propose that we ultimately give meaning to our lives. Whether we believe that lifeís meaning is pre-determined or self-directed, to grow in spirit is to realize that we do not merely exist. We do not know the meaning of our lives at birth; but we gain knowledge and wisdom from our interactions with people and from our actions and reactions to the situations we are in. As we discover this meaning, there are certain beliefs and values that we reject and affirm.  Our lives have purpose. This purpose puts all our physical, emotional, and intellectual potentials into use; sustains us during trying times; and gives us something to look forward to---a goal to achieve, a destination to reach. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea.

To grow spiritually is to recognize interconnections.

Religions stress the concept of our relatedness to all creation, live and inanimate. Thus we call other people ìbrothers and sistersî even if there are no direct blood relations. Moreover, deity-centered religions such as Christianity and Islam speak of the relationship between humans and a higher being. On the other hand, science expounds on our link to other living things through the evolution theory. This relatedness is clearly seen in the concept of ecology, the interaction between living and non-living things. In psychology, connectedness is a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow. Recognizing your connection to all things makes you more humble and respectful of people, animals, plants, and things in nature. It makes you appreciate everything around you. It moves you to go beyond your comfort zone and reach out to other people, and become stewards of all other things around you.

Growth is a process thus to grow in spirit is a day-to-day encounter. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that we learn, and from this knowledge, further spiritual growth is made possible.

Award Recipient: WHYBMNetwork's deCODED Sexes

deCODED Sexes is a SnapChat based show from the WHYBMNetwork that highlights the differences between gender roles in a creative, fun, and uplifting way.  The show stars a panel of guests who answer questions, make comments, and inform the viewer about a variety of subjects.

One of the things we love about this show is that while it has a humorous and lighthearted tone, its main intent is actually to inform and teach while it entertains.  Issues such as sociology, gender relations, and societal expectations based on our identities are highlighted and challenged.  The panel shares experiences that they have had based on relationships or other experiences, and the audience laughs along while they’re also thinking and relating to the characters.

We at the Sage Institute are proud to present deCODED Sexes with a Media Innovation Award!  Tackling complicated subject matters in ways that are relatable and easy to access is the hallmark of quality programming.  We love deCODED Sexes, and can’t wait to see what they come up with next!

Check them out online!

Add WHYBMNetwork on Snapchat: http://smarturl.it/whybmnetwork
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Spend Time With Your Friends

We often get immersed in relationships with our significant others, or our families.  But we should also strive to spend time with our friends, too.

Friends are the families that we choose for ourselves.  Lovers may come and go.  Family members -- even though they love us -- can sometimes possess blind spots about us, since their opinions of us may not change as we grow.  Friendships with those outside of our romantic or familial circles are vital to our psychological and spiritual health; they can offer us perspectives of who we are as people.  Friends can also give us the objective opinions and ideas that others may not.

Make the time to maintain the relationships with your existing friends, or expand your social circle to include more people. 

Spiritual Awakenings: Choosing to Work With the Divine

A conscious choice to work with the divine can also help in your quest for a spiritual awakening.  The wish, need, and desire to change are all vital parts of your quest.  However, you also need to combine those things with action.  We have already discussed what prompts the desire for change, but the time for action must come when the desire begins to move you in that direction. 

It is OK to give into the feelings that you are experiencing.  I often advise people to "go with the instinct," and never is this more true than during your journey along the path to a spiritual discovery.  You must let down your guard and become willing to take on the spiritual energy around you as you give back your own. 

This does not mean that you need to give up on yourself or your own abilities, preferrin g that your higher power does all the work for you while you're doing nothing.  It does mean that you must give up your negativity, your despair, and your pain that hinders your spiritual and emotional development.  Instead, you must replace these things with faith and action, which will lead to a higher awareness and a greater level of happiness for yourself. 

Allow yourself to heal, and let the universe play its part in your healing.

