Navigating the Wild World of Online Dating

Be careful, friends! As fun as dating apps or online dating can be, and as rewarding as it can be to find new opportunities to meet “the one,” there are some important things you need to know for dating app success. Sharpen your matchmaking skills with some of these easy tips!

Tip 1: Looks do matter, but not the way you think! I’m not saying you need to be a perfect 10, but you should try to bring out your best features. Take a flattering, natural photo for your profile. Dress neatly, with clothes that are flattering and in good condition. (If you’re strapped for cash or unsure about ideas, decide on an easy casual date uniform — such as a good pair of jeans and a neutral colored top — keep it clean and you can’t go wrong!  Make sure your body is clean and wearing deodorant. Also, don’t forget to brush your teeth and pop a breath mint before the crucial moment.

Tip 2: Compliment your date! You’ve taken the trouble to make a good impression. Be sure to tell your date that they look nice, too. If you’re just talking online, you can also compliment their jokes or cool subjects that they discuss.

Tip 3: Positive vibes only. Be sure to talk about light subjects at first. Share good news, be attentive and supportive of the other person’s news as well. Be cheerful. Make lemonade out of the lemons. Make sure your friend is comfortable by not being racist, inappropriate, or unkind. Unless, of course, that’s who you really are (in which case I’d recommend getting a bit of help with that).

These are the basics, but they’ll help you get the ball rolling. Do you have any tips for our readers? Feel free to share! 

Spend Time With Your Friends

We often get immersed in relationships with our significant others, or our families.  But we should also strive to spend time with our friends, too.

Friends are the families that we choose for ourselves.  Lovers may come and go.  Family members -- even though they love us -- can sometimes possess blind spots about us, since their opinions of us may not change as we grow.  Friendships with those outside of our romantic or familial circles are vital to our psychological and spiritual health; they can offer us perspectives of who we are as people.  Friends can also give us the objective opinions and ideas that others may not.

Make the time to maintain the relationships with your existing friends, or expand your social circle to include more people. 

My Lucky Bingo Mat

From time to time, when I see a product or service that is truly beneficial, I love sharing it with my readers and followers.  Since so many of you love the thrill that come with games of chance, I wanted to share with you my thoughts about a cool product that I've recently learned about.  It's called My Lucky Bingo Mat, and it's a real game changer!

I have no doubt that many of you love Bingo as much as I do! (After all, even psychic sages need their downtime to hang with the ladies & let off some steam!)  However, there are a few things that have actually kept me away from my favorite Monday night haunt (Club Cafe's Bingo night!).  Simply put, there are issues involving "turf wars."  People like to spread out and crowd one another, which means I have to go early and try really hard not to sit near any known offenders.

My Lucky Bingo Mat has changed that problem for me.  Now my personal space is well defined, and since the mat is non-slip silicone, it stays right where I put it rather than scooting around and accidentally crowding anyone else.  This feature is actually just a bonus for its intended use:  The non-slip fabrication means that your cards stay right where you put them without having to waste time and tape.  All you need to do is lay your cards right onto the mat, and enjoy yourself -- presto, no muss and no fuss!  The silicone mat has plenty of room for your little extras (like daubers and lucky charms), and is easy to care for too; should you spill your latte while jumping up to yell "BINGO!," the surface needs only a quick wipe to be as good as new!

Recently, I bought one for a good friend of mine who is disabled.  Bingo is one of the things that she still enjoys quite a lot, but since she suffers from neuropathy and arthritis, she doesn't get out as much as she used to.  (I never mind taping her cards for her, but I know she hates to ask!)  I think she's going to be delighted with her very own My Lucky Bingo Mat, in her signature lucky color -- red!

To all of you who are ready to ditch the tape and focus on fun: I highly recommend this product!  Go to their website to learn more. :)

The Futility of Blaming Yourself and Others

The common saying goes, "When you point a finger at someone else, you have three more pointing back at you."  It's true that many folks tend to use the power of blame as a weapon against being wrong, taking responsibility, and losing the current argument!  And many times, the person who's doing the blaming tends to be at least as responsible for the problem on the table.

Naturally, there is a difference between misplacing blame on others, and legitimate blame which falls squarely in the court of a transgressor who has made mistakes (or consciously detrimental choices).  However, in the moment of crisis, blaming others is not really a very productive way to handle things.  If you are being blamed, you must clean up your own mess.  If the mess is the fault of another, you need to decide:  is this action going to help the situation?  Or will it make things worse?  Most of the time, a bad situation really needs to be handled before adding another layer of problems on top of what already exists.

Once your mess has been cleaned up, it is then time for the offending parties to take responsibility for his or her actions.  If that's you, take your medicine.  Learn.  Make amends in whatever reasonable ways are required by the people and situations at hand.  If it's someone else, give that person the chance to make things right.  Forgive, forget, and move on with your life.

If the person to blame has no remorse for his or her transgressions, you may need to re-evaluate the realities of this relationship.

"Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about."

