The Other Face of Clark Rockefeller (Christian Gerharsreiter)

The "Clark Rockefeller" mystery is one of the more compelling stories of the past few decades.  Some may wonder how this man was able to fool his wife, with whom he was so close and intimate, for so long.

In the Lifetime movie, Who Is Clark Rockefeller?, there were many instances of foreshadowing which gave the viewer some helpful hints.  If you're experiencing any of these issues with someone that you suspect may be betraying you (though more likely on a smaller scale than this!), do not hesitate to investigate further.

Here are some of the clues that appear in the movie; some may apply to your own situation as well:

Changing stories:  His stories constantly changed.  At one time, he was trying to work with his uncle, David, but then in later stories, he told Sandra that David was actually his cousin.  And in another instance... first, his mother was a "horsey set" debutante by the name of Mary.  Then, in another story, Clark mentioned that his mother was child actress Ann Carter. 

Crazy-making:  When Sandra Boss called him on the discrepancy about his mother, he gave her a look as if she were ridiculous and quipped, "I think I know my own mother's name!"

Lack of proof:  The Rockefeller in-laws never materialized.  Clark would casually mention this or that relative as if he'd just spoken to them, yet Sandra was never introduced to them.  Reigh also didn't get the opportunity to met them.  Clark never shared his personal information with Sandra, such as his social security number or contact information for his family, citing "strange" privacy issues.

In hindsight, it's easy to see these discrepancies and issues.  However, from the day-to-day living, these things are so close to home that it may be hard to zoom out and see them for the lies that they are.

Some people have called Sandra Boss gullible, stupid, and "unsympathetic."  However, my heart goes out to her.  Once you accept certain things, however dysfunctional the relationship, it becomes easier and easier to blur the line between what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.  She was only one of so many people that Christian Gerhartsreiter fooled.  It is human nature to want to accept the truth of the person that we love, and to want to believe the words that they say.  I think that victims of similar ploys, even if orchestrated by less adept transgressors, will also have some sympathy for a woman who has had to endure such betrayal.

So many people have been taken in by far less competent liars than "Clark Rockefeller."  Lying and betraying someone in this way is a terrible form of emotional abuse.  Protect yourself.  And when you find someone who is truly worthy of your trust, you can feel much more confident in giving it to them as you know what to expect.

Many have been intrigued by the tale, wondering who the real Clark Rockefeller is and where he came from.  Christian Gerhartsreiter's kidnapping of his daughter was his undoing as his true identity became known.  The public will learn even more secrets about Clark Rockefeller (or Christian Gerhartsreiter)'s life will come to light his trial for murdering Jonathan Sohus and Linda Sohus begins soon.

Worse Things Than Being Alone

I've been writing eBooks lately, based on some of the relationship nightmares that I've been hearing about.  When we look around and see what other people are experiencing, it's easy to feel lucky that we've got the problems that we have!

Sometimes, we put up with someone who mistreats us or doesn't respect our rights.  Some people say that even a bad relationship is better than having none at all; the loneliness is too frightening to face for some.  This may prompt those people to remain in a relationship that is unhealthy, negative, or even damaging to them.


Here's a list of things that are worse than being alone.  If your mate does any of the things on this list, it may be time to take control of your own life, to let go of the relationship, and enjoy the freedom of being alone -- without having to worry about being mistreated by someone who doesn't deserve you!


1. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
2. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
3. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
4. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
5. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
6. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
7. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
8. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
9. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
10. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
11. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
12. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
13. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
14. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
15. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
16. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
17. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
18. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
19. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
20. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
21. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
22. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
23. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
24. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
25. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
26. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
27. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
28. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
29. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
30. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
31. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
32. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
33. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
34. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
35. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
36. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
37. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
38. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
39. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
40. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
41. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
42. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
43. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
44. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
45. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
46. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
47. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
48. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
49. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
50. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
51. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
52. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
53. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
54. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
55. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
56. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
57. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
58. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
59. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
60. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
61. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
62. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
63. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
64. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
65. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
66. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
67. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
68. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
69. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
70. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
71. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
72. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
73. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
74. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
75. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
76. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
77. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
78. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
79. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
80. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
81. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
82. Being in a relationship with someone who you can never depend on.
83. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
84. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
85. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
86. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
87. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
88. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
89. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
90. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
91. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
92. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
93. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
94. Being in a relationship with someone who does not value you.
95. Being in a relationship with someone whom you cannot trust.
96. Being in a relationship with someone who intimidates you in order to get what he wants.
97. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to minimize your achievements.
98. Being in a relationship with someone who ignores your basic needs.
99. Being in a relationship with someone who does not recognize your rights as a human being.
100. Being in a relationship with someone who has any of the issues above -- yet doesn’t have any interest in doing something about them.




Photo source:  Screaming guy photo by crosathorian.  Woman photo is public domain.

Etiquette, Success, and Deutoronomy

The Bible is full life lessons.  Even if you aren't Christian, it is always a good idea to read it at least once in order to glean its lessons and to experience the richness of its literature.

One such important lesson is illustrated in the second chapter of Deuteronomy.  The wanderers consider waging war with various peoples as they encounter them in their travels, but instead they are advised by God to keep the peace.  Instead of pillaging, plundering, and helping themselves to the spoils which are not meant for them, God instructs them to pay for their food and water fairly, to behave graciously and not to harass or bother anyone across whom they come during this journey.


Not only is this prudent behavior in order to keep positive relationships with one's neighbors, but it is also important to remember that it's important to choose one's battles wisely.  If you are positive that you cannot win or make a positive impact in any way, then war is pointless as it wastes so many resources.


Deuteronomy 2

New International Version (NIV)
Wanderings in the Wilderness

2 Then we turned back and set out toward the wilderness along the route to the Red Sea,[a] as the Lord had directed me. For a long time we made our way around the hill country of Seir.