Signs & Signals of a False Twin Flame

We're all looking for our soulmate, also known as a twin flame.  There are so many discussions about it online, in books, movies, and personal conversations.  Because of this, there is often a lot of confusion among people as to whether or not the "twin flame" that they're currently involved with is their true soulmate… as opposed to the false "twin flame."

Because our hopes and dreams hinge frequently on finding this person, we may sometimes come across people who seem too good to be true… false twin flames.  Here are some signs that, perhaps, the person who seems like they might be a true twin flame, is actually a false one.

Just as our twin flame has many similarities to us, so too will the false twin flame.  On a superficial level, this person may seem to be rather similar -- and sometimes, very similar, or complimentary to us.  They may share similar goals, backgrounds, values, or personal tastes.  However, with a false twin flame, the similarities may end there.

You true soulmate, or any person who loves you, will naturally want to be supportive of positive changes within your life.  The hallmark of a false twin flame is of duplicitousness.  If this person's behavior does not correspond to the love and care of your relationship, your feelings or personal well-being, then this person may not be exactly whom they seem to be.

Everyone has faults, flaws, and things about themselves that they'd like to repair.  However, sooner or later, most of us will come to terms with those issues as we mature.  Just as you are willing to sacrifice and improve yourself for the good of your relationship, so too should your soulmate be willing to do the same for you and your relationship.  A false twin flame may show a selfish streak, be unwilling to improve him- or herself, or exhibit a lack of care regarding your feelings or what's best for you as a couple.

A false twin flame will also take advantage of the other person in the relationship, be it financially, spiritually, sexually, or otherwise.  All the giving in the world is not enough for the false twin flame.  The false twin flame is left unfulfilled, as is the giver.  No one wins in a relationship like this.

While there may be a deep attraction between the two people, the giver may still feel a sense of anxiety or stress in the relationship.  The false twin flame may behave in ways that upset or depress the giver, whether these actions are conscious or not.  The false twin flame may deplete or sap the energy of the giver.  This is not a healthy relationship.

Upon a break between these two, the giver may come to realize exactly how much time and effort was expended into this relationship while the false twin flame did not truly experience the same connection.  Remember that many connections which are easily made, are also easily broken.  It is important to take an objective look at this relationship.  There are lessons to be learned from dealing with false twin flames as we evolve ever closer to the person we're supposed to be as we prepare to receive our true soulmate.

Dealing With Unhealthy Attachments

Getting mired down in bad situations can bring your emotional well-being to a screeching halt!

We all need to weather things that we don't like.  From time to time, you might need to take a job that doesn't exactly thrill you.  Perhaps you'll be required to interact with people who are less than nice -- but you've gotta do it.  Life often has messes to clean, people to handle, problems to manage.  It's just the way things are.

That said, there is a dark side to this coin... or, should I say, an even darker side?  There are times and situations into which we will immerse our own selves, yet there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to it.  Perhaps we're stuck in a dead-end job, despite our fine qualifications.  Or maybe we allow ourselves to continue in a very unsatisfying and harmful relationship instead of ending things and moving along into a healthier direction.

We don't always make our own misery in life -- there's plenty which is handed to us.  However, because there are so many things in life which cannot be controlled, there really is no reason to continue dealing with unhealthy and upsetting things when we can control them.

When you choose to move your life into a healthy direction, you're choosing happiness.  You're choosing life and positivity with all who know you.  You are enabling yourself to give and receive love more freely when you let go of unhealthy attachments.  It can be incredibly hard not to fall into traps like this -- but so rewarding when you free yourself.

Seeking Help on Your Spiritual Quest

While you ask the universe for assistance to further your spiritual journey, try asking others around you for insight as well.  We're all moving along our own personal paths to spirituality at different rates, different times, and in different ways.  No two people will have the same experiences, and no two people will require the same type of help along the way.  However, you never know where inspiration will strike.  Talk to the people around you; ask about their own spiritualities.  Get insight and information on what the cornerstones of others' faith may be.  If you find something interesting in your research, take what you learn and try to find ways to apply those pearls of wisdom to your own life.  Remember to do your research, as well.  Don't be afraid to read books and do some research on the internet as well.   Without expanding your world and learning new things, you can grow spiritually stagnant.  You'll never get anywhere if you stay still!  You must open your heart and mind in order to receive what the universe and those around you are willing to give to you.  Your higher power may be reaching out to you through other sources, such as people and books that you encounter.  Receive these gifts, as they are given with love, and use them to empower yourself as you progress in your journey.

