The Real Story Behind Lifetime's Movie, 'Obsessed'

Jenna Elfman plays Ellena Roberts in Obsessed.

Maybe a New Age blogger shouldn't necessarily post reviews or recommendations of movies, but I love what people call "bad" Lifetime movies!  Because so much of the counselling I do involves relationships, I find that something, no matter how small, can be learned from even the silliest plot.

Obsessed is one of my favorite Lifetime movies.  It was released in 2002 and stars Jenna Elfman as the sexy and lovely (but totally bonkers) Ellena Roberts, who stalks her victim-slash-love interest, Dr. David Stillman, a famous surgeon with a happy marriage and family.  Her obsession for this man eventually crosses the line from fantasy into a warped reality when Ellena's harrassment of Dr. Stillman becomes out of control.  Eventually, the harrassment evolves into criminal activity.  Ellena suffers from a form of mental illness called erotomania, wherein the patient truly believes that he or she is romantically involved with someone when in actuality, they are not involved.

Ellena has many tricks to stalk her doctor, including guile and manipulation, impersonation of friends and relatives, even getting jobs which grant her access to private information about Dr. Stillman and his family.  Her insanity is surpassed only by her intelligence and craftiness: during her harassment trial, a court-appointed analyst (played by Vlasta Vrana) pointed psychiatrist declared her to have "seven of the ten traits of an assassin."  This movie has lots of fascinating twists and turns of the plot, making it a riveting story.  It's a guilty pleasure, but it's too good to miss!

Fun fact:  This movie was based on a true story.  Diane Schaefer is the actual person on whom the character of Ellena Roberts was based.  Diane Schaefer stalked Dr. Murray Brennan, an oncologist from Sloan-Kettering Hospital in NYC for years before her conviction in 1990.  She was sentenced to 2 years in prison.  The lawyer who defended Schaefer, Joyce David, has put the movie-inspiring article on her website.

There is also a French movie called "À la Folie... Pas du Tout" (He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not) which features a similar plot.  I'm not sure if this is a remake or just coincidence.

You can also find out when Obsessed is playing on TV by going to its website on Lifetime.

So, who loves this movie?  Lifetime movies based on true stories are the best, and Obsessed is one of my personal faves!  Leave some comments below! :)

Tarot Love Reading

This week, I was hired to do an online tarot reading.  Like many of my clients, this one was curious about an ex with whom she was considering a reconciliation.  I was sensing that while the difficulties that the two of them had in the relationship weren't horribly destructive, her ex still had a bit of growing up to do.  My intuition was saying that he still needed some time before he'd be ready to give her what she needs, but this is a woman who is strong and impressive in her own right.  The reading itself is probably of little interest to my readers, but I wanted to post it here for posterity.  It's not too often that I get to *write* a reading for someone -- usually I just tell them what I see!

The spread that I used was the classic Celtic cross.  The deck is called "The Universal Tarot Deck," which is basically a classic Rider-Waite deck with more vivid, updated colors and details.  I really love this little deck when I do readings for clients -- the cards are a nice compact size, and they come in a cute little box.  They feel wonderful in my hand, and the updated version on an old classic has made me pay attention to those little aspects of the Rider-Waite that I'd never really noticed before.  I highly recommend this great deck for beginners and experts alike!




1. Your current situation. I drew "The Empress." When considering your question, I would interpret this to mean that you're extremely creative, nurturing, and strong -- especially where relationships are concerned. You're the kind of woman who can take care of her man, but you also have strength in your own right. You need a guy who's going to be able to match this strength, and respect your independence as well.

2. What's "crossing" you. 9 of Wands. This card gave me a sense of positivity, and perhaps some over-optimism. While it's very important to have a positive outlook and lots of hopes in dealing with your relationship, it's also important to keep your feet firmly on the ground. A lot of times, we want someone just because we can't have them -- this isn't necessarily the case with you, but you need to guard against that part of yourself which is forgetting the hardest parts of your relationship. Unless the issues surrounding your breakup are resolved, then you and this guy are doomed to repeat the same mistakes!

3. Your past. 4 of Wands. When I see this card in the "past," I often think of good experiences, and success after a tough struggle. It can also indicate being reunited with someone after an absence. I know that the two of you have broken up, and you're considering another try -- this card shows that your relationship did have its peaks and valleys. The tumultuous nature was exciting -- the arguing was draining, but the making up was amazing. It's understandable that you miss that connection with him!

