Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #6: Being Prepared

A stitch in time, saves nine!

Life has often been compared to chess -- and chess, to life!  The similarities are easy to see... in order to do well, you often need to sacrifice.  There are also many ways to conquer what's in front of you, and the method to success is as varied as its participants.  However, I think that the biggest similarity of all is  this:  Both of them require strategy in order for you to come out on top.

While it's fine, and fun, to fly through life by the seat of your pants, preparation for the rough times is going to make a major difference between success and failure, happiness and sorrow.  "A stitch in time saves nine," goes the old proverb.  What you're able to take care of today, can help you enjoy a better life tomorrow.  What you fail to resolve now will come back to you, and it won't leave until you make it a point to take care of it.

Planning ahead is one of the most important steps in having an awesome life.  It doesn't sound particularly awesome, I know.  But, when you plan ahead by saving for a rainy day, or by taking care of something before it becomes a full-blown crisis, you're actually saving more than just time and effort.  You are saving yourself worry, stress, and hardship.  You are saving yourself from regrets and wasted time.  Let's face it, a crisis always costs a lot more to resolve than a small bump in the road!

By planning ahead, you're also left with more time to enjoy yourself, to relax and to have fun.  Security and order can actually bring about a tremendous sense of freedom!  Try using some of that chess strategy to give yourself an edge on a little extra happiness, and I promise you, your life will be much more awesome for the effort.

Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #5: The Power of Now

The fifth lesson in our installment has to do with our hopes and dreams, as well as how to deal with a life that doesn't quite seem to measure up to them.  It's human nature to want what we don't have, and it's also in our nature to become comfortable and complacent with our lives, with little desire to actually change anything.  There are also those who, while feeling complacent, are too busy worrying about what will happen in the future to enjoy the present.

By taking control of the present, you are putting yourself in the best possible place for the future.  Instead of pining over something you want, but cannot have now, or fretting over potential disaster in the future, try to train yourself to stop worrying and start enjoying what is currently around you.  I'm not saying that you need to abandon your common sense or through caution to the wind; you also don't have to stop dreaming and hoping for something better than the life you're currently living.  However, while you are in the present, take the time to appreciate where you are right now.  Be thankful for things you have in your life which are going well. 

Likewise, living in the present means getting real about the problems of your present.  Try not to put off solving that puzzle, working out those issues, or taking care of something that is giving your grief.  Emotions like that are draining to your energy.  Take care of new business before it turns into old business -- and old business before it becomes ancient business, or urgent business!  Getting real about those areas where you need to improve can make a huge impact on what tomorrow will bring.

Taking time to enjoy and savor the journey to wherever it is you wish to go, is a vital step in your awesome life.  Happiness in the small moments as well as the large ones will improve your overall well-being, and that makeover of your soul will translate into future happiness and success as well.

How To Donate Your Car To Charity

A few weeks ago, I posted an article about cord blood donation, and how important the cord blood stem cells were for medical research.  They can also help your children recover from serious illnesses in the future, should they develop diseases that can be helped by stem cells.  However, there are all kinds of wonderful ways that you can help other people through the gift of donation.

Donating your used car to a non-profit organization is one of those ways.  It doesn't matter what condition your car is in, there are always places that are willing to take used cars -- even cars that don't run can be donated for a worthy cause.  So if you have an old junker that's taking up space in your garage (or worse!  your lawn!), consider giving it to one of the fine institutions below.

Here's a list of places that you can donate your cars, whether they run or not!

Wheels for Wishes
Helping Hands of America
Kars4Kids
OnlineCarDonation.org
Habitat For Humanity

P.S. To the people who are Googling for "donate junk car for cash" -- you are missing the point!  I think you should be looking up "SELL junk car for cash." By its very definition, the word "donate" means that you are giving something away, not selling it for a profit.  Perhaps you should try actually donating something sometime, and see how that feels.

Sex Goddess Lesson #3: Glamour Basics

Feeling happy and free can help you to feel beautiful, too!

Once you've learned to focus on what makes you sexy, dress to play up those physical or mental qualities.  Now, this doesn't mean that you should be glopping on the makeup, squeezing into push-up bras, pinchy shoes, and miles-too-tight clothing and then parading around in public like a piece of meat on display. If these are things that make you feel like a sex goddess, then knock yourself out.

But this really should be just about what you feel is sexy, not what other people do. Do certain fabrics just make you feel lovely and special -- silk, satin, velvet, lace?  Even a conservative clothing item that features sensual fabrics can make you feel different.  Perhaps you feel best in something that's comfy and cozy, or something chic and slinky and fabulous.

Maybe the clothes don't matter as much as the attitude -- try some deep red lipstick or sassy shoes to channel your inner vamp.  Even a spirtz of your favorite scent can make you feel especially alluring and intriguing.  It doesn't really matter what you choose, as long as it evokes that wonderful Goddess-like feeling.