Does your life feel like it's so much harder than everyone else's?  Are you constantly looking around at your friends, your family, and those people on Facebook that you went to school with and thinking, "Damn, these people have perfect lives!"  The truth is that we really don't know what someone's life looks like on the inside.  The person in public who brags about their wealth, their great marriage, or their amazing kids may be doing just that -- bragging.  Who knows what really happens when they walk through their front doors?  The same can be said for someone who smiles and tries to seem brave when life is throwing them some hard times.  We can also try to be more understanding of those who complain when their lives seem so effortless; the truth is that we just don't know what someone else's life is truly like.  Stop comparing your own to something that you don't fully understand.  Don't judge.  Life is hard enough for all of us.




Visit Regina's website here.

"Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone."

"Misery loves company."  This old chestnut is pretty well-worn into the collective subconscious.  When we share our disappointments with someone who can relate, life doesn't seem to hurt so much.  People who are hurting over the same loss can find strength and comfort in grieving together.  Even if you're crying and the other parties involved are not, accept the love and help of those around you who wish to be there for you in your time of emotional need.  Chances are good that in the future, they'll need to be with you, too, when their time comes. 


Visit Regina's website here.

"Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!
I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  ""Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does."

People often worry unnecessarily about what other people think of them.  It's human nature!  We want to look just right; we can become consumed with looking the part, acting like we know everything, speaking with confidence.  "Fake it 'til you make it" is an oft-heard mantra in the self-help game.  It's not terrible advice at all, but sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that most people are too absorbed in their own needs to be confident, to look great, and to sound intelligent -- just like you are!  Learn to laugh at yourself sometimes.  Realize that you are good enough as you are.  Aspire to your dreams, but never feel the need to put on airs or to feel shame for the person you are.  If you screw up, laugh and learn.  Then, when you're ready, try again!



Visit Regina's website here.

How to Cut Toxic People & Negative Friends Out of Your Life

Connections with other people are one of life's greatest joys. Interacting with those that you love and who love you can make the difference between an awful day and an amazing one.

However, we all have people in our lives who are less than perfect. In fact, no one in this world is perfect! There will be times when our best friends, loved ones, and life partners will have bad days. They might grumble, they might be negative, or they may even be snarky and mean to us. Or, we might be the ones who are feeling negative, and will do the same to other people. This is normal and natural -- everyone has good days and bad. If we love each other, we'll put up with it, because the bad is often outweighed by the good.

But there are also people who don't quite fit this mold. You know the types I'm talking about -- the drama queens, the judgmental jerks, the negativity sinks, the time wasters, negative friends, and the users. (I have a book about emotional vampires, which you can peruse here, which goes into greater depth about the types of emotional vampires that we deal with on a day to day basis.) When you care about someone, but they are depleting you, perhaps it's time to have a heart-to-hear with them about what's going on. It is okay to speak up and explain to your negative friends when your needs aren't getting met. Don't assume that you're being selfish just because you're standing up for yourself and your own well-being. (Also… here's a radical thought: What's so wrong with being a bit selfish now and again, anyway?) Dump that toxic friend! You do not need to spend time with someone who's draining away your energy.

If you've already had these conversations with those negative friends, and you're still searching for ways to end a friendship gracefully, chances are that your needs are still not being met. I'm assuming that you've already taken a good, long look at the friendship, including the parts that you had played in your dealings with this emotional vampire.

You may be feeling as though you've tried all of the solutions that you can -- speaking from the heart, setting limits, enforcing boundaries, or saying "no" once in awhile, only to continue to be met with disrespect, negativity, or a lack of reciprocity. It's now time for you to cut this toxic friendship from your life, so that you can invest that time in focusing on bigger and better things.

There are two ways that you can go about this: The easy way (which is often harder!), and the hard way (which is often easier!). Either can be effective; it simply depends on the type of negative person you are cutting out of your life.

The easy one has one basic step: Just cut them out. Quit calling or texting them. Stop taking their calls, unfriend them online, quit inviting them to your functions, and stop going to theirs. If you have mutual friends, you must also resist the temptation to talk about them with those friends. The drawback of this is that there could be some backlash, particularly if you're close. However, if this "friend" has done an egregious thing to you, betrayed a major trust, or committed some significant act of betrayal, it may be the way to go.

The hard way involves keeping the negative friend in your life. However, you'll simply be spending less time with them. (I must admit, I've done this method before! It works!) This method is much better for people that you do like, but are just too difficult to be around all the time. Maybe they're very high-maintenance, very negative, or just really different from you in uncomfortable ways. Perhaps they don't respect your boundaries and don't seem to respond well to discussions or other attempts to correct it. However, if they genuinely mean well and are not going out of their way to hurt you, the "hard way" is worth a try. It will take a lot more time, but will also be much easier on your friendship. Encourage this person to branch out and do new things -- this way, there'll be less time for them to bug you. ;) Pare down your communication: for example, if you speak on the phone every day or two, try cutting down to a couple times a week. If you hang out every week, try canceling from time to time and see if you can get it down to a couple of times a month. Make a plan to reduce the amount of time that you spend with him or her. Write it down on your calendar if you need to, but stick to the plan. On the occasions that you do talk or hang out, keep things positive and cordial. I'd also recommend that, during any conversation that you do have, you try to insert details about things that are keeping you so busy -- talk about your kids, your job, any hobbies or interests or obligations which might take up your time. You don't need to complain about these types of things (unless they truly are driving you nuts!), but making sure to acknowledge them will help take the edge off with your friend.