2 Then the Lord said to me, 3 “You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north. 4 Give the people these orders: ‘You are about to pass through the territory of your relatives the descendants of Esau, who live in Seir. They will be afraid of you, but be very careful. 5 Do not provoke them to war, for I will not give you any of their land, not even enough to put your foot on. I have given Esau the hill country of Seir as his own. 6 You are to pay them in silver for the food you eat and the water you drink.’”

7 The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.

8 So we went on past our relatives the descendants of Esau, who live in Seir. We turned from the Arabah road, which comes up from Elath and Ezion Geber, and traveled along the desert road of Moab.

9 Then the Lord said to me, “Do not harass the Moabites or provoke them to war, for I will not give you any part of their land. I have given Ar to the descendants of Lot as a possession.”

10 (The Emites used to live there—a people strong and numerous, and as tall as the Anakites. 11 Like the Anakites, they too were considered Rephaites, but the Moabites called them Emites. 12 Horites used to live in Seir, but the descendants of Esau drove them out. They destroyed the Horites from before them and settled in their place, just as Israel did in the land the Lord gave them as their possession.)

13 And the Lord said, “Now get up and cross the Zered Valley.” So we crossed the valley.

14 Thirty-eight years passed from the time we left Kadesh Barnea until we crossed the Zered Valley. By then, that entire generation of fighting men had perished from the camp, as the Lord had sworn to them. 15 The Lord’s hand was against them until he had completely eliminated them from the camp.

16 Now when the last of these fighting men among the people had died, 17 the Lord said to me, 18 “Today you are to pass by the region of Moab at Ar. 19 When you come to the Ammonites, do not harass them or provoke them to war, for I will not give you possession of any land belonging to the Ammonites. I have given it as a possession to the descendants of Lot.”

Traits of a Sociopath

1. They are charming, and have a way with words.  There’s a tendency to be engaging and charismatic.  They aren’t shy or self-conscious; because of their disregard for acceptable social behavior, they will speak whenever they feel like it and often say whatever they think will make an impact.

2. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance.  Sociopaths often see themselves as being better than everyone else, or “special” somehow.  They have an unrealistically enhanced view of themselves.  They will brag; they are opinionated, and overly self-assured.

3. They get bored easily.  A sociopath has a higher than average need for stimulation, and they are often prone to boredom.  Sociopaths seek out things that are exciting and novel.  They take chances and often engage in risky behavior, because they are easily bored.  They also lack self-discipline, and get bored with routine; failure to hold a job for an extended period of time can be a telling sign.

4. They lie.  The lies can big big, small, or anything in between.  Sociopaths think nothing of being dishonest.  At a sociopath’s best, he or she can be crafty and shrewd; at worst, they can be manipulative, deceitful, and sneaky in their dishonesty.

5. They manipulate people.  This doesn’t have to mean they’re deceptive, but often deceit can play a part in manipulation.  The difference between manipulation and dishonesty is the level of ruthlessness or lack of empathy present.  A true sociopath has little interest or awareness in the feelings of others; people are seen as sources of gratification, not as humans with emotions.

6. They have no remorse.  A sociopath will not have any concern for the sadness, pain, loss, or suffering of his or her victims.  Someone like this is seen as heartless and inconsiderate.  In fact, there is often a certain level of scorn or indifference concerning the sociopath’s victims.

7. They are shallow and superficial.  Someone like this has a limited spectrum of emotions.  He or she may display signs of caring or friendliness when necessary or beneficial, but check further; there may be nothing underneath to suggest much beneath the surface.

8. They are cold-hearted.  We’ve discussed the lack of empathy toward a sociopath’s victims, but there is also a lack of empathy for people in general.  A sociopath may be described as “a cold fish” -- they are inconsiderate and self-absorbed, with little room for interest in other people’s feelings.

9. They are parasites.  Often, a sociopath will intentionally manipulate others and become financially dependent on other people.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that they will con people out of direct cash; it may be as simple as failure to pay his or her own way, expecting other people to pick up the tab for his or her lifestyle.  This is often seen as selfishness, a lack of self-discipline, lack of motivation, an inability to behave responsibly or to follow through with responsibilities.

10. They will have problems controlling their emotions.  You will notice that a sociopath may have difficulty controlling his or her temper.  They may jump to conclusions, behave in haste, and lash out verbally or physically at other people when they are annoyed.  A sociopath’s patience is very limited, as are his or her ability to manage his or her feelings in a healthy way.

11. They are promiscuous.  Sociopaths often have shallow and brief sexual encounters and affairs.  Often, they have little discrimination in sexual partners, and are willing to have sex with virtually anyone.  A sociopath might have a history of engaging in multiple relationships at once, or a history of using coercion to get sex from others.  Sociopaths often take pride in boasting of their sexual conquests and activities as well.

12. Their behavior problems begin at a young age.  Before the teenage years, a sociopath likely already been committing unacceptable behaviors.  Young sociopaths often participate in activities including bullying, violence, setting fires, sexual behavior or activity, drugs or alcohol, running away from home, cheating, stealing, and vandalizing.

13. They don’t have life direction or long-term goals.  While a sociopath may talk a good game, there are often little or no attempts to follow through with goals as time passes.  There may be a history of failure or inability to develop long-term plans.  A sociopath may lack direction, both physically and mentally.  They may change jobs, residences, even circles of friends as time passes.

14. They are impulsive.  A sociopath may exhibit behaviors that clearly show action without thinking beforehand.  There are unable to deal with temptations, urges, or frustrations.  Sociopaths often commit reckless behaviors and engage in behaviors that are foolish or without thinking of the consequences.

15. They are irresponsible.  A sociopath may get the reputation for repeatedly failing to honor commitments or follow through on promises.  They may also fail to take care of obligations, such as ignoring bills or defaulting on loans, shirking responsibilities, performing tasks lazily, tardiness or absence to work, or failing to live up to agreements he or she has made.

16. They do not accept responsibility for their actions.  Sociopaths will often try to escape their responsibilities.  They may blame others for their own mistakes, or simply fail to acknowledge responsibilities in any way.  This often goes hand in hand with denial and manipulation of others.

