Sex Goddess Lesson #1: How To Be Sexier & More Confident

Amazing dancers Ruth St. Denis and Ted Shawn
in 1916, proving that the basic elements
of sensuality are timeless!

Let's sizzle in 2012, shall we? :)

I've realized that, when looking through my post labels, only one article has been posted on sex (and that was a joke about sex).  Lots of people who land here seem to be searching for relationship and romance advice, so I figured that it was high time to write about one cornerstone of any healthy relationship:  sex.

After doing some research for my sex article, I realized that there are some amazing resources out there.  However, most of the stuff I've read about love, sex, and romance are all about how to keep the sex going in an existing relationship, how to spice things up, or how to be more attractive to your mate.  But these articles didn't really seem to get it right all the way, as far as I was concerned.

Yes, your mate is right up there on the priority chart, but the most important sexual relationship you can have is with yourself -- if you can't see yourself as a sexual being, then your sexual relationship with others will never be quite as satisfying as it should be.  And if you're reading this, then obviously, you want to start the road to improvement.  Congratulations -- your journey is about to begin!

The first stop on the road to channeling your inner sex goddess is to find ways to feel sexy.  Remember that this has nothing to do with other people; this is all about you.  It's ok to be "selfish" sometimes -- remember that when you take the time to do good things for yourself, you'll later be able to take care of others even better.

Think about yourself in terms of what you find to be the most attractive, wonderful, and unique qualities about yourself.  Do you have intriguing eyes or smooth, creamy skin?  Do you have soft, ample curves; or perhaps you're a lean, willowy Goddess?  All shapes and sizes are beautiful.  The Western world currently tends to favor tall and thin supermodel types, but the beauty of all types can be appreciated in some time or culture -- and even in our modern society, you'll find people who can appreciate exactly what your own physical and mental style brings to the table. But the most important person to appreciate your own unique beauty is you!  Make a list -- write it down if you want to -- of all of your gorgeous body parts, from the hair on your head to the tips of your toes.  And don't forget your awesome mental or emotional traits too -- being clever, witty, determined, and strong are all smokin' hot attributes as well.  This isn't the time to worry about the parts you dislike -- show them some love, too!  But if you're not quite there, let's just focus on the things you love about yourself for now.

Taking Back Control of Your Life

Last year, because of the questions I commonly get asked by clients, I decided to make an instructional video on how to live a happier life. Even so, a lot of the traffic that I get seems to point to the notion that some folks are so discouraged with their situations that they have no idea where to even start!

It can be a difficult thing when your life is so overwhelming. You look at each part, seeing one mess after the next; figuring out which place to roll in your sleeves and get working. If you tweak one part, the rest may just fall to pieces. Fear and negativity keep us stuck in the comfortable, yet unhealthy, present, and both emotions make us reluctant to move forward into the unknown. If you feel that you're experiencing a spiritual crisis, you need to stop worrying and figure out how to regain control of your life. It can be difficult -- let's face it, it'll very likely be hard as hell in the beginning -- but stick with your goals. The end result will be worth all of the pain of growing.

Try following these 9 pieces of advice for just a week. They certainly cannot hurt you, and will very likely help. 

1. Take care of yourself physically. This doesn't mean that you need to spend every second at the gym and only eat carrots and celery for the rest of your days. But it does mean that you have to start treating yourself the way you try caring for everyone else in your life -- your spouse, kids, parents, or even your family pet! Would you deprive them of adequate sleep? How about healthy food and lots of water to keep them hydrated and nourished? These little things can be hard to remember to do when it's you, but you simply cannot take control of your life without catering to your basic needs. Appropriate rest, food, and exercise will put you in a far better frame of mind. This is especially true if you have health problems; working on improving your overall health may not cure the worst of what ails you, but it will maintain (and probably improve) your functioning parts.

2. Practice daily gratitude. This is the most vital thing that you can do for yourself on an emotional level. If you're constantly criticizing and finding fault with your surroundings, then you will get just what you ask for. However, if you open yourself up to gratitude and appreciation of what you do have, then more will flow your way. Each day, make it a point to think of what the universe has blessed you with, and enjoy it. There are people who have a lot less than you do.