If you have mutual friends, and you try the above method, you may be required to spend time with this person anyway. That's okay! Sometimes being in a group with the toxic person can make things a lot more palatable. You'll both have other people to talk with, and you can even spend time together in a more controlled setting.

A few words of caution: If you're trying valiantly to keep things civil and the other person is not being accepting of the way things are, things could get dicey. Try the following phrases to diffuse tension:

"I understand."

"I'm sorry."

"Let's talk about this later, when we've both had time to calm down."

Whether you actually agree with the above statements is not the point. Diffusing a tough situation is the name of the game. Anyone who is going to throw tantrums, though, might need you to revert back to "the easy method."

Does this technique sound passive-aggressive? I know that some aspects of it certainly are. However, when you're dealing with an emotional vampire, sometimes it's much easier to do things gently as it helps to minimize the drama which is the emotional vampire's lifeblood. It also helps to preserve your sanity, as well.

Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #11: Do What You Love

This lesson sounds way too simple to be true -- but it is!  If you're anything like the rest of the world, you have little things that you secretly love.  Those guilty little pleasures that you'd rather die than admit to, but secretly, you're loving every nasty little second of it.

I'm talking about things like the secret way that you sing in the shower, or dance in the bathroom when no one's around.  Or the illicit thrill you get when flipping through the TV channels, and you come across a tacky talk-show or a really bizarre movie that you're way to "cool" to admit to loving.

Why not embrace those little quirks that you try so hard to deny?  There is nothing wrong with doing what you love, and being proud of it.  Even if you consider those loves to be too trivial, too silly, or too out of character -- so what?  You need to make time in your life for a bit of levity and fun.  Not every second of your life has to be dedicated solely to accomplishing goals and achieving successes.  You need to make time to appreciate the simple, fun, and enjoyable things as well. 

Pursue happiness wherever it pleases you.  Remember how things where when you were a child, chasing fun and frivolity when the mood strikes.  Balancing work and play can make your life much happier, much more productive, and much more awesome!

Having an Awesome Life: Lesson #8, Keep It Real

You might notice that the drawing style for this month's Awesome Life affirmation is a little different than those from the months before it.  Well, there's a reason for that.

In a world that often seems to push a homogenized lifestyle, uniqueness is given a rather low value at times.  But there's no way around it: we're all different.  Every person on this planet has unique traits, qualities, abilities, and thoughts.  There's nothing wrong with being a special snowflake, is there?  Of course not!

An emotion that many people seem to experience is fear of rejection.  We often worry that the ways that we may be different from others will alienate us; our values, thoughts, or lifestyles will drive other people away or cause us pain because we will not be accepted.  While there's always the risk of experiencing disapproval from those around us, it's also important to be able to look in the mirror each day and realize that you are living your true will.

As long as you're not infringing on other people's rights to safety and happiness, there is nothing at all wrong with keeping it real.  In fact, there's a lot of good that comes out of being yourself and meeting life on your own unique terms.  It is very satisfying to be admired and respected for being your own original self.

Learn what makes you special and unique.  Keep it real!

Valentine's Day Spa Indulgence Ideas for Your Love!

While Valentine's Day can be fun and sensual for you and your romantic interest, you can enjoy these recipes with anyone -- have a good time with friends during your own personal at-home "spa party," or just relax and enjoy these recipes by yourself.  Here are a few ideas to pamper that "special someone" at home with a few easy spa-inspired preparations! :)

1. Make a rosewater toner using fresh rose petals! Pour a cup of boiling water over a cup of rose petals. Cover and steep the mixture until it's cool enough to handle. Strain the petals from the liquid, giving them a good squeeze to release all the yummy rose essence. Keep this in a sterilized spray bottle in the fridge for a cool pick-me-up anytime.

2. Bath salts are so easy to make! Get your favorite coffee mug, fill it halfway with any salt you happen to have around (epsom salt is great, but so is sea salt or even your standard iodized table salt!), a few pinches of baking soda, and a couple drops of your favorite essential oil. Pour this into your bath water for a purifying and enjoyable soak in the tub.

3. Take your favorite lotion and immerse the container in a sink filled with hot water for a soothing, warm massage.

4. Sugar scrub is another little treat that's sure to delight the skin when it's in need of a little exfoliation. Mix two parts sugar (white or brown) to one part olive oil. Add a few pinches of cinnamon and/or ginger from your spice rack, and voila, a luscious treatment for sexy, glowing skin!

Happy Birthday, Aquarius!

Birthday greetings to the always unique, perpetually original Aquarius!

Ruled by Uranus, Aquarians are naturally unconventional and enjoy rebelling against conventional rules, for the simple pleasure of striking out on their own and doing things their own way.  Aquarius people tend to be caring humanitarians as well, with an interest in helping humankind as a whole.  Peace and love among all people are often very important to them.  While there is sometimes a feeling of detachment between Aquarius and those around him or her, it's not meant to be an unfriendly or uncaring energy -- Aquarians tend to be dreamy and can often get lost in their own thoughts.