17. They fall in and out of live easily.  Many of their relationships, including love and marriage, are brief and shallow.  When someone is lacking in the emotional skills to participate in a relationship, combined with a lack of ability to follow through with responsibilities, they will connect briefly but shallowly.  Such romantic connections are made easily and broken easily to them.

18. They may be juvenile delinquents.  Aside from simple behavior problems, a young sociopath will have trouble understanding or following basic societal laws or guidelines.  Between the ages of 13 and 18, sociopaths often commit crimes and engage in behavior that involves aggression, exploitation, and manipulation.

19. They fail to meet legal obligations or requirements.  If he or she has been in trouble with the law, it is not unusual for a sociopath to disregard or violate requirements which have been set for them; often due to being careless, deliberately ignoring notices, or failure to be in attendance when summoned.

20. They can disregard laws or rules in a number of ways.  A sociopath may violate a number of rules or laws, whether or not they are caught.  There may be pride or bragging involving getting away with criminal activity or violating rules.  Many sociopaths believe that they are “above” the rules.

Fake Spellcaster Spams Our Website!

This weird guy has been commenting on my blog lately, advertising his services.

"I know most of us here have read about the spell caster BOLOGO on the internet and how he has helped a lot of persons get back their lovers, jobs and many other thing i also know some of us don't take this serious as in most person think this is just some story written to attract reader to some certain blog or some forum web page.You all should know some thing, BOLOGO is a real and honest spell caster and he is true to every word that he says he never go back on his words, he does not tell you thing that there isn't.I promise you contacting him will be the best decision you ever made.And you should also know that he can never ask you to pay for his services all you have to do is to provide the materials that he is going to use to cast the spell for you and you will also have to trust in him to help cos trust is the key element that you are going need.IF you feel he can help this his email contact: xxx@xxx.xxxx"

Listen, I think that spellcasting can be a great thing.  In fact, I offer it myself for my very special clients!  But poaching from others is not the same as offering it out of love.  I have Googled this guy and feel that he's just a big scammer -- he's posted the same message to a ton of websites.  Try to find reputable people who are really going to go the extra mile to help you!  Don't allow phonies to take advantage.

Psychic Symptoms & Signs of a Spiritual Awakening

The psychic effects of a spiritual awakening are as varied as the people who experience them.  However, there are certain spiritual repercussions that are fairly common.  Here's a list of what to look for:

Experiencing a stronger connection to people as well as other life forms.  Perhaps you're more able to read and understand living things in a better way than you did previously.  Animals may sense this newfound connection as well.  Communication with other living things feels easier and more natural.  If animals seem to be responding better to you, try nutruring plants as well.  See if you're able to reach out and make new connections.  We are all inhabitants of the world!  During a spiritual awakening, you may feel this connection more profoundly with people, plants, and animals alike, a new awareness of sense of community and of everything working together from their own places in the universe.  Practice love and compassion in everything that you do.

Disturbances during meditation, prayer, or quiet times.  As you contact your guides, pray to God, or meditate, you may have issues focusing your thoughts or energy.  As you experience more signs and symptoms of a spiritual awakening, you may find that you need less time to meditate or pray to your higher power, as your ability to communicate those thoughts and feelings simply require less time.  Perhaps you simply don't need to allot as much time as before, or you may be communicating and/or centering yourself unconsciously in small ways throughout your waking (or sleeping) day.

A keener sense of awareness of others' presences.  This manifests through an understanding or consciousness of not only the presence of living and natural beings on this plane -- pets, friends, and random folks -- but also through consciousness of supernatural beings.  It may be a stretch, but some who undergo a spiritual transformation may just be becoming aware of spirits or even spectral presences.  There are some folks who are born with this ability, and others who develop it over time.  A spiritual awakening can bring many latent talents to the surface, including hidden abilities or weaker ones which suddenly become stronger.  If this is a frightening phenomenon for you, try meditation, prayer, or even calling upon friendly angels and spirit guides to protect you.  Remember -- most angelic or spiritual presences are either intent on trying to help you, or they are neutral in purpose.  Very, very few of these presences are harmful or mean, however some fear or paranoia is natural.

An increase in psychic or extrasensory abilities.  It is not unusual when someone experiences a spiritual awakening, for the sixth sense to become keener and stronger.  You will notice a heightened sense of awareness.  Perhaps you will experience clairvoyant, psychic, or empathic abilities that have been latent up to this point in your life, beginning to come forth and give you a new sense of perspective.

The discovery of a spirituality or philosophy that works for you.  Perhaps, for the first time in your life, you have found a type of spiritual or philosophical constructs that seem to correspond with just how you're thinking or feeling.  You may possess a deep hunger to learn more about a specific type of religion or belief.  This can help you to put your other issues into perspective, to aid you in growing on your spiritual journey.  The best way to go along with this is to read all you can, talk to other people, and ask questions if you're feeling lost.  Remember that exploration leads to discovery!

More communication with your higher power.  A stronger desire to meditate, to pray, or simply to commune with nature will always manifest itself in a spiritual awakening.  Perhaps you have found a new desire to speak to your guardian angels or spirit guides, and a greater inspiration to try making that connection.

Is the Lifetime Movie "Stalked at 17" a True Story?

The internet has been abuzz about the Lifetime movie, Stalked at 17.  Because my readers tend to be fans of media that focuses on relationships, I thought I'd answer this question once and for all.

Taylor Spreitler, who plays Angela, the victim of Chad's insane and possessive love in this movie, commented on the status of this movie through Twitter a few months back.  While she says that the movie is a composite which is "inspired by true events," it does not follow a particular case play-by-play.  Instead, it is a worst-case-scenario cautionary tale about what can happen when you allow the person you love to overstep boundaries and to take complete control of your heart, your body, and your life.

Spreitler does add that this type of dysfunctional behavior in relationships is indeed "an issue," which should be discussed more in the mainstream consciousness.  Teen relationship abuse, also known as "dating abuse" in some circles, is more prevalent than you might think.  10% of all teens have been hit, slapped, or otherwise physically harmed by their boyfriend or girlfriend.  And a whopping 25% of  teenage girls are the victims of sexual or physical abuse.  These saddening statistics might change if more light would be shined on this subject, in order to send the message that physical or sexual violence in a relationship is never okay! 

