12 Drug-Free Ways To Treat Chronic Pain

If you were interested enough in this article to begin reading it, I'm sure I don't need to tell you how debilitating it is to suffer from chronic pain of any type. It robs you of time and energy. It sucks away the joy that you could be having from experiencing other things. It takes away opportunities to spend time with friends, to be productive at work, to do the things you want to do... not to mention the things you have to do. Pain is the enemy, and it's time to fight back.

Many people choose to fight their pain by using medications as their first line of defense. While drugs are a perfectly viable and acceptable method for dealing with chronic pain, there are many things reasons why some people choose not to go the route of medications. What if the side effects are too difficult to handle? How about dependency or addiction issues? Cost is often a factor as well. And, while some pain medication is fine occasionally when you need it... if you're dealing with a chronic situation, you may decide to seek out alternatives to taking a handful of pills every day.

At the age of 33, my back pain became unbearable, and I finally sought medical help. The diagnosis was degenerative spinal disc disease. My lumbar region has reached a level of degeneration that is rarely seen in a person my age, and much more often seen in someone in their 70s. Often, I am unable to walk for longer than 10 minutes at a time before feeling the need to stop and rest. There are days when the pain is so intense that I can't do anything except stay in bed, wrapped up in my blankie, wishing that I could trade bodies with anyone else. Very often, I miss out on fun things that are taken for granted by people who enjoy good health. After extensively researching the subject of pain management and trying all sorts of methods to alleviate my own severe discomfort, I have found that there are quite a few ways of treating pain without resorting to surgical treatments or the use of medications. Allow me to share some of the best methods that I have found with you.

Cutaneous stimulation is just a fancy term for applying various sensations to the skin. Heat and cold are typically applied to achy body parts in an effort to soothe their discomfort. Heat is good for muscle stiffness or cramping; cold is best on inflammation or tired aches resulting from overexertion. There are many ways to use heat: heating pads, even fancy "moist heat" producing ones, work well; but my favorite methods are tried-and-true simplicity: a hot water bottle, a lovely steaming hot shower, even a sock filled with rice or lentils and microwaved until they're warm and placed on the problem area. I also love stick-on heat patches for soothing relief, especially just before bed, to keep me toasty and comfortable all night long. Cold therapy is much simpler; just use an ice pack or a bag of frozen peas on the pain. Remember to wrap these in a towel first, as you don't want to injure the skin with burns or frost bite!

Massage is a wonderful way to relax, but is also a fabulous source of relief for many types of muscular pain. Massage the area firmly, or get a friend to help you out if it's in an area you can't reach by yourself. Stimulation like this enhances the circulatory system and helps to flush toxins from the body as well as aiding and healing your body and mind.

Rest is an obvious pain control method, but is too often overlooked. If you're not feeling well, do you really need to vacuum under your couch today? Leave it alone, and do it another day when your pain is easier to manage. We all want to live up to our full potential, but straining yourself when you're at your worst is not going to benefit anyone, and it may turn one bad day into several. Give yourself a break and rest until you're feeling better.

Physical therapy is a very sensible, effective treatment method if you have certain chronic physical issues. Much muscular pain is caused by misuse or overuse of the part that hurts. Strengthening your body can help to correct a multitude of problems, as well as to promote healing if your pain is associated with an injury. Stretching the muscles can also provide relaxation and relief from pain which can show results in only a few sessions, but remember not to overdo it! Even a chronic condition such as arthritis can be helped by physical therapy; by strengthening the muscles around the inflamed joints, you are sparing the joints from as additional stress and giving your body added support. I have not gotten relief from my DDD with physical therapy, but it has helped a the arthritis in my knees and hips, as well as weakness in my shoulder's rotator cuff area.

Electrotherapy is very much like a massage that is done manually, though in this case, electricity is used to achieve similar results. This is usually done with a TENS machine, which applies an electric current through the skin to help alleviate pain. It sounds a lot scarier than it actually is; in fact, electrotherapy can feel fantastic on aching muscles. Like an old-fashioned massage, electrotherapy can enhance your circulation and relax your muscles, both of which are very helpful in controlling pain.

Changing your diet to include anti-inflammatory foods is one of the easiest ways to manage painful physical symptoms. Every type of food has an impact on the body, and by arming yourself with knowledge of which foods can increase or decrease inflammation, you are taking better control of your day-to-day wellness. Green tea, blueberries, sweet potatoes, broccoli, and extra-virgin olive oil are all wonderful foods that help combat inflammation naturally, without the use of drugs. Try looking into your diet a little deeper to eliminate or cut back on the foods that are causing inflammation, which may also ease other uncomfortable symptoms.

