"You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree."

It's never easy to argue with someone unpleasantly, especially someone that you love.  However, because we're all human, we've all got our own personal convictions.  Sometimes, these are so deeply held that we just can't understand why someone else's would be any different.  When the person is close to us, or is someone that we really respect, it can be really hard to wrap our minds around this difference.  We may get wrapped up in trying to "convince" others that our way is the right one.  But guess what?  That other person's thoughts and feelings likely run just as deep as yours do.  You won't always be able to convince everyone of everything.  Don't worry about it.  When you put your ego's need to be right on the back burner, you can agree to disagree.  This is a big world, and there's room for opinions of all kinds.

Visit Regina's website here.

"Life is too short to waste time hating anyone."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!
I'll be reflecting on this week's lesson:  "Life is too short to waste time hating anyone."

If we're very lucky, most of us will see about seventy years worth of laughter, tears, fun, fear, garbage, and awesomeness.  We'll have dreams and we'll see them through, or maybe they won't work out at all.  But we should all aspire to fill our lives with as much love as we can -- love for ourselves, for each other, for the world.  Hate is a difficult emotion to handle, because it poisons everything that it touches.  Emotions like hurt and fear often turn into hate.  It can be hard to control.  I'm not going to say "If someone hurts you, forgive them and everything will be wonderful and you can love them again!"  It doesn't always work like that.  Stuff's complicated.  But one thing I do know is that if you dwell on all of the bad things which are done to you, and obsess over the people that you dislike or even hate, you'll be taking time away from doing what you love -- and you could also be spending that time with the ones who love you.   Hating can be a tempting thing indeed.  But even if you can't forgive or forget readily, remember not to lose sight of the fact that you are in control of how you share your emotional time.  Don't harm yourself with negativity.  Try to rise above it and place your focus elsewhere.


Visit Regina's full list of life lessons on her site, here. :)

"When in doubt, just take the next small step."

Writer Regina Brett's life lessons are great little nuggets of wisdom.  There's something for everyone!  This week, I am reflecting on the following lesson:  "When in doubt, just take the next small step."

These days, life seems to be more complicated than it has ever been.  Or, is it?  We all remember simpler times when choices were a lot easier, and our paths might have seemed a lot more clear-cut.  When you simplify everything and focus on the path ahead of you -- the small step in front of you -- things will seem more manageable.  When you're overwhelmed, try breaking things down and just go for that small step.  Those little victories can add up to a big success!



Visit Regina's website here.

Reflexology Chart for Super-Beginners

Reflexology is a wonderful and non-invasive way to manage pain and discomfort.  It involves massage of the feet, and sometimes the hands, in order to stimulate the nerve endings in those appendages and induce a feeling of well-being in corresponding bodily areas.

If you're really new to reflexology, but you want the benefits of trying it out, here's a really easy and basic way of figure out "what goes where."

There are specific points for each part, but the general rules are these:

Most parts on the head correspond to areas on the toes.
The midsection of the body corresponds to the middle of the foot, and arch areas.
The lower part of the body corresponds to the heel.

Worse Things Than Being Alone

I've been writing eBooks lately, based on some of the relationship nightmares that I've been hearing about.  When we look around and see what other people are experiencing, it's easy to feel lucky that we've got the problems that we have!

Sometimes, we put up with someone who mistreats us or doesn't respect our rights.  Some people say that even a bad relationship is better than having none at all; the loneliness is too frightening to face for some.  This may prompt those people to remain in a relationship that is unhealthy, negative, or even damaging to them.


Here's a list of things that are worse than being alone.  If your mate does any of the things on this list, it may be time to take control of your own life, to let go of the relationship, and enjoy the freedom of being alone -- without having to worry about being mistreated by someone who doesn't deserve you!


1. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
2. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
3. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
4. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
5. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
6. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
7. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
8. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
9. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
10. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
11. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
12. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
13. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
14. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
15. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
16. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
17. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
18. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
19. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
20. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
21. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
22. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
23. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
24. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
25. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
26. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
27. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
28. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
29. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
30. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
31. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
32. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
33. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
34. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
35. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
36. Being in a relationship with someone who uses you.
37. Being in a relationship with someone who lies to you.
38. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
39. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to do everything for them.
40. Being in a relationship with someone who demeans you.
41. Being in a relationship with someone who belittles you.
42. Being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from you.
43. Being in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
44. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your problems.
45. Being in a relationship with someone who emotionally abuses you.
46. Being in a relationship with someone who physically abuses you.
47. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless.
48. Being in a relationship with someone who physically violates you.
49. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to control you.
50. Being in a relationship with someone who forces you to do things that you don't want to do.
51. Being in a relationship with someone who kicks you when you're down.
52. Being in a relationship with someone who has a problem with anger.
53. Being in a relationship with someone who takes their troubles out on you.
54. Being in a relationship with someone who has addiction issues and will not get help.
55. Being in a relationship with someone who values everything else above their relationship with you.
56. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
57. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you with violence.
58. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.
59. Being in a relationship with someone who cheats on you.
60. Being in a relationship with someone who manipulates you.
61. Being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games with you.
62. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.
63. Being in a relationship with someone who feels no remorse for hurting you.
64. Being in a relationship with someone who threatens you.
65. Being in a relationship with someone who makes unreasonable demands of you.
66. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction that is out of control.
67. Being in a relationship with someone who has problems for which he is unwilling to get help.
68. Being in a relationship with someone who does not take responsibility for his actions.
69. Being in a relationship with someone who blames you for all of his failures.
70. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe.
71. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
72. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
73. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
74. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
75. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
76. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
77. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
78. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
79. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
80. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
81. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
82. Being in a relationship with someone who you can never depend on.
83. Being in a relationship with someone who has sex with you against your will.
84. Being in a relationship with someone who seems fine in public, but lashes out at you privately.
85. Being in a relationship with someone who mistreats your children.
86. Being in a relationship with someone who isolates you from friends or family.
87. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to keep you down.
88. Being in a relationship with someone who steals from you.
89. Being in a relationship with someone who does not respect what is important to you.
90. Being in a relationship with someone who makes promises and never keeps them.
91. Being in a relationship with someone who treats you like an object instead of like a person.
92. Being in a relationship with someone who takes more than he gives back.
93. Being in a relationship with someone who does things to upset you on purpose.
94. Being in a relationship with someone who does not value you.
95. Being in a relationship with someone whom you cannot trust.
96. Being in a relationship with someone who intimidates you in order to get what he wants.
97. Being in a relationship with someone who tries to minimize your achievements.
98. Being in a relationship with someone who ignores your basic needs.
99. Being in a relationship with someone who does not recognize your rights as a human being.
100. Being in a relationship with someone who has any of the issues above -- yet doesn’t have any interest in doing something about them.




Photo source:  Screaming guy photo by crosathorian.  Woman photo is public domain.

Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #7: Small Victories Add Up

One important facet in leading a life of utter awesomeness is the concept of having goals.  Even the things that you think might be small, stupid, or unworthy can actually be very important pieces to your awesome life!

Make a list of goals that interest you.  Again, they don't need to all be insanely elaborate or ambitious -- it could be simple things like getting your hall closet organized, catching that new movie that you've been seeing ads for all week, or trying a new restaurant for dinner.  These things can really help on your journey to awesomeness, because even getting those small things accomplished can lead to a richer life experience.

Sometimes, we have small life goals... things that we've always wanted to do, yet never had the chance.  It might be something as simple as taking advantage of your vacation time and driving to some local tourist attraction that you've always thought about seeing.  Or, maybe you just want to make a phone call to reconnect with someone.  Get those little tasks accomplished!  You'll feel fantastic knowing that even a small victory can be an important one in leading an awesome life!

The Halo: Crystal Grid Layout for Head Pain, Migraines & Headaches

As promised, here's another crystal grid layout for you!  I call this one "The Halo" for pretty obvious reasons. :)  I have illustrated it with round circles to represent your gemstones.  If you have pointy crystals to use, those would be just fine.  Remember to lay the crystals so that the points face outward, though!  Otherwise, your standard polished/tumbled crystal gemstones will work perfectly here.

I would always recommend using three amethysts for headaches and migraines; not only has it been typically carried and used for such ailments for thousands of years, the color purple also corresponds to the crown chakra which is just where we want to concentrate on when pain occurs in the head.  You can also use indigo stones like lapis if you would prefer to do so.  (Use what you like -- I happen to like amethyst!)  Place two just above the sides of your head, and add one to your forehead.

You'll need two orange stones as well.  I also recommend using orange or brown agate, or perhaps tourmaline to represent the sacral chakra, which is a great source of fortification for pain management.  Place them just above your eyebrows.  Agate is well known for its healing properties, and pain soothing attributes.  I'd try to find some agate first, but tourmalines are also wonderful healing stones. 

Thirdly, turquoise stones are required -- you will need two of them.  They should go directly underneath the amethysts which are laid around your head.  Turquoise is great for its uplifting and positive energy, as well as its protective properties.

Having an Awesome Life, Lesson #6: Being Prepared

A stitch in time, saves nine!

Life has often been compared to chess -- and chess, to life!  The similarities are easy to see... in order to do well, you often need to sacrifice.  There are also many ways to conquer what's in front of you, and the method to success is as varied as its participants.  However, I think that the biggest similarity of all is  this:  Both of them require strategy in order for you to come out on top.

While it's fine, and fun, to fly through life by the seat of your pants, preparation for the rough times is going to make a major difference between success and failure, happiness and sorrow.  "A stitch in time saves nine," goes the old proverb.  What you're able to take care of today, can help you enjoy a better life tomorrow.  What you fail to resolve now will come back to you, and it won't leave until you make it a point to take care of it.

Planning ahead is one of the most important steps in having an awesome life.  It doesn't sound particularly awesome, I know.  But, when you plan ahead by saving for a rainy day, or by taking care of something before it becomes a full-blown crisis, you're actually saving more than just time and effort.  You are saving yourself worry, stress, and hardship.  You are saving yourself from regrets and wasted time.  Let's face it, a crisis always costs a lot more to resolve than a small bump in the road!