4. What's beneath you. 6 of Wands. This card represents the qualities that you possess, which you'll need most in order to resolve this situation. The 6 of Wands speaks of a strong determination (notice the soldier marching into battle). It shows determination; once you have your mind made up to do something, nothing is going to stop you from achieving it.

5. What's above you. 8 of Cups. When a card is above you, it means that this is one of the aspects of your life which you need to start thinking about -- doesn't mean you need to address it immediately, but know that it will be appearing on the horizon. The 8 of Cups, as you may guess from the picture, is about moving on with your life. (Cups is often about emotional well-being, relationships, and love -- so it's very interesting you'd have this here!)There is a risk involved with this card, because you will be venturing into unknown territory. This can be extremely scary for some people, and they will put it off as long as they possibly can. But, remember, as the "Empress," and with the 6 of Wands beneath you, I feel you have a LOT of courage and tenacity. You can definitely succeed in this, and you're sensitive enough to changes to work them out and grow from them.

6. Short-term future. 9 of Cups. Again, cups is about emotional well-being and relationships. The 9 is one of the best that you can get -- in this placement, it represents good health, happiness, and positivity -- as well as a BIT of a proud streak! I see a streak of good luck coming up your way, and if anyone deserves to brag a little, it's you. :)

7. Hopes. Knight of Cups. When I see a knight, I think it as being something you need to act upon. Each knight suggests different ways to handle an area where you need to take action -- this one is not moving quickly, but is instead stopping and contemplating his next move. In this placement, and considering the question you asked, it also means that your wish for a reunion are very solid, but this time you've learned your lessons through the past -- you should definitely take things slow!

8. Fears. 10 of Wands. Like the picture of this card, the 10 of Wands addresses the heavy burdens in your life. Your worries about your relationship (and I sense, a lot of other aspects of you life) center around the fear that there will be too many problems, or that the problems come too quickly, for you to handle. However, this isn't likely to happen. Again, with the strength of the Empress, you have a lot more strength than you give yourself credit for. And this card also represents that although you may struggle under the weight of the occasional heavy burden, it will never be more than you can carry.

9. Family opinion. 9 of Wands (Wow, you had a lot of wands!) This placement can be either your biological family, your close friends, or people that you live and work around regularly. From this card, I would sense that some of the folks in your life have some reservations about you reuniting with your ex. I know that I told you before, he isn't a bad guy, but he does have some growing up to do. Unfortunately, because of the past problems you have had, people who are close to you don't always see him favorably. Plenty of them think that you deserve to be with someone with less issues, or at least someone who will prioritize you over other things which may be less significant. (Please keep in mind that their opinions aren't always right, this is just how they feel!)

10. Final outcome. Ace of Swords. This placement is the culmination of all the other cards. I see this as a beginning, but not a beginning that starts off quickly or easily. In fact, just the opposite -- there will be lots of challenges in the next phase of your life, particularly where the subject of your question is concerned! From this, I would say that your relationship with him could be quite strained, and if the two of you chose to continue the relationship, there will be plenty of things that have to be addressed. However, since you do have the strength and also the practical hopes in position #7 (Knight of Cups, who wants to go slowly and carefully) I sense that you have the willingness to see it through and try to work on the issues.

11. Any other information? I always pick an extra card when I lay these out, just to see what else I can find out when someone asks me a question. (It's not part of a typical Celtic spread, it's my own twist!) You got the Wheel of Fortune card. It's one of my favorite cards, because it refers to the way that life goes in cycles and that you can find patterns wherever you look. Paying attention to these patterns can help you learn how to address bad situations when or if they come around again; or to notice the good things sooner so that you can maximize their impact on your life. It also represents good luck, karma, and blessings -- which I sense that you have a lot of in your life. Somehow, you're always able to find your way through a problem, and you have the natural ability to avoid You can use your natural gifts to help other people, as well as to help yourself, which will enable the cycle of love and positivity to continue in your life and those around you. But remember, you want to use your knowledge of the past to avoid problematic issues in the future, so be sure to keep your eyes peeled for signs. :)

Are You Dealing With a Sociopath?