These are the true visionaries and iconoclasts of the zodiac!  With an Aquarius by your side, get ready for anything -- adventure and the unknown always awaits when you have a friend like this!

Happy Birthday, Aquarius friends!  We love you!

P. S.  I made some cute birthday images of each zodiac sign, including Aquarius.  I hope that you enjoy these!  They're licensed under "Creative Commons" (non-commercial only) so feel free to share them and use them on Facebook, Myspace, or wherever you like to network with your friends.  Have fun!

This work by ConsultTheSage.Com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

When Will He Call Me? Why Isn't He Calling?

As a professional psychic and spiritual life coach, I am contacted almost daily by women who ask me heartbreaking questions: "Why won't he call me? When will he contact me again?" It's often about someone who may have shared only a brief connection with her, such as a man that she has recently met. However, this question is asked about an ex with whom she shared her life, someone of whom she has trouble letting go. I can always sense the pain and wistful sorrow of someone who needs the answer to this question. And, while sometimes I can see the man in question picking up the phone or running into the querent again sometime in the future, very often I don't sense any pending form of contact. It kills me to tell her that the phone won't be ringing anytime soon, but I do have to be honest in situations like that, no matter how hard it is for her to hear the truth.

Why, then, would someone be hung up on this lack of communication? Some women will hold out the hope of a love who will return for weeks, months, or even years. I've heard from quite a few who are unable to move on with their lives, always in limbo, always waiting for him. If you're waiting for contact from someone where none seems to be forthcoming, please know that there are millions of people out there who feel your pain, and have gone through it before. There are many reasons why the contact won't come. Often, it is best to acknowledge these reasons so that you can move on with your own life. Here are a few of the most common realities that we may need to understand:  the reality of these reasons can be harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts!

1. He has already moved on with his life -- or wants to. In each relationship, there is always one person who is able to carry onward faster and easier than the other. Both people may be able to do it with relative ease, but someone always has to be "first" with that. Perhaps, in your case, he simply requires less grieving time. Or in the reverse, maybe he'd rather not re-open old wounds which he is struggling to heal. At any rate, calling you would seem counter productive in this case; he may still care for you, however contact with you is simply not on the list of things to do if he'd like to heal and get on with the business of living.

2. He is afraid. If the relationship ended on bad terms regardless of who is at fault, perhaps he realizes that there is still a lot of anger, bitterness, or resentment. Since the relationship is over, he doesn't see a need to call and rehash old issues that have already been set in stone. This is especially true if he was the cause of this break in your relationship. Think of it this way: If you hurt or betrayed someone, would you really want to contact them again just to see how they're doing? Females are more often inclined to answer this question with a "yes," because we tend to need closure and approval in ways that men do not. Many males would simply prefer to avoid any further messiness once they've been spattered with a bit of someone else's emotions. And if you're already broken up, he just doesn't see the point in putting himself through the emotional wringer again.

3. He is angry or hurt. If you were the one who initiated the argument or breakup, you can bet that his ego will be smarting for some time to come. There may be some residual annoyance, resentment, or embarrassment left over from the break. This type of wounded pride will produce a great deal of reluctance to speak with you again. Even the strongest people are capable of succumbing to such vulnerabilities. If he was the person who initiated the breakup, he may still be harboring pain or resentment, in which case, he is simply not interested in rekindling any sort of communication with you.

4. He has other irons in the fire. Regardless of whether he's moved on from you with ease, or is still secretly pining away, it is entirely possible that he has found someone new. Perhaps he's deeply in love with this new person, perhaps he's just found someone fun with whom he can enjoy whiling away some time. Either way, if a man is getting his needs met by another woman, then it's very likely that he just doesn't feel a need to speak with you anymore. Or, even if he is a more sensitive type who does still care for you -- or even still holds a torch for you -- if he's with a new woman, communicating with you would be inappropriate. After all, would you be OK with your new lover calling his ex on a regular basis?

5. He is waiting to hear from you. We've already discussed cases where the anger, resentment, or rejection are serious enough to keep him away. But in some of those cases, your ex might be hoping that you're the one to initiate contact. If he's afraid of your anger, picking up the phone to say "No hard feelings," would be a step in the right direction. If he's still hurting or carrying his own resentment about the breakup, he may still be silently hoping for some type of closure. In a case like that, perhaps a well-written letter or email would assist him in making this transition.

No matter why the relationship ended, or how the other party is feeling, you must remember that not all people are meant to be permanent fixtures in our lives. Sometimes when fate brings people into one another's lives, they are destined to spend only a finite amount of time together. The most important thing is to enjoy those who love you for as long as they are near, and to accept a parting of the ways with grace and dignity. A new love may be just around the corner; if you focus too much on your past, you may very well miss the wonderful opportunities that will present themselves to you in the future.