Biofeedback therapy is another little-known treatment that some people rely on for the treatment of chronic pain. This therapy trains a patient to consciously control bodily functions that otherwise occur involuntarily. Biofeedback therapy primarily focuses on stress management and health conditions that are often exacerbated by stress. It can be effective for problems like TMJ, migraines, back pain, constipation, and painful muscle spasms, as well as mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

Chiropractic helps to treat ailments of the muscular and skeletal systems. Practitioners of this type of therapy are trained to heal the body's complaints with their hands, as opposed to drugs or surgery, working under the premise that the body is a self-healing organism. Although the efficacy of chiropractic is disputed in some circles, it is generally agreed to be quite safe, and definitely worth a try for ailments such as back and neck pain.

Orthopedic devices are often very effective in helping to alleviate painful conditions where posture or positioning of the body is problematic. Back braces can prevent a patient from aggravating a bad injury or condition. Podiatric orthotics, which provide arch support for the feet, can provide an amazing amount of pain relief for plantar fasciitis, leg and foot pain, or even back and hip problems as orthotics change the alignment of the entire body. Ankle, knee, elbow and hand braces are helpful for arthritis and to lend support to areas in need of extra help. I, personally, have gotten so much relief for my plantar fasciitis by wearing the orthotics that my podiatrist prescribed for me.

A Japanese treatment for stress, Reiki has enjoyed popularity in the Western world in recent times as well. Reiki is a type of alternative medicine involving spirituality and the healing power of touch. Many people enjoy respite from pain through these methods, as Reiki's primary focus is to heal through physical contact and to alleviate the stress from which many illnesses originate. Like many holistic pain management therapies, it is considered to be safe, and can be quite effective. I have been practicing Reiki on other people for many years, and have personally witnessed some awesome results with many who have suffered, including a few of my pets as well as some people.

Another fantastic stress reliever is meditation. Meditating can alleviate the emotional stress which often causes physical tension. Learning the ability to stay "in the moment" can help to relax the body by training the mind to focus on things other than physical pain or discomfort. Meditation also employs techniques such as "quieting" the mind, tuning out stimuli such as distracting environmental conditions which may make mental stress worse, and in turn, manifests physical stresses. One study cites several patients with rheumatoid arthritis; their symptoms did not disappear, though they reported feeling better in mood by an average of about 30%. People of all types can gain benefits from meditation as enhancing one's mood can often affect one's physical well-being.

Acupuncture is one of the world's oldest forms of health treatment, though only in recent times has it received attention and validation in the Western world. It is a procedure that involves inserting needles into various points in the body. This technique has been reputed to successfully treat and prevent various diseases, though there are existing studies that show hard proof of acupuncture's efficacy in controlling certain types of pain. In fact, a 1998 study showed that acupuncture is the alternative health procedure that is most recommended by doctors of traditional medicine; more than half of the doctors involved in this study agreed that acupuncture could be beneficial in helping patients. Another study confirmed that a whopping 68% of the patients who had received acupuncture felt that it was a positive and helpful experience. My spine specialist has recently suggested that I look into acupuncture for my back problems, and I've decided to try it. (Stay tuned for another article where I report my findings!)

This is only a partial list of treatments that are available for chronic pain. When you're having a day that is particularly agonizing, one of the best things you can do is to stay optimistic about your options and keep an open mind. The good news is that there are more treatments available to pain sufferers than ever before, and you never know whether or not something will be effective for you until you give it a try. Don't be afraid to ask your healthcare professionals about other treatments that might be available; the next thing you investigate might just be the key to improving your quality of life.

Sources:

"Top 10 Anti-Inflammatory Foods" http://theconsciouslife.com/top-10-anti-inflammatory-foods.htm

"University of Maryland Medical Center: Biofeedback" http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/biofeedback-000349.htm

"Wikipedia: Chiropractic" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiropractic

"Meditation a Hit for Pain Management" http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7654964

"New Studies Confirm Acupuncture Relieves Pain" http://acupuncturetoday.org/mpacms/at/article.php?id=27585



 Photo Credits:
Thanks to Grand Velas Resort for the lovely massage pic!
I love the foot physical therapy (electrode) image by emily_hammie. :) (I've done this!)
Also the broccoli by sk8geek and olive oil by Kevan are veggie-licious.  Thanks!!!
Gorgeous "perfect spot" by dmap Travel Guide. Beautiful!
Acupuncture image by peruisay.  Thank you so much! :)

Floribus Magicis Ritem

The following is my very own magick spell which is used for dispelling negativity, purifying a space, and consecrating it with your own unique energy signature.  I call this simply, "Floribus Magicis Ritem," which means "The Magic Ritual of Flowers."