For more information, visit www.LoveIsRespect.org to learn more about healthy relationships.

The Difference Between a Boss and a Leader

A BOSS drives his or her employees...
    A LEADER coaches them.

A BOSS depends on their authority for respect...
    A LEADER depends on goodwill.

A BOSS inspires fear...
    A LEADER generates enthusiasm.

A BOSS says "I..."
    A LEADER says "We..."

A BOSS places blame for any breakdowns that occur...
    A LEADER fixes those breakdowns.

A BOSS may know how it's done...
    A LEADER shows people how it's done.

A BOSS uses people.
    A LEADER develops people.

A BOSS takes credit for others' work.
    A LEADER gives credit where it is due.

A BOSS commands.
    A LEADER asks.

A BOSS says "Go!"
    A LEADER says "Let's go!"

Stalked at 17 and Your True Story

One of the searches that seems to be bringing people to my blog is the movie, Stalked at 17, which is a 2012 Lifetime movie.  The main character, Angela, winds up becoming involved with a seemingly perfect guy named Chad, who has a dark past and a tendency toward unstable, destructive behavior.

The star of Stalked at 17, Taylor Spreitler, has confirmed that Stalked at 17 was not based on a particular story; she says that it is "inspired by true events," though "not a particular one."  Spreitler does add that the movie's message has merit in the real world, despite its theatrical drama; "...it's an issue," she stated.

Stalked at 17, while not based on a specific true story, was, however inspired by some events that did actually happen.  The characters of Angela and Chad are composites which are based on a number of cases of love gone bad.  Although this is just a regular fun Lifetime movie, the typical drama with a bit of a thrilling edge... this movie can still serve as a warning to us.  So many nightmarish situations arise when we behave impulsively and neglect to use our natural logic!

When we are young or feeling vulnerable, we may be more willing to become attached to someone who is less than stable.  This is how emotional manipulators and predators work: they seek out targets who are vulnerable and more likely to believe their lies and put up with their BS.

It is so important to get to know someone before making a commitment to them.  More than that, you need to know and respect yourself as well.  And, of course, if you're going to be intimate with someone, always use a condom!  The last thing that you want is to become pregnant by someone who will later use your situation to control and manipulate you.  A child ties you to that other person for at least 18 years, if not more, so you must be certain that this is what you want before entering into this type of situation with another person.  No one wants a crazy person for their baby's daddy (or mom)!

By being strong, confident, loving and respectful of yourself, you are automatically setting your own personal standards to a more reasonable level.  Remember that a child is forever, and the person with whom you share that link with will be forever linked to you, through biology and through family life.  Don't accept predatory, abusive, or threatening treatment from anyone who is trying to use or manipulate you.  By choosing healthy relationships, you're putting yourself and your potential family into the best possible situation for the future.

Command Respect & Jump-Start Your Self-Esteem!

Here are a few more ways to feel successful and great with people, while making a good impression.  Take these pieces of advice, and watch others' behavior toward you change for the better. :)

The first thing to remember is that no situation is going to be all about you.  There are always other people that are feeling the impact of just about everything.  Choose your battles wisely.  Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to put on your diva shoes and demand some extra attention.  Other times, you'll need to remember to hang back and let others have their own moments.  Pay attention, and try to show empathy toward others.  Let people know that you do care about them, their feelings, and their experiences.  People will appreciate it and remember your kindness.

As tough as it can be, actively seek out the good in others.  This can be especially effective when dealing with people you dislike -- when you have to put up with someone who annoys you, try to think of the qualities that they have which you can appreciate.  You don't have to be best friends with them, but giving them a chance, or at least acknowledging that they aren't 100% awful can go a long way toward a better relationship.

Listen to people when they speak -- really listen!  Ask them questions about what they say.  Say their names, but not too often; people like it when other people call them by name.  Use open body language; much of what we're saying is conveyed nonverbally, so remember that your physical cues are being read, whether consciously or not, by anyone with whom you are interacting.  And don't forget to give people your attention; interrupting verbally is rude, but interrupting them mentally is just as bad.  (And yes, people know when you're not mentally present.)

20 Awesome Tips for Surviving a Bad Breakup

1.  Remove the temptation of easy access.  Delete his or her number from your phone, block 'em on Facebook, get rid of old emails.  Unless you work together or share children, there is really no need to initiate further contact.  (If there was no major betrayal before the breakup, you may wish to maintain the friendship; in this case, just lay low for awhile and get some emotional distance.)
 
2.  Do not keep tabs on your ex.  This means no Facebook stalking (covertly or otherwise), no asking around, no driving past his or her house.  If it's over, it's over.  Let them wonder what you're doing or whom you're with now, but resist the temptation to keep that wound fresh.

3.  Let it out.  Write all your feelings in a notebook, a personal blog or journal, anywhere that you can vent and detox those negative feelings.

4.  Decide that, since you have now detoxed, to turn over a new leaf.  Think of this as a positive opportunity to make a fresh start, and adopt a positive attitude.

5.  Take care of yourself.  Eat healthy, exercise, and generally treat yourself well.  This is especially true if you were with someone who was not terribly concerned with your physical or emotional well-being.  When you take responsibility of your own well-being, you're taking control of your life.

6.  When you're feeling down on yourself, try thinking of all your positive qualities.  Make a list if you have to, in order to refer to it for future falterings.

7.  While you're in the habit of making lists, try making another one of all the reasons you're better off NOT in the relationship that you used to be.  If your former partner was annoying, unsupportive, selfish, or boring... write it down.  Absorb it, realize that the end of the relationship is a positive thing, and move on.

8.  Socialize with friends.  Call people that you haven't spoken to in a long while.  Re-establish touch with long lost friends, and enjoy reconnecting with those who love you.

9.  Pursue new interests, or revive much-beloved older ones.

10.  Take the focus off of yourself.  Realize that other people have issues too; do something wonderful for another person, and enjoy the glow that comes along with it.