Envision yourself as a Goddess in your private chambers, pampering yourself with your own special beauty rituals.  Whenever you're having an especially sad day, or you're just not feeling awesome, do this beauty ritual to cheer yourself up and get in touch with your inner sensuality.

"How Can I Be Happier In Life?" "How Can I Be Happy?"

I did a video on this awhile ago.  Don't worry, I've got you covered. :)

Having an Awesome Life: Lesson #3, Passion for Compassion

One of the best things that you can do in life is to focus on other people from time to time.  This has a multitude of benefits, including three important ones which are immediately apparent.

1.  It takes your mind off of whatever is wrong with your life. When you think of people who are less fortunate than you, what comes to mind?  People without food or clothes?  Folks who have no internet?  People whose problems are so overwhelming to them that they can't get out of bed in the morning?  Sick kids and adults?  Try zooming out and putting your own problems into a new perspective.

2.  It makes you appreciate what you do have.  Sure, there are people who have it better than you.  But plenty of folks have it worse, too.  Try not to be too envious of "luckier" people; you never know what lurks beneath their smiles.  There are plenty of people who'd trade lives with you in a second.

3.  By practicing compassion, you may feel compelled to help make a difference.  And the difference benefits multiple parties.  You feel great for helping someone else, but even more importantly, even a small gesture of compassion can make a major difference to someone else.

I'd also like to add that realizing not everything is about you all the time is also just the plain-old right thing to do.   There are billions of people in the world, and we all have a back story which includes good stuff and bad.  It takes courage to zoom out and look at the big picture, so try to be brave and do it every now and again.

Get busy!  Run through your house and donate your old clothes, that chair you like but never use, the spare "doubles" of things you don't need anymore.  You'll be de-cluttering your living space, and helping someone else at the same time:  Win-win!  Volunteer to cook a meal and bring it to a local shelter -- invite your friends and make it a party!  Karma points for all, a great time that people will be talking about for months to come, and full bellies for those in need.  Another win-win!  Visit your favorite old person; be their hero for the day and give them lots of much-needed hugs.  Raise awareness for a cause that you care about.  Write a letter to your representatives about something that you'd love to improve.  Go click on The Hunger Site and allow a corporation to match your click with food for someone in need.  Adopt a pet, a highway, or a child.  Even with limited time and money, you always find ways to make the world -- and your corner of it -- a better place. 

Command Respect & Jump-Start Your Self-Esteem!

Here are a few more ways to feel successful and great with people, while making a good impression.  Take these pieces of advice, and watch others' behavior toward you change for the better. :)

The first thing to remember is that no situation is going to be all about you.  There are always other people that are feeling the impact of just about everything.  Choose your battles wisely.  Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to put on your diva shoes and demand some extra attention.  Other times, you'll need to remember to hang back and let others have their own moments.  Pay attention, and try to show empathy toward others.  Let people know that you do care about them, their feelings, and their experiences.  People will appreciate it and remember your kindness.

As tough as it can be, actively seek out the good in others.  This can be especially effective when dealing with people you dislike -- when you have to put up with someone who annoys you, try to think of the qualities that they have which you can appreciate.  You don't have to be best friends with them, but giving them a chance, or at least acknowledging that they aren't 100% awful can go a long way toward a better relationship.

Listen to people when they speak -- really listen!  Ask them questions about what they say.  Say their names, but not too often; people like it when other people call them by name.  Use open body language; much of what we're saying is conveyed nonverbally, so remember that your physical cues are being read, whether consciously or not, by anyone with whom you are interacting.  And don't forget to give people your attention; interrupting verbally is rude, but interrupting them mentally is just as bad.  (And yes, people know when you're not mentally present.)

Feel Better NOW: Boost Your Self-Esteem Instantly

Feeling down on yourself?  Instead of succumbing to those "blah" days (or years), reclaim your life by strengthening your self-esteem.  Here are a few tricks to get you started; trust me, these will work wonders on giving yourself the internal makeover that you need to feel lovely.

You've probably already heard that old tip about taking stock of things you're grateful for, or things that are good about you.  This is a fabulous tip, and it's always good to remember that you have some good qualities.  But instead of just taking stock of the good, how about also composing a list of things you'd like to change or improve?  Be kind, and constructive, but real.  Acknowledging the weaker points in your life and addressing them can help you make improvements.

When you've made your list, be real with yourself about starting to improve these things.  Even if you just stick to your guns for a day or two, revel in the fact that you have the power to change!  You are taking control of your life and working to get to a goal.  Enjoy that.  The journey is just as important as the destination, so savor each part of your process.

Use other people, but "in a good way."  You have a lot to offer other people.  Give freely of yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help once in awhile as well.  We've all been put in one anothers' paths to give generously and to receive graciously.  You may not always get what you want, but it never hurts to ask.  

Treat others with respect, and make everyone around you feel important.  This will ensure that you're treated largely the same way.  If those around you do not respect you in return, it may be time to reevaluate yourself as well as your relationships with others.

Be driven in your efforts to improve, but forgive yourself any setbacks.  Just stick to it!