For this rite, you will need the following:

a handful of sea salt
your favorite incense
a handful of lilacs, or a few drops of lilac oil
a handful of carnations, or a few drops of carnation oil


Sprinkle the area with sea salt.  "By the power of Earth, I consecrate this space."
Take a moment to visualize the spirits of Earth bringing some of their holy energies to the area.

Dredge the area with smoke from your incense.  "By the power of Air, I purify this space."
visualize the Air spirits emanating from the smoke to make the space pure.

sprinkle the lilac oil or petals.  "By the power of water, I cleanse this space."
Envision the power of Water bring harmony and happiness to the area that you're sprinkling.

Sprinkle the carnation oil or petals.  "By the power of fire, I protect this space."
Imagine glowing Fire energies lending their protection to the area.

You are now ready to do your own magical workings, or simply leave these items as-is to keep your space consecrated and to dispel negative energies from encroaching.

Salt is a an age-old component of many spiritual workings.  Its main purpose is to cleans and purify a space, getting rid of negative vibrations before you prepare to do your own personal rites.  Lilacs, a water-ruled flower, are the perfect component to promote living in harmony, as well as to enhance mental and psychic abilities.  Carnations are a very classic fire-type flower, and is often used to promote healing, both physically and mentally, as well as to boost one's power and add extra "oomph!" to your magick.


Notes:  You can use essential oils (add a few drops to some olive oil), fragrance oil, perfume, or whatever you have on hand -- even fresh flowers or dried petals.  Use enough to cover the whole area.  A handful or 2 should be more than sufficient for most small areas.

I'm in love with this gorgeous lilac photo by 4nitsirk -- thanks so much for generously sharing it!

Novena to St. Claire

"Novena to Saint Claire"

Pray whether you believe or not and promise to publish or circulate.

Ask for 3 favours: 1 business and 2 impossible.

Say 9 Hail Mary's and the following prayer for 9 nights in front of a lighted candle,

God of mercy you inspired St. Claire with the love of poverty by the help of her prayers. May we follow Christ in poverty of spirit and come to the joyful vision of your glory in the kingdom of heaven. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ your son who lives and reigns with the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever. Amen


Photo credit:  This breaktaking picture of St. Claire statue is courtesy of veesees of Flickr.  Thanks so much for sharing!

Mysteries of the Universe

A friend of mine sent me an email containing some pretty funny "mysteries of the universe" -- I thought it was really cute.  But, since I don't forward things to other people (I just hate clogging up others' inboxes!), I figured I would share it on my blog.  We may never solve some of these esoteric riddles of life... But in the meantime, I hope that at least a few of these will give you all a chuckle or two!

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? 

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?

Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble? 

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room? 

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? 

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable? 

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa 

beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been 

free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it? 

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to 

people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit? 

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space? 

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why can’t a baby cry while it’s inside its mother?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why are Pringles curved?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Can bald men get lice?? 

How come popcorn isn't a vegetable? 

Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

"How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?"

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon?

* If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?

When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh?

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off?

Is sign language the same in languages other than English?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?

Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to

eat a big one?

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?

If you went back in time and killed your mother would you disappear the moment you killed her?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in water, smell when they pop?

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?

Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to

hit in case of an accident?

Does Hawaiian Punch come from Hawaii?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Can you cry under water?

If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products? 

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ? 

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do? 

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your

thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ? 

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine? 

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

Why is Christmas colors red and green when Santa's suit is red and white? 

Why do you DELETE something on the computer, but ERASE something on paper? 

Since there is a rule that states "i" before "e" except after "c", wouldn't "science" be spelled wrong?

If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later? 

If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who cant walk why do they put

them at the end of the bathrooms ?

Why is it that on the back of a medicine bottle it says "adult" is 12 and above, but the adult age in reality is 18? 

Why do most people put more effort into their wedding than their actual marriage? 

Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down? 

Can a metal plate in your head get rusted?

Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves? 

If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is the day after Christmas Adam? 

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 

How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep them as a pet?

What do vegetarians feed their dogs? 

Can someone give up lent for lent?

Why would Dodge make a car called Ram?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why is it when we duck they call us chicken?

Why is there a size 12-14, 14-16, 16-18, and so forth, but no 13, 15, and 17?

What did cured ham actually have?

If CD’s were spun in the opposite direction, would it say everything backwards?

If lava melts rock, wouldn’t the lava melt the volcano?

If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?

Can a blind man see his future?

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 

Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?

Can you write in pencil on an eraser?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops? Do people really hum through their nose, or their mouths?