By planning ahead, you're also left with more time to enjoy yourself, to relax and to have fun.  Security and order can actually bring about a tremendous sense of freedom!  Try using some of that chess strategy to give yourself an edge on a little extra happiness, and I promise you, your life will be much more awesome for the effort.

Psychic Symptoms & Signs of a Spiritual Awakening

The psychic effects of a spiritual awakening are as varied as the people who experience them.  However, there are certain spiritual repercussions that are fairly common.  Here's a list of what to look for:

Experiencing a stronger connection to people as well as other life forms.  Perhaps you're more able to read and understand living things in a better way than you did previously.  Animals may sense this newfound connection as well.  Communication with other living things feels easier and more natural.  If animals seem to be responding better to you, try nutruring plants as well.  See if you're able to reach out and make new connections.  We are all inhabitants of the world!  During a spiritual awakening, you may feel this connection more profoundly with people, plants, and animals alike, a new awareness of sense of community and of everything working together from their own places in the universe.  Practice love and compassion in everything that you do.

Disturbances during meditation, prayer, or quiet times.  As you contact your guides, pray to God, or meditate, you may have issues focusing your thoughts or energy.  As you experience more signs and symptoms of a spiritual awakening, you may find that you need less time to meditate or pray to your higher power, as your ability to communicate those thoughts and feelings simply require less time.  Perhaps you simply don't need to allot as much time as before, or you may be communicating and/or centering yourself unconsciously in small ways throughout your waking (or sleeping) day.

A keener sense of awareness of others' presences.  This manifests through an understanding or consciousness of not only the presence of living and natural beings on this plane -- pets, friends, and random folks -- but also through consciousness of supernatural beings.  It may be a stretch, but some who undergo a spiritual transformation may just be becoming aware of spirits or even spectral presences.  There are some folks who are born with this ability, and others who develop it over time.  A spiritual awakening can bring many latent talents to the surface, including hidden abilities or weaker ones which suddenly become stronger.  If this is a frightening phenomenon for you, try meditation, prayer, or even calling upon friendly angels and spirit guides to protect you.  Remember -- most angelic or spiritual presences are either intent on trying to help you, or they are neutral in purpose.  Very, very few of these presences are harmful or mean, however some fear or paranoia is natural.

An increase in psychic or extrasensory abilities.  It is not unusual when someone experiences a spiritual awakening, for the sixth sense to become keener and stronger.  You will notice a heightened sense of awareness.  Perhaps you will experience clairvoyant, psychic, or empathic abilities that have been latent up to this point in your life, beginning to come forth and give you a new sense of perspective.

The discovery of a spirituality or philosophy that works for you.  Perhaps, for the first time in your life, you have found a type of spiritual or philosophical constructs that seem to correspond with just how you're thinking or feeling.  You may possess a deep hunger to learn more about a specific type of religion or belief.  This can help you to put your other issues into perspective, to aid you in growing on your spiritual journey.  The best way to go along with this is to read all you can, talk to other people, and ask questions if you're feeling lost.  Remember that exploration leads to discovery!

More communication with your higher power.  A stronger desire to meditate, to pray, or simply to commune with nature will always manifest itself in a spiritual awakening.  Perhaps you have found a new desire to speak to your guardian angels or spirit guides, and a greater inspiration to try making that connection.

The Difference Between a Boss and a Leader

A BOSS drives his or her employees...
    A LEADER coaches them.

A BOSS depends on their authority for respect...
    A LEADER depends on goodwill.

A BOSS inspires fear...
    A LEADER generates enthusiasm.

A BOSS says "I..."
    A LEADER says "We..."

A BOSS places blame for any breakdowns that occur...
    A LEADER fixes those breakdowns.

A BOSS may know how it's done...
    A LEADER shows people how it's done.

A BOSS uses people.
    A LEADER develops people.

A BOSS takes credit for others' work.
    A LEADER gives credit where it is due.

A BOSS commands.
    A LEADER asks.

A BOSS says "Go!"
    A LEADER says "Let's go!"

Command Respect & Jump-Start Your Self-Esteem!

Here are a few more ways to feel successful and great with people, while making a good impression.  Take these pieces of advice, and watch others' behavior toward you change for the better. :)

The first thing to remember is that no situation is going to be all about you.  There are always other people that are feeling the impact of just about everything.  Choose your battles wisely.  Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to put on your diva shoes and demand some extra attention.  Other times, you'll need to remember to hang back and let others have their own moments.  Pay attention, and try to show empathy toward others.  Let people know that you do care about them, their feelings, and their experiences.  People will appreciate it and remember your kindness.

As tough as it can be, actively seek out the good in others.  This can be especially effective when dealing with people you dislike -- when you have to put up with someone who annoys you, try to think of the qualities that they have which you can appreciate.  You don't have to be best friends with them, but giving them a chance, or at least acknowledging that they aren't 100% awful can go a long way toward a better relationship.

Listen to people when they speak -- really listen!  Ask them questions about what they say.  Say their names, but not too often; people like it when other people call them by name.  Use open body language; much of what we're saying is conveyed nonverbally, so remember that your physical cues are being read, whether consciously or not, by anyone with whom you are interacting.  And don't forget to give people your attention; interrupting verbally is rude, but interrupting them mentally is just as bad.  (And yes, people know when you're not mentally present.)