How to Be Sexier for Your Man: Lesson #5, Connecting With Him

Another great way to be sexier for your man is to flat-out tell him that you are trying to be sexy for him.  He'll get quite a boost realizing that you're trying to please him.  You could also talk about fantasies or things that you might want to try in bed.  Who knows… you may just learn something that you didn't know before.

Physical contact is also important.  You don't need to jump on him right that very second -- though I bet he wouldn't mind that, either! -- Be a bit of a seductress.  Use your hands to caress him, massage him, and just enjoy being close.  Kissing works too, especially if it's been awhile since the two of you really kissed.  If you're unsure how to begin, try remembering -- and talking about -- sweet or loving or romantic memories that the two of you share, such as when you first met or when you just began dating. 

Remember that every relationship, no matter how successful, can always use a little something extra now and then.  Keeping the spark with someone you love can sometimes take a bit of effort at times.  The good news is that when you make the effort, you will find that it's well worth it.  And that old gentle flame that you've enjoyed for years can turn into a roaring blaze before you know what's happening!

How To Be Sexier For Your Man, Lesson #3: Affirmations

Affirmations are scripts that you can use for self-talk to infuse a little positivity in your mind.    If you feel that you need a little boost in the confidence department, try some positive affirmations to get things going. 

Some of my favorites to enhance one's sex appeal are as follows:
 
I'm beautiful every day, but today I look especially hot!

Men really respond to my sexy energy.

My butt (or my chest) looks great in these jeans… or in this dress… pick your most flattering outfit and tell yourself how gorgeous you look!

I can have anyone I want.

I'm every man's dream come true.

I am naturally so enticing, that no one can resist me.

While it's true that some of these are a little bit over the top, that's the whole point of affirmations.  Make them as vivid and wild as you like.  Spark your inner creativity and live in that moment of personal empowerment.

"You can get through anything if you stay put in today."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom. There's something for everyone! I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson: "You can get through anything if you stay put in today."

An old adage that is commonly used in time of stress or discord is "one day at a time."  Each day will bring you joy and sorrow, sweet and bitter.  Make the most of every day of your life, and those moments which are good and bad.  When a problem comes up, or you become immersed in crisis, the temptation to run away from the problem is great.  Ignoring or checking out when things get tough can be a seductive and tempting option indeed.  But, instead of simply shutting down or running away, you are best served to deal with your discord head-on.  By staying firmly grounded in the issues which are in front of you, you will be able to deal with them and to move on with your life -- in peace and fulfillment.


Visit Regina's website here.

How To Be Sexier For Your Man, Lesson #2

Another very important thing to remember is that men are visual creatures.  If he's with you already, then you know that he likes the way you look.  But if you want to dress in a way that he finds exciting, go for it!  One word of caution, however… make ABSOLUTELY sure that the clothing you choose makes you feel sexy and comfortable.  They don't need to be totally revealing, but they should flatter you and make you feel sexy.  If not, you're going to insecure and uncomfortable, and no matter what you might be wearing on top -- your discomfort will show.  And that is NOT sexy.

You could go with a traditional method, like a candlelit dinner at home, romantic music, and with you wearing something slinky and sultry.  All of that stuff really does work, because it sends out all of the signals that you're making an effort to really be exciting and sexy for him.  But you need to back up that stuff with the right frame of mind.  You don't need to wait for a special occasion to be more sexy for your man, just choose a time that you feel comfortable with. If he's the kind of guy who likes schedules, feel free to plan it in advance so that you can both relax more.