20 Awesome Tips for Surviving a Bad Breakup

1.  Remove the temptation of easy access.  Delete his or her number from your phone, block 'em on Facebook, get rid of old emails.  Unless you work together or share children, there is really no need to initiate further contact.  (If there was no major betrayal before the breakup, you may wish to maintain the friendship; in this case, just lay low for awhile and get some emotional distance.)
 
2.  Do not keep tabs on your ex.  This means no Facebook stalking (covertly or otherwise), no asking around, no driving past his or her house.  If it's over, it's over.  Let them wonder what you're doing or whom you're with now, but resist the temptation to keep that wound fresh.

3.  Let it out.  Write all your feelings in a notebook, a personal blog or journal, anywhere that you can vent and detox those negative feelings.

4.  Decide that, since you have now detoxed, to turn over a new leaf.  Think of this as a positive opportunity to make a fresh start, and adopt a positive attitude.

5.  Take care of yourself.  Eat healthy, exercise, and generally treat yourself well.  This is especially true if you were with someone who was not terribly concerned with your physical or emotional well-being.  When you take responsibility of your own well-being, you're taking control of your life.

6.  When you're feeling down on yourself, try thinking of all your positive qualities.  Make a list if you have to, in order to refer to it for future falterings.

7.  While you're in the habit of making lists, try making another one of all the reasons you're better off NOT in the relationship that you used to be.  If your former partner was annoying, unsupportive, selfish, or boring... write it down.  Absorb it, realize that the end of the relationship is a positive thing, and move on.

8.  Socialize with friends.  Call people that you haven't spoken to in a long while.  Re-establish touch with long lost friends, and enjoy reconnecting with those who love you.

9.  Pursue new interests, or revive much-beloved older ones.

10.  Take the focus off of yourself.  Realize that other people have issues too; do something wonderful for another person, and enjoy the glow that comes along with it.

11.  Pleasure yourself physically. 'Nuff said.

12.  Make changes to your apprearance.  Yes, it can be a bit of a cliche, but the truth is that seeing a cool new you in the mirror can help to alter your own perception of yourself.  Change your hair, try a new fashion style, get your most trusted cohorts together and devise an interesting new look for yourself.

13.  Change your surroundings.  You may not be in the position to move, but sometimes when you feel down in the dumps, and everything reminds you of your ex, you want to switch things around.  Move the furniture, paint the walls.  Burn some sage and detoxify your space.  If you're not interested in switching around your space, even a good thorough cleaning can make you feel fantastic.

14.  Throw yourself into your work for awhile.  Don't become a workaholic, though!

15.  When you're ready to see new people, try dating.  Keep in mind that "rebounds" usually don't work out, so don't go hunting for a new relationship right away.  Just enjoy socializing, flirting, and meeting new and interesting (or not-so-interesting!) people.

16.  Make new friends.

17.  Find enjoyment in solitary activities like reading, video games, or just walking through your city and seeing the sights.

18.  If your ex dumped you for someone else or was a particularly big jerk, think about the next person they end up with.  Instead of feeling jealous or tearing them down, realize how being with the ex totally sucks.  Feel simultaneously sorry for the "latest victim," and relieved that your ex is no longer your problem.

19.  Truly evolved people never stop growing, changing, and learning.  Try filling your mind with new information and perceptions.  Expanding your mind will expand every part of your life.

20.  Love yourself and love others.

The Act of Contrition

The Act of Contrition is a Catholic prayer that is used during confession.  It is basically a pledge between the confessor and God, where the person confessing expresses sorrow for his or her sins, and promises to behave better in the future.  There are some versions which are more popular than others, but there is no specific right or wrong version.  In fact, when I went to confession as a child, I was encouraged just to speak from my heart if I was unable to remember one of the versions I was taught.

Here is a popular version in the original Latin:

Deus meus, ex toto corde paenitet me omnium meorum peccatorum
eaque detestor, quia peccando,
non solum poenas a te iuste statutas promeritus sum,
sed praesertim quia offendi te,
summum bonum, ac dignum qui super omnia diligaris.
Ideo firmiter propono,
adiuvante gratia tua,
de cetero me non peccatorum peccandique occasiones proximas fugiturum.
Amen.

In English, this is basically translated as:

O my God, I repent of all my sins with all of my heart 
I detest them, because by sinning, 
Not only did I have gained just punishment from you, 
but most of all because they offend Thee, 
the highest good, who is deserving of all my love. 
I firmly resolve with Your help, 
to avoid the occasions of sin.
Amen. 

The Act of Contrition for children, which is the one I learned as I prepared for my First Holy Communion, is short and sweet: "O my God, I am sorry for all my sins because they displease you, who are all good and deserving of all my love. With your help I will sin no more. Amen."

My mother was taught this one when she was a child: "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Amen."