Having an Awesome Life: Lesson #2, Courage and the Power of Change

Courage comes in  many forms.  You don't need to be a police officer, firefighter, or a life-saving superhero to be brave.  I'm sure you've already heard the saying about how "courage is not the absence of fear, but bravery in the face of fear," so I won't bother repeating that to you now. ;)

Another thing that takes courage is changing your life.  You're reading this article, so clearly you must be interested in amping up the awesomeness of your existence.  I think this is easier said than done.  Our last lesson (#1, Positivity), helps us acknowledge what is right with our lives, instead of what is wrong with it.  But it often takes real courage to admit the truth.  There are things about everyone's lives that just plain suck.  For a few minutes, I want you to get real about those areas.  We're not going to gloss them over with phrases like "needs improvement" or "not my best quality," it is OK to say "Hey, this sucks!"  Do it right now: take some time, think of maybe four or five things in your life that really just suck.  Make a brief list and come back when you're ready.

Many people's lists revolve around things like money, relationships with other people, health, or their jobs.  Some people spend their entire lives complaining about these four things.  There's always going to be something you can't fix or change, such as a debilitating illness, or the need to pay your bills.  But there are things you can do to change your life.

I don't often talk about myself in my blog articles, but this series is different than anything I've written to date, so here's a bit of background for you:  I have a rare genetic disorder (you could call it a disease, but I hate that word) which actually does make life much tougher for me than other people. It is called X-linked Dominant Erythropoietic Protoporphyria, and I'm the genetic lottery winner; only a handful of people alive today have XDEPP.  I'm sensitive to light, which means I need to bundle up whenever I go outside.  On certain days, I get get by with pretty scarves or hats and sunglasses, and I try to glamorize it all by imagining I'm the reincarnation of Jackie O.  Nevertheless, it does suck.  I can't change it, but I can make my life a bit more comfortable by dressing it up the way I like.

This also makes me much more flexible about other things.  I have to spend a lot of time indoors because sunlight is not my friend.  And yes -- it sucks not being able to go to the beach and swim around, it sucks not to be able to just go shopping or out for coffee with my friends anytime I want.  Lengthy road trips also suck, because I'm basically held hostage by the sun.  There's no use complaining about it; I just deal with it.

But as I deal with it, I also make changes to my life so that I can enjoy what is available to me.  Since I spend lots of time indoors, I make the most of my time.  I throw parties for my friends, read avidly, play video games, cook unusual things, exercise in the house (thanks to my recumbent bike & a series of great yoga & pilates DVDs); I work hard out of my home, providing readings for many of you, tweeting, blogging, and applying my skills to various business tasks.  I enjoy time inside my "bubble."  This is the environment I create for myself.  On good days, I get to go visit other people, have coffee, see live music, go on the occasional vacation, and of course, go see my healthcare providers.  I am always changing and evolving inside my bubble.  And, in recent years, as I've begun to manage my health issues better -- to my delight, the bubble is expanding, too.  Anyone can expand their bubble.  Try to seek areas that are just out of your comfort zone, and soon they will be a part of the bubble too.

Change.  Grow.  Find exciting and pleasurable things to fill the holes.  It's fine to look through the positive lens, but sometimes you also need to actively seek more for yourself.  You deserve it!

Improve Your Mood with Yummy Food!

Many people decide to make New Year's resolutions involving eating healthier, losing weight, exercising, and just generally doing things to have a more healthy lifestyle.

Instead of beating yourself up and denying yourself things, how about trying to incorporate positive and healthful things into your life instead?  One of the easiest and best ways that we can nurture our bodies and souls is with what we put inside ourselves.  It's true that food is considered an enemy to some misinformed folks seeking to lose weight, but food can be friend as well.  It nourishes you.  It helps you repair your body.  It's fuel and medicine.

With depression running rampant in many nations, it is important to step back and figure out just what we can do to address our own feelings and emotions.  If you're suffering from a depressed state, I recommend you check with your doctor for ways to alleviate this.  In the meantime, it's also good to consider your diet.  Are you getting the nutrition that you need?

My mother-in-law recently discussed how wonderful it felt to get a B-vitamin shot.  And no wonder -- the B complex is full of substances that can help to improve our well-being.  B1 (Thyamine) helps our nervous system, and B3 (Niacin) can lift the mood.  Other B vitamins can help with the joints, lessen fatigue, stabilize the mood, and help the body recover from stress.  Foods that are rich in B vitamins are dairy (such as cheese or yogurt), green leafy veggies (like kale or spinach), beans, nuts, eggs, and even liver.

Vitamin D is another often overlooked vitamin that can help to improve mood, memory, and bodily functions.  It enables us to absorb much-needed calcium; without vitamin D, we may not be getting adequate calcium regardless of how rich in calcium our diets may be.  It is often added to foods such as milk or orange juice, as well as fortified breakfast cereals.  Cod liver oil is a great source of this vitamin, but if you cannot stomach it, try incorporating other things into your diet such as fish, soy-based foods, mushrooms, and eggs.