Make it special.  Light some candles, wear something that makes you feel red hot.

You might think that having a romantic night with your lover seems a bit silly, especially if you've been together a long time, but don't underestimate it.  Guys like to be made to feel special, too.  And when one person does that for their partner -- the partner will be more likely to reciprocate sometime down the line.

Remember that confidence is key.  Many confident women are brought up being made to feel as though they are beautiful, competent, and all-around wonderful.  As they grow into women, this confidence translates into greater professional successes, as well as personal ones. 

How To Be Sexier For Your Man, Lesson #1: Confidence

Let's talk a little about how to be sexy for your man -- whether it's a new boyfriend that you're just connecting with, or your lifelong husband who knows you all too well.

Before we begin, I do want to state that in a relationship that's based on love and respect, it's healthy to take your lover's needs and wants into consideration. Please the one you love, and be pleased in return.

Have you ever noticed that some girls seem to attract a lot of guys, even if they aren't particularly beautiful, and don't seem really special in any way? There's a secret that they know, which I'm going to let you in on right now.

The real key is confidence. Confidence can make anyone -- from the beautiful to the downright ugly -- seem exceptionally intriguing.

The best place to start is within your own mind. If you project a sexy energy and try to keep a positive, confident mindset, your man will definitely feel that energy. And he'll sense that sexy inner glow that you're projecting for him.

"Does He Like Me?" Even More Ways To Tell If He Likes You!

He smiles a lot when he's around you.

He stares at you... (Your face, not just your other body parts.)

He becomes clumsy, tongue-tied, or awkward around you.

He remembers small details about you that other people don't remember.

He touches you -- even low-key subtle touching.

He sticks up for you.

He behaves in a more cool, mature way when you're around.

He shares a playlist with you. (Very intimate!)

He asks real questions about your life. (Other than just "How's it going?)

He asks if you want to "hang out" casually.  (If he really likes you, he may
be nervous to actually ask for a DATE!)

He asks questions about you to your friends.

He tries to find out who you like: is it someone else?  Or maybe it's him?

He says your name a lot when you talk with him.

He calls you, texts you, or chats with you on Facebook more than he used to.

He talks about other girls around you, trying to make you jealous.

He refers to you by a nickname (even a slightly teasing one).He laughs at your jokes... even the ones that aren't very funny.

When he jokes about something, he looks at you first to see your reaction.

He talks as if you're a couple, makes flirty references to you, jokes about dating you, etc.

He compliments the way you look.

How to Cut Toxic People & Negative Friends Out of Your Life

Connections with other people are one of life's greatest joys. Interacting with those that you love and who love you can make the difference between an awful day and an amazing one.

However, we all have people in our lives who are less than perfect. In fact, no one in this world is perfect! There will be times when our best friends, loved ones, and life partners will have bad days. They might grumble, they might be negative, or they may even be snarky and mean to us. Or, we might be the ones who are feeling negative, and will do the same to other people. This is normal and natural -- everyone has good days and bad. If we love each other, we'll put up with it, because the bad is often outweighed by the good.

But there are also people who don't quite fit this mold. You know the types I'm talking about -- the drama queens, the judgmental jerks, the negativity sinks, the time wasters, negative friends, and the users. (I have a book about emotional vampires, which you can peruse here, which goes into greater depth about the types of emotional vampires that we deal with on a day to day basis.) When you care about someone, but they are depleting you, perhaps it's time to have a heart-to-hear with them about what's going on. It is okay to speak up and explain to your negative friends when your needs aren't getting met. Don't assume that you're being selfish just because you're standing up for yourself and your own well-being. (Also… here's a radical thought: What's so wrong with being a bit selfish now and again, anyway?) Dump that toxic friend! You do not need to spend time with someone who's draining away your energy.

If you've already had these conversations with those negative friends, and you're still searching for ways to end a friendship gracefully, chances are that your needs are still not being met. I'm assuming that you've already taken a good, long look at the friendship, including the parts that you had played in your dealings with this emotional vampire.