Toxic Friends: Identifying & Handling Them

In order to have the happiest, healthiest life, it's so important for us to do things that are good for ourselves.  Friendship is one of those important ingredients for a rich and happy life -- a good friendship can nurture our spirit, bring positivity and hope into our lives, and provide the support that we need to reach our goals and fulfill our dreams.  Friends can be comfort when we're sad, support when we're hesiant, advice when we're confused.  We confide in them, and seek out their wisdom when we need it.  And we also have the same responsibilities toward our friends; those of us who take friendship seriously will understand the importance of reciprocity.

Wouldn't it be great if people came with labels?
Fortunately, toxic people are easy to spot
once you learn those tell-tale signs of toxicity.

However, as we evolve throughout our lives, so do our relationships with other people.  Life changes will also transform us, the way we view life, and the way we handle various issues that surround us.  Sometimes, our experiences, our successes and failures -- or those of the other party -- can change a friendship dynamic.  It's important to reevaluate ties with people who may not always be good for us.  You may have someone in mind that you're in the process of reevaluating right now.  Try using my checklist to help you.  Does your friend match any of these descriptions?

The Comedian.  The first thing on the list is to think about your interaction with the friend in question.  Is he or she using sarcasm to insult or undermine your self-esteem, to belittle you or your goals?  This can be especially stinging if such remarks are followed up with "I'm just joking," allowing the "friend" to hurt your feelings, yet effectively taking away your right to defend yourself.  While some people will snap or become cranky if they're having a bad day, or they're on the defensive because of some workable issue, pay close attention to these types of remarks.  If your friend is habitually using sarcasm to put you down, this is a calling card of friendship toxicity.  How to handle it:  Remember that this person is putting you down because of their own issues.  Or, perhaps there are some unhappy goings-on in the friend's life at the present time.  Wait it out and see what happens, but in the meantime, keep your shields up.  If things don't improve after a reasonable amount of time, it may be time to cut your losses.

The Rubber Neck.  In everyone's life, something bad will happen from time to time -- unemployment, serious illness, personal crisis.  Some friends will roll up their sleeves and do what they can to help you, even if it's just being there to lend an ear.  However, be aware of certain "tells" that the friend is behaving in a less-than-friendly manner.  One is that your friend may ask benign, yet rather nosey personal questions.  Perhaps you're trying to move on with your life and get things back to a place where you'd like it to be, yet your friend seems to only view you in relation to your crisis.  A friend who sits back and observes you as if they're watching a bad Lifetime movie or a really bad car accident -- someone who sees you only as some type of drama-fest to enjoy -- yet doesn't offer much in the way of help, is definitely toxic.  How to handle it:  This friend is not intentionally malicious, but nevertheless, it can be a frustrating situation.  It's best to keep the dirty details of your crises to yourself (or share with a truly supportive friend); keep contact with this person short and sweet.  If you need to take a break until you've moved on with your life a bit more, that's also understandable.  Maybe you won't be so interesting to the other person once you've put yourself in a better place.  Oh well.

The Pouting Princess.  I've written a few articles on emotional vampires, and the Pouting Princess is definitely an EV's close cousin!  To paraphrase, these are the sorts of people who are ridiculously needy and high-maintenance.  They may try to control or possess as much of your time as they can.  They may be jealous of the time you spend with others.  Or, perhaps they're just way too needy and clingy.  He or she may suck all the fun out of the room on the moment of entry, and you feel drained just thinking about him or her.  How to handle it:  Either "dump" them officially, or better yet, gradually try to fade away -- however you decide to handle it, by all means let them go.  Friendship is a give and take which should benefit both parties.  However, I did say give and take -- on both ends.  You doing all the giving, and them doing all the taking is not what I'd call healthy!

The Leech.  This is an easy one to spot: This is the type of friend who rarely or never has anything nice to say about you.  However, when you're needed for something, this person may manipulate you or take advantage of your good nature.  He or she may only be available when it's convenient for him or her, or when you are needed to bail him or her out.  There may also be some added drama and attempts to suck you into it. Clearly this is someone who's just out to use other people and cause chaos.  You rarely get "thank you" for helping out -- instead, you get "What else can you do for me?"  How to handle it:  Understand that this person is using you.  It's probably better if you just cut this person out of your life; but if you absolutely must deal with them, make sure to draw those boundaries firmly, and don't allow breaches.  And, like the vampire above, if you're noticing that the friendship isn't quite balancing out, head for the door and don't come back until this person is gone.

Remember that when you're faced with people who behave as I have described, you will eventually be faced with a three-fold choice.  

1.  Continue the friendship as it is, misery and all!

2.  Try working things out -- be honest about what's bothering you.

3.  End the friendship, either immediately or gradually.

Whatever happens, remember to trust your instincts.  You and the other person may have a shared past with one another, but that past just might not translate into a present or future.  Sometimes, people grow in different directions.  If you are not able to salvage the rifts in the friendship, it may be time to move on and set yourself (and the other party) free to pursue relationships which are more fulfilling.

Healthy Boundaries: Getting There

Now that we've discussed the basics of boundaries which are unhealthy for being too loose or too rigid -- and the importance of having healthy boundaries for their positive impact on your self-esteem and your relationships with others, let's learn how to establish those boundaries with others.