11.  Pleasure yourself physically. 'Nuff said.

12.  Make changes to your apprearance.  Yes, it can be a bit of a cliche, but the truth is that seeing a cool new you in the mirror can help to alter your own perception of yourself.  Change your hair, try a new fashion style, get your most trusted cohorts together and devise an interesting new look for yourself.

13.  Change your surroundings.  You may not be in the position to move, but sometimes when you feel down in the dumps, and everything reminds you of your ex, you want to switch things around.  Move the furniture, paint the walls.  Burn some sage and detoxify your space.  If you're not interested in switching around your space, even a good thorough cleaning can make you feel fantastic.

14.  Throw yourself into your work for awhile.  Don't become a workaholic, though!

15.  When you're ready to see new people, try dating.  Keep in mind that "rebounds" usually don't work out, so don't go hunting for a new relationship right away.  Just enjoy socializing, flirting, and meeting new and interesting (or not-so-interesting!) people.

16.  Make new friends.

17.  Find enjoyment in solitary activities like reading, video games, or just walking through your city and seeing the sights.

18.  If your ex dumped you for someone else or was a particularly big jerk, think about the next person they end up with.  Instead of feeling jealous or tearing them down, realize how being with the ex totally sucks.  Feel simultaneously sorry for the "latest victim," and relieved that your ex is no longer your problem.

19.  Truly evolved people never stop growing, changing, and learning.  Try filling your mind with new information and perceptions.  Expanding your mind will expand every part of your life.

20.  Love yourself and love others.

Albert J. Bernstein's "Narcissistic Vampire" Checklist

A friend of mine forwarded this to me, and I found it very interesting.  Thought I would post it here to share with my readers.  Hope that you enjoy it -- and more importantly, learn something!  

THE SMARTEST, MOST TALENTED, ALL-AROUND BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TEST:
True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 

 1. THIS PERSON HAS ACHIEVED MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE HIS OR HER AGE.

 2. THIS PERSON IS FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT HE OR SHE IS BETTER, SMARTER, OR MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER PEOPLE.

 3. THIS PERSON LOVES COMPETITION, BUT IS A POOR LOSER.

 4. THIS PERSON HAS FANTASIES OF DOING SOMETHING GREAT OR BEING FAMOUS, AND OFTEN EXPECTS TO BE TREATED AS IF THESE FANTASIES HAD ALREADY COME TRUE.

 5. THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE INTEREST IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR FEELING, UNLESS HE OR SHE WANTS SOMETHING FROM THEM.

 6. THIS PERSON IS A NAME DROPPER.

 7. TO THIS PERSON IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LIVE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND ASSOCIATE WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.
 8. THIS PERSON TAKES ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE TO ACHIEVE HIS OR HER OWN GOALS.

 9. THIS PERSON USUALLY MANAGES TO BE IN A CATEGORY BY HIM OR HERSELF.

10. THIS PERSON OFTEN FEELS PUT UPON WHEN ASKED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITIES TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR WORK GROUP.

11. THIS PERSON REGULARLY DISREGARDS RULES OR EXPECTS THEM TO BE CHANGED BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS IN SOME WAY SPECIAL.

 12. THIS PERSON BECOMES IRRITATED WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DON’T AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT HE OR SHE WANTS THEM TO DO, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT COMPLYING.

13. THIS PERSON REVIEWS SPORTS, ART, AND LITERATURE BY TELLING YOU WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY INSTEAD.

14. THIS PERSON THINKS MOST CRITICISMS OF HIM OR HER ARE MOTIVATED BY JEALOUSY.

15. THIS PERSON REGARDS ANYTHING SHORT OF WORSHIP TO BE REJECTION.

16. THIS PERSON SUFFERS FROM A CONGENITAL INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE HIS OR HER OWN MISTAKES. ON THE RARE OCCASIONS THAT THIS PERSON DOES RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST ERROR CAN PRECIPITATE A MAJOR DEPRESSION.

17. THIS PERSON OFTEN EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER KNOWN THAN HE OR SHE IS NOT REALLY ALL THAT GREAT.

18. THIS PERSON OFTEN COMPLAINS OF BEING MISTREATED OR MISUNDERSTOOD.
19. PEOPLE EITHER LOVE OR HATE THIS PERSON.

20. DESPITE THIS PERSON’S OVERLY HIGH OPINION OF HIM OR HERSELF, HE OR SHE IS REALLY QUITE INTELLIGENT AND TALENTED.

Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Narcissistic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, and is not a member of the royal family, be careful that you aren’t mistaken for one of the servants.
By ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D.

Healing Tips For a Broken Heart

Each and every person in the world is unique.  We all come from different places and have endured different experiences throughout our lives.  However, there is one thing that will always unite people with one another, and that is that we all have feelings and emotions.  At one time or another, we have all experienced loss.  Just about everyone knows what it feels like to suffer from a broken heart.

Love is the most powerful force on Earth.  Sure, you can argue that other feelings are more important, and indeed they all play their own roles in our time here.  However, love is truly the tie than binds us to one another.  When we experience the loss of that love through a breakup, a death, or some other unforseen circumstance, the pain can be so intense that we feel as if we may never recover from that loss.  While it's true that you may never again be the same after this experience, there are ways to heal and to move on with your life.

The first step is to understand that love will often change our perception of the way that things are.  I'm not saying that your relationship has distorted your view on reality, but perhaps the bond that you shared with someone else may not have been as strong as you previously thought.  It may have been other feelings mingled in with that love -- dependency, comfort, sexual passion, a shared commitment towards your family, or any number of other life changes.  Most relationships will end sooner or later; love does not always last.  If you experienced a breakup, then naturally there were problems on your end, on the other end, or both.  Focusing on the reasons that the relationship ended will give you a new sense of perspective and acceptance.  From this, the healing can begin.



