Emotional Vampires: How to Protect Yourself

We've already discussed how to spot an emotional vampire elsewhere in the blog.  This entry will be about ways to protect yourself.

EV's are similar to the vampires of myth in that they feed on people, victimize others, draining them in order to gain strength.  And like the glamorous Hollywood and literary vampires that are deeply ingrained in our popular culture, often they seduce with beauty, impress with real or imagined abilities, gain our trust or sympathy before victimizing us.  But that's where the similarities end.  Unlike the glamorous vampires of legend, these people are really very ordinary.  They don't seek our blood, but our lives, our life forces, our happiness.  Unfortunately, no amount of happiness will satisfy them --You can render them powerless -- not with garlic or crosses.

First, you need to realize what an emotional vampire is.  This is a person who may be intentionally using you, or just "leeching" off of your positivity, or just using you for the benefits of your friendship.  Often, they do not care much about you, instead focusing on their own needs and impulses; respect for you comes later (much later!), if at all.  But not all EV's realize that they're doing this or that they are acting inappropriately.  Some of them are just unstable people who really have no idea how destructive their interactions with people are.  You need to realize that much emotional vampirism is done unintentionally.  This fact alone will help you protect yourself.

Here are a few other tips...

1.  Spot the vampire.  The best defense is a good offense.  Check my entry for how to determine if someone is an emotional vampire.  Knowing the signs will be a huge help to avoiding these sorts of people in the first place!

2.  "You're not invited into this house!"  Like the vampires of legend, EV's are powerless without an invitation to dine on your good intentions.  Don't be afraid to say NO when someone is taking up too much of your time, or asking for favors that make you feel uncomfortable.  Most people know when they are asking for too much.  An EV does not.  Draw your boundaries and stick to your guns.  Save your good nature for people who care for you and will have your back when things get problematic for you.

3.  Minimize contact, control information.  If you must deal with these people, remember that your life is your business.  Handle all personal information on a "need to know" basis.  You don't need to be paranoid; just choose to share with those you trust.  You don't need to behave rudely about it, either, just avoid sharing (or oversharing) any sensitive information.  Try to spend as little time and energy on an EV as possible.  Save the best parts of yourself for the healthy relationships in your life!

4.  The power of positivity.  This WILL help you!  During times when you must deal with an EV, prepare yourself with a "bubble" of positivity.  Meditate and imagine an impenetrable bubble around yourself like an invisible force field.  Imagine that the bubble is flexible and moves with you, but is filled up with a "padding" of positive vibrations.  Imagine that the EV cannot get through your special bubble. Nothing that he or she does can touch you inside the bubble -- this visualization is a very powerful one, and can work in many situations where you need extra protection!

5.  Lastly, realize that an EV is beyond help.  You may be made to feel as though you are the only one who can make them "happy," but the truth is that nothing will ever be enough for them.  And, long after you are a distant memory left to clean up the destruction they have left in their wake, the EV will have moved onto another victim who then becomes their "perfect" savior.  The best you can do is to realize that s/he is someone else's problem now.  Don't allow them back into your life!

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/denise-ann-wells/4056289129/sizes/m/ (Thank you Denise!)

Dream: Taco Boom-Box

8/18
This was another brief, but strange one. I dreamt that I was back in my parents' house, most notably their bathroom (and my mother's husband was still alive). I was waiting for everyone to leave the house so that I could do some things in the bathroom. I fixed my hair and put on some jewelry, then I decided to wank, using my favorite vibrator which was in my repertoire for years & died circa 2006. Unfortunately, I kept getting distracted by people coming home and bothering me (asking me questions and trying to make small talk) so I never really got to finish. At one point, I even got distracted by someone outside walking around with a boom-box which was blaring an advertisement/warning for everyone within earshot to "AVOID TACOS! DON'T EAT THE TACOS! TACOS ARE DANGEROUS, SO DON'T EAT THEM!" and another person who was competing with the boom-box lady, yelling "YES! Everyone SHOULD eat tacos! Tacos are completely safe and people should eat them!" Apparently boom-box street advertising had become a cool new way to advertise. (Actually that sounds like an interesting idea.)

Dream: Another School Bus Dream

8/17
I don't remember much about this dream except that I was in school (high school) and I had to take the school bus home. Something had happened, though, and I'd either gotten on the wrong bus, or the bus somehow got lost. That's all that comes to mind, but I do remember an element of danger riding on a lost/strange bus.

Dream: Burglar

8/8
Not much about this dream in my memory, except that it was scary. My husband was out of town (San Francisco?) and I was in the house alone. For some reason I was scared shitless, there might have been someone trying to break in and/or I was just afraid there might have been. In the dream, I either called, emailed, or IMed with my friend Chris and begged him to come over after work and stay in the guest room until Fuzz came back from his trip. He agreed, but then a bunch of things kept happening and for some reason his arrival was delayed. I saw an "outside shot" of our house from outside, the lights in front of the windows flashing on and off on timers or something. (I remember thinking they looked pretty convincingly like several people were inside.) I think Chris did eventually arrive, I remember feeling relieved. At one point I may have regressed to my teenage self living at my parents' house. My bed turned from my current king-size bed to a twin, and the bedframe broke under my weight when I tried to lay on it. The mattress had no sheet, and it was all ripped up and nasty looking. I remember feeling bad and wishing Fuzz would come take me "home" away from my parents' house so I could sleep in our bed together again.  I think he might have come back, but can't remember if we went home or just squished together in the broken-down twin bed.

Dream: Pissed-Off Aunt

8/6
I don't remember a lot about this dream, except that I was staying in New Jersey with my aunt & uncle & cousins. (I don't know if I was younger in the dream, or the age that I am now.) Apparently, my cousins and I had a curfew of 11:15, at which time we had to go in the house. We were swimming, and it was way before curfew but I wanted to re-negotiate with my aunt for a curfew of midnight. She said no, and I got really pissed off -- like extremely pissed -- and so I ran around the yard, punching at the air. At one point I punched the air near an archway made of tree branches. She got super upset and started screaming that I punched at the archway and broke it on purpose. (I did swing my arms and punch around them, but did not make contact.) The tree archway was unharmed, but she kept insisting that I ruined it and demolished the trees. She screamed for her husband, yelling that I ruined their archway even though I didn't.  I woke up around that point.