Step 1. What do you need?  Sit down and really figure out what you need in a relationship. What makes you feel respected? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Determine what your own personal needs, wants, and rights are. Establish boundaries based on what you think is reasonable. Remember that your rights and needs should be separate entities in and of themselves, and that your rights should end where those of others begin.

Step 2.  Discuss these boundaries with others. State your case clearly, and in with a neutral but firm attitude. Don't speak angrily or in a long-winded way. Just keep it clear and concise. You do not need to apologize for, rationalize, or argue while establishing this boundary. Be firm and respectful.

Step 3.  Remember why you're setting this boundary. If you expect people to understand and respect your needs, you must also understand that their reactions to this may be negative, especially if they are used to behaving in ways that are contrary to these boundaries. Don't apologize for protecting yourself. Don't feel selfish or guilty, just stand by your decision and remind yourself why you need your rights and needs to be respected by those who should care about you. This is a normal, natural and healthy part of the process. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but things will get easier with time.

Step 4.  Prepare yourself for the possibility of being tested. Most people will understand your feelings and respect them, but there might be people in your life who will not respect these boundaries. Others might accuse you of being selfish or mean for denying their unreasonable requests. But nevertheless, if their behavior is unacceptable to you, you must be confident and assert yourself. You cannot set a boundary and then apologize or rationalize it to others -- this sends a mixed message which might enable others to take advantage later. You can be respectful of the fact that some may not agree with your boundaries, but stay true to yourself. You have the right to be treated with respect. If people still don't respect your boundaries, you may have to put distance between yourself and them, possibly end the relationship or even pursue legal options if the other person still doesn't respect your rights.

Step 5. Establish a support system. This should be made up of people who do care about you, and who are willing to respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships with friends, family, and other people whose jobs are to care for you will make you stronger and more confident in yourself. Eliminate disrespectful, controlling, or abusive people from your life. Make more room for relationships with people who are caring and respectful.

Step 6.  Grow and evolve.  These changes may be uncomfortable or even scary for you at first.  But just keep in mind that you're doing this to improve the overall quality of your life, so some unpleasant backlash may be necessary for this growth.  Protecting yourself with healthy boundaries can enhance your relationships, boost your self-confidence, and radiate outward to inspire other positive changes in your life as well.

Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships Video

For those of you who are following my series on healthy boundaries, I have created this video as a companion piece to the first article.  In this video, the concept of boundaries is explored and further defined.  You will also learn the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy ones, as well as to determine if your boundaries are too rigid or too loose.

Also, remember that the most important thing about boundaries is that they help keep you safe.  No one can set or enforce those boundaries but YOU.  Protect yourself -- LOVE yourself -- you deserve it!

Does He Like Me? How to Tell if a Guy Loves You

I know... it sounds like the title of some article you'd read in a teen magazine, right? :)

As a psychic, this is HANDS-DOWN one of the questions that I am asked most often.  It usually goes a little something like this... "How does he REALLY feel about me?"  Whether it's a man that my client is dating, the hot guy next door who acts a bit flirty, or the shy but sweet guy at work, one thing is for sure: If a guy is really interested in you, you will know!  But sometimes it's hard to figure out the signs.  You can call me and ask if you like -- or any psychic -- a good one can help you determine if a man is interested in you.  However, for those of us who are more practical, you can also try using my simple checklist.  And if you know a woman who's not quite sure of the signs, feel free to forward this article to her, or give her the link to my YouTube video on this subject. ;)

Here's how to tell if a guy likes you, or how to know if he's falling in love with you:

#1. He's Most Interested In You.   If he's supposed to be paying attention to something else, but instead he's watching you and smiling... it's a good sign!

#2. He Takes Care of You.   He cares for your practical needs; like feeding you if you're hungry, warming you if you're cold. It may be to impress you; but also shows he really cares for your well-being.

#3. He Talks With You... (A Lot!)   Guys don't usually like having long personal discussions. If he's investing hours of time just talking with you, it means that he enjoys spending time in your presence.

#4. He Notices the Little Things.   Someone who's only attracted physically won't notice small details about you; a guy in love will! He might also ask specific questions about your life, or remember small things that you've mentioned in the past.

#5. He Cares About Your Opinion.  If there's something significant happening in his life, he'll ask for your take on the matter. This may mean that he respects you and also wants to take your feelings into consideration.

Astrological Compatibility Chart

This weekend, I constructed a basic chart for compatibilities based on astrological sun signs.  This is some very simple, basic compatibility data.  For best results, I'd recommend checking the natal charts of yourself and the person you're analyzing.  Even so, this is a nice quick-and-dirty bit of information that may help you learn a bit about yourself and someone else.  (Note: I may even make a YouTube companion video for the chart -- we shall see!)  To see the chart in a larger format, just click on it below.