You do not need to be Catholic, or indeed even Christian, to declare an act of contrition.  If you are Catholic, you can use the prayers above, or if not, just speak from your heart to the deity of your choice or to the universe itself.   This can be a wonderfully cleansing and uplifting practice to help switch you onto the right track, to avoid things that are unhealthy or negative for you, and to move on in a more positive direction.

Zooming Out: Putting Anxiety and Phobias Into Perspective

Kathy Bates played Jane Stern in "Ambulance Girl."

Since this is the second entry I've written about a Lifetime movie, I've decided to add a new category for them.  Is it silly of me to write about them once in awhile?  Maybe.  But I don't mind sharing it; if I find truth in something, even something as simple as a movie on TV, I like to think about it and share it with all of you.

The movie that I was re-watching was called Ambulance Girl; it starred the amazingly talented Kathy Bates as Jane Stern, a middle-aged, married writer who had been fighting a lifelong battle with anxiety and various phobias.  Jane was afraid of so many things, not the least of which was flying and long car rides.  Her husband, Michael (played by Robin Thomas) was a recovering alcoholic who was also finding his way as a newly sober person.  As her phobias and insecurities began getting worse, Jane made the decision to become an EMT.  You'd think that was a nutty thing for someone who was so deeply stricken with anxiety to do, right?  The idea was that it would help her find a way out of her own mind and focus on other issues.  As an EMT, Jane met new people and learned a lot, including how to deal with her own anxieties.  (I don't want to ruin the plot for anyone who hasn't seen it, so I'll just leave it there.)

I loved this idea.  Sometimes, we're all guilty of becoming obsessed with certain thoughts of principles in our own heads.  It doesn't mean that they aren't meaningful to us, or worthy of some reflection time.  However, when we obsess or fixate on things which may potentially make us unhappy or stressed, we are ignoring the world around us.  We also forget about what is meaningful to those around us -- what makes them happy, afraid, or worried -- and whether we can work with them on those issues.  By taking a step back from our own problems, whether concrete issues or just worries about things that may happen, we are taking control of our own lives.  Zooming out gives us the power to decide if we want our fears to control us, or if we wish to take control of them.  By zooming out, we can also see more of what's going on around us and can therefore get a better sense of perspective.  What results from this is an ability to make better choices and to choose actions which make our lives more positive and fulfilling.

If you're worried about living inside your own head too much, or afraid that you may be obsessing about something that's holding you back, try to replace those feelings with something new.  Try volunteering, or even just helping someone close to you.  Learn more about your anxiety and try to figure out ways to make it less a part of your life.  By zooming out and looking at the big picture in its entirety, you will be doing yourself a great service.  Take control and live the life that you deserve by giving yourself the gift of perspective.

Sex Goddess Lesson #2: The Basics of Sensuality

Actress Yvonne Mitchell knew the importance of pampering oneself!

The next step in transforming yourself into a goddess of sensuality is to simply allow yourself some of life's more sensual pleasures. I'm not talking necessarily about sex (though, of course, that is one of those pleasures!)... it can be simply anything that you enjoy seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting, or hearing. Relish some fine music, a gorgeous view. Set the table with your "good" dishes, cook or order a fine meal, dress up and be a wonderful hostess to the most important guest you'll ever serve -- YOU!

Spoil yourself rotten from time to time! You have already dressed to impress yourself, so now it's time to pamper and please yourself. If a quiet meal at home isn't your thing, try going out for a one-person date. See a movie, get a wonderful dinner, go shopping. This is the time to give yourself whatever it is that you desire; while this may or may not involve something sexy, it should involve giving yourself pleasure and enjoyment. Don't wait for someone else to treat you the way you wish -- do it for yourself. Give yourself permission to have what you desire -- take what you want. Having that power, seizing it and using it will make you feel very special. Remember that a woman who takes what she wants and who savors every morsel of life is a hot woman! And please note that this isn't about spending money or going into debt; spoiling yourself can be as simple as splurging on the $5 shampoo and conditioner if you're used to buying something cheaper at your local dollar store. If you have a few extra dollars that you can spend without hurting yourself, by all means, treat yourself. But if not, there are zillions of ways that you can enjoy yourself without spending any more than you usually do. Invest the time and consideration in yourself instead. It will make you feel great, and that positive pleasure-seeking attitude will enhance your overall appeal.

Aura Polishing Techniques

A friend of mine who's very much into aura healing and cleansing shared this ritual with me. He does this every few days or so, in order to keep things balanced. It's unusual, to say the least, but definitely worth a shot if you're inclined toward working with your auras. This is what I've learned about aura cleansing, so I hope you enjoy it!  Every aura is different, and different things may work for various aura colors and aura patterns.

Strengthening and healing one's auras should be done each day, in order to keep things running smoothly. This is especially true if you know that you're going to be in a stressful situation, or if you're going to be around emotional vampires or other negative folks who drain away your energy.

In order to protect your aura, the first thing to do is to put up a spiritual "stop sign" to protect yourself from outside energy interfering. One way to do this is to cross your arms and legs in a protective stance (or sitting position).