Approximately 1% to 4% of the population is afflicted with sociopathic tendencies.  These traits are often inherited, though can be treatable if detected early enough.  However, once a sociopath reaches adulthood, rehabilitation is difficult if not impossible.

Many people interchange terms like sociopath and psychopath.  There is a difference.  While sociopaths have predatory natures, and are often manipulative without guilt or remorse, this doesn't necessarily mean that they are all violent people.  Some may have violent tendencies, but only a very small percentage of violent sociopaths are serial killers.  It is more likely that the sociopath you'll deal with will be a con artist, liar, or master manipulator.  Sociopaths come in all walks of life, social classes, genders, and ages.  They blend into society with little or no effort, and are difficult to spot immediately.


Here are the traits of a sociopath as defined by Dr. Robert Hare, a well-known expert in criminal psychology.


Dr. Hare's Checklist (Sociopathic Traits)

1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Sociopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Sociopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and un empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS -- a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

14. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

15. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE -- a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.

20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

Sex Goddess Lesson #1: How To Be Sexier & More Confident

Amazing dancers Ruth St. Denis and Ted Shawn
in 1916, proving that the basic elements
of sensuality are timeless!

Let's sizzle in 2012, shall we? :)

I've realized that, when looking through my post labels, only one article has been posted on sex (and that was a joke about sex).  Lots of people who land here seem to be searching for relationship and romance advice, so I figured that it was high time to write about one cornerstone of any healthy relationship:  sex.

After doing some research for my sex article, I realized that there are some amazing resources out there.  However, most of the stuff I've read about love, sex, and romance are all about how to keep the sex going in an existing relationship, how to spice things up, or how to be more attractive to your mate.  But these articles didn't really seem to get it right all the way, as far as I was concerned.

Yes, your mate is right up there on the priority chart, but the most important sexual relationship you can have is with yourself -- if you can't see yourself as a sexual being, then your sexual relationship with others will never be quite as satisfying as it should be.  And if you're reading this, then obviously, you want to start the road to improvement.  Congratulations -- your journey is about to begin!

The first stop on the road to channeling your inner sex goddess is to find ways to feel sexy.  Remember that this has nothing to do with other people; this is all about you.  It's ok to be "selfish" sometimes -- remember that when you take the time to do good things for yourself, you'll later be able to take care of others even better.

Think about yourself in terms of what you find to be the most attractive, wonderful, and unique qualities about yourself.  Do you have intriguing eyes or smooth, creamy skin?  Do you have soft, ample curves; or perhaps you're a lean, willowy Goddess?  All shapes and sizes are beautiful.  The Western world currently tends to favor tall and thin supermodel types, but the beauty of all types can be appreciated in some time or culture -- and even in our modern society, you'll find people who can appreciate exactly what your own physical and mental style brings to the table. But the most important person to appreciate your own unique beauty is you!  Make a list -- write it down if you want to -- of all of your gorgeous body parts, from the hair on your head to the tips of your toes.  And don't forget your awesome mental or emotional traits too -- being clever, witty, determined, and strong are all smokin' hot attributes as well.  This isn't the time to worry about the parts you dislike -- show them some love, too!  But if you're not quite there, let's just focus on the things you love about yourself for now.

The Ten Traits of an Assassin

Jenna Elfman plays Ellena Roberts in
the 2002 Lifetime movie, Obsessed.

In one of my favorite Lifetime movies, Obsessed, from 2002, Jenna Elfman plays a character by the name of Ellena Roberts who is infatuated with a well-known surgeon.  When her infatuation crosses the line from fantasy into reality -- in the form of Ellena harrassing Dr. David Stillman and his family -- her behavior becomes criminal.  One of the reasons that I love this movie so much is because so much of the plot is ambiguous, leaving the viewer to wonder just what the initial nature of their relationship was, and exactly what the hell was going on in Ellena's head?  The way that Ellena views the world is also very different than reality: colors are a bit more vivid while the "focus" is more fluid and romantic, as opposed to the hard matter-of-fact point of view as voiced by her victim, Dr. Stillman.  While a lot of the dialogue may be overdramatic and lacking credibility (such as Vlasta Vrana's psychiatrist character declaring that Ellena Roberts has "seven of the ten traits of an assassin"), the story's interesting twists and various plot devices makes this movie a guilty pleasure that you can really sink your teeth into. 