1.  Hearts.  Generally a great dynamic with lots of attraction.  Called "conjunct" by astrologists everywhere, it is a dynamic that is very beneficial because you can understand one another quite well: your likes, dislikes, and values will very likely be quite similar.  Sometimes this can cause friction, since occasionally people who are extremely alike may annoy one another and know how to push one another's buttons; however, in any case, these people will often have an innate knowledge and understanding of one another.  Love 'em or hate 'em, this often proves to be a very emotionally intense relationship.  Includes:  Aries and Aries, Taurus and Taurus, Gemini and Gemini, Cancer and Cancer, Leo and Leo, Virgo and Virgo, Libra and Libra, Scorpio and Scorpio, Sagittarius and Sagittarius, Capricorn and Capricorn, Aquarius and Aquarius, Pisces and Pisces.

2.  Thumbs-Up.  You've got similarities and complimentary styles.  These dynamics are "trine" and often quite positive for friendships, romances, and family relations.  While there are enough differences in, say, execution and expression of personal style, many values will remain similar between the two of you.  This is often a very respectful and close partnership where both people can feel an instant connection.  Includes:  Aries and Leo, Aries and Sagittarius, Taurus and Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn, Gemini and Libra, Gemini and Aquarius, Cancer and Scorpio, Cancer and Pisces, Leo and Aries, Leo and Sagittarius, Virgo and Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn, Scorpio and Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces, Sagittarius and Aries, Sagittarius and Cancer, Capricorn and Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo, Aquarius and Gemini, Aquarius and Libra, Pisces and Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio.

3.  Peace Sign.  Called a "sextile," these are signs which have complimentary elements that "feed" off of one another's differences.  You and the other person may not be similar in a lot of ways, but you genuinely like and respect one another.  This makes for a very interesting partnership and it can help you learn a lot about yourself, as well as appreciate the differences that other people have to offer.  Great for collaborations, and also makes for very interesting friendships and romances. Signs which are sextile include:  Aries and Gemini, Aries and Aquarius, Taurus and Cancer, Taurus and Pisces, Gemini and Aries, Gemini and Leo, Cancer and Virgo, Cancer and Taurus, Leo and Gemini, Leo and Libra, Virgo and Cancer, Virgo and Scorpio, Libra and Leo, Libra and Sagittarius, Scorpio and Virgo, Scorpio and Capricorn, Sagittarius and Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius, Capricorn and Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces, Aquarius and Sagittarius, Aquarius and Aries.


4.  Swirly Arrow-Circle Thing.  These are known as "opposition signs" because they are at a perfect 180 degrees apart in the zodiac -- and yes, opposites do attract!  While there can often be an extreme and intense attraction between these two signs, it can also be a very trying dynamic.  Dealing with someone who is so different than you can be wonderful and intriguing, yet also dramatic and frustrating at the same time.  It takes two very special opposition parties to overcome the differences and see them through to get to the other side -- if and when this happens, your relationship can be a match made in heaven!  This compatibility includes:  Aries and Libra, Taurus and Scorpio, Gemini and Sagittarius, Cancer and Capricorn, Leo and Aquarius, Virgo and Pisces, Libra and Aries, Scorpio and Taurus, Sagittarius and Gemini, Capricorn and Cancer, Aquarius and Leo, Pisces and Virgo.

5. Purple Smiley.  This is known as a "semi-square," which can create some tension since these placements will fall either before or after your sign.  While this can prove to be tough going for some relationships where emotions run high (such as a romantic or family dynamic), it can often be the basis for great friendships regardless of the differences which are present in those signs.  Often this makes a good alliance for people who have similar goals, and there can also be a lot of complimentary input and ideas coming from both sides.  While there are differences, the parties involved can often seen one another's point of view with a bit of extra effort in communication, and the relationship which results from this hard work can be very fruitful indeed.  Signs with this aspect include:  Aries and Pisces, Aries and Taurus, Taurus and Aries, Taurus and Gemini, Gemini and Taurus, Gemini and Cancer, Cancer and Gemini, Cancer and Leo, Leo and Cancer, Leo and Virgo, Virgo and Leo, Virgo and Libra, Libra and Virgo, Libra and Scorpio, Scorpio and Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius, Sagittarius and Scorpio, Sagittarius and Capricorn, Capricorn and Sagittarius, Capricorn and Aquarius, Aquarius and Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces, Pisces and Aquarius, Pisces and Aries.

6.   Grey "Ehh..." Smiley.  It is formally known as a "quincunx" or, sometimes informally, called an "inconjunct."  This indicates a separation of about 150 degrees, both before and after a sign's opposite.  Often there is little attraction between these signs, and sometimes even what one may consider "bad chemistry."  There are often few similarities in personality or values, and frequently one sees differences and areas where criticism can pop into the picture.  In the best of cases, this dynamic may ultimately elicit boredom, and in the worst of cases, a lot of stress and headaches for all parties involved.  Placements include:  Aries and Virgo, Aries and Scorpio, Taurus and Libra, Taurus and Sagittarius, Gemini and Scorpio, Gemini and Capricorn, Cancer and Sagittarius, Cancer and Aquarius, Leo and Capricorn, Leo and Pisces, Scorpio and Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius, Libra and Taurus, Libra and Pisces, Virgo and Aries, Virgo and Aquarius, Leo and Pisces, Leo and Capricorn, Virgo and Aries, Virgo and Gemini, Libra and Taurus, Libra and Pisces, Scorpio and Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius, Sagittarius and Taurus, Sagittarius and Cancer, Capricorn and Gemini, Capricorn and Leo, Aquarius and Cancer, Aquarius and Virgo, Pisces and Leo, Pisces and Libra.