Then, you can try my friend's unusual breathing technique which is said to clear the aura and balance the chakras. With this cleansing, your auric area is cleansed and your mind-body connection is balanced. It is done by breathing in with one nostril, then out with the other.

First, hold your nose as if you're going underwater; just pinch it between your fingers, but don't apply any pressure. Close off one nostril and breathe out. Keep your tongue steady and low in the mouth, just behind the front teeth. Apply pressure to the other nostril while releasing the original one, and then breathe in for a few seconds. Hold the breath for 10-15 seconds if you can; otherwise, just do it for as long as you can. Then exhale, and do the same thing with the other nostril. Repeat the entire process half a dozen times or so. It shouldn't take longer than a couple of minutes.

I'm still learning about auric work, so I'm not sure how standard the above exercise is. However, one thing I can say about it is that with all of the concentrating on breath, it certainly can help to refocus your mind onto something new if you're worried or stressed. Breathing exercises are often quite calming and strengthening. I often do a similar breathing exercise without all of the nose pinching. Do what feels most comfortable for you.

As you're breathing, you can also try a "cleansing vortex" visualization. To do this, as you're breathing, visualize a swirling vortex of light, beginning in your midsection, and whirling outward and away from you, cleansing and healing your entire body, removing and dispeling all negativity that is embedded within. Imagine the negativity changing to positive energy, then visualize the whirlwind scattering this positive energy outward and away, releasing it into the general environment and doing good things for others.

Sex Goddess Lesson #1: How To Be Sexier & More Confident

Amazing dancers Ruth St. Denis and Ted Shawn
in 1916, proving that the basic elements
of sensuality are timeless!

Let's sizzle in 2012, shall we? :)

I've realized that, when looking through my post labels, only one article has been posted on sex (and that was a joke about sex).  Lots of people who land here seem to be searching for relationship and romance advice, so I figured that it was high time to write about one cornerstone of any healthy relationship:  sex.

After doing some research for my sex article, I realized that there are some amazing resources out there.  However, most of the stuff I've read about love, sex, and romance are all about how to keep the sex going in an existing relationship, how to spice things up, or how to be more attractive to your mate.  But these articles didn't really seem to get it right all the way, as far as I was concerned.

Yes, your mate is right up there on the priority chart, but the most important sexual relationship you can have is with yourself -- if you can't see yourself as a sexual being, then your sexual relationship with others will never be quite as satisfying as it should be.  And if you're reading this, then obviously, you want to start the road to improvement.  Congratulations -- your journey is about to begin!

The first stop on the road to channeling your inner sex goddess is to find ways to feel sexy.  Remember that this has nothing to do with other people; this is all about you.  It's ok to be "selfish" sometimes -- remember that when you take the time to do good things for yourself, you'll later be able to take care of others even better.

Think about yourself in terms of what you find to be the most attractive, wonderful, and unique qualities about yourself.  Do you have intriguing eyes or smooth, creamy skin?  Do you have soft, ample curves; or perhaps you're a lean, willowy Goddess?  All shapes and sizes are beautiful.  The Western world currently tends to favor tall and thin supermodel types, but the beauty of all types can be appreciated in some time or culture -- and even in our modern society, you'll find people who can appreciate exactly what your own physical and mental style brings to the table. But the most important person to appreciate your own unique beauty is you!  Make a list -- write it down if you want to -- of all of your gorgeous body parts, from the hair on your head to the tips of your toes.  And don't forget your awesome mental or emotional traits too -- being clever, witty, determined, and strong are all smokin' hot attributes as well.  This isn't the time to worry about the parts you dislike -- show them some love, too!  But if you're not quite there, let's just focus on the things you love about yourself for now.

Taking Back Control of Your Life

Last year, because of the questions I commonly get asked by clients, I decided to make an instructional video on how to live a happier life. Even so, a lot of the traffic that I get seems to point to the notion that some folks are so discouraged with their situations that they have no idea where to even start!

It can be a difficult thing when your life is so overwhelming. You look at each part, seeing one mess after the next; figuring out which place to roll in your sleeves and get working. If you tweak one part, the rest may just fall to pieces. Fear and negativity keep us stuck in the comfortable, yet unhealthy, present, and both emotions make us reluctant to move forward into the unknown. If you feel that you're experiencing a spiritual crisis, you need to stop worrying and figure out how to regain control of your life. It can be difficult -- let's face it, it'll very likely be hard as hell in the beginning -- but stick with your goals. The end result will be worth all of the pain of growing.

Try following these 9 pieces of advice for just a week. They certainly cannot hurt you, and will very likely help. 

1. Take care of yourself physically. This doesn't mean that you need to spend every second at the gym and only eat carrots and celery for the rest of your days. But it does mean that you have to start treating yourself the way you try caring for everyone else in your life -- your spouse, kids, parents, or even your family pet! Would you deprive them of adequate sleep? How about healthy food and lots of water to keep them hydrated and nourished? These little things can be hard to remember to do when it's you, but you simply cannot take control of your life without catering to your basic needs. Appropriate rest, food, and exercise will put you in a far better frame of mind. This is especially true if you have health problems; working on improving your overall health may not cure the worst of what ails you, but it will maintain (and probably improve) your functioning parts.