Can you blow a balloon up under water?

Can crop circles be square?

How do they get the air inside the bubble wrap?

Why are there black lines on a basketball?

Does it really count in court when an atheist is sworn in under oath using a Bible?

Why are there pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses when the purpose of sunglasses is to protect your eyes from the sun?

If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December 31st – January 1st, which year would you say you were born in?

If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?

If you are parking somewhere and the signs in front of the parked cars say "30 minutes" then when your 30 minutes are up can you park in the spot right next to you??

Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?

When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what’s the difference?

Can a person choke and die on a life savor?

Why are women and men's shoe sizes different? 

What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?

If you took a compass to outer space would it still point "magnetic north"? Is there still a north, south, east, and west in space? 

Why is it illegal to put money in other people's parking meters? 

Do people with big eyes see at a wider range than people with smaller eyes?

Do you ever notice those red balls on the wires while your driving? Well what are they for?

Why do people who don’t want to go to hell bury themselves 6 ft. closer? 

Why is the St. Louis baseball team the cardinals, but the Missouri state bird is the blue bird?

Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals?

If we had a president that was a woman, would her husband be the first man?

Why do we have to wait till the water starts boiling before we can put

pasta into the water?

If a criminal turns himself in shouldn't he get the reward money? 

Why are blue Christmas lights so popular? Aren't red and green the 

traditional colors?

Why do police officers wear tight clothes and dressy shoes? wouldn't that make them slower when chasing someone?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why do birds bob their heads when they walk?

Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill? 

How come wine and hard liquor doesn't come in cans, but beer does?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will ruin your appetite won’t eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?

Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?

Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 

If I raise the volume on my radio, does it use more electricity?

What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die?

If someone crashes his or her car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not? 

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?

When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?

Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars 

to look at things on the ground?

What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?

If the police see some one committing a crime but are on there way to investigate a crime do they stop or go to the one they were on their way to?

Seeing as cupid is so good at matchmaking, does he have a girlfriend?

Is an alcoholic just a drunk that's scared of a hangover?

If shampoo comes in so many colors, why is the lather on your head always

white?

If a table is propped up can it be propped down?

If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God...is it possible that there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?

Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?

How come, in the Mini Wheat’s commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheat’s has an English accent? They're attached at the back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?

Why do people, such as S.W.A.T or Seals wear the bulletproof vests where you can see them? Wouldn’t people aim for their head or crotch?

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?

Can you fart and burp at the same time?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Have you ever heard of a raisin that is not dry?

If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?

If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?

Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

Since you have to pull over when you see a funeral coming down the

road...what would you do if there were a funeral coming down both sides?

If you can test drive cars at the dealer's, why not test-drive lawnmowers 

around at a hardware store?

Is there anything easier done than said?

Is it possible for a narcoleptic to have insomnia?

Since the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend legless people? 

If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?

Are you able to fart in heaven?

Why isn't sour cream really sour?

Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them wouldn’t care anyway?

Why isn’t the Q or the Z included on the phone

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway?

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Do ducks sneeze?

Why is that when fish die in water, they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?

Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?

Why do they call it "morning sickness" in the middle of the afternoon? 

Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?

If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it? 

Can vampires donate blood?

If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?

If you could walk through the walls, wouldn’t you fall through the floor?

How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?

If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?

Why is there an L in NOEL?

If you eat regular rice crispies with chocolate milk will it taste the same as eating co-co crispies with regular milk?

Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?

What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

If they develop a supersonic train, will they give it a whistle? 

Do fish ever get thirsty?

Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open?

If there were a knowledge contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?

If you stick on stickers on non-stick pans, would they stick on?

Why don't ducks duck when you shoot at them?

On a hamburger bun, why is the top bun always bigger than the bottom one?

Why does breaking a mirror mean seven years of bad luck when seven is a lucky number??

Can angels eat devils food cake?

If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

Why do the numbers on the phone go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?

Why do we tie shoes to the back of a car for newly weds?

Is it possible to do stand-up comedy sitting down?

Is bad a bad word?

If dinosaurs had sores.........what would they be called?

What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?

Why does the label on children’s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?

Why do they call front seat shotgun?

Why are all farms red? 

Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?

Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?

Why are there dents in a golf ball?

Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?

How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?

What would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?

Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?

If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?

How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

What do mermaids eat?

If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?

If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?

Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?

If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away? 

Why are all farms red?

why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?

Are there female leprechauns?

Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?

Do fish sleep?

Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?

Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?

Do pigs pull ham strings?

Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?

Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?

Why do people say heads up when you should duck?

Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?

Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?

Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?

Why does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something being crap?