Your heart may feel as though the emotional wounds might never heal.  However, you must understand that with time, the hurt and the sorrow that you are experiencing will subside.  As I said before, you will not be the same person.  But you will definitely grow stronger from the experience, and as time goes by, you will begin to heal and feel more like your regular self again.  Give yourself the time to grieve.  If you're sad, acknowledge those feelings -- don't just stuff them inside.  Express them.  Feel them.  Yes, it will be painful.  However, being able to acknowledge the hurt and the despair in the wake of this loss is a vital part of the grieving process. 

The most important part of this process is to always keep in mind that with each passing day, you are healing more and more.  Just like a physical wound, it will hurt just a little less every day.  And, like a bodily ailment, you need to nourish yourself with the things that are needed to help the healing process -- and to avoid things which are bad for you.



The funny thing about a broken heart is that you won't always feel like it's broken. There will be times when you feel sad, no doubt, but there will also be times that you feel guilty, angry or even relieved. But, until you are completely over your former partner, you can be sure that there is some heart break playing a role in your emotions. So, how do you go about mending a broken heart?

To be blunt, you need to confront the problem. While you may be able to take temporary comfort in denial, it will only delay things from getting better. You have to be completely honest with yourself and how you feel.

Being honest is the only way you will be able to work things out. It won't be easy, but you need to figure out why you feel so heartbroken. Do you feel betrayed by your ex? Do you feel you betrayed them? Was there a death? Were they unfaithful? Do you feel guilty? Do you think you could have done more? Do you think you did all you could, and just can't understand why you broke up anyway? Whatever it is, identifying the real problem is the key to solving it.

Once you have figured out what the root of your broken heart is, you can fix it. For example, if you're feeling guilty, then you need to forgive yourself. But if it was something your partner did, then you need to forgive them. You have to be willing to do whatever it is that needs to be done.

You also need to be realistic about mending a broken heart. Because it isn't always easy, you may not be able to do it on your own. If you find you're just not getting any better, then it may be time to seek help from a counselor...again, whatever it takes. Give it time and face it head on, and you will be feeling better before you know it.

Dealing With a Narcissist?

This is a term that we tend to throw around casually in ordinary conversation.  Most of us know that a narcissist is a needy, self-absorbed person who often uses others for his or her own ends.  But do you know the criteria for true narcissism?  Check the list below and see which of the following qualities fits the profile of the person on your mind.  If you can answer "yes" to 5 or more of the following, then chances are good that your subject may very well be a narcissist.  In the past, the going rate for narcissism was about 11% of the population.  However, some reports (such as this one and this one) state that the rise of narcissism is something of a new epidemic, with numbers as high as 30% among the younger population.  Interestingly enough, this narcissism isn't a good predictor of life success -- in fact, people with empathy and the ability to focus on others are often much more successful in life than their narcissistic counterparts.

The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of the following:
1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is “special” and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

When Will He Call Me? Why Isn't He Calling?

As a professional psychic and spiritual life coach, I am contacted almost daily by women who ask me heartbreaking questions: "Why won't he call me? When will he contact me again?" It's often about someone who may have shared only a brief connection with her, such as a man that she has recently met. However, this question is asked about an ex with whom she shared her life, someone of whom she has trouble letting go. I can always sense the pain and wistful sorrow of someone who needs the answer to this question. And, while sometimes I can see the man in question picking up the phone or running into the querent again sometime in the future, very often I don't sense any pending form of contact. It kills me to tell her that the phone won't be ringing anytime soon, but I do have to be honest in situations like that, no matter how hard it is for her to hear the truth.

Why, then, would someone be hung up on this lack of communication? Some women will hold out the hope of a love who will return for weeks, months, or even years. I've heard from quite a few who are unable to move on with their lives, always in limbo, always waiting for him. If you're waiting for contact from someone where none seems to be forthcoming, please know that there are millions of people out there who feel your pain, and have gone through it before. There are many reasons why the contact won't come. Often, it is best to acknowledge these reasons so that you can move on with your own life. Here are a few of the most common realities that we may need to understand:  the reality of these reasons can be harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts!

1. He has already moved on with his life -- or wants to. In each relationship, there is always one person who is able to carry onward faster and easier than the other. Both people may be able to do it with relative ease, but someone always has to be "first" with that. Perhaps, in your case, he simply requires less grieving time. Or in the reverse, maybe he'd rather not re-open old wounds which he is struggling to heal. At any rate, calling you would seem counter productive in this case; he may still care for you, however contact with you is simply not on the list of things to do if he'd like to heal and get on with the business of living.

2. He is afraid. If the relationship ended on bad terms regardless of who is at fault, perhaps he realizes that there is still a lot of anger, bitterness, or resentment. Since the relationship is over, he doesn't see a need to call and rehash old issues that have already been set in stone. This is especially true if he was the cause of this break in your relationship. Think of it this way: If you hurt or betrayed someone, would you really want to contact them again just to see how they're doing? Females are more often inclined to answer this question with a "yes," because we tend to need closure and approval in ways that men do not. Many males would simply prefer to avoid any further messiness once they've been spattered with a bit of someone else's emotions. And if you're already broken up, he just doesn't see the point in putting himself through the emotional wringer again.

3. He is angry or hurt. If you were the one who initiated the argument or breakup, you can bet that his ego will be smarting for some time to come. There may be some residual annoyance, resentment, or embarrassment left over from the break. This type of wounded pride will produce a great deal of reluctance to speak with you again. Even the strongest people are capable of succumbing to such vulnerabilities. If he was the person who initiated the breakup, he may still be harboring pain or resentment, in which case, he is simply not interested in rekindling any sort of communication with you.

4. He has other irons in the fire. Regardless of whether he's moved on from you with ease, or is still secretly pining away, it is entirely possible that he has found someone new. Perhaps he's deeply in love with this new person, perhaps he's just found someone fun with whom he can enjoy whiling away some time. Either way, if a man is getting his needs met by another woman, then it's very likely that he just doesn't feel a need to speak with you anymore. Or, even if he is a more sensitive type who does still care for you -- or even still holds a torch for you -- if he's with a new woman, communicating with you would be inappropriate. After all, would you be OK with your new lover calling his ex on a regular basis?