2. Practice daily gratitude. This is the most vital thing that you can do for yourself on an emotional level. If you're constantly criticizing and finding fault with your surroundings, then you will get just what you ask for. However, if you open yourself up to gratitude and appreciation of what you do have, then more will flow your way. Each day, make it a point to think of what the universe has blessed you with, and enjoy it. There are people who have a lot less than you do.

3. Don't make assumptions about people. It's common for our fears to color the way we see ourselves, and other people. You may be afraid of not being liked or accepted by others, worry about being gossiped about, or feel concerned that something you've done has upset or offended someone. If these things are bothering you, it's better to get proof. Better yet, you can open your mouth and ask people if something is wrong. Your worrying is most likely for nothing. Wouldn't it be nice to relieve yourself of that kind of burden?

4. Stop black-and-white thinking. Most of the people and things in your life aren't all just "good" or "bad." Making generalizations about your environment and the people within it is a sure-fire way to keep your world very limited, and your mind small. But when you open your mind and realize that a million shades of gray exist between the good and the bad, you're opening yourself up to a new world. Rather than allow preconceived notions to control you, you are taking control of your own thoughts and putting yourself in the driver's seat.

5. Eliminate negative self-talk. We all have that nasty little voice inside our heads that can't seem to shut up when we're at our most vulnerable. This voice is nothing more than a fear-based illusion, trying to hold us back. While some fear or apprehension is a healthy thing, negative statements that we make to ourself can hurt our feelings just as bad as, if not worse than, if someone else were to say the same things to us. (And in fact, some negative self-talk is based on things that we have been criticized for in the past!) But if you're patient with yourself, and keep pushing forward despite that snarky inner dialogue, eventually that voice will fade. Until the time when your positive voice is the stronger of the twi, try not to pay attention to the negative stuff. It will get quieter and quieter with each small success you achieve, and the positive self-talk will grow. 

6. It's not always about you. Like negative self-talk, negative reactions can hinder your ability to see things clearly. This is less about a voice in your head, and more of a knee-jerk reaction in a stressful situation. For example, if your boss or teacher wants to speak with you privately, you may assume that you're in trouble about something. Or perhaps people around you are laughing, so you worry that you're the subject of some joke. Occasionally your mind may go there, even if there isn't any evidence to support a negative theory. Try to put the situation into perspective and realize that there are many possibilities that you haven't even considered. Take the focus off of yourself, and realize that everyone has their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Yours may not even enter into the equation.

7. Enjoy physical contact as often as possible. Now, get your mind out of the gutter; I didn't say you have to jump on top of everyone you meet! But don't underestimate the healing power of big ole hug! Participating in physical contact with other people -- friends, family, and pets -- will soothe and heal you in a way that words never can. If hugging is awkward for you, start slowly by shaking hands, patting people on the back, and giving high-fives. There are many, many studies which have been done on the benefits of physical contact, so make it a point to enjoy those benefits as much as you can.

8. Be a social butterfly. Solitude can be a wonderful thing. But too much alone time can put you at risk for loneliness or awkwardness when it does come time to interact with others. The more people you can surround yourself with, the happier you will be. That doesn't mean you need to go out clubbing every night of the week. But, expanding your social circle by a couple of people -- and going out of your way to keep those contacts participating in your life -- is a reward in and of itself. Being around healthy, positive people will make your own life feel much more positive too.

9. Help others, volunteer, and give of yourself. This has so many benefits that I'm only going to list a few. First and foremost is the obvious benefit to the one who's receiving the help. Additionally, you'll feel good for doing something wonderful and helping someone else. The psychological and spiritual benefits are great as well, because you're practicing #6 at the same time, and taking the focus off your own problems to address something else entirely. Helping others can open up your world in ways that you've never thought possible, and expose you to people and experiences that will enrich your life.

These are only a few tips that can help you feel stronger and more empowered in your life. Remember that happiness is not always going to just fall into your lap. Relationships are always going to require work, especially the relationship that you have with yourself. Make the effort to make lasting positive changes, and you will enjoy a newer, richer life experience.

Photo Credit: Thanks to snapchris.com (aka tibchris on Flickr) for making this picture available under a Creative Commons License. The model is the lovely and and inspiring Nikita Patel. Thanks to both of you for sharing!

Speak Up & Save the Internet!

Millions of Americans oppose SOPA and PIPA because these bills would censor the Internet and slow economic growth in the U.S.

Two bills before Congress, known as the Protect IP Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House, would censor the Web and impose harmful regulations on American business. Millions of Internet users and entrepreneurs already oppose SOPA and PIPA.

The Senate will begin voting on January 24th. Please let them know how you feel. Sign this petition urging Congress to vote NO on PIPA and SOPA before it is too late.