3. Don't make assumptions about people. It's common for our fears to color the way we see ourselves, and other people. You may be afraid of not being liked or accepted by others, worry about being gossiped about, or feel concerned that something you've done has upset or offended someone. If these things are bothering you, it's better to get proof. Better yet, you can open your mouth and ask people if something is wrong. Your worrying is most likely for nothing. Wouldn't it be nice to relieve yourself of that kind of burden?

4. Stop black-and-white thinking. Most of the people and things in your life aren't all just "good" or "bad." Making generalizations about your environment and the people within it is a sure-fire way to keep your world very limited, and your mind small. But when you open your mind and realize that a million shades of gray exist between the good and the bad, you're opening yourself up to a new world. Rather than allow preconceived notions to control you, you are taking control of your own thoughts and putting yourself in the driver's seat.

5. Eliminate negative self-talk. We all have that nasty little voice inside our heads that can't seem to shut up when we're at our most vulnerable. This voice is nothing more than a fear-based illusion, trying to hold us back. While some fear or apprehension is a healthy thing, negative statements that we make to ourself can hurt our feelings just as bad as, if not worse than, if someone else were to say the same things to us. (And in fact, some negative self-talk is based on things that we have been criticized for in the past!) But if you're patient with yourself, and keep pushing forward despite that snarky inner dialogue, eventually that voice will fade. Until the time when your positive voice is the stronger of the twi, try not to pay attention to the negative stuff. It will get quieter and quieter with each small success you achieve, and the positive self-talk will grow. 

6. It's not always about you. Like negative self-talk, negative reactions can hinder your ability to see things clearly. This is less about a voice in your head, and more of a knee-jerk reaction in a stressful situation. For example, if your boss or teacher wants to speak with you privately, you may assume that you're in trouble about something. Or perhaps people around you are laughing, so you worry that you're the subject of some joke. Occasionally your mind may go there, even if there isn't any evidence to support a negative theory. Try to put the situation into perspective and realize that there are many possibilities that you haven't even considered. Take the focus off of yourself, and realize that everyone has their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Yours may not even enter into the equation.

7. Enjoy physical contact as often as possible. Now, get your mind out of the gutter; I didn't say you have to jump on top of everyone you meet! But don't underestimate the healing power of big ole hug! Participating in physical contact with other people -- friends, family, and pets -- will soothe and heal you in a way that words never can. If hugging is awkward for you, start slowly by shaking hands, patting people on the back, and giving high-fives. There are many, many studies which have been done on the benefits of physical contact, so make it a point to enjoy those benefits as much as you can.

8. Be a social butterfly. Solitude can be a wonderful thing. But too much alone time can put you at risk for loneliness or awkwardness when it does come time to interact with others. The more people you can surround yourself with, the happier you will be. That doesn't mean you need to go out clubbing every night of the week. But, expanding your social circle by a couple of people -- and going out of your way to keep those contacts participating in your life -- is a reward in and of itself. Being around healthy, positive people will make your own life feel much more positive too.

9. Help others, volunteer, and give of yourself. This has so many benefits that I'm only going to list a few. First and foremost is the obvious benefit to the one who's receiving the help. Additionally, you'll feel good for doing something wonderful and helping someone else. The psychological and spiritual benefits are great as well, because you're practicing #6 at the same time, and taking the focus off your own problems to address something else entirely. Helping others can open up your world in ways that you've never thought possible, and expose you to people and experiences that will enrich your life.

These are only a few tips that can help you feel stronger and more empowered in your life. Remember that happiness is not always going to just fall into your lap. Relationships are always going to require work, especially the relationship that you have with yourself. Make the effort to make lasting positive changes, and you will enjoy a newer, richer life experience.

Photo Credit: Thanks to snapchris.com (aka tibchris on Flickr) for making this picture available under a Creative Commons License. The model is the lovely and and inspiring Nikita Patel. Thanks to both of you for sharing!

