Healthy Boundaries: Getting There

Now that we've discussed the basics of boundaries which are unhealthy for being too loose or too rigid -- and the importance of having healthy boundaries for their positive impact on your self-esteem and your relationships with others, let's learn how to establish those boundaries with others.


Step 1. What do you need?  Sit down and really figure out what you need in a relationship. What makes you feel respected? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Determine what your own personal needs, wants, and rights are. Establish boundaries based on what you think is reasonable. Remember that your rights and needs should be separate entities in and of themselves, and that your rights should end where those of others begin.

Step 2.  Discuss these boundaries with others. State your case clearly, and in with a neutral but firm attitude. Don't speak angrily or in a long-winded way. Just keep it clear and concise. You do not need to apologize for, rationalize, or argue while establishing this boundary. Be firm and respectful.

Step 3.  Remember why you're setting this boundary. If you expect people to understand and respect your needs, you must also understand that their reactions to this may be negative, especially if they are used to behaving in ways that are contrary to these boundaries. Don't apologize for protecting yourself. Don't feel selfish or guilty, just stand by your decision and remind yourself why you need your rights and needs to be respected by those who should care about you. This is a normal, natural and healthy part of the process. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but things will get easier with time.

Step 4.  Prepare yourself for the possibility of being tested. Most people will understand your feelings and respect them, but there might be people in your life who will not respect these boundaries. Others might accuse you of being selfish or mean for denying their unreasonable requests. But nevertheless, if their behavior is unacceptable to you, you must be confident and assert yourself. You cannot set a boundary and then apologize or rationalize it to others -- this sends a mixed message which might enable others to take advantage later. You can be respectful of the fact that some may not agree with your boundaries, but stay true to yourself. You have the right to be treated with respect. If people still don't respect your boundaries, you may have to put distance between yourself and them, possibly end the relationship or even pursue legal options if the other person still doesn't respect your rights.

Step 5. Establish a support system. This should be made up of people who do care about you, and who are willing to respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships with friends, family, and other people whose jobs are to care for you will make you stronger and more confident in yourself. Eliminate disrespectful, controlling, or abusive people from your life. Make more room for relationships with people who are caring and respectful.

Step 6.  Grow and evolve.  These changes may be uncomfortable or even scary for you at first.  But just keep in mind that you're doing this to improve the overall quality of your life, so some unpleasant backlash may be necessary for this growth.  Protecting yourself with healthy boundaries can enhance your relationships, boost your self-confidence, and radiate outward to inspire other positive changes in your life as well.

The Care and Feeding of Your New Crystals

So you've decided to acquire some crystals of your own, but you're not quite sure how to go about buying one.  What should you look for?  Where should you go?  How do you know which crystal is the right one for you?

The first step is to provide yourself plenty of access to a good crystal piece.  I would recommend buying from someplace where you can actually be present, rather than ordering something online or through a catalog.  This way, you are free to pick and choose from a selection, rather than have an employee of the shop choose one for you.  New Age shops, fairs, flea markets, and bookstores are all good choices of places to begin seeking your crystal collection.

Once there, give yourself some time.  Pick up crystals, touch and feel them until you can sense which crystal seems to "feel" right to you.  Remember to think about why you're selecting a crystal, consider the purpose for this acquisition.  When you feel the right one, that's the one you want!  Remember, just as you're choosing the crystal, the crystal is also choosing you based on your vibrations.

Some people who are fatalists also believe that when a crystal is offered to you by someone else, take it -- it will be more powerful as it has been chosen by someone else.  Both schools of thought are fine; do whatever you feel most comfortable with.  I would prefer to choose my own, but if someone gives me a crystal, I would be happy to accept it as well -- both methods can have their uses.  If you're not able to go somewhere to choose your crystal personally, you can still enjoy one which has been purchased online or given to you by someone else.

After aquiring your crystal, the first thing you need to do is to clear any vibrations or energies that it may have absorbed before it has come to you.  My family's traditional practices for this was to soak our crystals in a glass of salt water for a few days, which can cleanse and purify any unwanted energy.  However, in recent times I've also heard that crystals can be purified by simply running it under some flowing water for a minute or two.   Use a swimming pool, a stream, or even your faucet -- visualize the water flowing through the crystal, pushing all of the old energy out.  Your crystal will become purified in this manner; you will intuitively feel when the crystal has been cleansed adequately.

Once it has been cleansed, it is time to "program" your crystal with your own specific energy signature.  The easiest method of doing this is like so:  Put the crystal in your "sending hand" -- usually, this is your right hand, though it can also be your left hand if you're a lefty -- and imagine a white light shining above your body (on your crown chakra), then travelling downward, entering your body and shining all around you.  Visualize the light moving down your arms, to your hand, and then filling the crystal with your spiritual energy.  Once you are satisfied that the energy has filled your crystal, it is ready.

Strengthening the power of your crystal is optional, but can help if you feel that it needs a little extra boost from time to time.  There are a number of ways to do this... You can try burying it in the ground for a day or two, allowing it to absorb the energy of the Earth and strengthen its power.  Or, leave it outside in the sunlight for a few hours to aborb solar energy.  Some people leave it out only at night to absorb lunar and starlight power as well -- this is the tradition in my own family.  Any of these will provide varying levels of efficacy, just do what feels right for yourself, the crystal you're working with, and the situation at hand.