You may be feeling as though you've tried all of the solutions that you can -- speaking from the heart, setting limits, enforcing boundaries, or saying "no" once in awhile, only to continue to be met with disrespect, negativity, or a lack of reciprocity. It's now time for you to cut this toxic friendship from your life, so that you can invest that time in focusing on bigger and better things.

There are two ways that you can go about this: The easy way (which is often harder!), and the hard way (which is often easier!). Either can be effective; it simply depends on the type of negative person you are cutting out of your life.

The easy one has one basic step: Just cut them out. Quit calling or texting them. Stop taking their calls, unfriend them online, quit inviting them to your functions, and stop going to theirs. If you have mutual friends, you must also resist the temptation to talk about them with those friends. The drawback of this is that there could be some backlash, particularly if you're close. However, if this "friend" has done an egregious thing to you, betrayed a major trust, or committed some significant act of betrayal, it may be the way to go.

The hard way involves keeping the negative friend in your life. However, you'll simply be spending less time with them. (I must admit, I've done this method before! It works!) This method is much better for people that you do like, but are just too difficult to be around all the time. Maybe they're very high-maintenance, very negative, or just really different from you in uncomfortable ways. Perhaps they don't respect your boundaries and don't seem to respond well to discussions or other attempts to correct it. However, if they genuinely mean well and are not going out of their way to hurt you, the "hard way" is worth a try. It will take a lot more time, but will also be much easier on your friendship. Encourage this person to branch out and do new things -- this way, there'll be less time for them to bug you. ;) Pare down your communication: for example, if you speak on the phone every day or two, try cutting down to a couple times a week. If you hang out every week, try canceling from time to time and see if you can get it down to a couple of times a month. Make a plan to reduce the amount of time that you spend with him or her. Write it down on your calendar if you need to, but stick to the plan. On the occasions that you do talk or hang out, keep things positive and cordial. I'd also recommend that, during any conversation that you do have, you try to insert details about things that are keeping you so busy -- talk about your kids, your job, any hobbies or interests or obligations which might take up your time. You don't need to complain about these types of things (unless they truly are driving you nuts!), but making sure to acknowledge them will help take the edge off with your friend.

If you have mutual friends, and you try the above method, you may be required to spend time with this person anyway. That's okay! Sometimes being in a group with the toxic person can make things a lot more palatable. You'll both have other people to talk with, and you can even spend time together in a more controlled setting.

A few words of caution: If you're trying valiantly to keep things civil and the other person is not being accepting of the way things are, things could get dicey. Try the following phrases to diffuse tension:

"I understand."

"I'm sorry."

"Let's talk about this later, when we've both had time to calm down."

Whether you actually agree with the above statements is not the point. Diffusing a tough situation is the name of the game. Anyone who is going to throw tantrums, though, might need you to revert back to "the easy method."

Does this technique sound passive-aggressive? I know that some aspects of it certainly are. However, when you're dealing with an emotional vampire, sometimes it's much easier to do things gently as it helps to minimize the drama which is the emotional vampire's lifeblood. It also helps to preserve your sanity, as well.

Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #11: Do What You Love

This lesson sounds way too simple to be true -- but it is!  If you're anything like the rest of the world, you have little things that you secretly love.  Those guilty little pleasures that you'd rather die than admit to, but secretly, you're loving every nasty little second of it.

I'm talking about things like the secret way that you sing in the shower, or dance in the bathroom when no one's around.  Or the illicit thrill you get when flipping through the TV channels, and you come across a tacky talk-show or a really bizarre movie that you're way to "cool" to admit to loving.

Why not embrace those little quirks that you try so hard to deny?  There is nothing wrong with doing what you love, and being proud of it.  Even if you consider those loves to be too trivial, too silly, or too out of character -- so what?  You need to make time in your life for a bit of levity and fun.  Not every second of your life has to be dedicated solely to accomplishing goals and achieving successes.  You need to make time to appreciate the simple, fun, and enjoyable things as well. 