If you're looking for a quick-and-dirty boost in endorphins, treat yourself to some vitamin C.  It helps the body to create endorphins, which are substances that create a feeling of happiness and well-being.  Oranges, strawberries, broccoli, and dark leafy greens are the perfect choices to pack your plate with vitamin C.  Of course, chocolate also produces those delicious endorphin-creating substances that we crave!  But be sure to eat it in moderation. ;)

Feel Better NOW: Boost Your Self-Esteem Instantly

Feeling down on yourself?  Instead of succumbing to those "blah" days (or years), reclaim your life by strengthening your self-esteem.  Here are a few tricks to get you started; trust me, these will work wonders on giving yourself the internal makeover that you need to feel lovely.

You've probably already heard that old tip about taking stock of things you're grateful for, or things that are good about you.  This is a fabulous tip, and it's always good to remember that you have some good qualities.  But instead of just taking stock of the good, how about also composing a list of things you'd like to change or improve?  Be kind, and constructive, but real.  Acknowledging the weaker points in your life and addressing them can help you make improvements.

When you've made your list, be real with yourself about starting to improve these things.  Even if you just stick to your guns for a day or two, revel in the fact that you have the power to change!  You are taking control of your life and working to get to a goal.  Enjoy that.  The journey is just as important as the destination, so savor each part of your process.

Use other people, but "in a good way."  You have a lot to offer other people.  Give freely of yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help once in awhile as well.  We've all been put in one anothers' paths to give generously and to receive graciously.  You may not always get what you want, but it never hurts to ask.  

Treat others with respect, and make everyone around you feel important.  This will ensure that you're treated largely the same way.  If those around you do not respect you in return, it may be time to reevaluate yourself as well as your relationships with others.

Be driven in your efforts to improve, but forgive yourself any setbacks.  Just stick to it!

Albert J. Bernstein's "Narcissistic Vampire" Checklist

A friend of mine forwarded this to me, and I found it very interesting.  Thought I would post it here to share with my readers.  Hope that you enjoy it -- and more importantly, learn something!  

THE SMARTEST, MOST TALENTED, ALL-AROUND BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TEST:
True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 

 1. THIS PERSON HAS ACHIEVED MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE HIS OR HER AGE.

 2. THIS PERSON IS FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT HE OR SHE IS BETTER, SMARTER, OR MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER PEOPLE.

 3. THIS PERSON LOVES COMPETITION, BUT IS A POOR LOSER.

 4. THIS PERSON HAS FANTASIES OF DOING SOMETHING GREAT OR BEING FAMOUS, AND OFTEN EXPECTS TO BE TREATED AS IF THESE FANTASIES HAD ALREADY COME TRUE.

 5. THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE INTEREST IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR FEELING, UNLESS HE OR SHE WANTS SOMETHING FROM THEM.

 6. THIS PERSON IS A NAME DROPPER.

 7. TO THIS PERSON IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LIVE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND ASSOCIATE WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.
 8. THIS PERSON TAKES ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE TO ACHIEVE HIS OR HER OWN GOALS.

 9. THIS PERSON USUALLY MANAGES TO BE IN A CATEGORY BY HIM OR HERSELF.

10. THIS PERSON OFTEN FEELS PUT UPON WHEN ASKED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITIES TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR WORK GROUP.

11. THIS PERSON REGULARLY DISREGARDS RULES OR EXPECTS THEM TO BE CHANGED BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS IN SOME WAY SPECIAL.

 12. THIS PERSON BECOMES IRRITATED WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DON’T AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT HE OR SHE WANTS THEM TO DO, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT COMPLYING.

13. THIS PERSON REVIEWS SPORTS, ART, AND LITERATURE BY TELLING YOU WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY INSTEAD.

14. THIS PERSON THINKS MOST CRITICISMS OF HIM OR HER ARE MOTIVATED BY JEALOUSY.

15. THIS PERSON REGARDS ANYTHING SHORT OF WORSHIP TO BE REJECTION.

16. THIS PERSON SUFFERS FROM A CONGENITAL INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE HIS OR HER OWN MISTAKES. ON THE RARE OCCASIONS THAT THIS PERSON DOES RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST ERROR CAN PRECIPITATE A MAJOR DEPRESSION.

17. THIS PERSON OFTEN EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER KNOWN THAN HE OR SHE IS NOT REALLY ALL THAT GREAT.

18. THIS PERSON OFTEN COMPLAINS OF BEING MISTREATED OR MISUNDERSTOOD.
19. PEOPLE EITHER LOVE OR HATE THIS PERSON.

20. DESPITE THIS PERSON’S OVERLY HIGH OPINION OF HIM OR HERSELF, HE OR SHE IS REALLY QUITE INTELLIGENT AND TALENTED.

Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Narcissistic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, and is not a member of the royal family, be careful that you aren’t mistaken for one of the servants.
By ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D.

On Spells and Wicca

A lot of people hear terms like "witchcraft" and "Wicca," and will assume that those who follow religious practices like these must be evil, bad, or devil-worshippers.  I have met people from all types of religions; some people are good, and some aren't so good.  Wicca is a nature-based religion with a nod to various Gods and Goddesses of many cultures and times in human history;  many Wiccans also choose to include the Judeo-Christian God, plus Jesus, Mary, and Catholic saints in their worshipping practices.