Like many people, I couldn't help but search the internet to find out the real traits of an assassin.  Unfortunately, it would seem that the writers of this classic have invented such criteria.  What might they look like?  Here's my list:

1.  Lack of conscience.  This has got to be the number-one requirement in traits of an assassin.  If the subject feels the least amount of remorse, it will be difficult to carry out destructive tasks.  Regret should rarely occur, and when it does, can be easily replaced with delusions and rationalizations.

2.  Cunning.  An assassin must be able to "think outside the box" and determine as many methods as possible toward achieving the final outcome.  Unconventional or unusual ways of looking at the world -- or clever ways of acquiring and applying knowledge -- is an advantage to the assassin.

3.  Versatility.  The ability to use many tools in order to get the job done is vital, so the subject should be able to learn quickly and adapt to new surroundings.  Assassins will also treat other people as useful tools in order to complete their work.

4.  Charm and glibness.  Because assassins often need to infiltrate their prey's surroundings in order to get the job done, the assassin must have extra-special powers of persuasion.  Knowing how to manipulate other people will go a long way toward completing their malicious goals.

5.  Pathological tendencies.  It's a lot easier to be a mercenary of any sort if you're more able to justify your nefarious actions.  Assassins never feel remorse, and in fact, may have an "avenging angel" complex.

6.  Risk taking.  Someone with assassin tendencies will naturally be duplicitous and have no problems with treacherous or tricky scenarios.  He or she can easily adapt to treacherous conditions, and may even enjoy the thrill of dangerous situations.

7.  Restlessness.  An assassin doesn't like to sit still for long.  Someone who is truly cold-blooded or devious very likely craves drama and excitement.  Any adrenaline junkie will tell you that once you've experienced a rush like this, it's hard to stop looking for thrills.

8.  Untrustworthy.  An assassin will do or say anything to gain access to their prey's demise.  Lies come easily.  Cheating, stealing, and lying -- all destructive acts -- come easy to the assassin, especially if there is something to be gained from them.

9.  Chaotic life.  Problems may abound for an assassin, who has difficulty understanding and respecting the boundaries of others.  This type of poor judgement often manifests in chaos and drama of his or her own making.

10.  Nothing to lose.  While this trait may appear to contradict the previous one, you must get inside the mind of an assassin to truly understand. A person like this may have fragile (if any) real connections to anyone or anything, and can easily abandon those connections if it's advantageous of him or her to do so.

Because Ellena didn't actually perform any violent acts in the movie, it would seem that her crimes (at least the ones that she committed) were more of the emotional variety.  I would classify her as more of an emotional vampire than an assassin.  However, many of the traits above do seem to describe her character.

This movie was based on a true story, about a woman named Diane Schaefer who stalked an oncologist in New York for many years.  She was eventually sentenced to 2 years in prison during the 1990s.

Photo Credit:  Thanks to Greg Hernandez who made this photo available under a Creative Commons license.  (It has been altered, the original can be found here.)  I appreciate it, and I'm sure so do those who have come here searching for the 10 traits of an assassin! :)

Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships Video

For those of you who are following my series on healthy boundaries, I have created this video as a companion piece to the first article.  In this video, the concept of boundaries is explored and further defined.  You will also learn the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy ones, as well as to determine if your boundaries are too rigid or too loose.

Also, remember that the most important thing about boundaries is that they help keep you safe.  No one can set or enforce those boundaries but YOU.  Protect yourself -- LOVE yourself -- you deserve it!

Does He Like Me? How to Tell if a Guy Loves You

I know... it sounds like the title of some article you'd read in a teen magazine, right? :)

As a psychic, this is HANDS-DOWN one of the questions that I am asked most often.  It usually goes a little something like this... "How does he REALLY feel about me?"  Whether it's a man that my client is dating, the hot guy next door who acts a bit flirty, or the shy but sweet guy at work, one thing is for sure: If a guy is really interested in you, you will know!  But sometimes it's hard to figure out the signs.  You can call me and ask if you like -- or any psychic -- a good one can help you determine if a man is interested in you.  However, for those of us who are more practical, you can also try using my simple checklist.  And if you know a woman who's not quite sure of the signs, feel free to forward this article to her, or give her the link to my YouTube video on this subject. ;)

Here's how to tell if a guy likes you, or how to know if he's falling in love with you:

#1. He's Most Interested In You.   If he's supposed to be paying attention to something else, but instead he's watching you and smiling... it's a good sign!