7.  Thumbs-Down.  Astrologists call this aspect a "square" as these are the signs which are 90 degrees apart from one another.  These signs often suffer a very disjointed relationship with one another.  Communication can be difficult, values and outlooks on the world may be very contrasting and also too difficult to understand.  Often we find ourselves attracted to those who "square" us, yet the clashes and upheavals which come from a lack of understanding can make this dynamic challenging at best, and just unbelievably crappy at worst.  Proceed with extreme caution!  This aspect includes the following signs:  Aries and Cancer, Aries and Capricorn, Taurus and Leo, Taurus and Aquarius, Gemini and Virgo, Gemini and Pisces, Cancer and Aries, Cancer and Libra, Leo and Taurus, Leo and Scorpio, Virgo and Gemini, Virgo and Sagittarius, Libra and Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, Scorpio and Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius, Sagittarius and Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces, Capricorn and Aries, Capricorn and Libra, Aquarius and Taurus, Aquarius and Scorpio, Pisces and Sagittarius, Pisces and Gemini.

"How To Win a Boyfriend"

Recently, I was doing some "winter cleaning" and found a bunch of interesting old artifacts from way back when.  Included in this was vintage-y "self-help" style pamphlet for teenage girls, which seemed to come from the 1970s or 1980s, that I assume used to belong to a relative as a young one in that era.  While a lot of the advice seems to be extremely outdated and hilarious, there are some good nuggets of timeless wisdom intertwined, mainly about being true to one's values and caring for others.  There is no copyright information, but I've decided to type it all out and share it with you for your amusement.  Enjoy!


How To Win a Boyfriend

The only way to have a friend is to be one.  Make friends with people you have something in common with, like hiking or music.  If you want to be friends with Jaime because she's always cheerful, ask yourself what makes her that way and imitate her.


Get involved in activities at school, house of worship, and in your neighborhood.  Don't stay home because no one will hurt your feelings that way.  Go to concerts, plays, and community activities.  Join the school swim team or act in the school play.  Volunteer to work your church spaghetti supper.  And if your next-door neighbor is selling homegrown vegetables from a stand at the end of her driveway, offer to help.

What are you doing?  What any sensible business person does.  You are building a network of contacts that will pay off later when people invite you to parties and football games.


But just going places isn't enough.  You need to act alive, to really enjoyy ourelf, to have fun.  Even though you are shy, people may misinterpret that shyness as conceity.  Smile, laugh, and take part in conversations.


If you feel out of place at school dances, join the committee that sets up the chairs and provides the refreshments.  Work does more than take your mind off your shyness.  It allows you to feel part of the action and gives you coruage.  Act like you belong there and people will assume you belong there.  So will you and the confidence will radiate like a light that everyone will see.


Remember, enthusiasm attacts enthusiastic people.  Keep a positive attitude.  Don't be offended if someone rejects your advances.  Everyone gets turned down.  They don't lock themselves in their rooms.  They get out and try again.  You are worthy of other people's affection and if you treat others well, tey will see that you're the kind of person they want to hang out with.


A positive attitude is related to another important part of the puzzle.  It's called positive imaging.


Always try to act with grace, dignity, and maturity.  Don't think you have al of that?  You do, although it might be buried beneath the surface.  Here's a hint:  Think of someone you admire and respect.  Create a vision of that person in your mind, an image of that person performing well in a difficult situation.  Whar does he or she do to cope?  Adopt that style.


One word of caution.  Smiling and acting friendly doesn't mean bending over backwards for all people all of the time.  Are you sure you want to become friends with the kids who do drugs and get into trouble?  How will the attention they give you make you a better person?  They may seem to like you if you do favors for them, but when they're tired of using you, they'll dump you just like they did to others in your school.


Before you do them any favors ask yourself this:  Will I feel guilty or ashamed of what I'm about to do?  If the answer is yes, don't do it.  There are people who would be glad to have you as a friend, just the way you are.  


Now that you've landed some new friends, you have to take care of them or they and your old friends will slip away.  How do you keep friends?  The same way you attract them:


* Be a friend all of the time.  Listen to your friends' problems.  Smile and nod to show you understand.  Defend them from unjust attacks.  If they need a favor, offer your help.  If they need more than you can give, know your limits; suggest they talk to their parents, their minister, or the school counselor.


* Don't badmouth people behind their backs.  This gives both them and you a bad reputation.  If someone did this to you, it would hurt, so why do it to a potential friend?  If a person has hurt your feelings, talk it over with him or her.  Don't accuse or attack.  Say you value the persons friendship and that you want to work things out.  Talk is not cheap; it is one of the most valuable things you can do.


*  You have worked hard to feel good about yourself and you have a right to brag a little.  But don't carry it too far.  If your new friends misinterpret your pride as a belief that you're better than everyone else, they'll try to take you down a peg.