Wicca (a term which comes from the old English word for "witch") is not devil worship and is not inherently evil: in fact, the Wiccan Rede, which is the most serious commandment of those practicing magick, is summed up in only a few words:  "Do what thou will, but harm none."  By learning more about this complex religion (whether you agree with it or not), you will understand that it is not bad or evil.  And as always, when you learn the truth about something, you can then decide what to think for yourself.

Not all spell practitioners are Wiccan, and not all Wicca believers use spells (though many of them do).  There are spiritual workings in many world religions, including more mainstream beliefs such as Christianity (all types), Judaism, Islam, Hindu, and Buddhist.  Wiccan "magick" is often spelled with a "k" to differentiate between spiritual work versus performance magic, which has nothing to do with spirituality.  At their most basic form, spells are simply another form of prayer.  These practices, like prayer, are used to request assistance in changing the outcome of a situation, to bring spiritual guidance and help.  Calling on a higher power in order to create a desired outcome, as well as to connect with our own divine presence (the God and Goddess inside all of us), are the purposes of spellwork.


Spells are not performed for anyone unless they ask for it and/or give their permission.  Love spells, curses, and other spells which directly affect other people are considered to be underhanded and dishonest.  If it goes against another person's free will, it is an abuse of power, and should not be done.  Any spell which is used to manipulate or control someone else is forbidden under the Wiccan Rede, which explicitly says to "harm none."  There is also the Threefold Law to take into consideration, which simply states that any action that is taken which affects others will come back threefold, be it for good or bad.  Therefore, people who practice Wicca believe that not only is manipulating through spells (as well as treating other badly in general) going to come back and bite you where it counts, it's also forbidden to hurt others because it just isn't nice.  Plainly stated, Wiccans generally consider themselves to be "good witches," not bad ones.


Spells which are meant to bring out abundance and positive changes are said to have more power when done during waxing phases of the moon.  These are the types of spells which are cast for better luck, fertility, and protection.  Casting when your mood is positive is imperative.  If you're feeling negative or unsure of your abilities, it may affect your spellwork.

Banishing spells -- those are often spells which are used to get rid of something, such as bad luck or other unwanted elements in your life, are best done during the moon's waning phases.  Again, a confident, positive approach is always best.

Purification is often done with the lighting of incense, the sprinkling of water, and the casting of salt -- these actions are found in cultures throughout the world, including other religions.  Have you ever sprinkled salt over your shoulder?  Used incense or holy water in church?  These are not coincidences; items such as these are renowned the world over for their transformative properties.

Most people purify their spaces before committing any type of spiritual work or spell in order to keep the space and their work happy and benevolent.

Healing Tips For a Broken Heart

Each and every person in the world is unique.  We all come from different places and have endured different experiences throughout our lives.  However, there is one thing that will always unite people with one another, and that is that we all have feelings and emotions.  At one time or another, we have all experienced loss.  Just about everyone knows what it feels like to suffer from a broken heart.

Love is the most powerful force on Earth.  Sure, you can argue that other feelings are more important, and indeed they all play their own roles in our time here.  However, love is truly the tie than binds us to one another.  When we experience the loss of that love through a breakup, a death, or some other unforseen circumstance, the pain can be so intense that we feel as if we may never recover from that loss.  While it's true that you may never again be the same after this experience, there are ways to heal and to move on with your life.

The first step is to understand that love will often change our perception of the way that things are.  I'm not saying that your relationship has distorted your view on reality, but perhaps the bond that you shared with someone else may not have been as strong as you previously thought.  It may have been other feelings mingled in with that love -- dependency, comfort, sexual passion, a shared commitment towards your family, or any number of other life changes.  Most relationships will end sooner or later; love does not always last.  If you experienced a breakup, then naturally there were problems on your end, on the other end, or both.  Focusing on the reasons that the relationship ended will give you a new sense of perspective and acceptance.  From this, the healing can begin.



Your heart may feel as though the emotional wounds might never heal.  However, you must understand that with time, the hurt and the sorrow that you are experiencing will subside.  As I said before, you will not be the same person.  But you will definitely grow stronger from the experience, and as time goes by, you will begin to heal and feel more like your regular self again.  Give yourself the time to grieve.  If you're sad, acknowledge those feelings -- don't just stuff them inside.  Express them.  Feel them.  Yes, it will be painful.  However, being able to acknowledge the hurt and the despair in the wake of this loss is a vital part of the grieving process. 

The most important part of this process is to always keep in mind that with each passing day, you are healing more and more.  Just like a physical wound, it will hurt just a little less every day.  And, like a bodily ailment, you need to nourish yourself with the things that are needed to help the healing process -- and to avoid things which are bad for you.



The funny thing about a broken heart is that you won't always feel like it's broken. There will be times when you feel sad, no doubt, but there will also be times that you feel guilty, angry or even relieved. But, until you are completely over your former partner, you can be sure that there is some heart break playing a role in your emotions. So, how do you go about mending a broken heart?