#2. He Takes Care of You.   He cares for your practical needs; like feeding you if you're hungry, warming you if you're cold. It may be to impress you; but also shows he really cares for your well-being.

#3. He Talks With You... (A Lot!)   Guys don't usually like having long personal discussions. If he's investing hours of time just talking with you, it means that he enjoys spending time in your presence.

#4. He Notices the Little Things.   Someone who's only attracted physically won't notice small details about you; a guy in love will! He might also ask specific questions about your life, or remember small things that you've mentioned in the past.

#5. He Cares About Your Opinion.  If there's something significant happening in his life, he'll ask for your take on the matter. This may mean that he respects you and also wants to take your feelings into consideration.

Astrological Compatibility Chart

This weekend, I constructed a basic chart for compatibilities based on astrological sun signs.  This is some very simple, basic compatibility data.  For best results, I'd recommend checking the natal charts of yourself and the person you're analyzing.  Even so, this is a nice quick-and-dirty bit of information that may help you learn a bit about yourself and someone else.  (Note: I may even make a YouTube companion video for the chart -- we shall see!)  To see the chart in a larger format, just click on it below.

1.  Hearts.  Generally a great dynamic with lots of attraction.  Called "conjunct" by astrologists everywhere, it is a dynamic that is very beneficial because you can understand one another quite well: your likes, dislikes, and values will very likely be quite similar.  Sometimes this can cause friction, since occasionally people who are extremely alike may annoy one another and know how to push one another's buttons; however, in any case, these people will often have an innate knowledge and understanding of one another.  Love 'em or hate 'em, this often proves to be a very emotionally intense relationship.  Includes:  Aries and Aries, Taurus and Taurus, Gemini and Gemini, Cancer and Cancer, Leo and Leo, Virgo and Virgo, Libra and Libra, Scorpio and Scorpio, Sagittarius and Sagittarius, Capricorn and Capricorn, Aquarius and Aquarius, Pisces and Pisces.

2.  Thumbs-Up.  You've got similarities and complimentary styles.  These dynamics are "trine" and often quite positive for friendships, romances, and family relations.  While there are enough differences in, say, execution and expression of personal style, many values will remain similar between the two of you.  This is often a very respectful and close partnership where both people can feel an instant connection.  Includes:  Aries and Leo, Aries and Sagittarius, Taurus and Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn, Gemini and Libra, Gemini and Aquarius, Cancer and Scorpio, Cancer and Pisces, Leo and Aries, Leo and Sagittarius, Virgo and Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn, Scorpio and Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces, Sagittarius and Aries, Sagittarius and Cancer, Capricorn and Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo, Aquarius and Gemini, Aquarius and Libra, Pisces and Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio.

3.  Peace Sign.  Called a "sextile," these are signs which have complimentary elements that "feed" off of one another's differences.  You and the other person may not be similar in a lot of ways, but you genuinely like and respect one another.  This makes for a very interesting partnership and it can help you learn a lot about yourself, as well as appreciate the differences that other people have to offer.  Great for collaborations, and also makes for very interesting friendships and romances. Signs which are sextile include:  Aries and Gemini, Aries and Aquarius, Taurus and Cancer, Taurus and Pisces, Gemini and Aries, Gemini and Leo, Cancer and Virgo, Cancer and Taurus, Leo and Gemini, Leo and Libra, Virgo and Cancer, Virgo and Scorpio, Libra and Leo, Libra and Sagittarius, Scorpio and Virgo, Scorpio and Capricorn, Sagittarius and Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius, Capricorn and Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces, Aquarius and Sagittarius, Aquarius and Aries.


4.  Swirly Arrow-Circle Thing.  These are known as "opposition signs" because they are at a perfect 180 degrees apart in the zodiac -- and yes, opposites do attract!  While there can often be an extreme and intense attraction between these two signs, it can also be a very trying dynamic.  Dealing with someone who is so different than you can be wonderful and intriguing, yet also dramatic and frustrating at the same time.  It takes two very special opposition parties to overcome the differences and see them through to get to the other side -- if and when this happens, your relationship can be a match made in heaven!  This compatibility includes:  Aries and Libra, Taurus and Scorpio, Gemini and Sagittarius, Cancer and Capricorn, Leo and Aquarius, Virgo and Pisces, Libra and Aries, Scorpio and Taurus, Sagittarius and Gemini, Capricorn and Cancer, Aquarius and Leo, Pisces and Virgo.