Sign the petition here.  And be sure to use the widget below to call your representatives to urge them NOT to censor the internet!


To help even more, please share this blog entry (or the links) with anyone and everyone that you can -- repost in your blog!  Forward to your friends and family via email!  Share via Twitter and Facebook.  Do it now, before the internet is changed (for the worse) forever!

Thank you!!!

Healthy Boundaries: Getting There

Now that we've discussed the basics of boundaries which are unhealthy for being too loose or too rigid -- and the importance of having healthy boundaries for their positive impact on your self-esteem and your relationships with others, let's learn how to establish those boundaries with others.


Step 1. What do you need?  Sit down and really figure out what you need in a relationship. What makes you feel respected? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Determine what your own personal needs, wants, and rights are. Establish boundaries based on what you think is reasonable. Remember that your rights and needs should be separate entities in and of themselves, and that your rights should end where those of others begin.

Step 2.  Discuss these boundaries with others. State your case clearly, and in with a neutral but firm attitude. Don't speak angrily or in a long-winded way. Just keep it clear and concise. You do not need to apologize for, rationalize, or argue while establishing this boundary. Be firm and respectful.

Step 3.  Remember why you're setting this boundary. If you expect people to understand and respect your needs, you must also understand that their reactions to this may be negative, especially if they are used to behaving in ways that are contrary to these boundaries. Don't apologize for protecting yourself. Don't feel selfish or guilty, just stand by your decision and remind yourself why you need your rights and needs to be respected by those who should care about you. This is a normal, natural and healthy part of the process. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but things will get easier with time.

Step 4.  Prepare yourself for the possibility of being tested. Most people will understand your feelings and respect them, but there might be people in your life who will not respect these boundaries. Others might accuse you of being selfish or mean for denying their unreasonable requests. But nevertheless, if their behavior is unacceptable to you, you must be confident and assert yourself. You cannot set a boundary and then apologize or rationalize it to others -- this sends a mixed message which might enable others to take advantage later. You can be respectful of the fact that some may not agree with your boundaries, but stay true to yourself. You have the right to be treated with respect. If people still don't respect your boundaries, you may have to put distance between yourself and them, possibly end the relationship or even pursue legal options if the other person still doesn't respect your rights.

Step 5. Establish a support system. This should be made up of people who do care about you, and who are willing to respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships with friends, family, and other people whose jobs are to care for you will make you stronger and more confident in yourself. Eliminate disrespectful, controlling, or abusive people from your life. Make more room for relationships with people who are caring and respectful.

Step 6.  Grow and evolve.  These changes may be uncomfortable or even scary for you at first.  But just keep in mind that you're doing this to improve the overall quality of your life, so some unpleasant backlash may be necessary for this growth.  Protecting yourself with healthy boundaries can enhance your relationships, boost your self-confidence, and radiate outward to inspire other positive changes in your life as well.

Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships

Having strong but reasonable personal boundaries can be the cornerstone of having healthy, positive relationships with other people. Conversely, having unhealthy or weak boundaries can contribute to negative relationships. Through the creation of healthy and clear personal boundaries, we are establishing important parts of our identity and showing others what we're actually about. In order for this to happen, it's vital to understand what everyone needs, as well as what the rights and feelings are of everyone involved -- including yourself.

Everyone has a story. We all come from somewhere. While our backgrounds can be very different, it can be said that those of us who come from a dysfunctional environment often have less exposure to boundaries that are healthy and reasonable. Learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries is a vital part of being a healthy, well-cetnered individual. Creating these boundaries begins with addressing other issues, such as cultivating a higher self-image and to combat apathy. We must learn how to recognize and address our own personal rights and needs. Another important step is to take care of ourselves, within the scope of our rights and what's best for us, especially in the context of interpersonal relationships. These things may take time to get just right, but over time, when we develop a healthier outlook for ourselves, our newly established boundaries will help to keep us safe and well-protected, possibly quite unlike our childhood experiences.

Are boundaries emotional? Or can they be tangible, like a fence in your backyard? The answer is both. Physical boundaries are defined by how close we allow someone to get to us, and by whom we allow to touch us physically, as well as where and under what circumstances we allow it. Boundaries of the emotional type have more to do with how we allow our feelings to be affected by others. Emotional boundaries center around our abilities to take responsibility for our own emotional needs, as well as allowing others to be responsible for their own. Our own boundaries will sometime challenge us, but they also define who we are and what we expect out of relationships. Can we refuse an unreasonable request that we're asked? Do we feel uncomfortable just by being around someone else who is feeling upset? Do our opinions change depending on the people whose company we keep? Do we take responsibility for others' feelings, going too far to please them, while neglecting our own needs? All of these issues will depend on whether or not our emotional boundaries are healthy.