To be blunt, you need to confront the problem. While you may be able to take temporary comfort in denial, it will only delay things from getting better. You have to be completely honest with yourself and how you feel.

Being honest is the only way you will be able to work things out. It won't be easy, but you need to figure out why you feel so heartbroken. Do you feel betrayed by your ex? Do you feel you betrayed them? Was there a death? Were they unfaithful? Do you feel guilty? Do you think you could have done more? Do you think you did all you could, and just can't understand why you broke up anyway? Whatever it is, identifying the real problem is the key to solving it.

Once you have figured out what the root of your broken heart is, you can fix it. For example, if you're feeling guilty, then you need to forgive yourself. But if it was something your partner did, then you need to forgive them. You have to be willing to do whatever it is that needs to be done.

You also need to be realistic about mending a broken heart. Because it isn't always easy, you may not be able to do it on your own. If you find you're just not getting any better, then it may be time to seek help from a counselor...again, whatever it takes. Give it time and face it head on, and you will be feeling better before you know it.

Dealing With a Narcissist?

This is a term that we tend to throw around casually in ordinary conversation.  Most of us know that a narcissist is a needy, self-absorbed person who often uses others for his or her own ends.  But do you know the criteria for true narcissism?  Check the list below and see which of the following qualities fits the profile of the person on your mind.  If you can answer "yes" to 5 or more of the following, then chances are good that your subject may very well be a narcissist.  In the past, the going rate for narcissism was about 11% of the population.  However, some reports (such as this one and this one) state that the rise of narcissism is something of a new epidemic, with numbers as high as 30% among the younger population.  Interestingly enough, this narcissism isn't a good predictor of life success -- in fact, people with empathy and the ability to focus on others are often much more successful in life than their narcissistic counterparts.

The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of the following:
1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is “special” and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Tarot Love Reading

This week, I was hired to do an online tarot reading.  Like many of my clients, this one was curious about an ex with whom she was considering a reconciliation.  I was sensing that while the difficulties that the two of them had in the relationship weren't horribly destructive, her ex still had a bit of growing up to do.  My intuition was saying that he still needed some time before he'd be ready to give her what she needs, but this is a woman who is strong and impressive in her own right.  The reading itself is probably of little interest to my readers, but I wanted to post it here for posterity.  It's not too often that I get to *write* a reading for someone -- usually I just tell them what I see!

The spread that I used was the classic Celtic cross.  The deck is called "The Universal Tarot Deck," which is basically a classic Rider-Waite deck with more vivid, updated colors and details.  I really love this little deck when I do readings for clients -- the cards are a nice compact size, and they come in a cute little box.  They feel wonderful in my hand, and the updated version on an old classic has made me pay attention to those little aspects of the Rider-Waite that I'd never really noticed before.  I highly recommend this great deck for beginners and experts alike!




1. Your current situation. I drew "The Empress." When considering your question, I would interpret this to mean that you're extremely creative, nurturing, and strong -- especially where relationships are concerned. You're the kind of woman who can take care of her man, but you also have strength in your own right. You need a guy who's going to be able to match this strength, and respect your independence as well.

2. What's "crossing" you. 9 of Wands. This card gave me a sense of positivity, and perhaps some over-optimism. While it's very important to have a positive outlook and lots of hopes in dealing with your relationship, it's also important to keep your feet firmly on the ground. A lot of times, we want someone just because we can't have them -- this isn't necessarily the case with you, but you need to guard against that part of yourself which is forgetting the hardest parts of your relationship. Unless the issues surrounding your breakup are resolved, then you and this guy are doomed to repeat the same mistakes!

3. Your past. 4 of Wands. When I see this card in the "past," I often think of good experiences, and success after a tough struggle. It can also indicate being reunited with someone after an absence. I know that the two of you have broken up, and you're considering another try -- this card shows that your relationship did have its peaks and valleys. The tumultuous nature was exciting -- the arguing was draining, but the making up was amazing. It's understandable that you miss that connection with him!

4. What's beneath you. 6 of Wands. This card represents the qualities that you possess, which you'll need most in order to resolve this situation. The 6 of Wands speaks of a strong determination (notice the soldier marching into battle). It shows determination; once you have your mind made up to do something, nothing is going to stop you from achieving it.

5. What's above you. 8 of Cups. When a card is above you, it means that this is one of the aspects of your life which you need to start thinking about -- doesn't mean you need to address it immediately, but know that it will be appearing on the horizon. The 8 of Cups, as you may guess from the picture, is about moving on with your life. (Cups is often about emotional well-being, relationships, and love -- so it's very interesting you'd have this here!)There is a risk involved with this card, because you will be venturing into unknown territory. This can be extremely scary for some people, and they will put it off as long as they possibly can. But, remember, as the "Empress," and with the 6 of Wands beneath you, I feel you have a LOT of courage and tenacity. You can definitely succeed in this, and you're sensitive enough to changes to work them out and grow from them.