5. Purple Smiley.  This is known as a "semi-square," which can create some tension since these placements will fall either before or after your sign.  While this can prove to be tough going for some relationships where emotions run high (such as a romantic or family dynamic), it can often be the basis for great friendships regardless of the differences which are present in those signs.  Often this makes a good alliance for people who have similar goals, and there can also be a lot of complimentary input and ideas coming from both sides.  While there are differences, the parties involved can often seen one another's point of view with a bit of extra effort in communication, and the relationship which results from this hard work can be very fruitful indeed.  Signs with this aspect include:  Aries and Pisces, Aries and Taurus, Taurus and Aries, Taurus and Gemini, Gemini and Taurus, Gemini and Cancer, Cancer and Gemini, Cancer and Leo, Leo and Cancer, Leo and Virgo, Virgo and Leo, Virgo and Libra, Libra and Virgo, Libra and Scorpio, Scorpio and Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius, Sagittarius and Scorpio, Sagittarius and Capricorn, Capricorn and Sagittarius, Capricorn and Aquarius, Aquarius and Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces, Pisces and Aquarius, Pisces and Aries.

6.   Grey "Ehh..." Smiley.  It is formally known as a "quincunx" or, sometimes informally, called an "inconjunct."  This indicates a separation of about 150 degrees, both before and after a sign's opposite.  Often there is little attraction between these signs, and sometimes even what one may consider "bad chemistry."  There are often few similarities in personality or values, and frequently one sees differences and areas where criticism can pop into the picture.  In the best of cases, this dynamic may ultimately elicit boredom, and in the worst of cases, a lot of stress and headaches for all parties involved.  Placements include:  Aries and Virgo, Aries and Scorpio, Taurus and Libra, Taurus and Sagittarius, Gemini and Scorpio, Gemini and Capricorn, Cancer and Sagittarius, Cancer and Aquarius, Leo and Capricorn, Leo and Pisces, Scorpio and Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius, Libra and Taurus, Libra and Pisces, Virgo and Aries, Virgo and Aquarius, Leo and Pisces, Leo and Capricorn, Virgo and Aries, Virgo and Gemini, Libra and Taurus, Libra and Pisces, Scorpio and Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius, Sagittarius and Taurus, Sagittarius and Cancer, Capricorn and Gemini, Capricorn and Leo, Aquarius and Cancer, Aquarius and Virgo, Pisces and Leo, Pisces and Libra.

7.  Thumbs-Down.  Astrologists call this aspect a "square" as these are the signs which are 90 degrees apart from one another.  These signs often suffer a very disjointed relationship with one another.  Communication can be difficult, values and outlooks on the world may be very contrasting and also too difficult to understand.  Often we find ourselves attracted to those who "square" us, yet the clashes and upheavals which come from a lack of understanding can make this dynamic challenging at best, and just unbelievably crappy at worst.  Proceed with extreme caution!  This aspect includes the following signs:  Aries and Cancer, Aries and Capricorn, Taurus and Leo, Taurus and Aquarius, Gemini and Virgo, Gemini and Pisces, Cancer and Aries, Cancer and Libra, Leo and Taurus, Leo and Scorpio, Virgo and Gemini, Virgo and Sagittarius, Libra and Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, Scorpio and Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius, Sagittarius and Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces, Capricorn and Aries, Capricorn and Libra, Aquarius and Taurus, Aquarius and Scorpio, Pisces and Sagittarius, Pisces and Gemini.

Hooverphonic: Mad About You (Lyrics & More)

I love this song by Belgian pop group Hooverphonic.  It is really meaningful to me, because it so hauntingly and accurately describes the nature of toxic relationships, codependency, and addiction issues.  People can indeed become addicted to drama, and feed off of one another's unhealthy energies.  Sometimes, the feeling of being in love with someone that you know is bad for you -- feeling out of control because you want someone so bad -- can be exhilarating even while poisonous at the same time.