Can dogs have dog days?

When a male is elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?

If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday? 

Do birds pee?

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why do they call it 2% milk, if its 2% fat, not milk?

What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?

If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?

Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?

If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?

If you own a piece of land and there is an volcano on it and it ruins a

nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?

Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?

Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

How do you throw away a garbage can? 

Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?

Why do old men have hair in their ears? 

Why are things typed up but written down?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

What does OK actually mean?

what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?

Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?

Why do donuts have holes?

Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?

Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?

If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?

If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?

Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?

Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?

Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up? 

If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?

If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?

Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?

Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?

Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward?

If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?

Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?

How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?

Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?

Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? 

How did the headless horseman know where he was going?

Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?

Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?

How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?

Do cows drink milk?

Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??

What is a male ladybug called?

Photo credit: Thanks to pauly for the amazingly beautiful night sky picture! :)

"How To Win a Boyfriend"

Recently, I was doing some "winter cleaning" and found a bunch of interesting old artifacts from way back when.  Included in this was vintage-y "self-help" style pamphlet for teenage girls, which seemed to come from the 1970s or 1980s, that I assume used to belong to a relative as a young one in that era.  While a lot of the advice seems to be extremely outdated and hilarious, there are some good nuggets of timeless wisdom intertwined, mainly about being true to one's values and caring for others.  There is no copyright information, but I've decided to type it all out and share it with you for your amusement.  Enjoy!


How To Win a Boyfriend

The only way to have a friend is to be one.  Make friends with people you have something in common with, like hiking or music.  If you want to be friends with Jaime because she's always cheerful, ask yourself what makes her that way and imitate her.


Get involved in activities at school, house of worship, and in your neighborhood.  Don't stay home because no one will hurt your feelings that way.  Go to concerts, plays, and community activities.  Join the school swim team or act in the school play.  Volunteer to work your church spaghetti supper.  And if your next-door neighbor is selling homegrown vegetables from a stand at the end of her driveway, offer to help.

What are you doing?  What any sensible business person does.  You are building a network of contacts that will pay off later when people invite you to parties and football games.


But just going places isn't enough.  You need to act alive, to really enjoyy ourelf, to have fun.  Even though you are shy, people may misinterpret that shyness as conceity.  Smile, laugh, and take part in conversations.


If you feel out of place at school dances, join the committee that sets up the chairs and provides the refreshments.  Work does more than take your mind off your shyness.  It allows you to feel part of the action and gives you coruage.  Act like you belong there and people will assume you belong there.  So will you and the confidence will radiate like a light that everyone will see.


Remember, enthusiasm attacts enthusiastic people.  Keep a positive attitude.  Don't be offended if someone rejects your advances.  Everyone gets turned down.  They don't lock themselves in their rooms.  They get out and try again.  You are worthy of other people's affection and if you treat others well, tey will see that you're the kind of person they want to hang out with.


A positive attitude is related to another important part of the puzzle.  It's called positive imaging.


Always try to act with grace, dignity, and maturity.  Don't think you have al of that?  You do, although it might be buried beneath the surface.  Here's a hint:  Think of someone you admire and respect.  Create a vision of that person in your mind, an image of that person performing well in a difficult situation.  Whar does he or she do to cope?  Adopt that style.


One word of caution.  Smiling and acting friendly doesn't mean bending over backwards for all people all of the time.  Are you sure you want to become friends with the kids who do drugs and get into trouble?  How will the attention they give you make you a better person?  They may seem to like you if you do favors for them, but when they're tired of using you, they'll dump you just like they did to others in your school.


Before you do them any favors ask yourself this:  Will I feel guilty or ashamed of what I'm about to do?  If the answer is yes, don't do it.  There are people who would be glad to have you as a friend, just the way you are.  


Now that you've landed some new friends, you have to take care of them or they and your old friends will slip away.  How do you keep friends?  The same way you attract them:


* Be a friend all of the time.  Listen to your friends' problems.  Smile and nod to show you understand.  Defend them from unjust attacks.  If they need a favor, offer your help.  If they need more than you can give, know your limits; suggest they talk to their parents, their minister, or the school counselor.


* Don't badmouth people behind their backs.  This gives both them and you a bad reputation.  If someone did this to you, it would hurt, so why do it to a potential friend?  If a person has hurt your feelings, talk it over with him or her.  Don't accuse or attack.  Say you value the persons friendship and that you want to work things out.  Talk is not cheap; it is one of the most valuable things you can do.


*  You have worked hard to feel good about yourself and you have a right to brag a little.  But don't carry it too far.  If your new friends misinterpret your pride as a belief that you're better than everyone else, they'll try to take you down a peg.