Both sets of boundaries, our emotional and physical ones, determine how we behave toward and with other people, as well as how we allow them to behave toward us. If we did not have personal boundaries, other people would be able to do whatever they wanted with us: touch or treat our possessions or even our bodies in any way they wanted. Additionally, we would be obligated to take responsibility for other people's negative or inappropriate actions, to treat other people's problems as though they were our responsibility to prevent, address, or even solve. Basically, we would have no rights, and every aspect of our lives would be impossible for us to control.

While loose boundaries are often problematic, so are boundaries which are too tough or unyielding. People who live by strict and rigid personal boundaries are likely to push other people out of their lives. They will generally not ask for help when they need it, and they don't allow others inside. These people are often perceived as cold and emotionless, because they rarely display emotions or talk about how they might feel. On the flip side, people with overly loose boundaries will touch people inappropriately, even people that they may not know very well. Those with loose boundaries might have trouble telling the difference between sex and love, and they may get too close to other people much too quickly.

There are also people who have healthy boundaries. They tend to be the most well-balanced, and do much better with social interactions than those who have issues with their boundaries. While they are able to enjoy closeness with those who are special to them, and to accept help when they are truly in need of it, they also respect other people's rights, feelings, and positions. They also take responsibility for their own actions, and allow others to do the same. People with healthy boundaries are more able to compromise, to understand other people's feelings, and they generally have better self-esteem than those with unhealthy boundaries. Often, they are more comfortable with themselves, and also more able to make others feel good around them. Because they respect themselves and also the boundaries of other people, they can enjoy much richer and more fulfilling relationships with other people who respect their boundaries.

What about people who have boundaries that are less than healthy? Well, if yours need a bit of work, you can always improve them. While it may seem scary or uncomfortable at first when you start, remember that this is a vital part in taking care of yourself, and protecting yourself in a way that only you can do. Many people who grew up in dysfunctional, or even abusive, situations have developed survival skills which have hindered the development of healthy boundaries. For example, you may have trouble expressing anger, fear, or other unpleasant emotions, because it may not have been acceptable in the environment in which you were raised, even if the abusive actions of others were what caused the pain or anger. Therefore, in adulthood, it may be uncomfortable and difficult to construct healthy boundaries because of the past, however it is possible for you to work through those emotions and establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself. It won't happen overnight, and may take some time to get right, but it's never too late to start. And even small improvements can help you to live a happier, healhier, and richer life.

Here's my Psychic Sage Forecast for October of 2011.  I hope that everyone has an awesome month, and especially a safe and spooky Halloween! :)

Bathing Ritual to Renew Your Spirit

I just came across this charming post at the simple-living blog "Down To Earth" which encouraged its readers to share a photograph and to explain a bit about it.

The one that I chose was this picture, which I'd recently taken and had been meaning to add to my blog for some time now.  This past year, I had recently discovered how wonderful it was to take a long, luxurious soak in the tub.  One of the awesomest things about taking a big ole' bath is that anyone can do it.  Doesn't matter if you're old, young, rich, or poor -- if you have access to a tub and some water, you can make it an amazingly sensual experience no matter what other accoutrements you choose to add.

There's a joke that goes something like, "You know you're ghetto when you break out your best dish detergent when it's time to take a bubble bath," but really, who cares?  It makes no difference if you bathe with a 3-for-99-cents bar of soap from the dollar tree or a pot of $140 Russian Amber shampoo by Philip B., you can make your tub time truly luxurious with only a few little additions.

I like to add a few candles on the edge of my tub; they need not be expensive (and if you can make your own candles out of leftovers and an old spaghetti jar, so much the better!) but they certainly can lend an air of tranquil pleasure to your bath.  You can even find an artificial candlelight generator app on your Android phone (if you're so blessed), which I've done more than once.  The one I have (which I downloaded for free) even gives you customizable flame colors -- purple flame, anyone?

And bubbles are nice, but not always necessary -- by the way, I recall a few times where my own mother broke out the Ivory or the Palmolive dish liquid when, as a child, I craved bubbles in my bath.  If it's not going to harm your skin, who really cares?  No shame in being creative.  These days, I save my pennies for the luxury of something special from the Lush store when I can get it (and use it carefully).  But even bubbles from your dollar store or local pharmacy will do the trick wonderfully.

You can also add specific herbs and items to your bath to cleanse your soul and enhance positivity.  A bit of rose oil or dropping in rose petals for love, some sea salt to purify your energy levels, lavender to relax, rosemary to energize, or a sachet of fresh or dried basil to attract prosperity and positivity... these can all replenish your spiritual energy and give you a whole new lease on life!

Some folks choose to do their entire beauty regimens in the bath -- shaving legs, deep conditioning hair, even wearing a facial masque while splashing away in the tub.  And some people bring a cocktail (or in my case, a nice cold can of soda) into the tub, sipping their cares away.  Or, you can just relax and allow your tension to melt away, enjoying the sights, sounds, and scents of your spiritual bathing experience.  The bottom line is that your bathtime rituals can be fully customizable and specifically tailored to your needs and wants.

So grab your rubber ducky, and your favorite towel, and enjoy!