And here are the lyrics:
feel the vibe, feel the terror, feel the pain
it's driving me insane
i can't fake
for god sakes why am i
driving in the wrong lane

trouble is my middle name
but in the end i'm not too bad
can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

mad about you
mad

are you the fishy wine that will give me
a headache in the morning
or just a dark blue land mine
that'll explode without a decent warning

give me all your true hate
and i'll translate it in our bed
into never seen passion, never seen passion
that is why i am so mad about you

mad about you
mad about you
mad

trouble is your middle name
but in the end you're not too bad
can someone tell me if it's wrong to be

so mad about you
mad about you
mad

give me all your true hate
and i'll translate it in your bed
into never seen passion
that is why i am so mad about you

mad about you

Pic by Ph.Viny and shared with Creative Commons license. :)

Cheaters Beware, We're Onto You

As a professional psychic, one of the most common questions I'm asked each day is "Is s/he cheating on me?"  In fact, I am usually asked such a question at least twice every day.  Each situation is different; sometimes the person in question sparks a definitive yes or no inside me, but most answers are more complicated than that.  A lot of times, I'm able to pick up on the feelings of the seeker's partner of intent to cheat, especially because many people will think about it, talk about it with others, or go looking for it long before they actually commit the deed.

It is with this spirit that I present you with a new video designed to help you see the signs of whether or not your significant other is cheating.  Many of these signs have been cited by relationship experts, and shared with me by friends and clients.  As someone who has been in a relationship with an unfaithful partner, I can personally vouch for every one of these -- but remember, your mileage may vary.  Every situation will have its own unique quantifiers, so remember to get proof before deciding to take the next steps.

The Fourteen Traits of a Serial Killer

My article on emotional vampires is one of the most commonly visited sections on this website.  Because I do specialize in relationships of all types -- romantic ones, family dynamics, friendships, and even workplace dynamics -- I am often consulted when someone is seeking answers about another person's mental stability.  Often people ask me if a friend or loved one might be dangerous or violent when angered or stressed.  (Regardless of my impressions of such people, I would always advise anyone to err on the side of caution if they even need to ask this question!)

Recently, I came across a documentary about such acts which caused me to wonder about how dangerous or violent people interact, undetected by most, with the public at large.  What makes someone commit such crimes against humanity?  How is such a person made (or born)?  While most emotional vampires are not murderers, and most abusers are not serial killers, a lot of the traits below are pretty major red flags.  I thought that this information would be interesting to my readers.

Traits of a Serial Killer:

1. Over 90 percent of serial killers are male. 

2. They tend to be intelligent, with IQ's in the "bright normal" range.

3. They do poorly in school, have trouble holding down jobs, and often work as unskilled laborers.

4. They tend to come from markedly unstable families.

5. As children, they are abandoned by their fathers and raised by domineering mothers.

6. Their families often have criminal, psychiatric and alcoholic histories.

7. They hate their fathers and mothers.

8. They are commonly abused as children — psychologically, physically and sexually. Often the abuse is by a family member.

9. Many serial killers spend time in institutions as children and have records of early psychiatric problems.

10. They have high rates of suicide attempts.

11. From an early age, many are intensely interested in voyeurism, fetishism, and sado-masochistic pornography.

12. More than 60 percent of serial killers wet their beds beyond the age of 12.

13. Many serial killers are fascinated with fire starting.

14. They are involved with sadistic activity or tormenting small creatures.


Source: Internal Association of Forensic Science, an article written by FBI Special Agent Robert K. Ressler

Powerful Gratitude :)

Today, I did a reading for someone and got the most wonderful message from them in return.  I had sent them a thank-you message first, and got this in response.

"Hello,

I really am the one who should be thanking you! You gave me the peace of mind I needed to carry on today. I've been making myself sick (literally) with worry about him. I feel there's a hole in my heart, like Bella Swan in "Twilight: New Moon." I've gotten mixed signals from readers (some yes, some no, some yes but only as a friend...I've blown ALL my money trying to find peace of mind) but YOU picked up on things BEFORE I gave you details, so I'm putting faith in you. I needed someone to talk to, to listen to me and help me and not be judgmental... [this part is a bit personal, so I'm not gonna share it, have to keep the issues confidential, you know!]...