6. Short-term future. 9 of Cups. Again, cups is about emotional well-being and relationships. The 9 is one of the best that you can get -- in this placement, it represents good health, happiness, and positivity -- as well as a BIT of a proud streak! I see a streak of good luck coming up your way, and if anyone deserves to brag a little, it's you. :)

7. Hopes. Knight of Cups. When I see a knight, I think it as being something you need to act upon. Each knight suggests different ways to handle an area where you need to take action -- this one is not moving quickly, but is instead stopping and contemplating his next move. In this placement, and considering the question you asked, it also means that your wish for a reunion are very solid, but this time you've learned your lessons through the past -- you should definitely take things slow!

8. Fears. 10 of Wands. Like the picture of this card, the 10 of Wands addresses the heavy burdens in your life. Your worries about your relationship (and I sense, a lot of other aspects of you life) center around the fear that there will be too many problems, or that the problems come too quickly, for you to handle. However, this isn't likely to happen. Again, with the strength of the Empress, you have a lot more strength than you give yourself credit for. And this card also represents that although you may struggle under the weight of the occasional heavy burden, it will never be more than you can carry.

9. Family opinion. 9 of Wands (Wow, you had a lot of wands!) This placement can be either your biological family, your close friends, or people that you live and work around regularly. From this card, I would sense that some of the folks in your life have some reservations about you reuniting with your ex. I know that I told you before, he isn't a bad guy, but he does have some growing up to do. Unfortunately, because of the past problems you have had, people who are close to you don't always see him favorably. Plenty of them think that you deserve to be with someone with less issues, or at least someone who will prioritize you over other things which may be less significant. (Please keep in mind that their opinions aren't always right, this is just how they feel!)

10. Final outcome. Ace of Swords. This placement is the culmination of all the other cards. I see this as a beginning, but not a beginning that starts off quickly or easily. In fact, just the opposite -- there will be lots of challenges in the next phase of your life, particularly where the subject of your question is concerned! From this, I would say that your relationship with him could be quite strained, and if the two of you chose to continue the relationship, there will be plenty of things that have to be addressed. However, since you do have the strength and also the practical hopes in position #7 (Knight of Cups, who wants to go slowly and carefully) I sense that you have the willingness to see it through and try to work on the issues.

11. Any other information? I always pick an extra card when I lay these out, just to see what else I can find out when someone asks me a question. (It's not part of a typical Celtic spread, it's my own twist!) You got the Wheel of Fortune card. It's one of my favorite cards, because it refers to the way that life goes in cycles and that you can find patterns wherever you look. Paying attention to these patterns can help you learn how to address bad situations when or if they come around again; or to notice the good things sooner so that you can maximize their impact on your life. It also represents good luck, karma, and blessings -- which I sense that you have a lot of in your life. Somehow, you're always able to find your way through a problem, and you have the natural ability to avoid You can use your natural gifts to help other people, as well as to help yourself, which will enable the cycle of love and positivity to continue in your life and those around you. But remember, you want to use your knowledge of the past to avoid problematic issues in the future, so be sure to keep your eyes peeled for signs. :)

Zooming Out: Putting Anxiety and Phobias Into Perspective

Kathy Bates played Jane Stern in "Ambulance Girl."

Since this is the second entry I've written about a Lifetime movie, I've decided to add a new category for them.  Is it silly of me to write about them once in awhile?  Maybe.  But I don't mind sharing it; if I find truth in something, even something as simple as a movie on TV, I like to think about it and share it with all of you.

The movie that I was re-watching was called Ambulance Girl; it starred the amazingly talented Kathy Bates as Jane Stern, a middle-aged, married writer who had been fighting a lifelong battle with anxiety and various phobias.  Jane was afraid of so many things, not the least of which was flying and long car rides.  Her husband, Michael (played by Robin Thomas) was a recovering alcoholic who was also finding his way as a newly sober person.  As her phobias and insecurities began getting worse, Jane made the decision to become an EMT.  You'd think that was a nutty thing for someone who was so deeply stricken with anxiety to do, right?  The idea was that it would help her find a way out of her own mind and focus on other issues.  As an EMT, Jane met new people and learned a lot, including how to deal with her own anxieties.  (I don't want to ruin the plot for anyone who hasn't seen it, so I'll just leave it there.)

I loved this idea.  Sometimes, we're all guilty of becoming obsessed with certain thoughts of principles in our own heads.  It doesn't mean that they aren't meaningful to us, or worthy of some reflection time.  However, when we obsess or fixate on things which may potentially make us unhappy or stressed, we are ignoring the world around us.  We also forget about what is meaningful to those around us -- what makes them happy, afraid, or worried -- and whether we can work with them on those issues.  By taking a step back from our own problems, whether concrete issues or just worries about things that may happen, we are taking control of our own lives.  Zooming out gives us the power to decide if we want our fears to control us, or if we wish to take control of them.  By zooming out, we can also see more of what's going on around us and can therefore get a better sense of perspective.  What results from this is an ability to make better choices and to choose actions which make our lives more positive and fulfilling.

If you're worried about living inside your own head too much, or afraid that you may be obsessing about something that's holding you back, try to replace those feelings with something new.  Try volunteering, or even just helping someone close to you.  Learn more about your anxiety and try to figure out ways to make it less a part of your life.  By zooming out and looking at the big picture in its entirety, you will be doing yourself a great service.  Take control and live the life that you deserve by giving yourself the gift of perspective.