Pursue happiness wherever it pleases you.  Remember how things where when you were a child, chasing fun and frivolity when the mood strikes.  Balancing work and play can make your life much happier, much more productive, and much more awesome!

How To Deal With the Loss of a Pet

Here's a picture of my beloved Clovis, who will have been gone for 10 years today.  She was my first bunny, and I can't tell you how much I lover her still.  What an amazing girl she was!  She was only 4 pounds, but this Holland Lop taught me about bunnies, and a lot about myself too.  Even now, I know she's watching over me from the beyond.

Not everyone can understand how it feels to lose a cherished pet.  Whether you're experiencing with the loss of your cat, trying to handle the death of your dog, or dealing with losing another pet who has passed away, the shock of grief can be surprising to you.  Perhaps you did not expect this loss to affect you the way it is doing.  However, many people across the world have experienced this pain.  You're not alone.  We all need a hand in dealing with our pain sometimes.  Here are a few tips to help you get through this difficult time.  

Give yourself ample time to grieve.  This cannot be overstated!  Folks who are not animal lovers will never understand.  Even though our pets are not humans, they are are still a part of our family.  You won't feel better overnight, so allow yourself a few days to get over the initial shock and grief.  If you can take a day or two off of work, go for it.  Take a "mental health day" or two if you feel that you need it.  Give yourself a bit of time to feel your emotions and to adjust.

Talk with others who will understand.  Not everyone is going to acknowledge that your pet is worth mourning.  I still remember when my favorite rat, who had lived almost 3 years, passed suddenly when I was across the country.  I got the phone call from my brother, and later when my great-grandmother called me to see how I was doing, she said "You shouldn't feel that way about an animal."  (I loved my Gram dearly, but she just wasn't an animal person!)  When Clovis was ill in the hospital, one of my in-laws told me not to worry, I can just buy a "Clovis #2" if she didn't make it.  Neither of these statements were meant to make me feel bad; they both came from people who love me!  But some folks will get it, and some won't.  It's a lot better to talk about your pet (and your feelings) with those who do get it.  Anything less will just make you feel worse, belittle your feelings (unintentionally, I'm sure!), and just piss you off unnecessarily.  

Share the memories with folks who knew your pet.  This is a common healing technique that people often use with their kids, when a beloved dog or cat dies.  But why limit it to young people, when it can be beneficial to just about anyone?  Talk about the good times.  Remember the funny things that your cat used to do.  Talk about how cute your dog was when you first brought him home.  Look at pictures, tell stories, and enjoy the stroll down memory lane.  Remembering is a wonderful way to begin healing after the loss of your pet.

Keep their things close by.  You'd think that this might make it hurt more, but in those first days after your pet dies, having their toys, their special blankie, or their other important items near can actually be comforting to you.  Over time, you may want to start boxing up their things.  Toss some of them if and when you feel ready.  You can also donate things that are still good, or maybe just save their things.  I still have Clovis's "bunny bed" (it was actually a small dog bed that she'd snooze on in the living room sometimes), and her soft stuffed carrot that squeaks -- a full decade later!  I also have my Seamus's "cone of shame" from the bunny vet.  I don't think I'll ever give them away.  Right now, they're in my storage space, but it feels nice just knowing I can visit them whenever I feel the need.

When you're feeling ready, adopt a new pet!  I know you'd feel like you're "cheating" on them... but after a suitable time, you may want to open your heart and home to a new dog or cat.  The loss of a pet can be traumatic and upsetting, but after your pet has died, you may find that you want to get a new one at some point.  I waited about six weeks after Clovis died; I knew that she would have wanted me to adopt a bunny who was homeless, and who needed me.  We wound up adopting two, and they were with us for seven great years!  (And after they were gone, we adopted two more bunnies!)  Knowing Clovis gave 4 other bunnies the chance to be adopted and loved!  When your pet dies, try to think of what would do the best good.  Taking that into consideration can help you to make the right decision.