Quick Color Correspondences

Lots of people use color for spiritual practices, such as rituals, prayers, or spells.  Some people choose certain colors for various "lucky" purposes, believing that a specific shade might help to elicit a feeling or attract good things their way.

Color magick is a very special subject to me -- I feel that all colors have important significance to my own personal well-being.  Bright colors are difficult for me to be around, though I do love vivid and deep shades of darker hues.  And, like everyone, there are some colors I gravitate toward, as well as some that I wouldn't be caught dead wearing. :)

Below is a quick-and-dirty list of basic correspondences.  Feel free to check other sections of my blog in the future as I'll be doing more articles on color magick in the future!

Red is very often associated with the planet Mars (the red planet!).  It's a color of the physical body and usually symbolizes very visceral and passionate feelings feelings, such as lust or anger.  It is excellent for promoting physical health, love, and protection.  However, remember, the darker your red, the more violent your outcome may be!  Light reds and pinks are good for soothing anger and calming someone when they're in a difficult emotional state.

Orange is a mixture of red and yellow, thus carries both of these elements within its power.  Warm orange shades are fantastic for physical healing and to promote vigorous health and growth.  A more yellow-toned orange is best for prosperity and abundance.

Yellow is a very happy, positive color which is often used in rituals to combat sadness, anxiety, or depression.  It is also good for promoting understanding between two parties, as well as enhancing communication and memory.

Green is frequently associated with money and financial prosperity here in America, because our money is green.  However, as a general rule, green is one of the best colors to use when you're seeking good health, as well as seeking assistance with matters of nature (such as planting or gardening).  Like yellow, it is an uplifting color, and has the ability to also promote positivity and good feelings.

Blue is my personal go-to color for spiritual protection and personal safety.  Any shade will do, from the darkest navy to the palest periwinkle.  It is also proven to be a relaxing and emotionally soothing color, particularly in lighter incarnations.

Purple has long been the color which is most associated with royalty.  It is a combination of the passion of red and the submissive of blue, so with it carries a balance of these feelings -- a mix of the intense and the soothing.  This makes it a wonderfully grounding color, helping with emotional balance and honor, with a focus on helping the practitioner find the moral high ground and do the right thing.

Brown is a color that I often associate with nature and sensuality.  It can be used in spells or rituals involving the earth or its elements.  Brown is a grounding and stabilizing color as well.  It's also just right to use when dealing with protection and well-being of animals.

Black is often thought to be a color of "evil," but in reality, it's just the opposite.  Black represents the unseen and unknown.  This makes it a perfect choice for protection.  Because it isn't really a color, but a lack thereof, it's the best possible color for cleansing, absorbing and destroying negativity or unwanted energies.

White is a combination of all colors, and therefore is what every practicioner needs for a good "all purpose" item.  If you don't have the right color, or can't quite figure out which one to use, white is your best bet.  It symbolizes purity and a powerful connection with the divine.

Grey is similar to black in that it can absorb negativity, but I've heard that it's better for neutralizing rather than destroying that energy.  Because this neutral shade symbolizes the middle ground, neither one thing nor the other thing, grey is the right choice for rituals of glamorie or ones involving hidden or private activities.

Your Guardian Angel: Feel the Love!

Many people swear by communication with their "angels" in order to have happier, more productive, and fulfilling lives! The idea of a benevolent being who cares for us and watches over us is a lovely one indeed. However, not everyone knows just how to get a connection with their own guardian angel started. Try following these tips!

First of all, try calling out to your angel. Just say "Hello, angel!" and alert him or her to your presence. It may feel a bit silly at first, but rest assured, this step is very important if you wish to connect.

Secondly, just as people have names, so do angels. Ask for this information, out loud to your angel. Simply say "What would you like me to call you, Guardian Angel?" or ask for his or her name. The name may pop right into your mind! If not, think about it for a little while. The name will come to you. If you've tried this over the course of a few days and there doesn't seem to be a name that "pops," I'm sure it would be fine to name the angel yourself. The right name will come!