5. He is waiting to hear from you. We've already discussed cases where the anger, resentment, or rejection are serious enough to keep him away. But in some of those cases, your ex might be hoping that you're the one to initiate contact. If he's afraid of your anger, picking up the phone to say "No hard feelings," would be a step in the right direction. If he's still hurting or carrying his own resentment about the breakup, he may still be silently hoping for some type of closure. In a case like that, perhaps a well-written letter or email would assist him in making this transition.

No matter why the relationship ended, or how the other party is feeling, you must remember that not all people are meant to be permanent fixtures in our lives. Sometimes when fate brings people into one another's lives, they are destined to spend only a finite amount of time together. The most important thing is to enjoy those who love you for as long as they are near, and to accept a parting of the ways with grace and dignity. A new love may be just around the corner; if you focus too much on your past, you may very well miss the wonderful opportunities that will present themselves to you in the future.

Is He Still Faithful?

I recently came across a vintage article which was called "Is He Still Faithful?" and the content of it was so fascinating that I just had to share it with all of you.  I believe that this is from the 1940s or 1950s, and would love to find more vintage things to share with you all! :)  Someday soon I will be posting my rebuttal to this article (and believe me, I have PLENTY to say!)... but for now, here it is as it was originally written.  I cleaned up the original image a bit so that you can see it more clearly, but I'm also posting the text inside the image here, for those of you who are reading from your mobile phone or browsers that aren't always polite. :)  Enjoy!



Is He Still Faithful?

by Nancy Hale

There is probably no shock as severe as to find out that the man you love has been unfaithful to you. It may also be a blow to discover that in nine out of ten cases it was you and not the other woman who caused him to stray. Yes, you, from the moment you met him, through your courtship and down the years of your marriage.

Insure yourself against future infidelity by being honest with yourself from the very beginning. Take a second look with 3D glasses. His personality must be as pleasing to you as his appearance. Do you admire his good points and overlook his bad ones? Above all, is he the man you really want and does he want you?

During your courtship, make sure that your future plans are well talked over, right down to how many children you expect to have and when. Understand the kind of life you will have together before you jump into it. Don't overlook certain annoyances and hope to make him over after the ceremony. If there's any making over to do, it'll have to be in your department and then be sure it's worth it and go to it.

Play fair with him, too. Don't pretend to be a busy little home bee when you crave excitement and gay places. You can look forward to unfaithfulness if you've pretended to be a social butterfly when in reality you're afraid to meet people.

Be conscious at all times of what can happen to your marriage if you don't work at it. The bride who feels that she has caught her man cannot afford to relax. She must now prove that she can manage a home, cook appetizing meals, and still look like a cover girl, mornings as well as after dark.

The bride, no longer a "date," must be interested in her husband's business and in their financial future. She will not be jealous of childish about associations which will help to further his success, be they men or women. She will live within her means, not begrudging a friend her new coat or car, never throwing her husband's inadequacies in his face.

As your marriage progresses, you will be constantly aware that faithfulness is as much your doing as your husband's. Have you turned into a nagger or a whiner? Are you inconsiderate or discourteous? Do your children come before your husband? Or have you simply failed to grow along with your marriage? Tge woman who has nothing to talk about but the mundane happenings of the day or the gossip of the neighborhood is inviting trouble. Develop a hobby. Get into community affairs and don't let your marriage grow stale. You'll be the "last to know" for sure if you've let yourself go mentally as well as physically.

Yes, keeping her man faithful is a woman's work, and it starts with that first this-is-for-keeps-date, but you can always make a fresh start, even after a painful experience of unfaithfulness.

Don't rush for a gun or the divorce courts the moment you suspect foul play. Men are seldom deeply involved emotionally with "other women." In a crisis, almost all will come running back to choose their own wives or sweethearts. 

Are You Dealing With a Sociopath?

Approximately 1% to 4% of the population is afflicted with sociopathic tendencies.  These traits are often inherited, though can be treatable if detected early enough.  However, once a sociopath reaches adulthood, rehabilitation is difficult if not impossible.

Many people interchange terms like sociopath and psychopath.  There is a difference.  While sociopaths have predatory natures, and are often manipulative without guilt or remorse, this doesn't necessarily mean that they are all violent people.  Some may have violent tendencies, but only a very small percentage of violent sociopaths are serial killers.  It is more likely that the sociopath you'll deal with will be a con artist, liar, or master manipulator.  Sociopaths come in all walks of life, social classes, genders, and ages.  They blend into society with little or no effort, and are difficult to spot immediately.


Here are the traits of a sociopath as defined by Dr. Robert Hare, a well-known expert in criminal psychology.


Dr. Hare's Checklist (Sociopathic Traits)

1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Sociopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Sociopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and un empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS -- a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

14. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

15. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE -- a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.