Reflexology Basics

UPDATE:  I've made a reflexology chart!  Click here to see it!

Reflexology is an ancient healing art that originates thousands of years before Christianity. It is said to have a wonderful and powerful impact on the health of those who receive its practice, both in body and in mind. However, it is not a mainstream healing technique, and not much information about reflexology is commonly known. Because I consider it to be a safe and relaxing practice, I'd love to share some of the information about reflexology in the hopes that my readers will give it a try sometime.

This healing practice has been around since the very beginnings of recorded human history. Ancient health and spiritual practicioners in Egypt and China developed this healing technique. Their theories revolve around the concept that every person has an energy flowing through them, as well as around them, and often illnesses can be caused or exacerbated by disruptions in the flow. The human feet contain energy points which connect to various organs or parts of the body. By providing pressure or stimulation to various energy points in the foot, one can change the energy. A reflexology practicioner can remove blocks, stimulate to encourage energy flow, or balance the the energy back to its rightful state. By doing this, once can promote and restore physical and mental health. 

Reflexology's benefits must often be experienced in order to be believed. There are many advantages and positive effects that are enjoyed by those who receive this soothing technique.

Reflexology techniques can have a wonderful effect on the physical being; it can remove tension in the muscles of the feet. All massage is beneficial for assisting in the removal of toxins from the body, enabling the body to help heal itself more efficiently. Quite a few conditions are thought to be alleviated on some level by reflexology, such as circulatory issues, headaches, certain digestive ailments, high blood pressure, neck or back pain, and even female health issues such as PMS or infertility. Massage is generally good for these types of conditions because the manipulation of the muscles and tissue which is done during the massage is quite effective as a stress reliever; when physical stress is reduced, the instances of the conditions above is often reduced or even eliminated entirely in some cases. If the power of the reflex points actually does connect to various bodily organs, then the potentials of reflexology's benefits are well worth the exploration.

Not only can reflexology help physical issues, but it can also relieve the recipient of emotional stress as well. It is a soothing technique that can put someone into a wonderful state of relaxation. Physical and emotional tensions are alleviated, allowing the body to feel rejuvenated. A stressful condition, such as anxiety or depression, can be alleviated with some simple relaxing touches. This relaxation can enable the recipient to have a more peaceful and relaxed outlook, possibly even improving insomnia and promoting a more restful sleep, which will in turn have even more health-boosting power.

In general, reflexology is a relatively safe practice -- however, I must advise you to check with your physician before starting a reflexology program as this type of massage may not be advisable for people with certain health conditions. There are many ailments which conventional medicine is, as yet, unable to treat effectively, so reflexology may be a great alternative health practice for you to try in such instances. After getting advice from your doctor, look online to find the right reflexologist that will meet your needs and help to enhance your physical and emotional health. Enjoy!

Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships Video

For those of you who are following my series on healthy boundaries, I have created this video as a companion piece to the first article.  In this video, the concept of boundaries is explored and further defined.  You will also learn the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy ones, as well as to determine if your boundaries are too rigid or too loose.

Also, remember that the most important thing about boundaries is that they help keep you safe.  No one can set or enforce those boundaries but YOU.  Protect yourself -- LOVE yourself -- you deserve it!

November 2011 FREE Psychic Reading Giveaway

One of the ways that I've built up my clientele is through the word of other satisfied customers.  It always thrills me when someone says, "Oh, by the way, So-And-So recommended that I contact you."  Nothing gives me a warmer, happier feeling than knowing that I've helped someone so much that they want to share their positive experience with someone they care about.  

Another thing I love is seeing people coming to the blog and reading the stuff I've left for everyone.  So in the spirit of encouraging you all to spread the word, I've come up with a contest idea.  Here are the rules:

1.  To enter, simply advertise my website somewhere relevant on the internet, where I can see it to verify.  It can be anywhere, as long as you're not spamming.  It can be anywhere... some ideas include:  Tell your Twitter friends to come to my website, ConsultTheSage.Com, or to follow my Twitter account @YourPsychicSage.  Put my website on your Facebook wall.  Review my site on your blog.  Put a link on your website. If you belong to an online community of any type, recommend your friends come visit my site!  You get the idea.  As long as it's (a) verifiable, and (b) not spammy, it counts!

2.  Comment below with the location of the spot where you have promoted me, so that I can verify.  And make sure to give me a way to contact you in case you win!

3.  I will be offering two free readings: one voice reading (either by phone or Skype) and one e-mail reading (you can email me a question, and I will write you back).  Every promotion that you leave somewhere will count as one entry, so multiple promotions will result in multiple chances to win!

4.  Two winners will be drawn randomly.  The first prize winner gets to choose either the voice reading, or the email reading.  The second prize winner will receive the other reading (either voice or email, depending on what the first winner does not choose).

I can't wait to see who's spreading the word, AND how you're spreading it!  Good luck! :)