It's also important to discuss your needs with your guardian angel. Don't abuse the privilege of having this protector, but feel free to call on him or her if you need some assistance. For example, if you need help finding a lost object or you're waiting for a phone call, there is noting wrong with requesting some help. State your need clearly and specifically, i.e. "Angel, I request your help in finding my car keys." You get the idea! If you're seeking help with something more complex, such as a new line of work or the meeting of your ideal soul mate, be patient for these things to manifest. Your angel does not want you to make the wrong choices, so you must understand that the perfect outcome will occasionally take time -- sometimes quite a long time -- but hang in there. Your angel is tirelessly and lovingly working on your behalf. But remember, unless you're in a dire situation, angels can't assist you unless you ask for their assistance!

While guardian angels serve humankind lovingly and joyfully, it's also important to help others as well.  Keep the cycle of giving going.  You needn't be rich or powerful to give -- the most important gift is the gift of yourself!  Help a neighbor in need, volunteer your time, or make even a small donation to whatever organization that you feel will do the most good.  Always seek ways to help people.  Giving of yourself is beneficial for other people, and it also makes you feel great.

Above all, remember to keep the communication going. Connecting with your angel will take practice, so don't give up!

Finding St. Anthony

St. Anthony of Padua was actually born in Lisbon, Portugal; but he died in Padua and is interred there at his basilica.  He was born Fernando Martins de Bulhoes, and came from a wealthy noble family in Lisbon.  Young Fernando was educated at fine parochial schools, and decided to become a priest.

Around 1219, Fernando befriended some Franciscan priests who eventually became killed for their Christian beliefs.  He was so touched by the heroic sacrifice of these men, that Fernando requested permission to join their order.  He then became known as Anthony, in honor of St. Anthony the Great, after whom his order's chapel was named.  Anthony had planned a pilgrimage to Morocco, but because of illness, he stayed in Italy and continued his work there.  He travelled all over Italy -- Sicily, Tuscany, and Romagna where he stayed for awhile, unable to travel because of his poor health.  It was there in the San Paolo hospice that he worked in the kitchen, learning, praying, and helping the other priests and comforting the patients.

His preaching abilities became known around the time when the Franciscans had hosted some Dominican priests as guests.  The Franciscans had expected the Dominicans to preside over their religious services, however they had come unprepared.  Anthony stepped up to deliver the sermon -- everyone was simply blown away by his powerful voice, charismatic presence, and the depth of feeling that his sermon contained.  His superior then assigned Anthony to preach in northern Italy, where he met the founder of the Franciscan order, St. Francis of Assisi.  He continued teaching and preaching in northern Italy and the south of France, until his passing in 1231.  He was 36 years old.  St. Anthony was canonized a year later, in 1232.

Saints are often exhumed after some time passes, and St. Anthony was no exception.  Although most of his body showed typical signs of decomposition, his tongue seemed to be in perfect shape as if it were still alive.  St. Anthony's tongue, jawbone, and vocal cords -- which many say represent the divine gift of his preaching abilities, are all still displayed in the basilica which was named after him.

Today, we associate St. Anthony with lost people, spirits, and objects.  He is known as the Patron Saint of the Lost, and can help us find things that we're having trouble finding.  The simplest prayer to St. Anthony that I know, which was used regularly in my childhood home, is: "Dear St. Anthony, please come around; something is lost and needs to be found."  Some people are even more informal with this saint, using this rhyme:  "Tony, Tony, come around; something's lost and can't be found."  Some may consider using a nickname for a saint to be rather disrespectful, but others have maintained that using such a casual form of address is a form of friendly affection.

Here's another prayer to restore lost objects; it's longer than the simple one-liners.
O blessed St. Anthony, the grace of God has made you a powerful advocate in all our needs and the patron for the restoring of things lost or stolen. I turn to you today with childlike love and deep confidence. You have helped countless children of God to find the things they have lost, material things, and, more importantly, the things of the spirit: faith, hope, and love. I come to you with confidence; help me in my present need. I recommend what I have lost to your care, in the hope that God will restore it to me, if it is His holy Will.


Photo credit: The second picture (statue) was taken by Violette79 of Flickr.  Thank you SO much for sharing under the Creative Commons license! :)