20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

Regina Brett's 45 Life Lessons

Regina Brett wrote this column several years ago. Many sources attribute this to a 90-year-old woman, but Regina was actually about 50 when she dispensed these pearls of wisdom. Enjoy!






~~~

Originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday, May 28, 2006

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Toxic Friends: Identifying & Handling Them

In order to have the happiest, healthiest life, it's so important for us to do things that are good for ourselves.  Friendship is one of those important ingredients for a rich and happy life -- a good friendship can nurture our spirit, bring positivity and hope into our lives, and provide the support that we need to reach our goals and fulfill our dreams.  Friends can be comfort when we're sad, support when we're hesiant, advice when we're confused.  We confide in them, and seek out their wisdom when we need it.  And we also have the same responsibilities toward our friends; those of us who take friendship seriously will understand the importance of reciprocity.

Wouldn't it be great if people came with labels?
Fortunately, toxic people are easy to spot
once you learn those tell-tale signs of toxicity.

However, as we evolve throughout our lives, so do our relationships with other people.  Life changes will also transform us, the way we view life, and the way we handle various issues that surround us.  Sometimes, our experiences, our successes and failures -- or those of the other party -- can change a friendship dynamic.  It's important to reevaluate ties with people who may not always be good for us.  You may have someone in mind that you're in the process of reevaluating right now.  Try using my checklist to help you.  Does your friend match any of these descriptions?

The Comedian.  The first thing on the list is to think about your interaction with the friend in question.  Is he or she using sarcasm to insult or undermine your self-esteem, to belittle you or your goals?  This can be especially stinging if such remarks are followed up with "I'm just joking," allowing the "friend" to hurt your feelings, yet effectively taking away your right to defend yourself.  While some people will snap or become cranky if they're having a bad day, or they're on the defensive because of some workable issue, pay close attention to these types of remarks.  If your friend is habitually using sarcasm to put you down, this is a calling card of friendship toxicity.  How to handle it:  Remember that this person is putting you down because of their own issues.  Or, perhaps there are some unhappy goings-on in the friend's life at the present time.  Wait it out and see what happens, but in the meantime, keep your shields up.  If things don't improve after a reasonable amount of time, it may be time to cut your losses.

The Rubber Neck.  In everyone's life, something bad will happen from time to time -- unemployment, serious illness, personal crisis.  Some friends will roll up their sleeves and do what they can to help you, even if it's just being there to lend an ear.  However, be aware of certain "tells" that the friend is behaving in a less-than-friendly manner.  One is that your friend may ask benign, yet rather nosey personal questions.  Perhaps you're trying to move on with your life and get things back to a place where you'd like it to be, yet your friend seems to only view you in relation to your crisis.  A friend who sits back and observes you as if they're watching a bad Lifetime movie or a really bad car accident -- someone who sees you only as some type of drama-fest to enjoy -- yet doesn't offer much in the way of help, is definitely toxic.  How to handle it:  This friend is not intentionally malicious, but nevertheless, it can be a frustrating situation.  It's best to keep the dirty details of your crises to yourself (or share with a truly supportive friend); keep contact with this person short and sweet.  If you need to take a break until you've moved on with your life a bit more, that's also understandable.  Maybe you won't be so interesting to the other person once you've put yourself in a better place.  Oh well.

The Pouting Princess.  I've written a few articles on emotional vampires, and the Pouting Princess is definitely an EV's close cousin!  To paraphrase, these are the sorts of people who are ridiculously needy and high-maintenance.  They may try to control or possess as much of your time as they can.  They may be jealous of the time you spend with others.  Or, perhaps they're just way too needy and clingy.  He or she may suck all the fun out of the room on the moment of entry, and you feel drained just thinking about him or her.  How to handle it:  Either "dump" them officially, or better yet, gradually try to fade away -- however you decide to handle it, by all means let them go.  Friendship is a give and take which should benefit both parties.  However, I did say give and take -- on both ends.  You doing all the giving, and them doing all the taking is not what I'd call healthy!

The Leech.  This is an easy one to spot: This is the type of friend who rarely or never has anything nice to say about you.  However, when you're needed for something, this person may manipulate you or take advantage of your good nature.  He or she may only be available when it's convenient for him or her, or when you are needed to bail him or her out.  There may also be some added drama and attempts to suck you into it. Clearly this is someone who's just out to use other people and cause chaos.  You rarely get "thank you" for helping out -- instead, you get "What else can you do for me?"  How to handle it:  Understand that this person is using you.  It's probably better if you just cut this person out of your life; but if you absolutely must deal with them, make sure to draw those boundaries firmly, and don't allow breaches.  And, like the vampire above, if you're noticing that the friendship isn't quite balancing out, head for the door and don't come back until this person is gone.

Remember that when you're faced with people who behave as I have described, you will eventually be faced with a three-fold choice.  

1.  Continue the friendship as it is, misery and all!

2.  Try working things out -- be honest about what's bothering you.

3.  End the friendship, either immediately or gradually.

Whatever happens, remember to trust your instincts.  You and the other person may have a shared past with one another, but that past just might not translate into a present or future.  Sometimes, people grow in different directions.  If you are not able to salvage the rifts in the friendship, it may be time to move on and set yourself (and the other party) free to pursue relationships which are more fulfilling.

Fertility Treatment & Crystal Therapy

I've heard that some people who have trouble conceiving have given "crystal therapy" a shot to help. One of the most common complaints that a new age healer will address is fertility issues. Couples who are trying to conceive have often tried anything that they think may help. Since many problems with the human reproductive system revolve around stress-based ailments, I see no harm in giving crystal-based rituals a try for relaxation and for paving the way so that conventional medicine practices can do their jobs even better!

The first step in crystal therapy to aid fertility is to select the stone that is right for the job. Some stones are said to be especially powerful for women and female complaints, such as Jade, moonstones of all colors (but especially white and raibow hues), quartz in pinks and purples such as rose quartz. Many people choose shapes that are evocative of reproductive symbols, such as an egg or perhaps carvings of Venus of Willendorf or other feminine symbols. However, this is up to you -- use what makes you feel comfortable. Stones for male fertility should be selected from gemstones which have a reputation for masculine energy enhancement: pyrite stones, gold, and tiger's eye are all great choices. Again, shape is a nice touch; if you come across "lingam" type stones, or anything vaguely phallic, go ahead and give it a try. I feel that the composition of the stone is a lot more important than a pretty shape. But again, you may be the type who gets really into the esthetics. If so, do what you like!

Once you have your stones, select a nice resting place for them somewhere in your home. If you have an altar for meditation or some place where you place important things, add the stones. I've heard that some people create "nests" for their implements in fertility rituals, which I think sounds like a lovely idea. Customize and personalize your stone with your own specific energy signature, as I've described in a previous article.

Then, consecrate your fertility nest as well, dedicating the area to love, healing, and fertile energies. Then place the stones inside, and visit each day to meditate -- you and your partner should both choose times, seperately or together, to visit and contemplate, to direct abundant and fertile energy toward the subject at hand. Remember that the space you choose to place your nest should be peaceful and calm; it should make you feel safe and reaffirm your dedication to the act of conception.