Thanks again. I can't tell you the levels you've lifted my heart today. "

I'm absolutely in awe that this person took the time to write me such a sweet and heartfelt message.  The power of "thank you" can lift anyone's heart.  It was so nice to get a message like this, that I just had to brag about it a little :)

The lesson here is this... when someone helps you, say thank you!  If you appreciate something, tell the person who's done you a solid.  Don't let the day go by without finding something to be grateful and thankful for; even in the darkest times, there is always something positive to look at and to feel relief over.  On the worst days, it can be hard to see that... but it's there.  You just have to look a little harder once in awhile. :)

Photo Credit:  Another awesome picture by joebeone!  Thank you. :)

"How To Win a Boyfriend"

Recently, I was doing some "winter cleaning" and found a bunch of interesting old artifacts from way back when.  Included in this was vintage-y "self-help" style pamphlet for teenage girls, which seemed to come from the 1970s or 1980s, that I assume used to belong to a relative as a young one in that era.  While a lot of the advice seems to be extremely outdated and hilarious, there are some good nuggets of timeless wisdom intertwined, mainly about being true to one's values and caring for others.  There is no copyright information, but I've decided to type it all out and share it with you for your amusement.  Enjoy!


How To Win a Boyfriend

The only way to have a friend is to be one.  Make friends with people you have something in common with, like hiking or music.  If you want to be friends with Jaime because she's always cheerful, ask yourself what makes her that way and imitate her.


Get involved in activities at school, house of worship, and in your neighborhood.  Don't stay home because no one will hurt your feelings that way.  Go to concerts, plays, and community activities.  Join the school swim team or act in the school play.  Volunteer to work your church spaghetti supper.  And if your next-door neighbor is selling homegrown vegetables from a stand at the end of her driveway, offer to help.

What are you doing?  What any sensible business person does.  You are building a network of contacts that will pay off later when people invite you to parties and football games.


But just going places isn't enough.  You need to act alive, to really enjoyy ourelf, to have fun.  Even though you are shy, people may misinterpret that shyness as conceity.  Smile, laugh, and take part in conversations.


If you feel out of place at school dances, join the committee that sets up the chairs and provides the refreshments.  Work does more than take your mind off your shyness.  It allows you to feel part of the action and gives you coruage.  Act like you belong there and people will assume you belong there.  So will you and the confidence will radiate like a light that everyone will see.


Remember, enthusiasm attacts enthusiastic people.  Keep a positive attitude.  Don't be offended if someone rejects your advances.  Everyone gets turned down.  They don't lock themselves in their rooms.  They get out and try again.  You are worthy of other people's affection and if you treat others well, tey will see that you're the kind of person they want to hang out with.


A positive attitude is related to another important part of the puzzle.  It's called positive imaging.


Always try to act with grace, dignity, and maturity.  Don't think you have al of that?  You do, although it might be buried beneath the surface.  Here's a hint:  Think of someone you admire and respect.  Create a vision of that person in your mind, an image of that person performing well in a difficult situation.  Whar does he or she do to cope?  Adopt that style.


One word of caution.  Smiling and acting friendly doesn't mean bending over backwards for all people all of the time.  Are you sure you want to become friends with the kids who do drugs and get into trouble?  How will the attention they give you make you a better person?  They may seem to like you if you do favors for them, but when they're tired of using you, they'll dump you just like they did to others in your school.


Before you do them any favors ask yourself this:  Will I feel guilty or ashamed of what I'm about to do?  If the answer is yes, don't do it.  There are people who would be glad to have you as a friend, just the way you are.  


Now that you've landed some new friends, you have to take care of them or they and your old friends will slip away.  How do you keep friends?  The same way you attract them:


* Be a friend all of the time.  Listen to your friends' problems.  Smile and nod to show you understand.  Defend them from unjust attacks.  If they need a favor, offer your help.  If they need more than you can give, know your limits; suggest they talk to their parents, their minister, or the school counselor.


* Don't badmouth people behind their backs.  This gives both them and you a bad reputation.  If someone did this to you, it would hurt, so why do it to a potential friend?  If a person has hurt your feelings, talk it over with him or her.  Don't accuse or attack.  Say you value the persons friendship and that you want to work things out.  Talk is not cheap; it is one of the most valuable things you can do.


*  You have worked hard to feel good about yourself and you have a right to brag a little.  But don't carry it too far.  If your new friends misinterpret your pride as a belief that you're better than everyone else, they'll try to take you down a peg.